Shit MFD Said Vol. 13

Nobody puts MFD in a corner

Via text

Me: The basement is a pee and poop apocalypse.

MFD: I hate that.

Me: I stepped in poop. 

MFD: You got turned.

MFD: ha turded

Me: Yes. I got turded.

Walking in the door

MFD: What are you, a lumberjack? 

Me: It's called buffalo check.

MFD: What is? 

Me: The pattern. It's called buffalo check.
MFD: And lumberjack too.

Buffalo check. AKA lumberjack.

Lots of whisper cursing in bathroom, 11 p.m.

Me: What the hell is going on in there?

MFD: Trying to get an ingrown hair in my neck. It's in deep. It's like they retreat. Can they do that? 

Me: I don't know, Mike.

Watching some Rocky

MFD: Talia Shire was hot. When I was little I thought she was ugly. I guess because she played an ugly character, you know? 

Me: Mmm

MFD: Don't you think she's pretty? 

Me: Mmm

In the midst of decorating for Christmas

The balls went up before the lights, which led to...

MFD: These lights are WRONG! Can you come help me with these balls in my face? 

Me: hahahahaha. Hahahaha. hahahahhahahahahahaaha.

Later

Me: These dogs hate Christmas because their house is torn apart.

MFD: I don't really care. Muttering I'll make these freaking lights work!

See how genius I am with the balls? See also MFD's middle finger.

On deck, first day of the cruise
MFD: Steph, I see why these bathing suits didn't sell. It's kind of see through. 

Me: No it's not. Well, maybe a little.

MFD: Down one suit.

Waiting in line for the monorail

MFD: Look! 20% off! (shows me phone)

Me: 20% off what? 

MFD: Groupons. 

Me: Oh my God with the Groupons. Put the phone away! 

Getting his bag checked at EPCOT after building droids at Hollywood Studios. Woman opens the bag 

MFD: Those aren't the Droids you're looking for.

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Haikuesday
My brain is foggy.
Post-vacation thoughts askew.
Spotlight on real life. 
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All read and approved by MFD before they go live...
Shit MFD Said Vol 1, Shit MFD Said Vol 2, Shit MFD Said Vol 3, Shit MFD Said Vol 4
Shit MFD Said Vol 5, Shit MFD Said Vol 6, Shit MFD Said Vol 7, Shit MFD Said Vol 8
Shit MFD Said Vol 9, Shit MFD Said Vol 10, Shit MFD Said Vol 11, Shit MFD Said Vol 12,

Christmas Cruisin'

Ho ho ho mofos. I'm back.

We had an amazing time on our cruise. It was a little chilly a few of the days, but much nicer than it was at home. It felt glorious to be in the sun without Internet access. Two days at sea, stops in Cozumel, Mexico and Castaway Cay, Bahamas...lots of sun, books, relaxing, and tons of laughs. MFD and I went with our good friends and cruise crew Jill & Frank. We're a good mix and we travel well together.

We had sunrises over the open ocean, truly one of my favorite things to see.

And of course the sunsets, best off of the back of the ship on deck 7, which we treated like our own private deck. 

Previously we've been on the Disney Fantasy and the Disney Dream. The Wonder is a smaller, older boat with definite differences, but I liked it. The staff was as accommodating as ever but seemed more relaxed on the Wonder. We had the best dinner team we've ever had. We had a lot of fun around the ship - hanging in the lounge chairs and playing shuffle board on deck 4 after dinner, fireworks over the open ocean, karaoke, shopping, numerous spa appointments, a show in the theater. 

We had brunch at Palo on a sea day and it was as amazing as I remember. The rest of the food was not as good as on the Dream and Fantasy, particularly breakfast and lunch. Still all around a good dining experience.

Cozumel was hot and lovely after the ferocious winds died down. We spent half a day at Playamia - beach, pool, slide, food and drinks included. It was languid and serene until the second half of the day people descended on the beach as I was trying to nap...it was sort of like the scene in Caddyshack when all the workers get in the pool. When we left there, MFD and I had lunch in town and wandered around to do some shopping. I got awesome silver pendants that are my Christmas present from him.

Of course we are those tourons (tourists + morons = tourons) that do the bird photos near the cruise terminal. My parrot threw my sunglasses to the ground and ate my hair. We did not see eye to eye. All in all we had a great time and we give the day two thumbs up over gorgeous water. We liked standing on our balcony watching people haul ass back to the ship as it was getting close to leaving time.

Castaway Cay...my favorite. It's Disney's private island in the Bahamas, and Serenity Bay is the adults only beach. It's my favorite. We even had a fellow passenger hork down a zillion glasses of pinot grigio and give us a concert in spanish, singing along to music only she could hear. She's like I'm my own party and the guy next to her said oh honey, I know you are in a bless your heart voice. MFD and I kicked the day off with a massage in a cabana on the beach. Heaven! 

Around 3 am Thursday night we heard an emergency called over the PA system, and the room number was one off from ours. I swear I thought I was in a dream and it was in our room. It was a medical emergency two doors down. Really nice people. Our nerves were shot and sleep was sort of fruitless after that. We were up and off the boat by 7 a.m. to head to Disney in Orlando...more on that later. 

Details:

-Spent the night before the cruise in Ft. Lauderdale 

-5 Day cruise on the Disney Wonder out of Miami

This was my third Disney cruise. I love to talk cruises so hit me up if you do too or if you have any questions!

Hope you all had a great week last week! Tell me something good.

Christmas gear

As I mentioned, I am not one for decorating for Christmas. Despite that, we have a shitload of Christmas items so that by the time I'm finished, it's as if Christmas spewed over the living room and dining room. I don't decorate around things, I remove my standard stuff and replace with Christmas items. We even move a lamp and chair from the living room to make the tree stand alone.

I take care of the indoor decor with the exception of the front window, and MFD takes care of the front window and the exterior. Here's some of our decor. When preparing for this post I realized I'm not good at taking photos of Christmas stuff. HO HO HO MOFOS.

Dining room:

Living room - entertainment center

Living room - front window/table area

Living room - entry table. The bubble light candelabra (Vermont Country Store) and sign (gift from Lori) are new this year and I love both. 

Tree

Exterior - missing some wreaths and some small trees and candy canes. Ho ho no.

Grinch dogs

Good tidings of comfort and joy, friends.

Today we're heading from Miami to Disney and I have access to my beloved mistress Instagram again so I'll surely be blowing that up all weekend along with facebook. I've been to Disney a lot, but I've never seen it done up for Christmas. I cannot wait! Have a great weekend.

Random Inclement Weather Thoughts from the School Pick-Up Line with Jana Says

Today I am lounging around on a hammock on Castaway Cay, Disney's private island. Other activities include a massage on the beach. Hey ohhh. My long-time friend Jana who blogs over at Jana Says is here to pick up my slack today and will be responding to your comments below. Thanks Jana!

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For those who don’t know me, I’m Jana. I blog at Jana Says and Steph and I go way, WAY back to our years at the University of Delaware. You might have seen me in some of her Throwback Thursday pictures. We had fun.  Unfortunately, my life isn’t as exciting now as it was back then. In fact, a good portion of my week is devoted to time in my car, driving my daughter to and from places. Including school because she’s afraid of the bus. So each day, I
wastespend a fair amount of time waiting in the school pick-up line.  And I think. Which might or might not be a good thing. I've talked before about some of the thoughts that go through my head but now, with the winter and lots of inclement weather swiftly approaching, I have other thoughts.

In the morning
This line is incredibly long and slow moving. Kids need to toughen up and wait for the bus like we had to do.

 I really shouldn't criticize the other kids. My kid is just as bad.

I'm glad I remembered to warm up the car this morning. It's freaking cold out.

Is she wearing a warm enough coat? I hope they don't have outdoor recess.

Hey, why isn't that kid wearing a coat at all? Hoodies are not sufficient!!! His mother should know better.

I hate when people don't brush snow off their car. It's not that hard.

WHY ARE THESE PEOPLE TAKING SO LONG?

Oh, finally. We're moving towards the front door.

Where are all the teachers? Aren't they supposed to be supervising?

I guess I can't blame them. It's way too cold out. They can see the kids from the front door.

At least it's not raining/snowing.

I should check the weather to see if it's supposed to rain/snow today.

Oh, look at that. It's supposed to rain/snow.

I hate winter. I need to move somewhere warm.

In the afternoon

I think it's colder out now than it was this morning. I blame the snow.

I'm going to blame the snow for everything bad that happens during the months of December-March because it's really the worst thing ever.

That puddle is way bigger than it was this morning. I hope whichever teacher is walking around with the sign out clipboard doesn't step in it.

I'm glad this parking lot doesn't have huge potholes like the gym parking lot. My wheels would probably fall off. That would suck.

I should learn how to change a tire. But not until the weather is warmer. It's too cold for that shit. 

Why do I have 16 pairs of gloves and no scarves? If I could knit, I'd have 86 scarves. I should try knitting again.

Who am I kidding? Knitting is not a skill I will ever possess. I should surrender that fantasy.

What does one do with skeins of yarn? Is that what it's even called? I feel like it needs to be called "big knotted balls of yarn that serve no purpose".

I'm horrible at naming things.

That teacher has a pom pom on top of his hat! I bet someone knitted that for him.

I really need to stop thinking about knitting.

I should probably lower my music before that teacher gets to my car.

Why does Buckcherry's "Crazy Bitch" always play while I'm waiting for the child?

Let's go ahead and skip it today. I don't need these teachers thinking I'm a terrible and inappropriate parent.

WOOHOO! We're moving again!

Why is that teacher waving violently at my car? I'm aware that I have to move up.

Maybe she's doing it to keep warm. If that's the case, I can't fault her.

Okay, she needs to calm down now. My child is buckling her seat belt. Safety first.

OMG, I hate how people drive in the snow/rain.

I hate winter.

I need to move somewhere warm.

 Thanks so much to Steph for having me guest post again and Steph, if you're reading, I hope you're enjoying your vacation! Also, if you guys like intermittent posting, you can like Jana Says on Facebook; if you like pictures of dogs, books, and random stuff, you can follow me on Instagram; if you like nonsensical conversations, connect with me on Twitter; and if you like pins relating to food, snarky memes and pictures, and kids' crafts, find me on Pinterest.

 

Show Us Your Books! What I Read in November

Link up your posts about the book(s) you've read recently with Jana of Jana Says and me!

Also, every time I type that title I almost type boobs instead of books. 

<div align="center">
<a href="http://www.lifeaccordingtosteph.com/" title="Life According to Steph"><img src="http://i1290.photobucket.com/albums/b536/lifeaccordingtosteph1/bookbuttonlinkup_zps01365b43.jpg" alt="Life According to Steph" style="border:none;" /></a></div>

The Mockingbird Next Door: Life with Harper Lee by Marja Mills - I only read nonfiction if the subject is intensely interesting to me. Harper Lee, novelist of one of the most important books in American literature? Sign me up. I was delighted for about half the book, then that wore off as the book appeared to become more about the author and her life versus Harper Lee and hers. Mills said 40983498 times that Lee agreed to the book, and now I know why - Lee issued a statement when the book came out saying she didn't voluntarily participate in it. Still, I could've rolled with that if it was more about the life and hometown of Harper Lee and To Kill a Mockingbird and less about Mills.

Everything I never Told You by Celeste Ng - I wanted to send everyone in this family a letter containing one word - COMMUNICATE. I struggled through this book not because the writing was poor but because I felt profoundly sad or disappointed for every character in this book. 

Reunion by Hannah Pittard - I think Pittard could've gotten more depth out of the relationships she began to flesh out in this book, but they were superficially satisfactory. In the beginning I felt like I should've known some of the back story, like this was the second book in a series or something. But overall it was enjoyable and I breezed through this book so it was worth the read in 24 hours.

Miss Peregrine's Home for Peculiar Children by Ransom Riggs - The premise of this book is really interesting. It reads like childhood fiction at times, but that's because it sort of is. There's something in it for adults too though. It was a nice imaginative romp. I'll probably go on to read other books in the series. If it had ended here with no books to follow, I would've been really freaking annoyed by the ending.

Yes Please by Amy Poehler - I'd love to have Amy Poehler as a friend. Her generosity of spirit and love for the people in her life is evident in her gracious storytelling. If you're looking for an in depth life study, a play by play of her climb to the top, or a tell all, this is not that book. She skims her life, and it's an enjoyable ride. Still doesn't top my BFF Tina Fey's Bossypants  though.

Saving Francesca by Melina Marchetta - This is a young adult novel, and it comes with all the urgency young adult books centered on females do. But there are legitimately serious issues in here too. But for me neither of those things was what made me love this book hard - it was the writing, particularly the dialogue. The scenes on the bus took me back to my teens. I loved the cast of characters surrounding Francesca. A really quick read that pulled on my memories and made me happy that she found good friends.

The Blessings by Elise Juska - I love reading books that are set in my town, it adds a familiarity that is hard to resist. Told from many different POVs in a sprawling family and spawning many years, it's successful without being disjointed. There are a million little strings that tie us to our families. Juska works them like a Chinese jump rope. And the few pages describing the ride to OCNJ and how things were different at the shore are fabulous.  

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Haikuesday

Cozumel beach day.

Book is libro in Spanish.

Lesson concluded.

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Link up your posts about the book(s) you've read recently with  Jana of Jana Says and me!

This link up will happen the second Tuesday of every month. 

The next one is Tuesday, January 13.
Since I'm on vacation this week, expect to see me comment on the post you link up here when I return!

An InLinkz Link-up