Free time focus

Hello and happy Tuesday, mon frers. I have never been into - and am especially not into now in an exhausting global pandemic - hustle culture. We are not here on this earth to hustle despite what capitalism would like us to believe. Hustle to me means carve out 15 minutes of relaxation in a 24 hour period and act like you barely earned it while spending the rest of the time improving your status. I'm not here for that. I've worked hard for the past few years to rest and relax even if there are still things on my To Do list - because when are there not things on that list? 

When I find myself with free time now, there are some things I'm focusing on to ensure I don't become a pod person always staring at a phone or computer like...

Reducing Stress

Stress can be a killer. It contributes to feeling overwhelmed, anxious, and unable to control your thoughts and emotions. It is safe to make a blanket statement for all people: reducing stress improves your life. 

Stress impacts on the way we think, function, and respond to others. We learn new coping skills by trying out different ways of handling stress. Managing stress better allows us to use our energy in ways that are beneficial and help us be fulfilled in personal and work lives instead of getting overwhelmed or stuck in negative thought patterns.

Relaxing

As stated above this has historically been an internal war in my mind - it's not finding the time to relax so much as it is in thinking it is the time to relax. 

We all have a lot going on. I'm sure most of us could be doing something constructive or productive every waking minute and never feel done. But that sure is a way to feel worn the hell out. Taking the time to relax helps improve your relationship with yourself,  contributes to proper stress management, sets us up for better sleep, gives us more energy, and actually contributes to better productivity and quality of production in "on" times. 

In many ways, relaxation is the opposite of overworking yourself, which can lead to burnout or exhaustion. However, for this concept to be effective, it must be done consistently and not just sporadically.

Considering opportunities to learn new skills

Improving skills and continuing to learn throughout life is a great way to ensure you don't remain stagnant. It's never too late to investigate a new interest.

There are so many opportunities to do this - have you ever looked to see what's out there for free at your local library? Mine has a knitting circle that welcomes beginners and some seminars for would-be investors. I'm considering re-activating my spanish speaking skills through a free virtual class at my library.

There are tons of paid opportunities too like online sports nutrition courses or cooking classes at places like Williams Sonoma. There are still a lot of virtual learning options out there too. Expanding horizons usually means higher happiness levels. 

Exercising

Sometimes it is easy to forget the importance of exercise, especially when you are not an I Love Exercise person and sit on your ass a lot. Hello, it's me.

Exercising is well more than weight loss or looking good, and unfortunately the world focuses on those two things instead of the fact that exercise can help you to increase confidence, relieve stress, boost your mood, reduce anxiety levels, improve memory, increase stamina, and develop stronger bones so you can lift yourself off the toilet at 75 which should be a shared goal of all of us and why I have re-started for the zillionth time in this life pushups and light arm weights. 

The thing that always tickles me about exercise is even if you do absolutely nothing right now, you could literally be doing some type of exercise in the next 1 minute without spending a dime or having any equipment. The human body continues to amaze.

Reading

Did you think I would not  work reading into this list? Reading makes all of my things I do in my spare time lists. I read daily and always have, even logging reading time most days in 2020 when it was not super pleasurable and I lacked focus. If you got thrown off your reading groove during 2020 or at any other time, like exercise you can literally start back on it this moment and it is absolutely possible to do that for $0.

Reading can improve your memory, help you learn new things, lower your stress levels, increase your IQ, on and on and on. But - Jana said something like this on twitter the other day and I've been thinking of it since - you can read just for pure enjoyment and fun. Reading is an escape, a joy, an exercise in relaxation. You don't have to learn a damn thing from the books you read. You can read the crappiest drivel out there according to critics and it's great because you like it and that's all that matters. 

If you find yourself with extra free time, what do you do with it?

Things that are getting me through

A few years ago in February I found myself feeling suddenly exposed and vulnerable after MFD decided to run for office. The path chosen by someone else, the power out of my hands, financial ruin a definite possibility, the fear of losing everything, people actively working to punch holes in your life...man, I fucking raged and railed. It was my very own winter of discontent.

In an attempt to feel like myself, I tried a bunch of my standard self care things and everything fucking failed. I could not get out of my own head and what was constantly running in my head was the problem. Yes, it was caused by outside events, but inside my head was what was ruining every day for me. Eventually I got out of my own way and listened to my gut. We intrinsically know what is soothing when we need soothing but think we need to come to some intellectual conclusion on what that is. No. The only trick is to repeat what feels right and abandon what doesn't - immediately. Your body knows immediately what quells panic - it doesn't need to be told, it just feels. Sometimes we don't do things that make us feel better because we think we must be wrong, no way that could make us feel better...listen to your gut. If it's not harming you, have at it. Listening to my gut and going with my body's reaction is why meditation and yoga appear on a lot of lists but not on mine - they make my mind race, and continue racing.

Since the entire world is now in a distinctly uncomfortable place on a path that they did not choose, the power out of their hands, financial ruin a definite possibility (for Americans at least, other countries are going a long way to ensure that doesn't happen), and outside forces who won't stay the fuck home for non-essential activities actively working to punch holes in everyone's life, I'm back to focusing on what gets me through the day and thought I'd share here. A few of my soothing techniques are out - hugging and going to the shore/insert your happy place here because the shore and probably your happy place are closed right now like everything else). What's left?

Knowing my problems are the least right now. I have a BFF healthcare worker on the front line without PPE - I'm sure most of you do. This is hard for all of us, but it is 100% harder for some. It’s easier to stay home, only interact with your household, and act right when you know not doing so puts healthcare workers under even more stress and danger and they have no more to give at this time. 

Signs of spring. Life feels stopped but the earth continues. It reinforces that we will too.

The only routine is a new routine every day. This is 100% a gut over head thing. In normal times, I live daily by what needs to be done followed by what wants to be done. Now I let my mood dictate what I do when, not some order I come up with in my head. If I feel the need to drop everything and take a walk, that's what I do. For some reason varying my schedule makes me feel better. Some mornings I start working at 6, some at 10. Sometimes I start at 8:30 like normal but I take a three hour break in the middle of the day and work later at night. Luckily my job allows for flex time all the time.

Shift and variance. My focus is lacking overall. I move from thing to thing much more than I would normally. I allow for that as much as I can in order to follow mood over routine.

Doing laundry. Constantly. Towels mostly. Small loads of clothes. Putting it away is not soothing or a focus lol. Some things do not change. 

No more press conferences. I get the gist from other places - specifically the daily update here in Philly - quick in and out. I can’t hear endless talking and the POTUS gives me fits and rage.

Music. What it is changes based on mood but it drowns everything out especially my own brain and ends up relaxing me before I even realize it.

Control what I can control. I cannot control assholes or a virus. I can control the organization of my pantry. I can write obsessively on a whiteboard and become the Whiteboard Czar and love it even if it means nothing.

Dogs. Always.

Sleeping where I fall asleep. That's been on the couch in the basement or living room some nights and I'm not fighting myself on it like I normally would. Rest is more important than a standard night routine.

Things I’ve already seen. My 80s movies are at the top of this list, but some old shows are doing their part too. I’ve watched Tiger King but am unsure about my ability to focus through a new show or movie at this time.

Reading, but different. I am reading at a much slower pace and cannot get into certain books. I'm giving myself a wide berth here.

Walking. A bittersweet throwback from campaign life. Man, Bruce and I walked so many fucking miles that year. Not for fitness or anything - just to walk off what's in my mind or making me jumpy and ill at ease. I'm back at it now.

Walk at Home with Leslie and friends doing fitness. I like to move some but not much, I'm not an exercise person and never have been. The purpose of this is the movement, not distraction, so I don't want anything complicated. I love Walk at Home with Leslie and PinkyFit is putting some stuff out there. I subscribe to both on YouTube and throw them up on the TV.

Fresh air. I need to be outside daily regardless of weather. This is my life line most days.

Flowers. We've made one big produce run so far and flowers are a part of any grocery store delivery/run.

Dark humor. Always. If you are posting this shit, I love you. Thanks to Kathy for sending me The Breakfast Club one.

Candles. Burning through them like wildfire to zen my shit up.

Connecting with people. My people were my lifeline during campaign time - then, I tightened my circle way the fuck up and let no one in. They are of course still my lifeline now. Always. But before this situation, I only accepted FaceTime calls from my brother to see my niece and nephew. Now in addition to my circle I'm like hey! we haven't spoken since kindergarten? FaceTime me and my three chins. Now accepting all calls. What is this life.

Thinking about other people. Making phone calls demanding PPE for healthcare workers. Making phone calls to check in on seniors. Sharing or getting supplies for neighbors or family who are not well.

Nutrition and cooking. Eating as much produce as possible. Upping my vitamin C. And just plain old eating and cooking. Snacks too - have I mentioned I now have a candy closet? - but mostly eating for wellness and making sure my vitamins aren't missed.

House projects. Dining room progress.

Learning something new. I've been taking some online free classes.

Peppermint tea. Every day. Sometimes more than once. Times may vary.

Letting myself relax and be. This is heavy.

On Instagram I asked how people have been soothing themselves. If you're looking for something and none of mine rang your bell, hopefully one or five of these will:

• Epic quantities of butter
• The Food Network
• Sharing what I'm cooking
• Audiobooks while I work on menial WFH tasks
• Lower news intake
• Books!
• Cooking!
• Working out (yoga and cardio every day) and reading
• Yoga with Adriene
• Virtual happy hours. I don't drink, but it's fun as hell and I feel like I'm with friends so thumbs up
• Zoloft
• Starbursts
• Talking on the phone or video calling with friends
• Books, Scrabble on my iPhone, wine, and audiobooks
• Wine
• Sitting on the patio with the dogs and bird watching
• I hate to admit this but...playing Sims 4
• Animal Crossing
• Morning workout routines
• Tiger King
• Brene Brown's new podcast is so good. Her voice is welcome on long dog walks. 
• Walking, cooking, and listening to our sensible governor
• Subversive/Star Wars and Harry Potter Cross Stitch
• Baking has helped me a lot. And I'm learning to 1/2 or 1/3 batches so I'm not making too much
• Just sitting outside when it's nice and listening to nature
• Weed. Ariana Grande videos, looooong walks with my old dog, books about people I want to get to know better, and checking in with you and your mom every day
• Doing the bunny hop around my house

The only way through is through, friends. It doesn't have to be pretty but it has to be done.

Thursday Thoughts - I’ll take you down the only road I've ever been down

1. What life has looked like lately. I've been working a lot and not doing much else. I'm tired down into my bones and deep into my brain.

2. Thanks for joining us or checking out Show Us Your Books on Tuesday. Gus is approaching 15. I have read over 1,000 books sitting next to this dog. It's wild when you think in terms of stuff like that.

3. I've been doing my best to get eight hours of sleep and I've kept up with walking at least a mile a day and doing my face routine at night - the latter being two self care pieces that I loathe doing but self care is not always about cool and fun things. It's about things that actually maintain yourself. I've been keeping up with no buy too outside of two books in the past week. Yikes. I have excuses but they're like assholes, everyone has them and they stink.

4. What I got from the library this week.

5. Things contributing to my exhaustion outside of deadlines and all the things that come with them:

6. It's quite a conundrum when you fuck up and buy the wrong item and you hate coconut but hate food waste more.

7. This makes my black heart sing.

8. Happy Galentine's Day, friends. I'd be absolutely nowhere without my girlfriends.

9. Reminder:

10. Ecards: 

I can't believe I had 10 items this week. 

What appears after the hyphen in Thursday Thoughts is a song lyric to whatever I'm listening to when I start to write the post. This week is Bitter Sweet Symphony by The Verve

Time to take better care of yourself

We absolutely love to talk about self care, don’t we? It's plastered all over the Instagram and everything. I have issues with what self-care means to the general public, but that's a post for another day because at the end of this one self care is the term I'm using for taking better care of yourself. We post about self-care, we talk about it endlessly, yet we’re all guilty of failing to take care of ourselves properly at some point. Whether we’re working too many hours leaving no time to unwind, have forgotten how to say no, over-scheduled ourselves, whatever...this is the year to figure out how to take care of ourselves even when we’re pressed in all other areas.

Taking care of yourself doesn’t have to be expensive or difficult (expensive being the issue I have with many self care shares online). Making small changes can have big impacts that last through those hated busy times. Where to start?

Care for Your Body

Your body does a lot for you but how much do you think about it? We tend to care for our bodies only when there’s a problem but the reality is that there’s plenty you can do to prevent those problems occurring in the first place. 

Hygiene is particularly important, though I'm talking beyond making sure your smelly areas don't smell. Many people don’t take proper care of their dental health, which can lead to serious problems later in life. Poor dental health can lead to heart attack among other serious conditions so brushing twice a day and seeing your dentist regularly is essential. And for the sake of all that is holy learn from my mistakes and FLOSS. If you do have poor teeth, don’t write yourself off, you can get an implant that lasts many decades to replace individual teeth as well as multiple teeth. Science is amazing.

Your skin also deserves some attention. There are 6897799 articles on the internet full of advice and more products than feels possible. The best advice is to treat your skin according to its type and whether you wear makeup or not. If you have acne or another skin condition, consult a dermatologist. Try to use products without harmful ingredients. Do your research.

Then my most hated - activity level. I’m not a hard core exerciser but I do try to walk as much as possible and when I’m at the shore, I bike too. Over 40,  stretching is an absolute must or my back doesn’t want to do what it should. Stretching and exercises of the pilate or yoga type will stretch your muscles out, preventing aches and pains that come with sitting around all day. You don't have to run five miles or do CrossFit but you absolutely have to do something and over 30 light weights will help you make sure you can get your own self off the toilet at 70. And don't we all want that?

Some additions from friends - regular massage therapy, chiropractor and acupuncture visits (my additions). Stay on top of your preventatives-colonoscopies, mammos, full body scans at the dermatologist, etc. 

Alter Your Diet

Changing your diet isn’t going to happen overnight so instead of making a radical change, try making smaller changes along the way. For example, if you make a conscious decision to eat more fruit and vegetables, you will naturally find that you eat fewer carbohydrates and fats - you won’t have room on your plate or in your stomach. I personally need about 807 more vegetables and less salty/oily meat, cheese and sweet things. 

I am not a cutter outer though. I believe in balance in all areas, and in regards to diet this means eating a wide variety of foods, including every food group. I am wary of any diet that suggests you cut out carbs or significantly reduces what you are allowed to eat. When I want to improve my diet, I actually add new foods, in lieu of taking foods away. For example, there are lots of benefits to including fermented foods in your diet. I am not a kombucha drinker but know many who swear by it. 

Keeping track of what I'm eating is a really good way to learn more about my habits plus I love lists. A food journal doesn’t need to be complicated, either, just write down what you’re eating and consider why you have chosen that meal. I jot it down in my Everything Notebook. I overeat on days when I'm anxious or tired and under-eat on busy/stressful days. My diet is better when I have more time to cook (duh). This is why preparing meals ahead of time is so important to me. If nothing else, writing down your food habits will make you more aware and mindful of what you’re eating, giving you a better chance to change bad habits and foster better ones. If you eat like crap when you’re busy, make sure you make and freeze meals so you always have healthy options.

Deal with Your Stress

Stress is one of the most common issues people struggle with in daily life. Part of the problem is that we often accept that overwhelming stress is a part of modern life; it doesn’t occur to us that we could make a change or that the stress might be too much (see my post Stress Should Not Be Our Accepted Resting State). While accepting some stress is a healthy response, learning methods to reduce stress and to handle stress more effectively is really important. 

Mindfulness works for lots of people as it gives them a chance to slow down and slow their thoughts too. The idea is that by giving yourself time to root in the world again, by focusing on your breath or the sounds around you, you will feel calmer. Once you are calm, it becomes easier to deal with the roots of your stress. It’s a lot easier to problem solve with a still mind than it is to figure out a solution when your mind is spinning like a top. 

Sometimes, mindfulness comes most easily with a relaxing activity. For example, you could create a Zen garden and rake the sand while you calm your thoughts. Read a book, draw a picture, listen to some music, piddle around in the kitchen, pet a dog. Any activity that allows you to slow down and be in the moment can really help to de-stress and give you time to breathe. 

Stop living according to the ideals of other people

Of course, you can only de-stress so much through mindfulness. You should also look at your lifestyle and see where you could reduce the pressure you are putting on yourself and where you might make changes to be healthier. Start by stopping. Stop comparing yourself to other people, living by other people’s ideals, acting like life is perfect, and being anything you’re not.  Be yourself. It’s much less stressful. 

Taking good care of yourself is a big component of a healthy, enjoyable life. Giving yourself time to look at your lifestyle and figure out where you could make some improvements is the best gift you can give yourself this year. You owe it to yourself before you do one single thing for anyone else.

What are some things you would add? 

Thursday Thoughts - heading for that Golden Gate I hope that I won't be too late

1. Most of my Thursday Thoughts titles reference song lyrics, after the hyphen. This one - San Francisco Days by Chris Isaak - is known to me from The Affair. One of my other favorites - Homecoming by Josh Ritter - is known to me from Billions. Keep it up, soundtracks of Showtime shows.

2. This Thursday Thoughts snuck up on me with being off Monday, getting home from the shore Tuesday night, trying to do all the laundry/make the bed/work at night/order food/be paying attention to MFD's campaign meeting immediately after getting home, packing up to go back to the shore last night after I got my hair done by the fabulous Kristi at Sensational Scissors. I'm looking forward to having tomorrow off.

3. MFD starts canvassing (read: going door to door for those not familiar) this weekend, and this is where we really begin living separate lives. The next two shore weekends are long-planned for me, and after that I am full in on my property manager role. He’ll be door knocking at home with awesome volunteers (Want to be one? Please? A few hours on a Saturday or Sunday once a month or more from June to October?). This separate but together will require a lot of patience and organization and coordination and of course you know I am short on the former, long on the latter two. But Tuesday night after a campaign meeting my most worrisome thought came while I was in the bathroom. When people are in my house and I’m not, will they think we are people who pull toilet paper from underneath? BECAUSE WE’RE FREAKING NOT, regardless of how MFD has put it on. Okay? Please know that. In all seriousness though if you can spare some time to door knock on weekends with his crew or during the week after work with me, or if you can write postcards or make phone calls, please let me know and I’ll put you in touch with his campaign manager. You do not need to live in the district to help him get elected. If you’d like to donate, you can do that here.

4. Gus stayed home this weekend. I hated leaving him there but it’s too much for every weekend at the shore due to all the walking. And Bruce Springsteen might have been Born in the USA but he is not good with the people in and out for canvassing. He is completely insane with joy at people coming in and very distracting and jumpy. So I have these two.

5. I hope you all read Abby Wambach's commencement speech for Barnard College and plan on being fucking wolves if you're not already. Also in that family, Abby's wife Glennon's organization Together Rising brought it this week, sorting out the very complicated immigration/kid issues and raising a shit ton of money in no time for those kids. Let's all be good humans.

6. That warms my heart especially with all the racist apologists and excuses going around this week. Every time something like the Roseanne shit goes down, I am reminded that the greater population doesn't know jack shit about free speech and its applications. Every time someone is fired from a private employer as a consequence of their actions people are all FREE SPEECH THOUGH. That’s not how freedom of speech works. You are free to say what you like. You are not free from the consequences among peers and private employers. Freedom of speech exists to protect citizens from government tyranny. Not to protect people refusing to examine the inherent racism in all of us.

7. And all the deaths in Puerto Rico. Things I say every day: it can’t get any worse/this has to be the bottom. But it can and it isn’t.

8. I won’t end on the dumpster fire every single day has become under this circus of an administration that has us watching the Showman while the men behind the curtain  carry out the true goal: systematically dismantling everything that protects the people of this country - consumer protections, education plans, environmental protections, etc. It's fucking nuts. You know what's not? Loving yourself. Thanks Alison for this awesome post and inviting me to be a part of it. I shared it yesterday but I'm sharing it again today because it's powerful. Love yourselves, people. No matter what and despite everything.

9. Reminder:

10. E-card of the week:

Still not getting comments you leave via email, still raging at blogger.

TGIMyF. 

TWTW - the one before my birthday

Friday MFD was in DC for the Native Nations Rise March so it was my job to get the dogs up, which he usually does. They were not pleased.

Friday night I organized going to the shore stuff (heart emojis for sea horse outdoor ottomans) and fell asleep on the couch watching the Golden Girls after food prep (see bottom of post for what I made).

MFD got home late and I ended up sleeping in, but by 10 am Saturday we were on the way to the shore. We did some stuff in the house and removed old porch furniture before having lunch at at Jon & Patty's.

We also hit the beach. It was so beautiful it hurt...or maybe that was the cold air on my face. Excuse me, I am being petty and ungrateful and battling a bad attitude about not being able to open the house this weekend and not spending my birthday there as planned due to stupid impending Snowstorm Stelllllaaaaaaa.

We were home by 3:30, and by 6 I was watching my niece Lola Jean, which is the next best thing if I can't be at the shore. MFD came over and we got Jay's cheesesteaks. The pretzel roll is clutch and Jay gives back to the community a lot, which we love.

The best time to go to the grocery store before an impending snowstorm is 10:30 on a Saturday night. Seriously. I got home and unpacked and went to bed around 11:30, but I could not go to sleep to save my life and I was still up when MFD got up at 1:30 to do his overnight Code Blue volunteering for the homeless with AHTN. Mae thinking she was a people and should share my pillow didn't help. 

Sunday morning I got a pedicure and perused the aisles of Ross. Now you know my toes had to be in bad shape for me to run errands with flip flops when temps were below freezing.

I also got flowers because if it's not going to act like spring outside damnit it will look like spring inside. I supplemented birthday flowers from Kim that arrived last week (top left pic). 

Sunday afternoon Mom & Rich took us out to Carlucci's to celebrate my birthday and Pop's 86th, which was Saturday. The seafood canneloni was amazing. I love their veggies and potatoes too.

After that I pulled the birthday card and made MFD go to HomeGoods. He was not amused but he did humor me and stand next to the letters someone made say ass. 

Weekly food prep: Breakfast is whole grain english muffins with PB and bananas; lunch is this one pan chicken and veggie meal over quinoa (I didn't love how this came out, I will likely prepare separately in the future);  snacks are blackberries, bell peppers, and yogurt; and dinner is chili and corned beef/cabbage/potatoes (not made yet). Some of that chili will go in the freezer for future lunches, and I made breakfast burritos to freeze too. I will be eating breakfast burritos from the freezer a lot because a) I love them, b) I don't mind eating the same thing daily, and c) they're the easiest to make ahead and freeze when I'm at the shore. 

Favorite day tomorrow! Show Us Your Books + Birthday Eve!

Linking up with Biana at B Loved Boston for Weekending