Holiday Breaking

No profound statements to leave the year with (I started this post last week) in this post, although I did pull my NYD post from IG over here on the end. Otherwise I'm straight holiday break updating mostly as a reminder to myself of how I floated through the ether of the blurry days between Christmas and back to work on January 3 outside of weekend posts which I did keep up on over Christmas weekend and NY weekend.

WATCHED...as a person who does not watch much and is extremely inconsistent in finishing shows or movies I start, this is my crowning achievement

Baking It Seasons 1 & 2

A Christmas Story Christmas

A Christmas Story

Christmas Vacation

Glass Onion: A Knives Out Mystery

Knives Out

Do Revenge

Succession Seasons 1 & 2

READ

Unnatural History (Alex Delaware #38) by Jonathan Kellerman

Wrong Place Wrong Time by Gillian McAllister

A Familiar Stranger by A.R. Torre

Started and DNF Secluded Cabin Sleeps Six by Lisa Unger

Started We're All Lying by Marie Still

PURGED & ORGANIZED

Linen closet

Nail polish

Two top dresser drawers that had become junk drawers

Christmas items

A bag and a bin that sat in my room for a year

MISC

De-Christmassed the house

Burned through all Christmas candles and resisted urge to replace immediately

Lunch with Melissa, Stephanie, and Stephanie

Long walk in the south end in OC

Booked my plane ticket to Atlanta where I'm seeing Bruce in Feb

Unearthed birth certificate and passport which will make Real ID acquisition and passport renewal much easier

Solar panels installed at shore

Soffit and fascia repaired at shore

Final four windows in the house replaced at the shore (this and the item above save me a trip to small claims court for a Feb court date)

Found out MFD's car is indeed totaled from the accident he was in a few weeks ago

Lots of resting and laying about

A new condo for Billy Cat at the shore since he could not see out of the new door

My top nine of 2022 from Instagram includes a super snowy early January 2022 OCNJ, my 45th birthday, Dana & Alex's wedding, Billy & Kristina's wedding, Sean & Nicole's wedding, rando we out here winter, MFD with Mister Softee, fall of the patriarchy, our 12th anniversary post

My New Year's Day post from  IG too - Plans for 2023: be more open about my love of lemon curd, start over on any thing at any time, do less, sleep in, visit Munich and Italy, travel light in every sense except in what I bring to the table in reciprocal relationships, age well, pick up more beach trash, turn my face toward the sun, read whatever amount of books I read, level up as a feminist killjoy, stop slouching, hear more live music, keep a finger on the pulse of my own energy, and lean in to fun and joy because goddamn life is short and time moves swiftly. Among other things

There are a lot of people out there trying to adjust to the absence of a person, pet, friend, routine, job, a better state of physical or mental health, etc., and new year sentiments can feel like a bunch of bullshit. Every day is the chance to start over, continue healing, make a change, or revisit something. Whether you like to do that with the turn of the year or the turn of a Tuesday, I'm rooting for you to heal, grow, adventure, experience, and lean into joy because our time here is short and no next day is guaranteed for any of us. 

I hope this year is everything you need. Cheers! Happy New Year! 

Happy birthday to my Aunt Sue today!

Thursday Thoughts - if I get it all down on paper, it's no longer inside of me

1. All I have eaten this week is bread and pasta. No regrets, but for the sake of transparency this is what I look and feel like today.

2. Wednesday morning I woke up tired. I got a shower and was toweling off when I realized I hadn’t used soap. Not an auspicious start to the day.

3. I haven't watched the NFL in a long time for a variety of reasons, but it is exciting to have your hometown team in the Super Bowl. Not exciting: watching everyone pull their dick out like they are the biggest fan ever and scoffing at people who are simply caught up in the excitement. Sorry, there is no award for biggest fan. Please take several seats on your couch. ANYWAY if you are looking for Eagles gear, because, like me, you have none and need to wear it to work the Friday before the Super Bowl for a staff photo opp, please consider shopping Lane Johnson's collection - all proceeds are donated to the Fund for the School District of Philadelphia. You can also buy underdog shirts through the NFL because at first those greedy dicks were not giving ANY money to charity but they were shamed into it and now 100% of the proceeds will go to the Fund for the SDofP. There are always your street corner peeps and your local t-shirt jawns too - their proceeds don't go to charity, but we've all got to eat. If you've gotta have that underdog mask, you can get it at Oldiescom - stock was expected in yesterday - and 65% of the profit goes to the fund for the Philly School District. If you never watch football or if you don't regularly root for the Eagles but are going to in the Super Bowl - have at it. Don't let any crotchedy super fan ruin your fun.

4. I have the worst neck pain and it's been going on for months, radiating down my back and arm and up over my head. The chiro, massages, and daily stretches haven’t even touched it. I ordered a water based pillow that's supposed to arrive today. I finally went to the doctor yesterday and she thinks it's a pinched nerve. I should have gone sooner. Acupuncture, here I finally come.

5. Full steam ahead on shore house booking. I only have three weeks left to rent: one in mid-June, one in early July, and the last week of August, as well as Memorial Day Weekend. We're going down to check on the house this weekend and drop off new lights that are getting installed on Monday. That quick visit will only intensify my desire to be back down there every weekend. Soon. Soon.

6. Based on what I see online, people are still uninformed about who exactly these Dreamers are and what they can and can't do or get in this country. Please read below and call your rep to demand a Clean Dream Act NOW. If you read the below you will see there is no harm in having them here, there are actual GAINS. If you read below and still want them kicked out back to countries they have no knowledge of because of a misguided notion that they’re taking something from Americans, man... Based on what I saw in person Monday night at a town council meeting about a local police force in Bensalem, PA, (the town next to me) wanting to be part of ICE's 287g program, people hate brown immigrants but are okay with white immigrants. What I personally encountered there literally made my hair stand on end. I felt like it was 1950 and I was standing at a water fountain in the south next to a hateful white lady only she was wearing a Build the Wall pin instead of standing under a No Coloreds sign. It’s racism. When will people see that?

7. MFD is running for state rep of our district, the 170th. You know I can't share something here without being authentic and that won’t change now. I am not stepping behind the campaign glass. It’s been easy for me to urge people to run for office my entire life, but it was not easy to accept that my husband was going to do it. Not because I don't believe in or support him and not because I don't think he will be great and truly work hard to make his community a better place - he does that now as a regular guy - but because as a spouse this is an exposed and vulnerable place to be. I remember looking at a piece of mail from the current representative's supporters before Election Day that was a personal attack against the last democrat who ran for the position and I felt absolutely sick to my stomach. That's the shit I hate, you know? And everyone says well that's politics. Bullshit. If you can't beat someone on merit and resort to personally attacking them and their families, you shouldn't be in the race and you sure as shit do not belong in government. That sentiment times 1000 in this current political climate. Don't worry, me being me - and a condition of him running was that I would still be out here being me and not propped up as the candidate's wife who smiles and shuts her mouth (can you imagine?) - I will not be shy about discussing anything like that. We are regular people living regular lives-the kind of people I want in government. I think people fear getting involved in politics because there's this idea that you have to go behind a wall and do and say everything perfectly. Hey world, that's fucking impossible because no one is perfect. Maybe we got where we are because we bought in too much to the polished person with the right sound bite instead of expecting them to roll up their sleeves and work alongside of us to make this world a place that’s good for all of us. If you're so inclined, please like Mike Doyle for PA Representative on FB and follow Mike Doyle for PA on Twitter. Don't worry, Shit MFD Said will still be happening. We're still here, the regular people we've always been, involved in our own personal thermostat and toilet paper wars with MFD telling me at 10:12 pm Tuesday night that he is announcing a candidacy live from the living room the next night at 7. This is us. Here we are, just like you. Put regular people back in politics. Let’s make that a thing.

8. Wins: This week there was a big PA Gerrymandering win - this will fix the districts this time around, but not the overall process, so if you are a PA resident please urge your representatives to enact Senate Bill 22 and House Bill 722 to ensure fair districts going forward. If you don't know who your rep is or the difference between State House and State Senate, contact me and I will help. This benefits all voters across the political spectrum-not politicians. Voters. Also. The Larry Nassar trial. WARRIOR WOMEN facing this shitstain on humanity. Judge actually giving justice. Men crying about her being mean. STFU he sexually abused over 160 young girls.

9. Reminder:

10. E-card of the week:

What's cooking with you?

Thursday Thoughts - working for the weekend

1. Something I forgot: once we open the shore house, I frequently lay awake at night thinking of what I want to do there. This won't go on forever, after this year bigger projects will be few and far between and will entail more boring shit and less fun things. So Monday night at 12:30 a.m. I was looking at contact paper on Amazon and making lists on my phone. I want to turn my brain off, but not really, because it's fun...until I have to get up in the morning. Anyhoo we're fully rented for the summer and thus far it appears that no fruitloops are coming to stay with us. And this weekend I have lured Peters down to help me paint. God bless her.

2. I feel so much better mentally when the shore house is open. I feel like my best self there and knowing I can go there whenever is like a security blanket I am unbalanced without.

3. The best photo opp from the train on the Trenton line is when you cross the river going into the city. This is from yesterday.

4. Tomorrow is the last day of March, but don't worry, I'm extending this birthday month (keep your groans to yourself). Dinner with the family at the shore next weekend and a 40th weekend with my girlfriends at the shore in June are still on the horizon. I'm sure I can add some other things too. Every year for my birthday I buy myself sneakers. This year, it's athleisure shoes. I have a problem. The Taos Freedom sneakers are expensive as fuck but really supportive for the arches, which I need.

5. I switched out my wallet for the old birthday too. Pugs gone wild. I don't carry actual wallets anymore. I have a little card holder in here for my pertinent shit and some cash. The End.

6. In addition to Dolly, Dottie, Mae Doll, Stink Stank Stunk, and Hazel, Mae's newest nickname is Junk Yard Dog. MFD has lost about six headphones in the past six months. She keeps getting them even though they're not just laying around. She eats them like a rabid junkyard dog and then goes to sleep like a people.

7. Everyone who touches the investigation into this administration's ties to Russia comes out covered in shit - looking at you today, Devin Nunes. It is time for an independent investigation into the administrations ties to Russia. If we could investigate Benghazi more than seven times and spend over $40 million for an independent investigation into Whitewater, we sure as shit can get it together to demand an independent investigation concerning the possibility of collusion with a foreign government. Country over party and every single one of us should be screaming for everything else to grind to a halt until this is done. This is NOT business as usual. Confused about the entire Trump Russia thing? Here's an exhaustive timeline from Mother Jones.

8. Grouch of the day: I miss not hearing phone conversations all around me all the time. On the street, on the train, in the grocery store, etc. I hate talking on the phone. I hate hearing other people talk on the phone even more.

9. Reminder:

10. E-card of the week: 

Fin. 

Linking up with Kristin & Joey 

A year by the sea

Sunday marked the one year anniversary of buying the shore house. I woke up tired, going back and forth about going down to the beach to watch the sunrise or staying in bed. I usually go once a weekend, and Saturday was rainy...but it was so nice to lay there in the dark in an off-season silent sea town on a Sunday morning...then I remembered how I felt a year ago, and how I couldn't go to sleep because I was so excited to get up to watch the sunrise on the beach from my own house.

I got up, and I'm glad I did as always. I noticed how different the ocean looked from yesterday afternoon, and how lucky I was to see so many different faces of this ocean over the past year. I thought a lot about what this past year has meant to me. It has meant and been so many things. Euphoric highs as I cruised down the Atlantic City Expressway late at night, Bruce Springsteen blaring; hard knocks, when I learned something the hard way in a year of home improvements; the absolute joy of having a place for all of my beach stuff where I can leave it and never bring it home; a deep, deep appreciation for those who helped us out along the way with hard labor and those who understand when we aren't places we would normally be or doing things we'd normally do; minor anxiety with a dose of humility and a side of lessons in patience, kindness, and live and let live from a year dealing with renters; the security in knowing I never need to leave my dogs home; the great feeling of sharing this space with framily. It has been amazing with the highs far outweighing the lows. It has all been so, so worth any frustration or worry I've felt along the way.

It's also felt like living a double life - at a certain point in the summer, I really felt like my real life was down there, and that my life at home was the part time life even though that is definitely not the reality...yet, anyway. I still feel that way because I love the off-season much more than the summer. It's like living in the Boys of Summer song: nobody on the road, nobody on the beach. Regardless, sometimes I feel like I'm having an out of body experience, watching myself do things in my normal life but with a sense that I belong somewhere else.

If I could go back in time one year, I'd tell myself that it would be different, watching those sunrises now, but in all good ways: I have a beach cruiser to ride down now, and I bring my coffee and a mat and I have a little bag everything goes in. But that feeling of waking up at my own shore house to see it? That is the same. It does not get old. It does not go unnoticed or unappreciated.

And if I could go into the future, to next year and the year after and on to infinity, it would be to give myself a nudge - to make sure I'm still grateful, that I still remember what a dream comes true feels like, even if we had weather issues that took a toll on the house or renters that drove us insane that year.

I'd also tell my past self to chill the fuck out and that everything would be fine. Hell, I'd tell my future self that too because you can never tell yourself that enough. We were fully rented for this summer by the end of January and really had a great first season. People treated our house well and they were nice. And we're already booked for four weeks for next summer before the end of October.

I went back and forth with writing this, because it's hard to convey how life changing this has been, not only on the outside with what we do and where we spend time, but on the inside with how I think in my head and feel in my heart. In the end I didn't want to let such a first anniversary go without putting words down for myself to look back on. If you enjoyed it too, that's a bonus.

VRBO listing

This post is a part of the back to blogging challenge on Alyssa's blog. 

To read more like this or write some like this:

Growing Pains

I am not a person who expects anyone's life to be all roses regardless of what they have going for them. It's important to have perspective on where your problems fall in the grand scheme of things but also to recognize that everyone, regardless of where they are in life, has problems. Problems we create for ourselves and problems we're given, long-term problems and temporary problems. Sometimes they first feel like problems but are really just growing pains.

Owning a shore house is a tremendous blessing that has also brought a lot of added responsibility and required a lot of change: how we operate, how we spend money and time. I knew running this as an investment property would challenge me. I've been in need of a challenge. My life was running like a well oiled machine, cruising along on auto pilot, gladly entrenched on safe ground. That's one of the reasons I married someone who pushes me out of my comfort zone: to make sure I don't get stuck in neutral.

This week marked six months of shore house ownership. Part of me still can't believe we own this house. The other part of me knows we do when I look at our bank account and feel my tenuous hold on the reins of other areas of my life.

At times in this process I've found myself giving in to my old habit of worrying about things that aren't going to happen or things that are out of my control. Every time I drive away from that house I think about all manner of catastrophic events. Then there's the rental component. Will they like it? Will it be comfortable? Do they know it's a 116 year old house and that we can't change certain things about it? Will they notice its charm and not where it lacks? My logical self knows I could knock it down and build the Taj Mahal and still get complaints. Some people will complain about a picnic in heaven. My skin will get tough on that but right now I feel oddly exposed, unsure, and vulnerable like I do whenever I overthink things. 

I've been operating far out of my comfort zone. I've made a lot of mistakes since October. I've realized I know jack shit about home improvement. I've wasted time, money, and energy. I've done things backwards and fucked things up. I've been reminded of the fact that I cannot have everything done the way I want it, which invariably means immediately. I've doubted myself. I've been completely at a loss more than once. I've had to ask for and accept help (best work crews ever). I've had to learn how to deal with my husband as a business partner, and how to be a reasonable business partner in return - not easy for my burn it down personality. There are a lot of things we should have known and didn't. Things we should have thought about and didn't. It's been a trial by fire but as Emerson said, our strength grows out of our weaknesses. This list is not for self flagellation or to say I didn't do well...it's to say I had to change to meet this challenge and that taking on new things means making a mess and making mistakes along the way.

Operating outside of my comfort zone makes me uh, uncomfortable. Change, even when it's a change for the better - starting a new exercise program, quitting smoking, embarking on a new career path, bringing a baby home, purchasing a house, moving in with someone, welcoming a puppy to the family - is a huge stretch. It can feel bad even when it's for something good. We are changing to meet challenges, adding facets to our personality, removing things that don't serve our purpose. We're becoming what we need to be and that process is not without its twinges.

One of my predictable life patterns is that I flounder while I'm getting my bearings after a big change. Honestly? I didn't expect to still be floundering six months later. I'm not floundering as much as I was in October, but still feel not on top of my game or like I'm watching myself manage my life from behind a sheet of glass.

Why am I telling you about it?

It feels dishonest not to, a sin of omission. I can't post a million times about time management, organizing, and cleaning and then fail to mention that at times I am also totally unsuccessful at those things. I don't always have my shit together. Sometimes it's falling out of my bag as I walk. Focusing on this, I've had to let some other stuff slide. After the weekend that was, plenty of stuff is left undone, usually on purpose so I can sit on my ass and do nothing because that's important too. I think we do each other a disservice when we act like we can do it all. We can't. I can't. And I'm okay telling you I can't.

So this is me six months later, acknowledging that it's been rewarding as hell, that I'm so grateful that I still cry about it, and also that it's been harder than I thought in ways I didn't anticipate. I'm not looking for head pats or reassurances. I just want to let the universe hear that I'm working on adapting to new routines, assimilating this into my life, learning from my mistakes... that I'm stretching and reaching for my balance again. It will get easier as time goes on and I settle into it. I'll grow from these growing pains. I just need to have patience.

Do you guys know where someone can get some patience? Asking for a friend. 

Thursday Thoughts

1. B&BW candles burn fine for me about halfway down...then they burn like this. It makes me rage. Anyone else? What makes them start to burn like assholes?

2. This week I got in a FB back and forth with someone I don't even know who was basically saying that of course Cam Newton's behavior after the Super Bowl got more media air time than the Flint water situation because that has happened before and will happen again and Super Bowl 50 only happens once and the NFL is popular. I felt like screaming. The NFL is more popular and hence more important than access to clean water? Is this what most people think? We do realize that football is a game and that clean water is a basic fundamental thing we take for granted here in America, right? And that we have a realistic expectation that the water our government is watching over for us is not going to poison us and cause developmental problems in our children, right? But we care more about a quarterback not answering questions about a game he lost? One million comments on an immature 26 year old millionaire (if you have never met an immature 26 year old, let's talk) seen in my newsfeed on FB, but very few things about what's going on in Flint. We can say "I come to FB to laugh" all we want, but that's not really true. We are only tired of outrage when we are the ones that are not outraged. We share what is important to us, and since this is not happening to us, I don't think it's really hitting us the way it should. This is pretty fucking important. Do we not pay government officials to work for us? Being all yeah this is our government it is what it is is not going to do jack shit for any of us. It's time to hold these employees accountable in this instance and in many other instances in which they are looking out for the interests of big business or their own pockets and not acting on behalf of their constituents. We've let it get to this point. It's up to us to bring it back. Thank god for the Virginia Tech research team and some other crusaders who fought for what was right for the people of Flint and for not giving a shit that they were dismissed and ridiculed by government officials.

via

3. At this point, should this just be a rant post? I'm in my normal February slog and I feel snarky. I'm annoyed because the soup I made Sunday? I haven't felt like eating it once. Dinners have looked like this instead...and honestly Monday night dinner was cake. No fucks given.

4. Yesterday I started the 40/40, the challenge I've been doing for the past few lenten seasons. I don't participate in lent by giving anything up, but I do pick this up: 40 minutes of activity a day for 40 of days of lent (taking off on Sundays is permissible). Any type of activity will do. This really kickstarted me last year to a pretty solid walking and weights routine I kept going for many months until I said fuck it in the summer. I'm hoping I enjoy a similar kickstart this year. My pants are tight and I need it.

5. This is what I'm doing most nights: laying with the dogs and getting in bed by 9 to read.

6. Tuesdays with Lola. My niece is the best. I look forward to all the adventures we'll have.

7. Being a landlord at the shore has been really interesting and a huge learning experience, and no one has even slept there yet. It has also taught us that it will take a while to settle into being business partners. LOL. July and August are fully rented as well as a week in June and some weekends in March and May. In March work begins again to get it ready for the spring.

8. I walked to the library yesterday. It's been a while.

9. I jacked this from a friend's FB page and keep looking at it because it makes me laugh like a hyena.

10. E-card of the week...I hate passive aggressive shit so this made me LOL

Does that answer your question?

Sincerely yours,

The Breakfast Club. 

I mean

Thursday Thoughts: Mine are not together yet, but carry on.

1. I usually start the new year with my poop in a pile ready to get down to business. As discussed yesterday, in the opening week of this year my poop is more like a Jackson Pollock painting. I've been holding my planner in a kung fu grip so I can get my shit together before vacation in a few weeks.

Via 

2. Last weekend we went to the shore to take pics of the house so we could list it on VRBO. If you know someone who's looking to rent in the southern Jersey Shore region, specifically in Ocean City, please share the link with them. Thank you! Outtake: MFD also decided to winterize it...and turned the water off before he told me he was winterizing it. Then as soon as I found out the water was off, I had to go to the bathroom because that is always the way.

3. Countdown to Africa: 12 days. This week I got a typhoid shot and picked up my prescription for malaria and cipro. And fought with MFD about if we needed a yellow fever shot or not. He says no, I say why not. So if all you see from Africa is photos of us being detained in the airport, you know who to blame. Just kidding, the CDC agrees with him. People who have survived 14 hour flights - please share your tips! And drinking booze and taking pills don't count. If you have noise cancelling headphones that didn't cost an arm and a leg, hook a sister up with a link please.

4. Did I tell you guys I got a bluetooth type device that is going to tell me where my keys are every time I lose them? Stay tuned to see if this works. I really need it to work based on all the key fuckery that I subject myself to.

5. Just a reminder as we start a new year:

6. So I broke my gel nails on vacation only rule and got them over Christmas. Now I want to take them off and I have to do it at home so I'm avoiding it. People who remove at home, any tips?

7. I finished Making a Murderer this week. I have some opinions about innocence in regards to these two subjects of the docuseries, but most of the takeaway for me was about fair trials and preconceived notions we might go in with, regardless of our role in the system (judge, law enforcement, lawyer, accused, juror). What an eye opener about the legal system and what people are up against - especially uneducated people. One of the many lawyers said something in the last episode that has really stuck with me about how you think the system works until it works against you or someone in your family, and then you really see the cracks. And that it could happen to any of us. I'd like to share more thoughts but I don't want to ruin it. Watch it with an open mind!

8. The next Show Us Your Books is on Tuesday. I had a little over two weeks of meh reads - I bounced back and forth between a few books that were not really lighting a fire under my ass. I picked it up this week with Black-Eyed Susans. We also have a new button if you're interested, and you can get it on the right sidebar.

9. Blah blah I know. Look, us looking gross with our dogs over the holiday slow time:

10. I'm putting my money where my mouth is in regards to raising money and awareness for homeless youth, one of the most under-served age groups in the homeless population. On March 18 I'll be joining friends for Covenant House's Sleep Out to Support Homeless Youth. I'll be sleeping outside to raise awareness and money for homeless kids - homeless teens on their own often slip through the cracks with few places to turn - they are the most under-served group in the homeless population. Covenant House is the largest privately-funded agency providing food, shelter, immediate crisis care, and essential services to homeless youth in 27 cities in North America.They strive to move each young person forward down a path to an independent adulthood, free from the risk of future homelessness. I need to raise $1,000 for these kids by February 19. Thanks to the generosity of my people, I am within $200 of that goal. Any small amount helps. If you can donate, please click here. p.s. did you know you can age out of participating in this? You can. I'm in the last year of eligibility with my old ass. Thanks to Catie & Joe for opening my eyes to this opportunity and for the invite to join their team!

11. Ecard of the week: