For the rest of us

Happy Festivus, my friends! A Festivus for the rest of us!

I'm not going even listing any of the serious grievances I'm avoiding here, which I listed in the 2021 or 2020 Festivus posts because again, say it with me, so many are the goddamn fucking same. 

So the Airing of the Grievances below are petty. The Grievances List can not be exhaustive since time is short and there are so many petty annoyances. 

- iPhone created typos. Why does it capitalize shit all the time?

- dogs can’t tell you what’s wrong with them

- pet hair

- having to clean the base of the toilet near the floor

- cracked lips

- buying something I already had

- forgetting shit at the grocery store

- drool

- dirty stovetops

- I can’t get the hang of replacing the bag in the litter genie shitbox 

- having to think of what to cook all the time

- lack of international airfare deals 

- crumbs on the counter

- the construction on Rte 1 near Neshaminy 

- 95 through Philly period

- needing reading glasses and not having reading glasses with me

- having reading glasses stashed in multiple places 

- commercials being so fucking loud

- early dark

- contractors you have to take to small claims court in order for them to finish the job 

- taters instead of potatoes

- maters for tomatoes 

- parking at large events like concerts and games

Now you go. 

Then Feats of Strength. Until you pin me, Festivus is not over. 

Gather ‘round the festivus pole

It's grievance day, MFers.

Happy Festivus, my friends! A Festivus for the rest of us!

I'm not going to go into how 2020 slid right into 2021 in the most incestuous and grotesque way (forever to be known as 202021), how people still have no idea or desire to to care for themselves or others, Joe Manchin and centrist democrats swapping spit with obstructionist republicans none of the above who give one good goddamn about the quality of people’s lives, Biden lying about student loan debt and other shit, gun violence, law and order people pooh pooping law and order when it is shit they don’t like, people still worshipping at the dumpy altar of trump and swimming in the white supremacist pool with doody floating among them like Baby Ruths, no one doing a fucking thing about the people who actually are the government and knew about plans to overthrow said government, Fox News and all the toxic sludge poisonous hypocritical shit emanating from there, the Supreme Court invalidating itself and precedent, the war on women, everyone who said Roe would never be overturned, or people who cannot connect rise in violence with lack of money, care, opportunity, and love injected into communities that need it most. See more serious things I'm avoiding in last year's annual Festivus post because it's the goddamn fucking same.

Now, come. Come gather. Gather 'round the aluminum pole and remember we’re attempting to keep the Airing of the Grievances here on this list petty as fuck this year. It can not be exhaustive since there are so many petty annoyances. 

-Unsubscribing and MFers don’t unsubscribe me 

-Reels. Instagram is not TikTok and should not be pushing people to feel pressure to make awkward shit in order to have their posts be seen 

-hair washing day

-the concept of dust returning over and over again like this is its home where it pays the mortgage and you are the foreign thing occupying space in it

-something stuck in my teeth

-Dr. Oz

-grudges. They’re lame and life is too short to waste energy on that shit

-having to repeat myself 

-Internet wellness gurus 

-adult zits, which are really fucking rude

-banging my head or running into something etc when I am already operating from a place of annoyance

-incessant dog licking 

-waiting. For anything. 

-repetitive noise and multi media

-drivers who ride in the left with no one in front of them and do not move over when someone comes up behind wanting to pass. MFers don’t control the speed! Someone wanting to go faster is not your business. Move it on over. 

-cracked lips 

-laughable and fake war on Christmas. Caring about  people only participating in cultural Christmas but not about people being unwelcome across borders or brown like Jesus or poor or sick like the people Jesus accepted, loved, and helped is a weird flex. It is quite easy to tell true Christians from judgmental people.

-when current me needs to fulfill the promises and prophesies of a previous, more hopeful, energetic, and ambitious me

-all the shit I’ve been sitting on mailing out to people 

-talk radio 

-constant spam calls

-thinking I replied to a text and I didn’t or did but did not press send

-being hot

-finding an error in a document I submitted

-drafts in the house 

-when I leave something on another floor and have to trudge back up the stairs 

- chipped nails

-dog farts

-interrupted sleep 

-keys sticking on my wireless keyboard 

-early dark

-feeling unprepared

-heartburn

-Flying too close to the sun on deadlines

-a year between seasons of shows

-pet names 

Now you go. 

Then Feats of Strength. Until you pin me, Festivus is not over. 

Airing of the Grievances 2019

You know what December 23 is. A Festivus for the rest of us. Feats of strength later. Airing of the Grievances first. 

Paying for parking at a hospital - are ya fucking kidding me? No one even wants to be there

My socks sliding down my heel as I'm walking

That shitty misting rain

Coughs that won't die

Wet pant hems

Misogynists, racists, homophobics, xenophobics, etc

Christmas mania

Whining - by adults, dogs, children, myself, any whining at any time

Asshole drivers

Leaks

Non-voters by choice

Owning too much shit

People who consistently set themselves on fire so other people can be warm then act like they can't do anything about that

The entire gaggle of grifters trump family and their enablers in Congress

Not reading the article

Chipped nails

Technological difficulties

Thinking something is not a systemic problem in society because it's not a problem for you

Manipulators

The cult of busy

Overly packaged deliveries - huge boxes and padding for super small items, etc

People bitching about plastic bag bans like no, Gordon, you are not entitled to make as much trash as you want on this planet that will be there forever

95

Any series of unfortunate events that feels like dog pile on the rabbit

Stepping in dog poop and the fact that it happens often enough that it needs to appear on this list

Shower curtains left open after someone is finished showering

Unnecessary plastic packaging on fruit or veg at the grocery store in particular and unnecessary plastic in general, packaging or otherwise

That Christmas Shoes song

Takers

Food waste

Two assholes who rush up to the front of the train daily to be first off, forcing a group of familiar strangers who sit near each other to run a weird coordinated blocking game 

Authors avoiding contractions

I've made a donation in your honor to The Human Fund. 

TWTW tomorrow because I was at the grocery store at midnight last night and no, not today.

Now you, your turn with the grievances.

Festivus 2018 - The Airing of Grievances

Happy Festivus. If you need a time out from the merry holly jollies, this is the place. Today we air grievances of the things we are sick of in honor of Festivus, which is Sunday.. I'll go first, then you.

trump everything, let’s just get that out of the way up front

Beets are good for you and cookies are not

Commuting - I shit you not, it was raining inside my train yesterday on the way home

Bills - things you did not know about when you dreamed of being an adult who can do whatever they want

Up and down dogs - when MFD moves downstairs, Bruce and Bender erupt from under the covers like a volcano and take off downstairs like their lives depend on it. Up and down up and down 

47690579 gift guides from the same source 

Knowing Christmas shit has to be put away

The absolutely vile and gross state the election/campaign system is in now, if we don't get money out of politics we are truly fucked 

Not having powers like Samantha Stephens on Bewitched, it seems like that should be a thing by now

Being really tired but getting into bed and not falling right to sleep

People giving money to build an idiot border wall. This fucking wall is immoral, expensive, and ineffective (have you seen Big Bend?). I hope none of the donors consider Jesus their God and savior because I don't think he'd build a wall over feeding, clothing, doctoring, housing, and educating those in need. That is the absolute opposite of what He did. Even if they don't believe in Jesus and I don't believe in telling people what to do with their money...give that money to veterans or something. Man. 

Full trash or recycling cans - take that shit out

Unnecessary comments - yes, Karen, you actually can scroll by Lands End’s sponsored Facebook post without commenting how you don’t like them anymore. No one cares.

The I’m so sick of everyone being offended bitchers actually being most offended over things, like you are literally in an uproar right now over how you think other people feel

The overuse and misuse of the word offended

Chipped nail polish - must replace immediately

What are your grievances? 
And are you ready for Feats of Strength? 

My company is having a Festivus pizza party today and I am filled with glee.