MFD: Steph. I've seen a lot of documentaries in my time. This takes the cake. Shoulder deep in a cow's vagina!
Me: Why are we watching this?
MFD: Getting ready for our trip.
Me: This is old and we're not going to primitive Africa.
MFD: yep. That's where we're staying. With these people.
Packing his carry on
MFD: Are we bringing aromatics?
Me: What?
MFD: Oils?
Me: Deodorant?
MFD: No. In case of farting. In case others fart too.
Me: It's a 16 hour plane ride. There are going to be farts.
MFD: Right. So we need aromatics.
12:40 am the night before we leave for South Africa
Me: Why does Gus keep getting up?
MFD: mmhf
Me: Are you eating?
MFD: mfmm
Five minutes later
Me: He thinks you still have food.
MFD: I do.
Me: Christ.
Watching the sunset on the beach in Cape Town
MFD: Steph, do you have clippers?
Me: Why would I be carrying toenail clippers on a beach in Africa?
MFD: Why wouldn't you be?
Me: You need to add clip toenails to your pre-vacation to do list or pack nail clippers.
MFD: Or you could just bring them.
We come in our room after passing warthogs right out front and he leaves the door open
Me: If you keep leaving the door open, a wild animal is going to come in here. Then what will you do?
MFD: Probably leave.
As we're discussing the guy diagonally in front of us stinking so badly of BO that you
can almost taste it
Me: Eighteen hours of stank. Unless he gets off when we refuel in Dakkar.
MFD: I wish he was wearing DRAkkar.
A half hour after getting home from Africa
Me: What is this?
MFD: A documentary.
Me: On Cape Town? We were just there. We lived it.
MFD: It's our new tradition.
Me: Is it our new tradition because you like to say we were right there?
MFD: Yes.
Me: What are you doing?
MFD: Scratching my back.
Me: With what?
MFD: A back scratcher.
Me: That is a pasta server.
MFD: And a back scratcher.
Me: Just leave that on the counter near the dishwasher.
MFD: What are you doing?
Me: Getting rid of things and cleaning. I know you're not familiar.
MFD: Nope.
MFD: What's that?
Me: Nothing.
MFD: What is it?
Me: It's an alien landing pad.
MFD: Good. Because that's exactly what it looks like.
Me: It's a shelf divider.
On Superbowl Sunday, from the grocery store
Everyone on our safari rides got a kick out of shit MFD was saying too. It's universal.
All read and approved by MFD before they go live...
Shit MFD Said Vol 1, Shit MFD Said Vol 2, Shit MFD Said Vol 3, Shit MFD Said Vol 4
Shit MFD Said Vol 5, Shit MFD Said Vol 6, Shit MFD Said Vol 7, Shit MFD Said Vol 8
Shit MFD Said Vol 9, Shit MFD Said Vol 10, Shit MFD Said Vol 11, Shit MFD Said Vol 12, Shit MFD Said Vol 13, Shit MFD Said Vol 14, Shit MFD Said Vol 15, Shit MFD Said Vol 16, Shit MFD Said Vol 17, Shit MFD Said Vol 18, Shit MFD Said Vol 19, Shit MFD Said Vol 20, Shit MFD Said Vol 21, Vol 22, Vol 23, Vol 24, Vol 25, Vol 26,
LOVING the pasta one - i can't even!! He's hilarious! xo, Biana -BlovedBoston
ReplyDeleteThis is awesome. One of the best! Warthogs! Drakkar! Toenail clippers.JMJ I felt like I had to have all that stuff in my purse, that ended up looking like a suitcase. LOL. What a fun adventure- at home and away! God and Goddess speed always. TGIF!
ReplyDeleteLove,Your Momma
Yes, the back scratcher/pasta utensil is classic! Such a man! LOL! Have a great weekend!
ReplyDeleteMFD reminds me of a comic strip character (and I mean that in the nicest way, I swear!!)...these were so awesome today!
ReplyDeleteMy favorite so far.
ReplyDeleteHaha he seriously cracks me up! Glad everyone on the safari ride got a kick out of him as well :)
ReplyDeleteThis is seriously my favorite volume ever. Definitely laughing so hard that my husband wants in on the goodness too. MFD, no one brings toenail clippers to a beach. I officially place you next to Drakkar guy for that. ;)
ReplyDeleteI can't even pick a favorite, this is the best one yet. Aromatics, I love it.
ReplyDeleteI hope you listened to him about the aromatics because that was pretty prophetic. I'm with MFD, I do get a kick out of watching shows about places I've been... but fresh off the airplane might be too soon!
ReplyDeleteAromatics...lmao. I can't even with the pasta one. Too funny.
ReplyDeleteI've totally used a pasta server to scratch my back. I had horrible dry skin and I was desperate! Haha
ReplyDeleteI had to laugh because wasn't there indeed farts on the plane? :)
ReplyDeleteMy SO keeps a pasta spoon on his nightstand to scratch his back... *sigh*
ReplyDeleteLOL! It's universal then, yes?
DeleteI am seriously laughing out loud at Fatness Everdeen.
ReplyDeleteScott scratches his head with his keys. I don't get it.
ReplyDeleteHe said this yesterday: I think if a cactus could talk, it would sound like Rick James. I'M A CACTUS, BITCH!
Ha!! So funny he turned the pasta server into a back scratcher. I mean it does make sense but yeah definitely needs a good wash after.
ReplyDeleteHe is so funny! He just thinks of the most random stuff, it makes no sense lol. Which is why it's funny! You should put all this stuff in a book:)
ReplyDeleteall I can say is LOL, these are the best! hahahaha
ReplyDeleteOMG with the back scratcher! The real question is did he come home with the BOGO cake mix?
ReplyDeletearomatics.
ReplyDeletehaha I love the Drakaar comment and Fatniss Everdeen!!! Classics!!!
ReplyDeleteMFD is hilarious. the clippers one takes the cake, but then the pasta server made me laugh so hard and your response.. oh man.
ReplyDeleteHaha I can't believe that he asked you about toenail clippers on the beach! And I have to admit, I love watching movies and documentaries and basically screaming at the TV "we were there!" My husband makes fun of me for doing it lol!
ReplyDeleteAromatics for the win... sounds like you could have used one for Captain Smelly on your flight back. And toe nail clippers... on a beach... in South Africa. Could be a thing... Happy Friday <3
ReplyDeleteMy hands down favorite is the Drakkar with pasta back scratcher and aromatics close seconds. What even are aromatics for an airplane? Happy weekending!
ReplyDeleteSome of the shit he says, I swear he and Jeff are separated at birth.
ReplyDelete"Shoulder deep in a cow's vagina." wow. LMFAO!! That is epic right there.
Enjoy some couch time with the kids this weekend. ;)
"That's a pasta server" hahaha. Hilarious.
ReplyDeleteLOL! I think this has been my favorite Shit MFD Said so far! I can't even choose a favorite!
ReplyDelete"Fattness Eberdeem" made me LOL. You two are too much.
ReplyDeleteOmg with the food in bed. It never ends around here.
ReplyDeleteI like watching documentaries about places I've been just so I can point that out to myself.
lmfao @ the "back scratcher." I love your reaction, too! lololololol
ReplyDeleteHaha, always love these posts! In our house the pasta server is nicknamed "The Sketti Scratcher" Of course it goes straight in the dishwasher as well!
ReplyDeleteThat's a good name for it!
Deletethe pasta back scratcher!!! WHY DO MEN DO THIS? WHY?!?
ReplyDeleteLmfao! This is too funny!
ReplyDeleteThese are my favorite! The pasta one is the best.
ReplyDeleteI literally lol'ed at the eating in bed one!
ReplyDeleteI snorted at Drakkar.
ReplyDeleteAsking for clippers during a beautiful sunset- how romantical! I hope he pulled out those aromatics on the plane ride home! Though my favorite is the Drakkar one- he's witty, that MFD.
ReplyDeleteThe food in bed and the cleaning one had me rolling!
ReplyDeleteI am with him on watching the documentary to say We wee right there! I totally do that...
Each one got better. The Hunger Games reference wins though.
ReplyDelete