Niche Strategies For Precise Audience Targeting In Business Marketing

Imagine this: You’re throwing a dart in the dark, hoping to hit the bullseye on a board you can’t see. That’s what it feels like trying to nail your marketing strategy without knowing who you’re aiming at. But there’s no need to be afraid because we’re about to turn on the lights and show you how to throw that dart with the precision of a seasoned pro. Here’s the lowdown on some smart, yet surprisingly overlooked tactics to ensure your marketing message hits home, every single time.

Via Pexels

Embrace The Power Of Niche Networking Events

Let’s kick things off with networking events, but not the usual ones where you’re stuck listening to someone drone on about their “revolutionary” app. Nope, we’re talking about niche events where you’re so in sync with the crowd, that you feel right at home and actually want to make small talk with everyone there. These are gold mines for businesses looking to connect on a deeper level with their audience. For instance, if you’re looking for a merchant account for credit repair businesses, then you should be looking for events specifically tailored to the financial industry or fintech gatherings that attract a crowd interested in innovative financial solutions, not just any random business expo. 

Curate Collaborative Content Initiatives

Next up, let’s talk about content. But not just any content - we mean the kind that’s so good, it gets shared faster than the latest celebrity gossip. The secret? Collaboration. When a small business reaches out to an influencer or another business that complements its offerings, magic happens. Picture a boutique clothing brand teaming up with a popular lifestyle blogger for a series on sustainable fashion. Or imagine a local bakery joining forces with a nearby coffee shop to showcase the ultimate breakfast combos on Instagram. This strategy is all about creating win-win situations where everyone involved gets to shine, reaching audiences in a way that feels organic and genuine. 

Leverage Advanced Data Analytics For Hyper-Targeting

Now, onto the high-tech stuff: data analytics. Now you may think you’ve heard it all before, but this isn’t about creeping on your audience; it’s about getting to know them like you know yourself. By digging into the data, businesses can pinpoint exactly who’s interested in their services, from the night owl browsing for tips on how to fall asleep at a decent hour to the early bird looking for productivity hacks before the crack of dawn. It’s about sifting through the mountains of online behavior to find the golden nuggets of insight that tell you not just who your audience is, but what they need, when they need it, and perhaps most importantly, why they need it. This level of detail transforms your marketing from a broad-spectrum broadcast into a precision-guided conversation. 

Foster A Community, Not Just A Customer Base

Finally, let’s talk about creating a community, because who needs customers when you can have a fan club? This is where your brand stops being just another company and starts feeling like a club for the elite, but without the snobbery. It’s about transforming your audience from mere purchasers into passionate advocates who’ll champion your brand at every turn. When you manage to turn your brand into a community hub, the magic really starts to happen. Your brand’s values and mission become the glue that binds everyone together, creating a vibrant ecosystem where engagement is natural and loyalty is a given.

In conclusion, remember, the aim is to connect with your audience on a level that feels genuine and engaging. By zeroing in on niche events, collaborating on killer content, mining data for insights, and building a community, your message won’t just be heard; it’ll resonate. So, let’s ditch the generic and embrace the strategies that speak directly to those who matter most to your business—your customers.

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This post was written with Life According to Steph readers in mind

11 Reasons Why Weekly Meal Prep Is Beneficial

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Weekly meal prep is a great way to ensure that you have healthy and delicious meals ready to go throughout the week. There are many benefits to this practice, including saving time, reducing food waste, and making it easier to stick to a healthy diet. 

Here are 11 reasons why weekly meal prep is beneficial:

1. Saves time: Preparing a week's worth of meals in one day can save you a significant amount of time throughout the week. Instead of spending time every day cooking and cleaning up, you can simply reheat your pre-made meals and enjoy them.

2. Reduces food waste: When you plan out your meals for the week, you can make sure that you use all of the ingredients you buy. This reduces the amount of food waste you produce and saves you money. If you know how to make flatbread pizza then it’s easy to use the left-overs as toppings.

3. Helps you stick to a healthy diet: When you have healthy meals already prepared, it's much easier to make good food choices. This can help you maintain a healthy diet and reach your fitness goals.

4. Increases variety in your diet: Meal prepping allows you to make a variety of meals, which can help prevent boredom and make it easier to get all of the nutrients you need.

5. Reduces stress: When you have meals prepared in advance, you don't have to worry about what to make for dinner or whether you have the ingredients on hand. This can reduce stress and make mealtime more enjoyable.

6. Helps you stay on budget: Meal prepping allows you to plan out your meals and buy ingredients in bulk, which can save you money.

7. Increases energy: Eating a healthy diet that is rich in nutrient-dense foods can help increase energy levels, making it easier to tackle the day ahead.

8. Improves digestion: Eating regular meals that are high in fiber and nutrient-dense can help improve digestion and keep you regular.

9. Enhances the immune system: Eating a diet rich in fruits, vegetables, and other nutrient-dense foods can help boost the immune system and reduce the risk of illness.

10. Increases focus and productivity: Eating a healthy diet can help improve focus and productivity, making it easier to accomplish tasks throughout the day.

11. Helping out: Having meals prepped and ready to go can also make it easy to take a meal to someone in need, such as a new parent, a sick friend, or a family member who could use a helping hand. This can be a great way to show you care and offer your support in a practical way.

In A Nutshell

Overall, weekly meal prep is a great way to ensure that you have healthy, delicious meals ready to go throughout the week. It can save you time, reduce food waste, and help you stick to a healthy diet. With the benefits of meal prepping, it's worth the effort of taking some time to plan and prepare your meals in advance. Not only will it save you time, but it will also help you stay on track with your dietary goals, and make you feel more energized and productive.

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This post was written with Life According to Steph readers in mind

Don’t Miss These Questions At Your Next Job Interview

Are you on the job market hunting for the perfect position for you? A key part of this process is the interviews. You might be focused on the questions you’ll get asked at the interview but you should also think about the questions that you need to ask them. Here are some of the options that we recommend you explore. 

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What’s The Level Of Pay?

First, you should inquire about the level of pay that a business can offer. It’s great to choose a company that can provide a fair level of pay that matches the rest of the standards on the market. Don’t fall into the trap of being paid less than you are worth or deserve for a position. Don’t forget, living costs are increasing rapidly right now. This means it’s the worst possible time to accept a job for a lower level of pay. At the same time, some companies offer other benefits instead of high pay which brings us to the next point. 

What Incentives Can You Offer?

Next, you should think about the incentives that an employer can provide if you do choose to sign on the dotted line. There are lots of benefits that you can gain by working for certain companies. For instance, you might want to think about choosing a business with a strong pension scheme in place. This will ensure that you are well positioned for the future and you won’t have to worry about struggling in your twilight years. In the short term, you might want to consider choosing a business that will provide a company car. Particularly if you do a lot of driving in general. 

What Vacation Time Do You Provide?

You might also want to think about the level of vacation days that a business can provide. A lot of companies are falling short in terms of the number of vacation days that they offer. You might want to research the average vacation and PTO time so that you have a baseline you can use to measure companies that you are considering working for. 

Be aware that some companies like Netflix are now providing team members with unlimited unpaid vacation days that they can take whenever they like. There is some evidence that an option like this will increase levels of productivity. 

What Insurance Do You Have In Place?

Next, you should think about insurance options. It’s worth exploring whether a business does have the right type of insurance in place. Specifically, ask about workers compensation. This means, if you are injured while working, you can claim the damages that you need to recover without worrying about pay. If it’s a long term injury, workers comp will also ensure that it doesn’t negatively impact your quality of life. Do note that whether a business is legally required to have workers comp will depend on location. So, you should never take this as a given. 

What Are The Structures For Promotion?

No one wants to be stuck in a dead end job and there’s no reason to commit yourself to this fate. When you take a job interview, you should always ask about whether there are opportunities to gain promotions from the current position you are applying for. You might also want to inquire about what type of training you might receive on the market. Do be aware that the majority of people will face redundancy at some point during their career. With the right training, you can ensure it’s easier to find other prospects. 

When Will I Hear From You?

Finally, it’s worth enquiring about when you will hear about a job or position. This is important if you are applying for other jobs at the same time and this likely will be the case. By checking when you’ll hear back, you’ll know when time is essentially up in terms of you claiming that position. This means that you will be able to focus your time and efforts on other opportunities and stop waiting around for a call that isn’t going to come. 

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This post was written with Life According to Steph readers in mind

TWTW - the one with a good balance

Friday my motivation was scant but I struggled through. I painted my nails (Essie cashmere bathrobe, Essie no place like chrome, OPI Red), made salad and Aldi holiday shaped pizzas, and peaced the fuck out watching Great British Bake-off after a very fucking heavy news week while MFD put the Christmas stuff out.

Saturday MFD and I headed out for the day and it was so nice to be out in the world. We hit up Harriett’s Bookshop, had lunch at Martha Kensington, and stopped into a few places on Frankford Ave on the way back - Cake Life Bake Shop and Jeni’s ice cream. 

Harriett’s is black-woman owned, Martha’s requires vaccine cards and adds 20% to all checks so all employees are guaranteed $15, Cake Life is woman and trans-owned and has the freaking best slice of s’mores cake like I don’t Even like s’mores and I would bathe in the icing. I vibe with Jeni’s ownership. I voted freely with my wallet supporting small biz throughout the day and enjoyed being out and about in those areas of the city for the first time in a while.

We got into pajamas before 5 and camped out on the couches for the night. Dinner was the baked goods from Cake Life. We watched Beautiful Girls and The Big Chill then I read and fell asleep doing that and never left the couch. 

Sunday started at 4 then again at 8. I reorganized bookshelves, purged and moved shit around, did 383948 loads of laundry, finished a book, made up a casserole, threw an egg bake together, watched Yellowstone, and admired MFD's Friday night Christmassing handiwork outside.

I do love a mix of productivity, rest, and fun, the balance of which is hard for me to strike on a lot of weekends. 

Happy anniversary Dad & Carol, happy birthday to my uncle Billy on Saturday, happy birthday today Sara, and happy Monday to the rest of us. 

Free time focus

Hello and happy Tuesday, mon frers. I have never been into - and am especially not into now in an exhausting global pandemic - hustle culture. We are not here on this earth to hustle despite what capitalism would like us to believe. Hustle to me means carve out 15 minutes of relaxation in a 24 hour period and act like you barely earned it while spending the rest of the time improving your status. I'm not here for that. I've worked hard for the past few years to rest and relax even if there are still things on my To Do list - because when are there not things on that list? 

When I find myself with free time now, there are some things I'm focusing on to ensure I don't become a pod person always staring at a phone or computer like...

Reducing Stress

Stress can be a killer. It contributes to feeling overwhelmed, anxious, and unable to control your thoughts and emotions. It is safe to make a blanket statement for all people: reducing stress improves your life. 

Stress impacts on the way we think, function, and respond to others. We learn new coping skills by trying out different ways of handling stress. Managing stress better allows us to use our energy in ways that are beneficial and help us be fulfilled in personal and work lives instead of getting overwhelmed or stuck in negative thought patterns.

Relaxing

As stated above this has historically been an internal war in my mind - it's not finding the time to relax so much as it is in thinking it is the time to relax. 

We all have a lot going on. I'm sure most of us could be doing something constructive or productive every waking minute and never feel done. But that sure is a way to feel worn the hell out. Taking the time to relax helps improve your relationship with yourself,  contributes to proper stress management, sets us up for better sleep, gives us more energy, and actually contributes to better productivity and quality of production in "on" times. 

In many ways, relaxation is the opposite of overworking yourself, which can lead to burnout or exhaustion. However, for this concept to be effective, it must be done consistently and not just sporadically.

Considering opportunities to learn new skills

Improving skills and continuing to learn throughout life is a great way to ensure you don't remain stagnant. It's never too late to investigate a new interest.

There are so many opportunities to do this - have you ever looked to see what's out there for free at your local library? Mine has a knitting circle that welcomes beginners and some seminars for would-be investors. I'm considering re-activating my spanish speaking skills through a free virtual class at my library.

There are tons of paid opportunities too like online sports nutrition courses or cooking classes at places like Williams Sonoma. There are still a lot of virtual learning options out there too. Expanding horizons usually means higher happiness levels. 

Exercising

Sometimes it is easy to forget the importance of exercise, especially when you are not an I Love Exercise person and sit on your ass a lot. Hello, it's me.

Exercising is well more than weight loss or looking good, and unfortunately the world focuses on those two things instead of the fact that exercise can help you to increase confidence, relieve stress, boost your mood, reduce anxiety levels, improve memory, increase stamina, and develop stronger bones so you can lift yourself off the toilet at 75 which should be a shared goal of all of us and why I have re-started for the zillionth time in this life pushups and light arm weights. 

The thing that always tickles me about exercise is even if you do absolutely nothing right now, you could literally be doing some type of exercise in the next 1 minute without spending a dime or having any equipment. The human body continues to amaze.

Reading

Did you think I would not  work reading into this list? Reading makes all of my things I do in my spare time lists. I read daily and always have, even logging reading time most days in 2020 when it was not super pleasurable and I lacked focus. If you got thrown off your reading groove during 2020 or at any other time, like exercise you can literally start back on it this moment and it is absolutely possible to do that for $0.

Reading can improve your memory, help you learn new things, lower your stress levels, increase your IQ, on and on and on. But - Jana said something like this on twitter the other day and I've been thinking of it since - you can read just for pure enjoyment and fun. Reading is an escape, a joy, an exercise in relaxation. You don't have to learn a damn thing from the books you read. You can read the crappiest drivel out there according to critics and it's great because you like it and that's all that matters. 

If you find yourself with extra free time, what do you do with it?

How to Boost Your Self Confidence

Written for the Life According to Steph audience by Maggie Hammond. Proud mama to two little people, and has one too many furry friends. Passionate about alternative medicine, education, the great outdoors and animal welfare.

The way you feel about yourself can significantly affect how you live day-to-day, as well as how you react with friends, family members and professionals in the workplace. The more confidence you have, the more you are able to enjoy life to the full and not live in fear about whether others are judging you. Fear of judgement can have a dramatic impact on both your personal and professional life and may even hold you back from seeking opportunities. In this guide, we are going to look at just some of the ways you can improve your self-confidence in order to live a more well-rounded life.

Have a boudoir photoshoot

If you are constantly worried about your appearance, one way to overcome your anxieties would be to book a boudoir photo shoot. Taking this step is a major confidence-boosting decision that can prove just how stunning you are. A professional boudoir photographer will listen to you and allow you to choose the most comfortable poses and outfits you are happy with, to make you feel great. What is more, this activity will also allow you to experience a long-lasting effect on your confidence, as you can look back at the photos when you are having a down day – see yourself looking amazing and feel empowered again. 

Stop comparing yourself to others

It is easy to compare yourself to others – especially if you spend a large amount of time scrolling through social media. Comparisons are never healthy, as they can lead to feelings of jealousy and low mood. Notice when you start comparing yourself – whether it be in regard to affluence, possessions, looks or achievements and recognise your own attributes. Count your blessings and reach out to positive people in your circle, rather than negative ‘draining’ people who cause you to feel more miserable.

Recognize that the world is not focused on you 

If you feel an element of pressure to look or perform a certain way, remember that the world is not focused on you. You are one of billions of people on this earth, so there is no need to strive for perfectionism. Keeping this in mind should lessen any anxiety about what you are not doing right and instead allow you to focus on what you are accomplishing. People are far too preoccupied with their own lives to worry about every move you make, so concentrate on trying to please yourself rather than others.

Groom yourself

While it may seem a routine approach, simply having a shower and spraying your favorite perfume can work wonders for your self-confidence – and there is scientific evidence behind the matter. A study showed that 90% of individuals who wore perfume or aftershave felt more confident in themselves.

Dressing nicely can also have the same effect. If you work from home regularly, dressing in hoodies and sweatpants may be the more comfortable option but will not make you feel confident in your appearance. Dressing in your usual presentable office attire should allow you to feel much more self-assured and even boost productivity.

TWTW - the one with no productivity in sight

Friday I had to drive into my office in Philly to get a few things. More bodies in town, but nowhere near capacity. Given the cars on the streets but not so much in garages, I'd say the people are driving in vs. taking public transit. Not that same energy. I got home, picked up a few slices of pizza from Mario's, picked up books from the library, finished out the work day, and spent the night reading. 

Saturday started with a sign pick up against visible turbines down in the South End and an hour long walk on the beach with the best friends, shelling. They made a lot of friends because Bruce is a creep who stares people down until they come over and introduce themselves. Not my favorite thing.

I was hangry, so I made and horked down a salad when I got home, then I got a manicure and pedicure (used Essie spice it up on both nails and toes, which I never do), picked up some food from Boyar's, ate an early dinner, chilled on the porch, and read and lounged. I had a lot of things to do and did none of them. Saturday marked the fifth anniversary of closing on this old shore house. 

Sunday I continued to do the wants and not the shoulds, except Ben had a regular good boy check up at the vet - I feel bad sending them in alone but also relieved to not deal with him barking at other dogs LOL - then as promised took the best friends to a wet and windy dog beach for a romp. We helped a butterfly blowing around grab on to the goldenrod bushes and saw a cool piece of driftwood that looked a little like a fish. The rest of the day was spent finishing another book and starting another book, ordered Halloween supplies to individually package, and thinking about what I'm doing this week. It's a packed one. 

How was your weekend? 

Productivity De-Programming

As we enter Fall - which has throughout my life been my most productive season - I am revisiting productivity. It's been nearly five months since I wrote about this  - at the end of April I published how I was once a productive person and living in a global pandemic had killed that vibe - but writing about productivity and how to be productive and maximizing productivity are topics I have visited many times on this blog, in a let me show you my ways way. 

Now I'm coming at it from a fuck my ways way. 

Since the end of March I've spent a lot of time considering where my desire to be constantly productive comes from, what my feelings of accomplishment are tied to, what a good little cog I've been in a capitalist wheel. I've wondered if the extreme exhaustion I feel now is a slow release of air from years of over productivity - of working at a job and filling my mornings and nights and lunches with marking shit off of my lists. Of Saturdays and Sundays not sitting down until I felt like I earned it. Ground down by the grind. 

Why do we feel like rest is the thing that needs to be earned? 

I have been following The Nap Ministry for a while, but I've only been super attuned to it over the past year. It sounds like a cult, but what it has felt like most to me is de-programming. Lowering my expectations of productivity to make room for rest and joy. Don't get me wrong - I still get joy from getting things done, but I am also getting joy from resting and doing nothing before everything is done. I know this is standard for many of you, but it's revolutionary for me. In the past I would not have allowed myself to do that UNLESS everything I wanted and needed to do was done. 

Last week I got up earlier a few days and knocked off like 8-10 house things on my to do list before work, worked, and did the same at night. One of those days was out of necessity - I was still running a vacation rental property and there are tasks that are associated with that that you cannot fuck off on. But the other days it was like getting a fix of that old productivity and going back for more even though I knew I was wearing myself out. I got a shit load done but by Friday night I was so tired I could only sit there with my teeth in my mouth and most of Saturday I gravitated to the couch too after errands. Because I did not let some things ride and crammed as many things as I could into a few time periods even though they were not urgent items, I was mostly not in a good place to enjoy my true free off-work weekend time. That's ridiculous. To think I worked myself like that as a standard for years - and that I am still inclined to do so if I do without thinking - is a good example of just because I can do things, doesn't mean I should. 

I've talked about the value of rest for years, but practicing what I preach has only been happening with regularity this year. At first it was because I was stunned into inactivity and now it's because I'm battling myself for a better balance. A true, lived balance. Not one I suggest for others and proceed to ignore for myself.

How are you making out? 

Things I want to remember

All photos by Evan Leslie Images 

As the world starts to open back up...

I want to remember that most nights, beautifully formed, lyrical yet observant sentences slide into my head during the 10 minute ride from my house to Dog Beach, and they slip out like the air through my hand that is always out the window, fingers splayed, unable to catch either air or thought.

I want to remember how it felt to be without words, so that words, when they come often again, are revered and appreciated for being the quiet spouse of creativity that keeps the household humming.

I want to remember how MFD picked up allllll the slack during these months when living in Corona Land abruptly downshifted me into operating under a super reduced capacity with limited bandwidth. We've been together for 18 years and for various reasons I've never leaned hard on him - addiction for a long time, I have some ingrained would rather keel over than not pull my weight thing because I'm an enneagram 8 and we don't really lean - and I quietly, passively dropped my basket at one of the most inopportune times. He was also doing his (non-showing) real estate work, volunteered at a local food scarcity charity daily, ended up connecting that charity with city govt resources and ramping up a program at that charity to feed close to 1,000 people at nearly 100 recovery houses a week, and dealt with his mom dying in the middle of a global pandemic. I want to remember that he never stopped working, working his program, helping other people, and giving me room to be as I needed to be and showing such patience and care that I would definitely not show in a role reversal. 

I want to remember that he never pointed out to me how my household work productivity dropped by 2/3 of what I normally contribute and instead just asked what needs to be done and got it done. I want to remember how I started to feel that we had traded places for a while which was super weird but also cool. 

I want to remember that this gave us a better balance than we've ever had between us. 

I want to remember that my mother in law died in the middle of all of this. You truly do not understand how much closure you get from the typical funeral with family and friends followed by a luncheon where you can share stories and laughs and hugs until you don't get that. I am not a big funeral person, but MFD is. I know if I'm feeling that it's not right, he's feeling it tenfold. It just feels like it didn't happen? The 10 person funeral we had was like a vague movie sequence dream. There is a huge disconnect like something big is wrong or missing. It's hard to describe. 

I want to remember how time seemed both sped up and stopped, simultaneously.

I want to remember that I packed up all of my shit one weeknight at 10 pm, got in the car, drove to the shore, and just didn't go back. Neither did Bruce and Ben. I'm not sure when we will. MFD and the old dogs still split the week as was the plan all along.

I want to remember how all the clothes and shoes sat in dressers and closets in Philadelphia, unmissed,  while I subsisted on four drawers and an under the bed box with MFD taking my laundry home and bringing it back every week. For the 18 years we've been together I did my laundry and the household laundry (sheets, towels, blankets) along with shore house laundry and just as quickly MFD took that over along with a load of mine every week.

I want to remember how on a Sunday night in the North End while the setting sun infused everything with a glowing warmth that I said, "I want to live here," meaning the neighborhood, and MFD replied, "You do live here now, you know that, right?" meaning the shore. And amid the covid pandemic and the black lives matter uprisings that have been 400 years in the making and the vitriol and hell of the internet, I felt happy.

I want to remember how great my company was through all of this and how much care they showed their employees. 

I want to remember how I was so into cooking three meals a day for a month and a half and now only want to eat what I don't have and things that are cooked by other people. 

I want to remember how the library is the place I missed most of all.

I want to remember that books were read but that my concentration was poor and fleeting. 

I want to remember how nice it felt to spend so much time outside sitting and being because there was nowhere to go and nothing to do. 

I want to remember how I noticed a lot more searing moments of beauty outside. 

I want to remember that I worried a lot that I'd be forever changed by this and then I worried that I wouldn't be. 

I want to remember how what I used to think was normal and required is neither. 

I want to remember how I searched in vain for rubbing alcohol in every store for months and still can't find it. 

I want to remember how laying down all the requirements and routines was so fucking tiring, like an exhaustive undoing that required recovery.

I want to remember how when this started I thought I'd be able to quell the chaos that raged outside in the world with a new white board for my dining room. 

I want to remember that the only stores I missed aside from the mom and pop small businesses at the shore were TJ Maxx, Ross, and Marshalls because they are the real MVPs with deals. 

I want to remember that we just let ourselves look how we look, and how much I liked MFD's hair when it wasn't perfect. 

I want to remember how adaptable people are. 

I want to remember what lengths people will go to to help others. 

I want to remember what lengths people will go to to block others from resources they want for themselves. 

I want to remember we can all do hard things. No exceptions. 

I want to remember how quickly I went from no phone calls please and no FaceTime unless you are my niece or nephew to calls and FaceTime accepted without appointment!

I want to remember our 10 year old TV died, my computer monitor bit the dust, and a bunch of other shit broke like the house and things in it were complaining about suddenly having to work overtime for no additional pay.

I want to remember I lost half of a cavity in like week three and have been very precarious with biting ever since. 

I want to remember how much I wanted to hug the world. 

I want to remember how much more confident I would have been going into this if we had universal healthcare, properly staffed and funded hospitals, and the appropriate PPE for frontline workers. 

I want to remember how scared I was that everyone was going to lose everything because we don't have a government that works for the people. 

I want to remember I laughed so fucking hard so many times and also cried really hard a few times and both were a great release. 

I want to remember how it felt like I had to re-learn socialization and being with people in person when I started seeing people again, how for so long video calls felt like so little but in person also felt like a little too much. 

I want to remember how nothing felt right in almost any situation and what a fucking weird time this has been. 

I want to remember how fucking privileged I am. 

I want to remember I spent so much time with my dogs and it was so great, especially with the old dog. 

I want to remember that I get by with a little help from my friends, in global covid pandemics and racism pandemics or no pandemic. And I have some of the very best fucking people on the planet in my life and we showed up for each other on text, phone, FaceTime, Facebook, Instagram, freaking Zoom and Teams. Your circle is the MVP in or out of any pandemic - make sure the right people are in it. Thanks to our BFF Evan of Evan Leslie Images for the pics. Contact Evan for your family, something fun, yearly kid pics, bar and bat mitzvahs, weddings, and any big family event. Or just to take photos of you on your porch, unshowered, wearing clothes you threw on that morning. 

What do you want to remember? 

Thursday Thoughts - Feed the flame 'cause we can't let go

1. I start most mornings outside now and I freaking love it.

2. Outside is the true quarantine MVP. 

3. Outside and dogs. 

4. I wrote this post yesterday about struggling with productivity outside of work most days and fucking killed it today from the start. If that's what it takes, I'll write a post like that every damn night. Just kidding. I know I am working in cycles right now and today's triumphant return to productivity is not the standard, it's just the lucky day.

5. Me: I hate everything cherry flavored except sour cherry dots. Also me every afternoon without even realizing it:

6. Nails: Essie One Way for One. Love the color, meh on the name. 

7. It's been a long time since I've seen gas under $2.

8. Good stuff is happening too. The sectional for our shore apartment that it took us four years to decide on and buy at the end of February that was supposed to be delivered March 20 finally got delivered this week. The shower replacement (cracked shower pan and virtually nonexistent sub-floor that MFD patched up which lasted through last season on a wing and a prayer) we put the deposit on in the beginning of January and some other plumbing work necessary in a 120 year old house got (mostly) done this week too. The sectional takes up a ton of space in the apartment so everything will be reorganized down there in the coming months and I'll do before and after pics of that space and the bathrooms but this is it for now. Also why are the pillows that come with couches always so butt ugly?

9. Reminder: There's always time for feminism. Maybe more acknowledgement and recognition of unpaid labor will come from this. Also if you disagree or want to immediately interject with "men do stuff too," bye, forever. I'm not wasting the energy with you.

10. E-cards...

It's the last day of April. Not too sorry to see this month go.


The words following the hyphen are the song I am listening to when I start the Thursday Thoughts post. This week is Circles by Post Malone

I was once a productive person

I started writing this in my head a week ago. I actually thought I wrote it this weekend. I figured I'd do it this morning when I got up at 6:30. Here we are after 5. It may or may not say what I sat down to write. The grammar is probably questionable even for the conversational style I adopt here. My typical writing and posting times and checks are a little off I guess.

What the hell is NOT off?

Raise your hand if that sounds familiar in your Corona Land.

Even if what sounds familiar is just something being off. We're all coming to this quarantine or essential worker pandemic shitshow party with different thoughts, beliefs, fears, support systems, health, living situations, responsibilities, expectations, experiences, bank accounts. None of us is going through this coronavirus pandemic in the same way. We keep hearing and saying we're all in this together but we're not. I'm not sure if we all recognize that aspect.

I have it good. I am healthy. I can work from home. I have a home to work from that is fully stocked with food and necessities with all utilities on and current and of course dogs. I have a yard I can sit in, a neighborhood safe to walk in, a car I can escape to nowhere in. My husband can't work by order of the governor and the summer at the shore is up in the air rental-wise and my creativity has done a runner which makes working and writing difficult but by and large we are in a good spot. We have a lot to lose. 

Me being me and knowing myself and how I have always operated through everything life has thrown my way, at the beginning of this I was like cool cool, I'm going to get all the house projects done, and then all the shore projects done, and cook all the meals, and do all the beauty treatments, and catch up on all the correspondence, and clean all the corners of the house, and do all the work stuff I want to do but never have time to do, and exercise every day, and do so much writing on this blog and so much writing I am not ready to share with anyone yet. I am productive as fuck when I have very little spare time so the amount of things I was going to be able to do filled me with a small bit of glee. Okay, corona! This is your silver lining. That, and I will read eleventy billion books because all I have is time.

Two days into this quarantine and I realized that silver lining was rusted the fuck out from go because all I have is time in which I cannot focus on, well, anything. Even including the things I want to do, the books I want to read. I miss devouring books. A lot. And I'm pissed that the thing that keeps me from doing that is my own brain.

I am so used to being productive every day and reading two to three books a week that I feel like I'm living in a foreign body. At home, MFD and I have switched roles. He's prodding ME to do things. What planet is this? I am typically the driver of projects and the household motivator for a lot of things. He is probably doing the same amount that he always does but it feels like so much more because I have to force myself to do the smallest shit unless it’s lie on the couch eating candy from the candy cabinet I now have to replace cooking and nutrition. 

Over five weeks later I still battle many days to get through the day with some sense of something done. Most weekdays it's all I can do to work, then I'm exhausted and can do nothing at night. I seem to be in a three good days two off days cycle (that's the hell zone cycle I referenced here) unless the weather is gray or rainy for a sustainable period. The good days are good, and there's usually good even on the bad days but in non Corona Land I operate on a balanced, even keel and this shit has my boat overturned and I'm swimming for shore and getting whacked in the head with the oar every third day.

What is wrong with me? I have it relatively good, so much to be grateful for...so frustrated with myself. Well, it turns out stress and the looping fight or flight reaction sequence from this entire situation is what is wrong with me, the same thing that's wrong with you if you have identified with any part of this post so far.

If you have, you might like this explanation from Alexis Rockley. You might also like her talking about this in more detail in this IG live video. It's 14 minutes, I listened to it while working, and it made me feel better about my inconsistency because it is what is helping me get through this even if it makes me feel very not myself.

She also shares temporary suggestions for getting through this (really, I recommend watching the 14 minute long video) which are 1) extend our timelines (leave room, let things happen more slowly) and expect you are going to be inexplicably tired - your brain is working hard to safeguard you in these unprecedented times (can we never hear that phrase again, thank you) and you need more rest and sleep simply to achieve baseline functionality 2) lower your expectations and celebrate when you meet the minimum, and 3) practice emotional first-aid. 

This was an a-ha for me. Valuing accomplishment and productivity in a space where accomplishment and productivity are hard to reach is a conundrum. My brain not clicking into the lower expectation gear is making every day harder on myself. 

All of the above are temporary suggestions just to get you through if you are feeling some kind of way that is not yourself and can be lifted or altered at any time as circumstances change. 

Because they will change. It might feel like it's been forever and maybe it feels like it will be forever more, but ready or not, we're going to open up again. Sooner than many think we should. Not soon enough for many.

And then?

I am worried about the impact this will have on us. Will my brain come back online to operate like it used to or will things from this time linger? Will I be able to get shit done again? Will MFD be able to grieve his mom by hugging people he needs to hug and be hugged by?

I'm even more worried for the people who already live like this all the time. People who have much less in this world than I do and who regularly worry about having access to things depending on money or location or opportunity or race or all of those things. Many of us have gotten a taste of what it's like to be facing a very different economic present than we typically face, whether it's because we're down an income, or suddenly without healthcare that was tied to a job, or because we're shopping in stores with bare shelves and feel cut off from what we have gotten so used to having access to that we have confused a lot of wants with needs, or because we've been told we can't access programs and places that we think should be available to us. That has worn us to the bone, quite quickly. Imagine living like that day in and day out, not being able to get what you need because you have no money or opportunity to make money, because you live in a neighborhood no one found worthy to invest in and it's become a food desert or you need a service that isn't accessible to you. Or imagine being out working as an essential person right now, day in and day out, having that mindfuck on top of the general quarantine mindfuck, and getting no hazard pay. Especially our essential healthcare workers. What are we doing? Imagine these things with the backdrop of corporations paying $0 in taxes, government posturing instead of working and all of their salaries added up from top to bottom, billionaires not paying their share, etc etc. It's too much. We can do better. We have to do better. I want to return to a new normal. Not the old one. The old normal was only working for some people.

We have to do better for ourselves and our neighbors. Right now we don't live in a world where everyone knows they're going to be okay no matter what happens because our communities and our government have safety nets for us as citizens and treat us better than they treat corporations. But we could live in that world. What is truly fair and equitable? Truly? Put yourselves in the shoes of other people and think about that question. How can we get to a place that is fair and equitable? How hard are we willing to work individually to get there?

Never too early to think about. Doing...those of us who find ourselves without the productivity we are used to can do more when we can feel productive again, of course.

For today? Right now? Just be human. Be kind to yourself.