Tuesday, February 24, 2015

I found a magic wand in the street



When I wave it, whatever I’m thinking happens.

I use it to give: good and healthy food to those that are hungry, shelter to those without homes, flowing water to those without access to it, love to children who have been forgotten or abused, job opportunities to the masses, care to pets who have been cast aside, love of self to those who lack it, equality to all, freedom of choice to those who live under oppression.

I use it to take away: drugs on the corners, litter and graffiti from streets, demons from addicts, ignorance and fear from hearts, power from the corrupt, weapons from gangs and criminals, pain from those suffering from illnesses, depression from those under its thumb, laziness from those who are ruled by it, hopelessness from everyone and everything.

I use it to fix: the justice system, the education system, the welfare system, the US government, the potholes in Pottholevanyia/Pennsylvania.

I use it for selfish reasons: so my dogs live as long as I do, so the lives of my people are a little easier, so my house is white glove clean daily, so my bank account is filled, so unwanted weight is removed, so I own a shore house outright, so I never happen upon dishes left in the sink, so I have willpower when I need it, so I never see leggings being worn as pants in public.

Then I hand the wand to you and take a nap because that was a lot of waving. 

How do you use the magic wand?

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27 comments:

  1. I would use it for the same, especially for making our pets live as long as we do. Though homelessness and keeping kids safe is up there, priorities.

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  2. I would use it for a lot of the same but also for sunny warm weather when the cold cold winter gets to be to much (now), and when my kid talks back a simple wave will make her say yes mom instead. :)

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  3. I would use it for a lot of the same and also to take away any pain from those suffering

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  4. I would use it for all of the same and stopping wars and hate and everything that is wrong in the world!! xo, Biana - BlovedBoston

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  5. I would do a lot of the same things, especially helping children who are mistreated and the like. I would also use it to help the elderly. So many are forgotten by families and have so little to look forward to, I wish I could just hug them all and sit and talk to them for hours. And I would also make pizza and wine not fattening at all.

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  6. Lol - the abolition of leggings as pants! There are so many good uses to put it to, but I think it would take a while to figure out exactly how to fix everything/what I should be thinking when I wave it. Definitely affordable education. And long life to my dog. Oh! And fixing the psychological issues of my sister's dog so he doesn't have to be stressed and crazy all the time. I think I'll save all the dogs first and then try to figure out this huge mess that people have made.

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    1. Sorry for excessive commenting but I FIGURED IT OUT! I would make everyone feel exactly what other people felt in every interaction. If you physically hurt someone, you'd feel pain. If you made someone laugh, you'd feel that same enjoyment. If you made someone cry or caused anguish, you'd be just as miserable.

      Goodbye crime! But I'm not sure how this would impact dating. It would make breakups very difficult.

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  7. everything you said, plus peace to the world, peace to hearts everywhere, and sneezes removed from my cat!

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  8. I would use it for everything you said! Especially my dogs living as long as I do!!! Also for people to chill the fuck out on the roads and stop driving like lunatics. And to remove the calories from all the delicious foods. And to remove hate from peoples hearts.

    I had to LOL at the Potholevania because I always have to laugh the second I drive in to that state the roads are noticeably much more awful! I don't get it?!

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  9. I think like that too. Wouldn't that be nice? I would use it and then take a nap as well. Naps are, in fact, magical.

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  10. I'm not gonna lie, give me a magic wand and I would be selfish almost immediately. Gosh, I am a horrible person. But then I would do all the good things as well. I would make it free to have a baby in the US. I don't understand why it costs money. It would literally be cheaper for KC and I to fly home, pop a baby out, fly back than to have a kid here. Hence, the no kids right now haha.

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  11. All of those plus laundry that folds itself, dental care for those who can't afford it, the elimination of Common Core, and free flights to anywhere I want to for the rest of my life.

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  12. I wear leggings as pants in public.. but I swear they aren't see through and I always wear long shirts to cover my bum and lady bits!

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  13. what a cute way to explain what you most desire in this world - I love it!!!

    I'd use it to to give me disney princess hair, a chicago penthouse, end petlessness for all & so that my loved ones all lead fulfilling lives/careers. That's what I have for this moment!

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  14. Oh the dog one. I was just thinking I should write a post about how I could never love a child as much as I love my dogs, just so I can get people to tell me I'm "wrong" ha ha.

    And leggings as pants: I am guilty. I wear a long shirt though! Also graffiti: What is wrong with the human population...

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  15. I would use it to cure diseases, wipe away debt for everyone, transport myself to any vacation I want to take, make my house bigger, find my BF a great guy to take care of her and her kids and so many other things. This is a hard one!

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  16. Oooohhhh I like this idea. I would use it in many of the same ways. I would also use it to give babies to all who want them and can't have them for whatever reason and I would use it selfishly to remove all of the snow from my yard, sell my house, pack all of my things, move them, and unpack them. Also, I would use it to make Jack sleep through the night.

    And, I would use it to remove all inappropriate uses of social media. Today's egregious example: a friend had her baby today and texted friends to let them know. She has not yet posted on Facebook, however, friends (and a coworker) who received texts have gone on to congratulate her, and now others are asking if the baby is here. WTF is wrong with people?!? Is this not common sense? You do not get to announce the arrival of someone else's baby on Facebook.

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  17. Love this! I would also use it for my dog to live as long as I do, and for a full bank account and clean house. I would also wave it over my mom and mother-in-law so that they wouldn't have so many health issues and be suffering so much.

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  18. What a great post! I'd use my wand to cure world hunger, diseases, and poverty. I'd also use it so that my memory would never fade - I want to remember every single wonderful thing about my children. I'd also use it so that my husband could tell when I wanted him to do something, like clean the bathrooms.

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  19. I'd use it to teach/make others more tolerant of people different from they are. I'd also use it to rid myself permanently of dry, cracked hands because it's annoying and painful. Damn winter.

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  20. Yes to this, especially the US government one :/

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  21. I use it to melt all of the snow!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

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  22. I use it for peace and for humanity to get its ish together, for the health and strength of my family the present ones and future ones!

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  23. Ok, I kept looking for your Tuesday blog yesterday and never found it. I love magic wands and aways have one available for the kids to play with- thanks to the dollar store. Amen on all of this. Someday we will see the Golden Age of all that is good.
    Love, Your Momma

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  24. Definitely with you on all of those. I'd use it to bring my dad back, even if it could only be for a little while.

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  25. Love this post! You said "equality to all", but I'd stress it - respect and dignity shown to everyone regardless of age, gender, sexual orientation, race, ethnicity, religion, social status, health.........I am a big believer our differences are what make us interesting, but all too often the world doesn't celebrate the differences. Wave that wand and celebrate the differences!

    And, I need to steal Jana's free airfare to anywhere I want to go for the rest of my life.

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  26. "Then I hand the wand to you and take a nap because that was a lot of waving." Bahahahahahah!
    I love this! I couldn't agree more with all of the noble things you mentioned... but I also love that there was a selfish part because we all know we have selfish wishes, too! lol JOHNNY CAKES WILL LIVE FUREVER.

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