For the rest of us

Happy Festivus, my friends! A Festivus for the rest of us!

I'm not going even listing any of the serious grievances I'm avoiding here, which I listed in the 2021 or 2020 Festivus posts because again, say it with me, so many are the goddamn fucking same. 

So the Airing of the Grievances below are petty. The Grievances List can not be exhaustive since time is short and there are so many petty annoyances. 

- iPhone created typos. Why does it capitalize shit all the time?

- dogs can’t tell you what’s wrong with them

- pet hair

- having to clean the base of the toilet near the floor

- cracked lips

- buying something I already had

- forgetting shit at the grocery store

- drool

- dirty stovetops

- I can’t get the hang of replacing the bag in the litter genie shitbox 

- having to think of what to cook all the time

- lack of international airfare deals 

- crumbs on the counter

- the construction on Rte 1 near Neshaminy 

- 95 through Philly period

- needing reading glasses and not having reading glasses with me

- having reading glasses stashed in multiple places 

- commercials being so fucking loud

- early dark

- contractors you have to take to small claims court in order for them to finish the job 

- taters instead of potatoes

- maters for tomatoes 

- parking at large events like concerts and games

Now you go. 

Then Feats of Strength. Until you pin me, Festivus is not over. 

Things I love doing that are free

A quick list for Friday of things I love doing that are free, with the overall acknowledgement that living in home and having pets and things and existence in general is intrinsically not free but we're going with it.

Taking in public art and murals

Sleeping with the windows open

Watching the world from the window as a passenger in a car or train

Sitting on a bench people watching

Reading library books

Listening to the radio

Exploring on foot

Swimming in the ocean

Sky gazing at all times of day

Walking dogs

Waking up every day

Looking at paint colors

Picking up extraneous information when deep diving on the internet...like traveling along the Don't Worry Darling made me love celebrity drama again path lands me on crossbow packages, or a click here on an exploration of a Glacier National Park/WA trip leads me to something about portable bridges which I continue reading about because honestly how cool, or a click here on multigrain breads leads me to senior services and this is aging I guess and around and around we go

Taking photos I'll never share or use

Writing things no one else will ever see

Wearing lipstick

Staying hydrated

Creating relatively detailed itineraries for trips I might never take

You? 

Happy Friday!

Some living conditions in my optimal existence

Groundhog Day for years at this point some days, am I right? Let's list things. Some of the living conditions in my optimal existence include

Windows open, no heat or air conditioning

Always in proximity to a clean bathroom

No petty bitches like character flaw petty bitch, only isolated I was petty today incidents

Four day work week three day weekend as the standard with everyone on earth experiencing an actual work life balance that is healthy and true

Term limits for all politicians and you have to pass an American history and government test to be one

Humid enough for my skin and throat to not be dry but not so humid I can't breathe and am sweating, shiny, and annoyed

Kindness over niceness

Produce that lasts until I'm ready to use it

No traffic anywhere, ever and also no trash on the ground, no pointless graffiti (no pointless graffiti, yes street art), and no unpicked up dog poop piles

Social media channels only work from 9-5 then they go to sleep until the next day

People in a hot hurry to exit trains and planes first would be met at the threshold with an invisible clothesline, falling to the ground and rolling around unhurt but in confusion, clutching at their spilled belongings while everyone who filed out in an orderly fashion like you should breezed through

Little bit of sun, little bit of shade, plenty of time to while the afternoon away on the porch

Returning from a beach walk with a little bag of treasures 

Adult zits are not a thing

Not a peep from the entire trump family, forever more

Never having to put gas in the car, clean baseboards or showers, waste food, or deal with water damage or car repairs

Lipstick that stays on until I wipe it off

A HomeGoods section fully stocked with interesting and beautiful things to peruse 

An endless to be read list - I'd rather die still reaching for new books than scat around for something suitable

Cuticles that maintain themselves

Outdoor showers every day 

The wealth gap cut by 60% 

Obvi equality, equity, safety, free and easily accessible A-Z healthcare including mental dental eye and substance use disorder, food, clean water, shelter, a halt to climate change and a habitable earth we don't allow to be destroyed for money, bodily autonomy, freedom, and joy for everyone in a world where people are fundamentally good. Also the death of systemic racism, garden variety racism, patriarchy, fascism, anti-Semitism, xenophobia, homophobia, ableism, all the other shit that turns hatred outward with a focused lens and makes life harder for other people, war, self harm, domestic violence, the 24 hour news cycle, uncomfortable shoes, and the videos where people lip sync and writing is on the screen

Too much to ask?

What are some of your optimal living conditions?

  

Normalize these things

Boundaries

Not explaining yourself to other people

Not finishing books you don't feel like finishing for any reason - at any point...three pages in, 100 pages in, 25 pages from the end

Reading for pleasure, not to learn or improve

Expressing joy even when the world is not a joyful place

Aging in a manner that does not try to re-capture the appearance of youth

Lower income people who get any type of government assistance having things and doing things because everyone deserves to live in some way that is not necessary and you don't get to judge them for it like a sanctimonious asshole

Wearing and re-wearing clothes you’ve had for years 

Relationships and friendships running their course or changing - not everything lasts forever, and not everyone is meant to be on your journey with you forever, and that is okay - there shouldn't be bad feelings about that

The importance of platonic love, investing in it, and telling your friends you love them. There are forever people too. Know who they are and treat them as such.

Self-preservation 

Actual work/life balance in action

Kids not being good at every subject in school

Kids not liking sports

Saying no when you don't want to do something even if you feel pressure to say yes

Changing your opinion when you receive new information

People not drinking alcohol without you knowing why

Living outside of social media and not explaining where you’ve been if you’ve been off of it 

People not getting married or having children

All body types being the body types for whatever those people want to wear

Not touching and not making kids hug and kiss people unless they want to. Not everyone wants a hug or a handshake in the times of Corona or in like, regular every day times

Contacting elected officials to give them your opinion on anything, especially what their votes should be on big bills

Reusing and repurposing whatever we can 

People loving who they love and being attracted who they are attracted to and hetero not being the only sexuality out there

People prioritizing mental health over everything, including and especially their jobs, even if they are athletes or celebrities, jobs you in your non-doctor opinion think they should be fine doing regardless of health issues

Full sex education in schools

Going to the library - they are great resources for free community events plus all the books are freeeee! And you can get them digitally if that's your bag. If you don’t have a card, sign up for one at your local branch

Treating people and families dealing with addiction with compassion instead of derision because if it is ever your family, you will need that compassion

Wearing what you are comfortable in and not downplaying your appearance to others like you're some sort of slob because you are comfortable

Making all possible accommodations for disabled people and people with limited mobility 

Body hair on women

Valuing everything in women over them being nice and quiet

Having a packed bag in your car with a bottle of water, first aid kit, blanket, power bar, flashlight - bags and flashlights like some of these on EcoGearFX

People using pronouns they prefer without commentary from you

Talking freely about periods, post partum depression, menopause 

Men being emotional people

Talking about race and confronting white supremacy in ourselves and each other

Talking about important shit offline

Not accepting and summarily dismissing harmful shit as a "difference of opinion" you can co-exist around. Co-existing with other people's racism, misogyny, classism, and hypocritical ignorance and refusing to address those things in ourselves when they surface is one of the ways we've gotten to this period in time in this country

Happy happy birthday to Lori, one of my Life Journey People. Related by blood but also a soul connection. We are here together on purpose. 

Foods I could live off of

If meals were outlawed and energy wasn't attributable to eating certain foods, I could live off of 

Strawberries

Cheese - preferences for gouda not smoked, brie, extra sharp cheddar, havarti - and thin triscuits (no sawdust choke)

Hard salami

Raw veggie crudité platters but really just cucumbers, bell peppers, cauliflower, snap peas and dip

Kalamata and green olives

Grape tomatoes

Mild banana pepper rings

Cold pick & peel shrimp

Stone fruits (must be hard) - peaches, nectarines, plums

Herr's cheese curls

Gooey brownies - we all eat most of a pan when made anyway, right? Just us?

Grands layered biscuits slathered in butter

Caprese - mozzarella, a slice of fresh tomato, salt, basil if I have it, olive oil, and Cento italian glaze

Frozen mixed berries from ALDI 

Dried mango from ALDI

Salted dry peanuts

French onion dip and Herr's plain chips or Wavy Lays

Ranch dip and Splits extra salt pretzels

Luna lemon and blueberry bars

Devilled eggs

Snickers ice cream bars

Saltines & butter

You? 

I'm over it

The five day work week

Wearing any sort of jacket, sock, or boot

Waiting on doors to be installed

Vaccine deferment virtue signaling - we know, we are operating in a system that is not working for everyone. In the meantime, when you are eligible, get the vaccine. Don't worry about anyone else or how or when they got it or if you in your non-expert wisdom think they deserved to. Do you know how ableist it is to think you only know about someone's health issue if you can see it? Aside from the fact that what might qualify people as higher risk, whether you agree with it or not, was figured out by people who know more than you about this. Other people's health particulars are not your business - they are not required to tell you why they qualify for the shot and you are absolutely not entitled to ask, especially publicly on social media. Have people lost their damn minds? Doing your part to maintain public health *is* your business. We are in a race against variants. Let's go. Related to this...

Vaccine passers - I, too, believe in vitamins, avoid antibiotics when possible, don't trust the government 100%, and love crystals. None of those things are keeping me from getting a case of Covid that would hospitalize or kill me and none of them are protecting the people around me from the same. A vaccine will. Black people come from a place of medical experimentation - Henrietta Lacks and Tuskegee and so much more - which is why groups like The Black Doctors Covid-19 Consortium is working hard in their community to get people the vaccine who have a real reason to distrust. White people, just stop. If Covid manifested to impact our physical appearance like smallpox, there would not be one peep about getting it or knowing better than science how to get on top of a public health issue and worldwide pandemic. Stop. Especially those of you with the smallpox scar on your arms. You know why we don't have to worry about smallpox anymore? There was no internet where people could share insane conspiracy theories and act like they were wellness gurus who knew more than scientists and people care more about appearance than health. 

Women's clothes without pockets

Thoughts and prayers for victims of gun violence instead of action and true systems breaking change

Getting zits. I'm 44. Leave me alone. 

Choosing what's for dinner

Asian hate

People who agree to take things in internet Buy Nothing groups not showing up and actually taking them once they've been put out for pickup

Republican state legislators voting to suppress voting rights of others

Getting less flexible every year

Books where the author starts throwing the kitchen sink in about 3/4 of the way through

Days with the pandemic sweater on my shoulders

People acting like discussing or pointing out racism is the problem instead of actual systemic and personal racism

The watery mustard that comes out first if you forget to shake enough

The Instagram reel shit where people stand still or dance around silently and point at words that pop up to make their point. So fucking annoying

Email inboxes that never empty

Getting the impetus to write something or the perfect line/turn of phrase to work from while I'm driving or showering then never remembering it

Violence against women and calls for us to never go anywhere alone instead of calling for the eradication of the misogynistic, patriarchal bullshit that allows toxic masculinity to perpetuate

Happy Friday! What are you over? 

Things I feel like doing

Some I’ll do soon, some later, some never, some only sound good in theory. 

Going to a party - like show up whenever, eat, make the rounds, eat, make the rounds - a normal fucking backyard party where no one tells me how much sanitizing they’ve done. One where I fear a line for the bathroom because I have stopped to talk to too many people on the way there.

Throwing a party, making a bunch of food I won't eat because I made it, and only inviting people who know to help themselves to everything and do whatever because those are the only people I still have around in this life that Id invite to a party anyway

Winning the lottery

Laying down at 3 every day

Going swimming in the ocean

Boarding a plane

Planning a trip

Talking to Stevie Nicks on the phone

Visiting people

Never having to donate to another Go Fund Me for someone's medical care or to ensure they have housing or food because I live in a country that will not let anyone die, live in the streets, or starve over lack of money

Sitting in a circle on the beach with framily

Having a month where there’s not a new natural disaster or humanitarian catastrophe and actually addressing some of the persistent human crises we’ve let go too too far for too long in this country 

Painting all of my rooms except someone else cleans up after my messy painting

Eating at a restaurant once a day every day for a month and doing no dishes

Buying a lot of Boy Smells candles

Feeling the warmth of the sun on my bare arms because it’s pleasant enough to sit on the porch in a t-shirt

Getting rid of all the shit I don’t use

Returning to my former mental me instead of the unpredictable coronaland headspace. Also truly being totally fine not pandemic fine. I don’t want a return to a lot of things but I want a return to those. 

Reading the afternoons away

Nuking the Senate filibuster myself  

Never thinking about what to make for dinner again

Burning all of my masks except the few I'm keeping when this is over for any future illness needs

You? 

You want a prediction about the weather? You're asking the wrong Phil.

Groundhog Day the movie, how do we love thee, let us count the ways. 

I'm a huge Phil Murray fan and I love this movie. I posted last week about the Groundhog Day of it all wall many of us are hitting right now with the combination of almost a year living in Coronaland as well as the winter restlessness, but on the bright side we aren't reliving the same day over and over like Phil Connors. 

Praise be for that. Did you catch The Atlantic piece last year? Groundhog Day Was a Horror Film All Along? It's a good one.

Belated Imbolc blessings to you. I left my Imbolc box at the shore in my haste to beat the storm back to Philly, and it now appears I will be stuck here another night because this snow doesn't fucking quit. I did not agree to these elongated snow terms and I'd like to speak to the manager of the weather. I've gotten used to winters with no real accumulating snow. 

In the spirit of Groundhog Day, here are 10 things I do daily, but not in the same order and not on a loop like Phil Connors: 

1, Make my bed as soon as I get up

2. Shower and put on casual clothes, but ones that are acceptable to be seen in public in

3. Take multiple walks outside unless it's raining

4. Think about how I don't want to think about what to eat

5. Drink coffee

6. Take vitamins (Multi, D, fish oil, magnesium, zinc)

7. Ask Bruce to please find a bathroom spot quicker

8. Think about traveling

9. Read

10.  Eat eggs

What makes your done daily list? 

Today is

Impeachment #2 day. Second impeachment? Impeachment squared? Impeachment take two? Insurrection Rejection? See you Later, Traitor? End of Treason Season?

My sister in law’s birthday. Happy birthday Aubrey!

Trash and recycle day, which I missed last week and was happier than usual to participate in this week. 

The day I run out of tea light candles 

My third day with  a major tension headache due to some neck issue 

The third day in a row I will drink over 100 ounces of water 

Calling general contractors day for some work we're looking to have done at the shore. We had a structural engineer out Monday.

Hair washing day, unplanned. I surprised myself so I couldn't dread it beforehand. 

The finish reading the Show Us Your Books linked up posts day

The first day without cupcakes since Sunday 

Searching for hypoallergenic earrings day and this site popped up for best gold plated earrings . I never do gold plated and might try them. I change my earrings once a year so I am always looking to get it right on the front end. this website comes up too, but I don't think they sell earrings at boarding schools. My phone must have been listening when I was watching The Wilds last night.

Re-creating all the work I did yesterday day

The first time I saw the fire This is Your Coup ad from The Lincoln Project. 

The day I should vacuum but won’t day

Airing of Grievances 2020

Happy Festivus, my friends! A Festivus for the rest of us!

Absolutely zero 2020/serious shit will appear in this Airing of Grievances. Just assume inequity, racism across all systems as well as interpersonal, misogyny, white fragility, patriarchy, Covid and all of the grief and pain and all types of loss that comes with it, the federal govt mishandling of Covid at every single turn, Covid deniers, science deniers, conspiracy theorists, climate crisis, all senate republicans, some senate democrats, trump and his entire grifter family, public and government corruption, said government asleep at the wheel on the opioid crisis, the constant dismissal of mental health and substance use disorder issues and the shaft they get, the criminalization of poverty, the school to for-profit prison pipeline, capitalism killing us, lying liars who lie, argumentative and hypocritical assholes, and straight up motherfuckers are implied, ALWAYS, until they are corrected and fall off. 

This year has been a thing for this world and I don’t need to list any additional world or personal trauma to drive that point home. Yesterday I was adding a new IG story highlight, the second one devoted entirely to my dogs, and came across a tree hitting my house in the beginning of August from a tornado. Like...I forgot about a tree falling on my fucking house while my husband and dogs were inside, necessitating many repairs and rocking my neighborhood, where we do not get fucking tornados. And when I saw the reminder of it I felt no adverse reaction. I had no reaction period. Like I was looking at an okay picture of a flower. This year has done a number on me and I'm ready for this long holiday break. 

That’s the kind of year it’s been. We are all the dog sitting in the room on fire sipping coffee and saying it’s fine. So gather 'round the aluminum pole and remember we’re keeping the annoyances on this list petty as fuck this year. 

-crumbs on the counter. Do you not see them. Or what.

-dog hair stuck in couch cushions

-policing bad language. Fuck off out of here 

-people congregating at entrance and egress points - doors, tops of steps, bottoms of steps, etc. - this bothers me so much that it still makes the list in a year where I have congregated with no one and also seen no one else congregating at these points

-mice

-mealy apples

-shower curtains left open

-when I am too lazy to get something that’s upstairs

-my phone randomly capitalizing words or changing words that are typed correctly into other words. Fuck you phone!

-the political signs that are still in my fucking basement and the election shit that's still in my house on all levels

-when the washing machine is unbalanced

-loud cars and people who rev engines in residential neighborhoods

-food waste

-when things fall down the side of the car seat 

-losing sunglasses

-dust

-having to repeat myself. I respond like Uncle Louis in Christmas Vacation. THE.BLESSS ING.

-uncomfortable shoes, which is pretty much all of them after 10 months of being barefoot

-having every size battery except the size I need at the moment 

-hair washing days

-weak coffee 

-the grody insides of recycle bins 

Now you go. 

Then Feats of Strength. Until you pin me, Festivus is not over. 

Things that can stay, things that can go, and things I hope outlast the pandemic

On the day of the Winter Solstice, I write down a list of the things that I do not want to bring forward with me. Winter is a time to dig deep, reset. When my list is complete, I bury it. I also write a list of things I want to manifest. When it's done, I set it on fire to release it. 

Lighting things on fire is more liberating than burying but both serve a purpose, and both happened yesterday. I sat and reflected. I talked to myself out loud. 

I am not going to share everything on the list of things I don't want to bring with me because frankly the list was quite long and painful to write this year. 

Some things I am absolutely not interested in carrying forward after this fucking year:

-brain fog

-dullness

-no creativity/production

-not drinking enough water

-the inability to find refuge in the pages of a book

-feeling like a shit employee

-lack of routine

-Shit I do not need (things I own but do not need and have not addressed)

Things that can come through in this next season of life: 

-A focus on rest, and not after I have taken myself to the brink, fried my brain, and simply cannot do any more. Planned rest. Rest for the sake of rest, not rest as reward. 

-Set work hours

-True time off

-To do lists

-Commitment to racial justice

-Rekindled joy found in cooking, reading, writing

-Shopping small

-Walks

-Porch sitting and just being

And another little list I've been cultivating. 

Things I hope outlast the pandemic:

-Not shaking hands

-Staying apart in line

-Staying the fuck home when you're sick, yes even with a cold, or wearing a mask 24/7 if you leave your house with one

-Serious hand washing like everyone should have been doing all along

-Curbside pickup

-Giving people grace

-The death of the hustle culture

-The knowledge that missing things is not the end of the world

-Mail in and early voting

-Holes in the schedule

-Keeping with the hobbies we suddenly had time for that are actually fulfilling

-Lack of a commute most days

And you?

Cheers to more light every week going forward. 

Realizations from Corona Land

Lots of my spring bulbs need replacing. And have, for the past three years. I need to set a calendar reminder for the fall. 

I like croutons. I thought I didn't. I don’t know why this realization occurred in quarantine. Maybe because I made my own from leftover garlic bread?

Autocorrect is an idiot. My phone is failing so hard at this. 

I still prefer texting. I am still making and taking phone calls 100% more than I did before this but definitely not as many as the first week. 

Global pandemics do not affect my sleep. I have actually slept harder and better and woken up on time without an alarm this entire time. 

Pre-pandemic was a bad time to order a bunch of possible things for my own birthday gifts and different spray paints for home improvement projects. Because most of them were meant to be returned. So now I have a zillion returns to remember to make when this is done. 

I could never be a chef. I like cooking and find cooking or baking soothing, but I do not like cooking twice a day every day. I prefer my batch cooking on Sundays but doing that right now feels not right either. 

Line dried clothes rock. My dryer hasn’t broken since 2018. At that time I was short on time so my mom did my laundry until the part came in. This time I have nothing but time so line dry it is. I like how they’re a little stiff and a lot fresh smelling.

Commuting is harder on my body than I thought. My shoulder no longer bunches because I’m not carrying my life on it back and forth every day. I thought it was a chronic condition related to the pinched nerve in my neck from years ago. Here it’s basically commuting. 

Constant human-ing is hard on pets. My dogs are exhausted.

My train pass expired. I pay for it pre-tax so I get the checks to do that through work. Where we haven't been for almost a month. 

Acupuncture and chiropractor are essential to me. Sure, I’ve said that, but being forced to go without has not been pleasant. I'm missing my monthly appointments big time.

I’m picky about where things come from. I prefer my fresh salmon and frozen berries from Aldi, my produce from Produce Junction or Lou's, my milk and half and half organic from Target's Good and Gather line. I didn't realize how much I darted around or split darting around with MFD until we locked it down and limited trips. Praise stores who have figured out curbside pickup in under three weeks.

My inspection expired at the end of March. When the state of PA is up and running again, I need to address that.

Turns out I do NOT have too much lounge attire. So there. 

Productivity is not my solution. I can’t organize myself out of feeling some sort of ways about a global pandemic. I need to accept my feelings, sit with them, and let them go much more frequently than I would normally. I’m still doing but it’s not even close to my primary goal here and it’s not close to the top of the list. This was a hard realization for me since I am aimed toward productivity all the time but this is requiring me to slow way down and I’m listening. 

I know a lot of subject matter experts in the areas of infectious disease and contagion. And they all practice on the Internet, sharing their “knowledge” for freeeeeee

My mood is dependent on the sun and fresh air. Gray days are interminable.

I don’t spend as much time outside as I should in Philly. We are out at the shore all of the time. I can count on one hand the amount of times I sat out back here for more than five minutes last year. That is mostly because I’ve been acting like a guest here, because...

I’m living in the wrong place. I’m missing one of my favorite times at the shore - when the temps are in the high 40s and low 50s day and night, the beaches empty so my dogs can run free, sand pocked with huge intact whelk shells and glittering sea glass, town almost ghostly at night with lack of cars, lights, and people. It comes alive this weekend for Easter, which we usually spend there with my Mom and Rich and my brother and Kate and Dan and the kids and Debbie. I say I should be living there all the time, but this being quarantined at home situation really brought it home. Quarantine has not fixed actual physical limitations of that house that prohibit an immediate move not has it changed MFD’s mind about one. I can't think about it too much, because it gives me a physical pain like when you are away from home and really want to be there. 

What are some of your quarantine realizations?

That things I dislike that other people usually like list

It’s a global pandemic. We require entertainment, and one of the recent entertainments is listing 10 things you don't like that a lot of other people do like. 

I've done this before in Good for You, Not for Me but it's been a few years (although I feel like I've done it more recently, too, but I can’t find it) and I am not good at resisting lists. I could have titled this the same - we like what we like or Donny like what we don’t like, and we change our minds about things too, no matter how popular opinion votes. As long as what you like is not violating someone else’s rights or infringing on someone else’s existence, I’m down with it. Imagine if we only knew people who liked or disliked things the same stuff we did - how boring. 

Things I initially included before I realized they were on the post in 2016: coconut and Breaking Bad. Here are some other things people tend to like that I don't.

1. The phrases Sunday Funday & Friyay. I used to like Sunday Funday, I don't know where things went wrong between us. 

2. Jeans

3. Running

4. Flavored coffee creamer 

5. Anything nail-related that is not regular nail polish on my real nails

6. Grease over Grease 2

7. Booze culture

8. Chocolate ice cream

9. TikTok
10. Baths
11. Hot food (temperature-wise), prefer luke-warm or cold
12. Filters in apps. I want to see your real ass face.

Real ass is a technical writing term. Thanks for stopping by.

What makes your list?

Things that are getting me through

A few years ago in February I found myself feeling suddenly exposed and vulnerable after MFD decided to run for office. The path chosen by someone else, the power out of my hands, financial ruin a definite possibility, the fear of losing everything, people actively working to punch holes in your life...man, I fucking raged and railed. It was my very own winter of discontent.

In an attempt to feel like myself, I tried a bunch of my standard self care things and everything fucking failed. I could not get out of my own head and what was constantly running in my head was the problem. Yes, it was caused by outside events, but inside my head was what was ruining every day for me. Eventually I got out of my own way and listened to my gut. We intrinsically know what is soothing when we need soothing but think we need to come to some intellectual conclusion on what that is. No. The only trick is to repeat what feels right and abandon what doesn't - immediately. Your body knows immediately what quells panic - it doesn't need to be told, it just feels. Sometimes we don't do things that make us feel better because we think we must be wrong, no way that could make us feel better...listen to your gut. If it's not harming you, have at it. Listening to my gut and going with my body's reaction is why meditation and yoga appear on a lot of lists but not on mine - they make my mind race, and continue racing.

Since the entire world is now in a distinctly uncomfortable place on a path that they did not choose, the power out of their hands, financial ruin a definite possibility (for Americans at least, other countries are going a long way to ensure that doesn't happen), and outside forces who won't stay the fuck home for non-essential activities actively working to punch holes in everyone's life, I'm back to focusing on what gets me through the day and thought I'd share here. A few of my soothing techniques are out - hugging and going to the shore/insert your happy place here because the shore and probably your happy place are closed right now like everything else). What's left?

Knowing my problems are the least right now. I have a BFF healthcare worker on the front line without PPE - I'm sure most of you do. This is hard for all of us, but it is 100% harder for some. It’s easier to stay home, only interact with your household, and act right when you know not doing so puts healthcare workers under even more stress and danger and they have no more to give at this time. 

Signs of spring. Life feels stopped but the earth continues. It reinforces that we will too.

The only routine is a new routine every day. This is 100% a gut over head thing. In normal times, I live daily by what needs to be done followed by what wants to be done. Now I let my mood dictate what I do when, not some order I come up with in my head. If I feel the need to drop everything and take a walk, that's what I do. For some reason varying my schedule makes me feel better. Some mornings I start working at 6, some at 10. Sometimes I start at 8:30 like normal but I take a three hour break in the middle of the day and work later at night. Luckily my job allows for flex time all the time.

Shift and variance. My focus is lacking overall. I move from thing to thing much more than I would normally. I allow for that as much as I can in order to follow mood over routine.

Doing laundry. Constantly. Towels mostly. Small loads of clothes. Putting it away is not soothing or a focus lol. Some things do not change. 

No more press conferences. I get the gist from other places - specifically the daily update here in Philly - quick in and out. I can’t hear endless talking and the POTUS gives me fits and rage.

Music. What it is changes based on mood but it drowns everything out especially my own brain and ends up relaxing me before I even realize it.

Control what I can control. I cannot control assholes or a virus. I can control the organization of my pantry. I can write obsessively on a whiteboard and become the Whiteboard Czar and love it even if it means nothing.

Dogs. Always.

Sleeping where I fall asleep. That's been on the couch in the basement or living room some nights and I'm not fighting myself on it like I normally would. Rest is more important than a standard night routine.

Things I’ve already seen. My 80s movies are at the top of this list, but some old shows are doing their part too. I’ve watched Tiger King but am unsure about my ability to focus through a new show or movie at this time.

Reading, but different. I am reading at a much slower pace and cannot get into certain books. I'm giving myself a wide berth here.

Walking. A bittersweet throwback from campaign life. Man, Bruce and I walked so many fucking miles that year. Not for fitness or anything - just to walk off what's in my mind or making me jumpy and ill at ease. I'm back at it now.

Walk at Home with Leslie and friends doing fitness. I like to move some but not much, I'm not an exercise person and never have been. The purpose of this is the movement, not distraction, so I don't want anything complicated. I love Walk at Home with Leslie and PinkyFit is putting some stuff out there. I subscribe to both on YouTube and throw them up on the TV.

Fresh air. I need to be outside daily regardless of weather. This is my life line most days.

Flowers. We've made one big produce run so far and flowers are a part of any grocery store delivery/run.

Dark humor. Always. If you are posting this shit, I love you. Thanks to Kathy for sending me The Breakfast Club one.

Candles. Burning through them like wildfire to zen my shit up.

Connecting with people. My people were my lifeline during campaign time - then, I tightened my circle way the fuck up and let no one in. They are of course still my lifeline now. Always. But before this situation, I only accepted FaceTime calls from my brother to see my niece and nephew. Now in addition to my circle I'm like hey! we haven't spoken since kindergarten? FaceTime me and my three chins. Now accepting all calls. What is this life.

Thinking about other people. Making phone calls demanding PPE for healthcare workers. Making phone calls to check in on seniors. Sharing or getting supplies for neighbors or family who are not well.

Nutrition and cooking. Eating as much produce as possible. Upping my vitamin C. And just plain old eating and cooking. Snacks too - have I mentioned I now have a candy closet? - but mostly eating for wellness and making sure my vitamins aren't missed.

House projects. Dining room progress.

Learning something new. I've been taking some online free classes.

Peppermint tea. Every day. Sometimes more than once. Times may vary.

Letting myself relax and be. This is heavy.

On Instagram I asked how people have been soothing themselves. If you're looking for something and none of mine rang your bell, hopefully one or five of these will:

• Epic quantities of butter
• The Food Network
• Sharing what I'm cooking
• Audiobooks while I work on menial WFH tasks
• Lower news intake
• Books!
• Cooking!
• Working out (yoga and cardio every day) and reading
• Yoga with Adriene
• Virtual happy hours. I don't drink, but it's fun as hell and I feel like I'm with friends so thumbs up
• Zoloft
• Starbursts
• Talking on the phone or video calling with friends
• Books, Scrabble on my iPhone, wine, and audiobooks
• Wine
• Sitting on the patio with the dogs and bird watching
• I hate to admit this but...playing Sims 4
• Animal Crossing
• Morning workout routines
• Tiger King
• Brene Brown's new podcast is so good. Her voice is welcome on long dog walks. 
• Walking, cooking, and listening to our sensible governor
• Subversive/Star Wars and Harry Potter Cross Stitch
• Baking has helped me a lot. And I'm learning to 1/2 or 1/3 batches so I'm not making too much
• Just sitting outside when it's nice and listening to nature
• Weed. Ariana Grande videos, looooong walks with my old dog, books about people I want to get to know better, and checking in with you and your mom every day
• Doing the bunny hop around my house

The only way through is through, friends. It doesn't have to be pretty but it has to be done.

Things I'm extra glad about right now

You know how sometimes you are a certain way about things, and you consider not being that way anymore, and something happens to reinforce that you should just hold steady as you are?

Universe, I am listening.

But first...

Of course and as usual in this world, most of these things come from a place of privilege and having money. We are coming across a lot of home-bound seniors in the Philly area who are low on food right now and a lot of people who are out of jobs and already experiencing or about to experience food scarcity and organizations that will not have enough volunteers to meet upcoming needs. If you are home with extra time, look for an organization near you that delivers packaged food to the home-bound and see how you can help - something like Meals on Wheels, or in Philly Caring for Friends. Call your local Food Bank. Get on your neighborhood facebook group or your Next Door group and ask if everyone is okay food-wise and if not, let them know they can direct message you without judgement and you will help how you can if you can. Then help how you can, without judgement.

For people like me who naturally stock up if you're in a store or run out for an ingredient to make something exactly as you want - PLEASE use what you have in your house and don't buy extra of things than you normally would right now. Let people who cannot afford to stock up go to the store more frequently. Do not run out daily for things - we need to protect workers and ourselves the best that we can. Just keep thinking that - we need to do the best we can by each other. And also understand that people who are out probably have a reason to be out - they don't have enough money to stock up, they are getting something for their senior parent or a household that is ill - we have to ourselves do the right thing and trust that others are also doing the right thing and taking the precautions they need to take.

Okay, now on to what I initially came here to say.

This is not a post about appreciation for things like healthcare workers on the front lines or companies who will do whatever they can to keep their people going - last night was rough after afternoon pressers and I don't have that kind of writing in me today. This is mostly base, surface shit with some hard stuff in it. 

I grew up in an overstocked house. As an adult my house has always been overstocked and it looks like it will remain so. Over the past year I've wanted to be a person who goes to the grocery store frequently and holds almost nothing in a pantry, saves freezer room for meals that are cooked and frozen, etc. I never got fully around to that, and after the mind fuck of this and people running to the grocery store constantly, I will likely never turn into the person who has to go to the store frequently as long as I can afford to not do so. This was not me going out to buy extra coffee. This is the amount of coffee I get delivered at one time monthly, which I had upped in preparation for splitting a household and being part time at the shore.

The same goes for toilet paper, cleaning products, and hand soap. I can recall one time in my adult life being below four rolls in the house. I'm also super glad I can/am used to making cleaning products and hand soap and have stuff on hand for that, and had extra of everything in preparation for it to go to the shore two weeks ago.

That I stopped using paper towels and paper napkins and paper plates years ago. I see so many people online asking others if they've seen paper towels in stores. I always reply, "don't go out just for paper towels - if you have a washing machine use regular kitchen or hand towels and wash cloths." Crickets. People do not want to give up paper towels even though they are nearly entirely unnecessary. I get it, in a time where everything is forcibly different, we want continuity, but I'm happy I'm not stressing over paper towels or paper napkins right now. If you are, you don't have to if you have a washer/dryer.

Having four dogs. I often feel insane for having four, but they are a distraction in the best and worst of times.

That I grew up with Mom Mom and Grandmom always using things to the maximum and getting everything out of everything. I learned how to think about what to do with what I have versus lament about all the things I don't have. They taught me to really think about using things and to not let things go to waste, especially food. They were 100% anti-food waste because they had to be and that stayed with them even when they didn't have to be. It's stayed with the little girl who was always around them too. As has buttered saltines as a comfort food.

Buying peppermint tea in bulk.

That at various points in my marriage we have lived with less, been very down and nearly out, and struggled hard to hold on to what we have. Do I want to go back there? No. Who does, ever? But we've survived really hard shit before and I know we can again if it comes to it. If you have done hard things, remind yourself of that. Sometimes merely the muscle memory of struggle lessons worry for the future. We've been through things. We have done hard things. We have survived absolutely everything up until this point. We can get through more.

White boards. Living and dying by that as a household right now.

That aside from Schitts Creek and a few other things, I haven't watched a lot of TV in the past three to four years. If I find I need to zone out, the options of shows I haven't seen that most of the world has are almost endless. Movies? Forget it, I've seen even less of those in the last five years.

That I have an abundance of physical and e-books that have not been read about which I have continually said I need to work through those before I collect more...probably won't be saying that in the future.

I was committed to buying two candles at a time, but late last year stocked up. Now I'm so glad I did, because in an effort to zen my shit up I have been burning through them like wildfire. I ordered four more last week from a small shop. If I run out of something or need something, I'm trying to buy anything I can from a small business.

That I have friends who are dark humor people. I am not getting out of this alive if I can't laugh at inappropriate times, and my people aren't either. I stole this from Charlene on Instagram and I laugh every time I look at it.

That I have amazing best friends I can say anything to and can say anything to me. Texting about not great sides of ourselves last night had me laughing so hard I could not breathe and I really needed that. I really hope you have someone you can let it all hang out with. Preferably more than one someone.

FaceTime. I don't care how many chins I have, I played a game with my niece last night laying on the couch via FaceTime.

That I have always known the importance of community, and that includes everyone who reads here. Community stands together in person six feet apart or in online spaces we have made homes in. If you read this blog, you are part of my community, and I stand with you. Some of this list is heavy and some is surface, but I want you to know whatever is running through your head in this unprecedented time, you are not alone. Hang in there.

Happy birthday to our friend Blaine today. Not the most stellar March birthday month, but it will absolutely be memorable.

How are we doing today?