Gather ‘round the festivus pole

It's grievance day, MFers.

Happy Festivus, my friends! A Festivus for the rest of us!

I'm not going to go into how 2020 slid right into 2021 in the most incestuous and grotesque way (forever to be known as 202021), how people still have no idea or desire to to care for themselves or others, Joe Manchin and centrist democrats swapping spit with obstructionist republicans none of the above who give one good goddamn about the quality of people’s lives, Biden lying about student loan debt and other shit, gun violence, law and order people pooh pooping law and order when it is shit they don’t like, people still worshipping at the dumpy altar of trump and swimming in the white supremacist pool with doody floating among them like Baby Ruths, no one doing a fucking thing about the people who actually are the government and knew about plans to overthrow said government, Fox News and all the toxic sludge poisonous hypocritical shit emanating from there, the Supreme Court invalidating itself and precedent, the war on women, everyone who said Roe would never be overturned, or people who cannot connect rise in violence with lack of money, care, opportunity, and love injected into communities that need it most. See more serious things I'm avoiding in last year's annual Festivus post because it's the goddamn fucking same.

Now, come. Come gather. Gather 'round the aluminum pole and remember we’re attempting to keep the Airing of the Grievances here on this list petty as fuck this year. It can not be exhaustive since there are so many petty annoyances. 

-Unsubscribing and MFers don’t unsubscribe me 

-Reels. Instagram is not TikTok and should not be pushing people to feel pressure to make awkward shit in order to have their posts be seen 

-hair washing day

-the concept of dust returning over and over again like this is its home where it pays the mortgage and you are the foreign thing occupying space in it

-something stuck in my teeth

-Dr. Oz

-grudges. They’re lame and life is too short to waste energy on that shit

-having to repeat myself 

-Internet wellness gurus 

-adult zits, which are really fucking rude

-banging my head or running into something etc when I am already operating from a place of annoyance

-incessant dog licking 

-waiting. For anything. 

-repetitive noise and multi media

-drivers who ride in the left with no one in front of them and do not move over when someone comes up behind wanting to pass. MFers don’t control the speed! Someone wanting to go faster is not your business. Move it on over. 

-cracked lips 

-laughable and fake war on Christmas. Caring about  people only participating in cultural Christmas but not about people being unwelcome across borders or brown like Jesus or poor or sick like the people Jesus accepted, loved, and helped is a weird flex. It is quite easy to tell true Christians from judgmental people.

-when current me needs to fulfill the promises and prophesies of a previous, more hopeful, energetic, and ambitious me

-all the shit I’ve been sitting on mailing out to people 

-talk radio 

-constant spam calls

-thinking I replied to a text and I didn’t or did but did not press send

-being hot

-finding an error in a document I submitted

-drafts in the house 

-when I leave something on another floor and have to trudge back up the stairs 

- chipped nails

-dog farts

-interrupted sleep 

-keys sticking on my wireless keyboard 

-early dark

-feeling unprepared

-heartburn

-Flying too close to the sun on deadlines

-a year between seasons of shows

-pet names 

Now you go. 

Then Feats of Strength. Until you pin me, Festivus is not over. 

We're going all out for 11

When it comes to weddings and marriages, I'm not a traditionalist so I'm not surprised I love our wedding eve photos more than our wedding photos, which is a lot because I love those too. But wedding eve photos from our photographer Lil and a few from Jenn are what you see here today. I feel like I got to enjoy the 9/24/2010 wedding eve more than the 9/25/2010 wedding day. Today, 11 years ago, we headed to Ocean City to take photos just me and MFD in literally all the boardwalk spots we frequent now that we semi-live here. I loved that. 

We took pics with our people on Strathmere beaches before doing a quick rehearsal at the Deauville.

My in-laws hosted a big spaghetti dinner at my request at their rental, which had a big ass yard that was perfect. MFD and some others went out, but I went back to our rental, let the dogs out on the beach and we stood out there for a bit, and went to bed. 

I loved that day, so much. Our wedding day was great too, but it was really the whole weekend for me and wedding eve was a huge part of it. It's the unsung hero that gets no love.

As you have surmised from this, tomorrow is our 11th anniversary. I don't mean to brag, but I'm going to. Since tomorrow is our 11th wedding anniversary, this month we are together for 20 fucking years, and we've known each other for 31 years...we went all out this year. 

I got MFD a root canal and possible extraction thanks to my health savings account. With a little help from nails too close to the sidewall, he got me two new tires on my new to me car that we have only had for two fucking months. And as a joint gift, we splurged on an emergency vet visit for Mae and are going to follow up with some sure to be pricey as fuck dental work for her trash mouth. We might top it off with some ramen for dinner tomorrow, and I don't mean fancy photographable pho, I mean Maruchen. The traditional 11th anniversary gift is steel but unfortunately since I am not a traditionalist as stated above, I did not steel myself for these. 

I definitely struck obey from the wedding vows, but we did keep for richer or poorer. And we know where this particular anniversary lands. 

In all seriousness, we are fortunate enough to be able to cover undesirable unexpected expenses even when they pile on each other in a quite rude fashion and we've weathered another year of good, bad, and everything in between together with our people by our side minus an important few no longer with us. And we really cannot ask for anything else in this life. 

Here's this year's collage of photos of us from every month of the last year - see this anniversary collage in 2013, 2014, 2015, 2016, 2017, 2018, 2019. 2020. 

L-R: 

1) September 25 - last year's anniversary we ate at a restaurant for the first time since March, Ike's outside on the boardwalk. 

2) October - my cousin Kristine's wedding

3) November - A warm day on the beach with just Gus

4) December - New Year's Even warm walk on the beach, the first time we've spent New Year's at the shore

5) January - Our usual photo is New Year's Day, always...except when there is no parade due to a global pandemic

6) February - Snow on the beach

7) March - the joy of working from home together for a year at this point

8) April - Warm day on the south end

9) May - We are voters, and when we can we vote together

10) June - This day was windy AF so we retreated and had lunch instead

11) July - Spent the Fourth weekend at the lake with Lori & Jack

12) August - Skyline Drive in Vermont

13) September - Double headbands, a rare occurrence, and in a who wore it better contest of headbands, I lose every time

Happy 11th Anniversary Eve, MFD. Thanks for the expensive gifts. 

And happy birthday to Amanda tomorrow!

And happy weekend to the rest of you!

2020. 

TWTW - the long Labor Day one

Friday Our last guests of the season checked out. On my lunch I cleaned the house. MFD went to the laundromat and refilled water jugs. Dad and Carol arrived before 5, Stephen soon after, and Aubrey and the kids by 6:30. We got pizzas from Angelo's and had leftover cake from my dad's official official retirement. He "retired" last year, but was still working eight days a month to transition out this year. Friday was officially his last day of work ever. He was with his company for 45 years. Congrats Dad! We were celebrating that and MFD's ability to smoke in his own driveway again.

Saturday We were on the beach early, and my dad and brother biked down to see a high school football game since my brother's school was playing in it. It was a great long beach day Debbie arrived in the middle of followed by a boardwalk night. And my first pumpkin/cinnamon swirl of the season. 

Sunday Aubrey did her chalk art driveway sign for the September 1 birthday babies and we were on the beach early again but hooo boy the winds. It was excessive and untenable but we did last much longer than I thought we would. In the end we left around two and the ladies did some Asbury shopping while the boys did party prep and arcades. 

Driveway Party 2021: Guess what time Mike will be home, rain delay, charcoal grill smokeout, roasting marshmallows, bingo, pin the teeth on the shark (all three Stephens placed), chalk art (Aubrey, family artist), pie eating contest I was sure I would win but Dad won, and prizes for all. It was a great time. Thanks to our family Activities Director Carol for another fun Driveway Party!

Monday We did masks per Lola's request, then headed to another perfect beach day. Debbie left in the afternoon and we did a family photo before my brother had to take off  earlier than planned due to BatteryGate 2021. I went up to the boards with Aubrey, the kids, Dad and Carol and we got curly fries, lemonade, chicken fingers, and Opa for dinner before doing two rides and the arcade and walking back. 

Tuesday The best day off is the day after Labor Day. Carol and I got donuts from Nauti Donuts, we did the beach, Aubrey and the kids and Mike left, and Dad and Carol and I cleaned up, had 16th Street Seafood for dinner and ice cream cake. I was laying down by 9:30. 

Consider this Thursday Thoughts as well? I love our Labor Day weekend time.

Friday Five 1.1.2021

Happy New Year! Coming to you live from my couch at 9:56 am, wearing in my pajamas, lamenting my greasy face, listening to Women of Folk on Spotify, and admiring my nail polish. 

 

1. My actual full New Year's Day wishes can be found here - make people feel loved today and every day of this year. Love is so much more than partner, familial, and platonic love. There are so many ways to manifest human love. 

2. I'm bringing all the light I can into 2021, along with work/life boundaries, space for rest, grace for myself and others, walking, hydration, and very fucking low expectations. As you can see, I am bringing Friday Five through to 2021. Thursday Thoughts and TWTW have been staples of this blog since it was started in 2011, so they're coming through. Show Us Your Books of course, second Tuesday of every month. I'm always open to writing about anything else you want to read, and you are always welcome to leave a comment to that effect or email me lifeaccordingtosteph@gmail.com 

3. Bacon grease is life. Last night was the first NYE as long as I can remember that I didn't stay up until midnight, which then of course becomes 1 am once the dogs settle from fireworks, and usually closer to 2 as MFD is assembling his shit for New Year's. This is the first year in forever I'm not doing something associated with mummery on New Year's Day, and it's nice to not have to start the day tired AF, timing the beginning of dinner prep with parade shit (I use bacon fat in my dinner prep), invariably having to leave and barrel down 95 like a bat out of hell because MFD forgot something, and then coming back to finish it off. We eat pork, sauerkraut, mashed potatoes, and corn here on New Year's Day to usher in the New Year with luck. Do you have a standard New Year's Day meal? 

4. We should not be in a rush to return to what we considered normal that did not actually work for us - that wore us down, exhausted us, made us feel like the true enjoyment of life is only to be found at the edges of living. That is such fucking bullshit. How many of us realized how worn out we are, how tied we are to being cogs in the capitalist wheel? How overscheduled we are? How overscheduled kids are? All people big and small need time to just be, think, dream, imagine, play. Fulfillment is reached in many ways, but it starts inside ourselves and it's dangerous to look for it everywhere else, which we sometimes do instead of taking too long of a look inside because then we might feel like doing work in there. At the end of the day we need to be able to sustain ourselves. We're worth the work. If we stop fighting it and attempting to distract ourselves by running everywhere, being involved in every activity, doing everything, being everything to everyone, never saying no, being so rigid in traditions that having to alter them feels like the end of the world instead of an opportunity for something a little different or easier, participating gladly in the Cult of Busyness, and sharing it all online like exhausting ourselves to the point of uselessness is something to aspire to, we might find that we enjoy just being. Missing things, doing things differently, and not doing everything hasn't and won't kill us. Break the chains of the Cult of Busyness. 

5. Nails are OPI Do You Sea What I Sea? and Essie stop, look & glisten

I hope you have a great day and weekend easing into this year. Thanks for starting another one with me. 

TWTW - the one with the thanksgiving

Thursday I woke up feeling like I had slept five minutes, which is never ideal especially when you have a long day ahead. I made a homemade cranberry dish and went to Mom & Rich's for brunch.

We had two hours at home, so I packed for the weekend and painted my nails. Dinner at Mark and Sarah's, the food was so delicious I didn't even have room for pie. I packed up the car and was on the road to the shore by 8:30.

That was a long and tiring drive and I fell right into bed after turning the heaters on and walking Bruce and Ben. The last two (three?) Thanksgivings I've spent at the shore, and I was happy to at least end this one there. Bruce and Ben were too.

Friday  An exceptional Black Friday sunrise.

Dad and Carol were down before 9:30 and MFD and Gus and Mae were close behind. Ben helped Carol with her Black Friday couponing.

MFD went fishing and we went strolling downtown for the Christmas in the Downtown when Santa appears on the roof of City Hall and descends via fire truck. We love this tradition. MFD rolled in after it was over. Mae went this year and she was very popular. Thanksgiving leftovers for dinner and finally pumpkin pie.

Saturday Sunrise with Bruce & Ben. 

Dad got donuts and breakfast sandwiches. A little after 11 we headed to the boardwalk to stroll and do some small business Saturday shopping. Pizza for lunch, and skipped the line but still got a photo with Santa. MFD went off to fish and me, Dad, and Carol continued onto Asbury where we saw Santa again and Carol got me a new purse at the consignment store. Necessary since my zippers broke and more environmentally friendly than new. 

I took Bruce and Ben to the beach where MFD was fishing. Someone left behind beach art, Bruce was enamored of surfers, and I found great shells. 

When MFD went off to be in a parade in Stone Harbor we watched the Auburn/Alabama game because we're on basic cable down there. What a nail biter. I was dead asleep by 10:30. MFD was upstairs after me with Ben and Ben was daring enough to sit next to my dad (not a dog person).

Sunday I slept in until 8 and that was amazing. Dad and Carol and already left and MFD was close behind. I ran the dishwasher and packed up and was back in Philly by 10:30. I changed the sheets, ran and emptied the dishwasher, unpacked boxes, did three loads of laundry, and we had a snack plate and fried goat cheese apps for dinner a la MFD and watched The Irishman.

Weekly food prep: I didn't feel like it Sunday, but I took sausage out to make breakfast burritos to freeze and chicken thighs out so I'll bake them tonight and do a side of rice and steamed veggies. I've got some freezer stuff for lunch, I only need three days of packable lunches this week.

I hope you had a wonderful Thanksgiving weekend. I definitely did. It's one of my favorite weekends of the year. Happy December, everyone. 

TWTW - the one with the girls at the lake

Friday if I was any more relaxed, I would have been dead. Mom and I got to Lori's lake house around 8:30 on Thursday night and settled into relaxation station. Lolling around just being and enjoying the silence for most of the day, painting nails (Lori gave me the blue color and I'm super jazzed), snacking, playing with the dogs in the yard, reading. Melissa arrived early afternoon and Debbie early evening and we did more sitting around and talking before hitting the hay.

Saturday we headed into Montrose to do some strolling and shopping early with the Bs. There's the cutest store there that looks like it's just a flower shop and while it is it also sings to my tie dye loving heart. I got a dress and headbands there thanks to Lori!

We came back and chowed down, did a little floating and relaxing, talked talked talked, went for ice cream, and rounded the day out with CAH and hair mane games.

Sunday I woke up to let the dogs out at 5:30 and Bruce had an accident then had super hurt feelings about it and was shaking for an hour. Loon. I finished a book over coffee and we sat out on the porch together before Mom and I hit the road around 10:30. I love this weekend. It is super relaxing, we are all so easy together, it's beautiful up there, my dogs can be there, Jack pops in, and Lori is a wonderful hostess. Love my ladies! I stopped at a farmers market off the turnpike on the way home, dropped Mom off, got home and changed our sheets and washed towels, and took a little snooze. MFD got home from the shore and we went for sushi at Sakura. 

Carol's birthday was Sunday. Happy birthday Carol! We love you! Thanks for everything you do for us. 

Weekly food prep: Breakfast is breakfast burritos. Lunch is zucchini pie. Snacks are grape tomatoes, blueberries, peaches. Dinners are tomato sandwiches and corn on the cob and pasta with lemon and broccoli. I didn't need anything for today so the zucchini pie will get made tonight. 

Show Us Your Books tomorrow! See you here for that. 

TWTW - the one before the turkey

Friday

A quick stop at Sam's then on to Jimmy & Jackie's for our annual Friendsgiving. They had their house all decorated and Jimmy even set up a lounge out back with lights and heaters. Everyone brought an app or dessert and it was nice to be able to linger longer than if we were in a restaurant. We're not all in the same place a lot but when we are we laugh like mad. I’m happy and grateful to have had these friends for over 25 years but the stars of the show were Wyatt, Lucy, and electronica music. Just kidding on the last one but totally serious about the first two. We didn't get home until 1:30 and I was up until after 2 but it was worth it! Also, exhibit A of the fucking terrible graininess of the 6S or whatever version of the 6 iPhone I have now. It's like they want to force an upgrade.

Saturday 

Bruce DGAF what time you go to sleep, he still gets up at 6. I went back to sleep from 7:30 - 10:30 because I knew I had to be out in public later and didn't want to be Bitcherella. When I finally got up I jumped right into action cleaning out and reorganizing the coat closet (but not painting it, which it has needed since 2009) under the watchful eyes of all three dogs. I also went through my drawers and closet and culled a bag of clothes. Aside from making bacon mac and cheese bites for later, that took up most of my day. FYI people: Target is beta testing restock, which seems designed to compete with Amazon Prime Pantry. I ordered at 3 pm on Friday and my stuff was there by 11 am Saturday morning for $1 less shipping than Prime Pantry. Your move, Amazon. 

Saturday night was Aubrey's sprinkle. My nephew will be here so soon, I can't believe it. I can't wait to meet him! And yes, all I ate this weekend was cannoli cake and I'm not sad. 

I got home around 8:30 and read a little and watched some Indiana Jones thing with MFD. I don't think I've ever seen one of them all the way through.

Sunday

After contemplating a plan of attack for the day while the dogs lounged in the style they are accustomed to, I set to work work work work work on Sunday. Stacey picked up a bag of donations to take to Mitzvah Circle so that had me in the mood to get rid of more shit. I addressed some Christmas cards until Bruce decided that was enough, put Christmas gifts in bags (reusable bags for all this year, ho ho ho mother earth, this is my atonement for sending paper cards), was supervised everywhere by Gus who must've been trying to make up for Geege being gone, made chicken for chicken lettuce wraps and scrambled eggs for breakfasts, packed up food/house stuff and my clothes for the upcoming long weekend at the shore, and went through a bunch of shit in the basement and reorganized or got rid of it, including books (thanks Instagram!). I also did seven loads of laundry and put what was mine away. MFD left his laundry basket downstairs for two weeks constantly in my way so I said fuck it and did his laundry too. Sunday night I finished the Christmas cards aside from stamps and a few missing addresses and watched the new Will & Grace. 

My people are awesome. Jackie got us a Geege keepsake, Stacey picked up a reusable pug Christmas bag for me, and my Mom gave me some perfume and a nice note. All the warm fuzzies. 

And soon, all the turkey.

How was your weekend?