And then I threw up on the train.

I wasn't planning to close down the week with a blog post about how I threw up on a goddamn train but here we are. Yesterday one of my worst non-life shattering nightmares came true.

I felt off in the morning and thought maybe I hadn't had enough water the day before. I trudged into work and drank some Gatorade and ginger ale and a lot of water in case I was dehydrated. By around 11 I knew I needed to go home. The trains are running on the hour at that point in the day so I was stuck in my office until 12:04.

When I got to the train station, of course my train was 10 minutes late. I slumped over on a bench next to a mother and her son who could not stop talking about what they were going to have for lunch AND dinner. Breathe through it. Breathe through it.

The train was a local making every stop and the ride felt like it took place over the span of four years instead of just over 40 minutes. We were rolling up to the stop before mine when it happened. The unthinkable. The public puking as a not inebriated or hungover adult on public transportation.

I whipped out an empty Old Navy online order bag and dispersed all the liquid I consumed that morning into it. Four pukes in the less than three minutes between that stop and mine. I tried to be quiet and hold myself as still as possible.

Then it was done, and the only thing my stomach was full of was mortification.

The lady next to me was looking at me with a mixture of sympathy and horror. I briefly considered telling her I was pregnant to explain away the spontaneous public vomiting but instead wiped my mouth on the inside of my dress and apologized profusely for vomiting next to her on public transportation. She scooted out of the seat to give me a wide berth and I rolled my puke bag securely down and gathered up my shredded dignity to exit the train.

If anyone ever needs to throw up in public and then carry it around with them, I would like to suggest the Old Navy online order bag. It's strong and it doesn't leak.

Can I also take this opportunity to blame SEPTA? If the train hadn't been late, I would have made it to my stop and puked outside of the train. I would like to be able to blame someone. Right? I am against blame shifting but lord I need to blame someone for this. Just this once.

At home I slept for five hours. My eyes were closed before my head even hit the pillow. Can your body shut down from public shame? I think that happened. I was back in bed at 9:30 last night and woke up at 6 this morning feeling fine.

What a weird fucking day. One that I never, ever want to repeat. When you take public transport, your main fears are 1) bed bugs 2) accident 3) needing to puke 4) uncontrollable diarrhea. Out of the four of those, puking is the least horrifying and I hope it's the only one I ever have to deal with. Thank God it wasn't my regular train so I don't feel the need to don the paper bag of shame over my head for the foreseeable future.

Lessons learned:
1) do not travel without a solid, leak-proof bag
2) do not leave your computer at work so you feel the need to come in when you shouldn't
3) leave an hour before go time if you are sick at work

I haven't thrown up today, so it's already 470% better than yesterday.

Happy weekend!

Thursday Thoughts: any way the wind blows

1. I'm feeling in between this week...in between summer and fall, in between working and living, in between home and shore home, in between wanting to do and wanting to be lazy, in between this book and that book. In between isn't bad, it's just weird.

2. I'm not feeling in between on commuting. I'm feeling straight up worn out. It has been prolonged hell with the trains still out of service and the 20 SEPTA put back on last week already pulled off for further repair. Every morning and evening commute is at least 20-30 minutes longer than it normally is. It's grinding me down.

3. The Samsung Dishwasher Debacle of Summer 2016 has finally come to an end. After 15 phone calls, over 30 emails, and a lot of insanity, they have deposited the $404 they've owed me since July 18 into my account. VICTORY IS MINE.

via

4. Many Trump supporters are calling Hillary old...do they know he's older than she is? Continually LOLing and WTFing over this entire election.

5. I'm really doing it, you guys. I'm attempting to pack for Ireland in a carry on. Debbie showed us her ways at the shore last weekend. I'm giving it a go. It helps that I'm planning to do a load of laundry mid-way between the trip. I bought a new suitcase for the task at Marshalls and am waiting on a compression bag. I also want new leggings. So basically any recent shopping is for our upcoming trip.

6. And I've also been shopping for Libby, the newest member of my aunt army. Kim and Steve ushered this lovely little lady into the world last week in Boston. I cannot wait to meet her but photos will suffice until then.

7. Geege is this week's million dollar dog. He's having pricey as fuck dental surgery today. It worries me to have a 12 year old dog put under. Keep a good thought for him if you could!

8. Tomorrow! Are you ready?

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9. Reminder. Thanks to Rebecca at Knit By God's Hand for sharing on Friday.

10.  E-card of the week...

Thursday Thoughts

1. I think this is the universal sign for fuck everyone who enters this bathroom after me. Yes, this photo is from my own bathroom.

2. Since I've opened up with a roll of toilet paper rakishly left off the MFing holder, I might as well follow up with gross dog tales. Gus had a significantly awful butt incident Monday, went to the vet Tuesday, got checked out and tested for parasites...nothing. We think it's colitis. The vet says nothing. I hate when my dogs are not well, I really want them to be able to talk and tell me how to help them. I spent all of Tuesday and Wednesday nights cleaning up dog poop all over. MFD had the day shifts, which are infinitely longer. It's a veritable poopacalypse in our house. Geege remains my best nicest boy and Mae seems to be faring well on wet food only. She only pukes when I give her dry food. This concludes the report on my dogs' bodily functions that you did not ask for. Bye.

3. In June, I meant to participate in Dani & Erin's Challenge to read all of my books - books I've had sitting on shelves, paperbacks shoved into crevices. Instead I rode the Library Gravy Train to shiny new books. I did manage to clear out my Netgalley account and read the three books I had from them, as well as three that had been sitting on my kindle for what felt like a decade. I consider myself mildly successful in reading my e-books, although I do still have some long lingerers on the kindle. I didn't manage to read one single physical book I already owned. So, in addition to the shit ton of books still on my kindle, as well as the $2 paperbacks I couldn't resist at Barnes & Noble to leave in the apartment at the shore, I still have the stack of books on the bookshelf at home that I set aside specifically for this challenge, crying read me as if they're marooned on the Island of Misfit Toys. Maybe next month? Probably not. I can't quit the library.

4. Of course I partook in Amazon Prime Day on Tuesday. I got MFD a hammock he wanted ($30 off), a Kindle Paperwhite for moi ($20 off), and two sets of king size sheets, 50% off each. And this time I used Amex points so it was all freeee. Free is for me. The best way for me to shop Prime Day is to look on my various wish lists and buy what's on sale so I'm not buying random crap I don't need.

5. It is absolutely crazy to me that I can order groceries at 11 p.m. and have them delivered to my doorstep before 7 a.m. No, I did not order just one item. But I forgot something so I added it to my order immediately. The rest of the order was placed at 10:56 p.m.

6. I can't be on all the time. You can't be on all the time. We'll still be okay.

7. The news outlets are reporting that the SEPTA regional rail situation is improved this week. I have seen no change, in fact, it's more crowded. The mornings still continue to be a total clusterfuck (pic below from Tuesday morning) and the evenings continue to be fairly fine on my line. My stepmom's line is the reverse. I also think it's bullshit that I can only get a fare credit towards additional purchases. My train allowance is set by the quarter and I can't change it in between.

8. As of yesterday afternoon, all hotels/vrbos/whathaveyou have been booked for our Ireland/Paris trip this fall. This is another bouncing around trip hotel-wise.

9.  I just blocked out my calendar to spend every September weekend at the shore. I love it down there always, I just love it more in the off-season. 

10. E-card of the week. This made me LOL as I used the facebook unfollow button a lot this week:

For the second week in a row, today is my Friday. 

Friday Five: Types of Assholes at the Park & Ride

Although the title might tell you differently, I do love that my train station is a park and ride. I've taken the train from other stations and finding a spot in a small lot or looking for street parking can be really stressful in the morning. That being said, the park and ride is not without its assholes...I mean, is any situation? Here are some types of assholes I encounter at the park and ride. 

1. The people who stop at the nonexistent stop sign. Sometimes the difference between making the train and not making the train is someone stopping at this nonexistent stop sign on the way into the station, yet they still do it every day. Rage spikes into the stratosphere on days when multiple people stop for no reason. I hate to start my day off laying on the horn but sometimes it must be done. 

2. Artful parkers in the morning. Again, we’re on a train time table. Chop chop. If you can’t park your car in one shot, you fail. No one has time to wait for you to finesse a perfect park job, backing in and out and in and out. It makes the people waiting to get past you feel like playing demolition derby with your vehicle. Are you in the lines? Good. Stop moving.

3. People who do not observe the exiting etiquette. Leaving the station is a complicated system but one you are introduced to quite quickly when you are a regular rider. There are three exits from the main parking lot and decorum calls for taking turns and letting people out. When you don’t do this, people let you know with horns, hand gestures, and yelling what an asshole you are yet some people speed their oblivious asses off acting like they see no one else waiting to leave. We recognize you as regular passengers, you dicks. We’re supposed to take turns letting each other out and you know it. 

4. People who block cars in. This seems like a no brainer, right? Do not sit in the lane with your car in park, making out like your life depends on it, then act butt hurt when people beep at you to move. Park your car in a spot and make out if you need to relive your teenage years. Or maybe make out not in public like other adults. 

5. Little bitches. When I wave you across the lane and inch up when you’re ¾ of the way through, still quite far from you, do not shake your head at me. Because I will roll down my window and say, “I’m sorry, did you have a problem with me waving you across?” and you will be left stuttering, "No."

*********************************************************

All of the sudden, it was May. Right? That came up like a rocket. I'm excited to have lunch with my friend Tara from high school today. Other than that, I have no commitments this weekend. This rarely happens and I really love that the weekend is stretched out before me, waiting to be meandered through. And it looks like it's going to be beautiful. Enjoy, friends!

Diary of a hunkered down hausfrau

A chronicle of two housebound days courtesy of Sandy

Monday

SEPTA wasn't running and the office was closed. Excuse the mess of the nest I made. Monday's office setup and coworkers:

Small pleasures: a leisurely eaten bagel out of your own toaster on a rainy Monday.

Laundry, laundry, and more laundry.

My third, fourth, fifth and SIXTH calls to Comcast within two days over billing issues. As the winds howled, I chipped away at their criminal resolve and they are crediting our account the $178 they owe us which was a mere $60 on Sunday before I did more math. Math is hard, you guys. You thieving bastards will never get the best of me! COMCAST DO YOU HEAR ME?!?! Sworn enemies for life.

My dogs won't go outside alone. The wind is scary and lifts their little ears up.

DVR and TV catch up:
-The Good Wife: Lamont Bishop, you showed vulnerability. I liked it.
-Jersey Shore (two episodes): Roger, don't do me and JWoww like that.
-Up All Night: Will Arnett singing along to The Cranberries was perfect.
-CSI: Thank you Ted Danson and Elisabeth Shue for making this show good again.

At various points during the day, we have arguments over Gold Rush, Up All Night, Star Wars (one of those assy Clone ones that I have no time for), incessant weather coverage, and how the other person should not watch it. Par for the course for those of us lucky enough to have power and cable through the storm. And we are lucky. One by one our friends and family update their statuses on facebook to include being powerless, seeing transformers blowing on the street, blue sparks coming from their own electric, trees coming down on or around their homes. Arguing over the TV is a luxury many don't have at this time.

Less than 24 hours after they were purchased, the cookies bought at Sam's on Sunday are gone. This is bad on many levels. We blame Sandy and wind fear.

Gus slept like a fat little sausage most of the night. Geege was like MOM when will this be over this wind is scary!

I got an email from Amazon saying that due to Sandy, delivery of my rainboots was surely going to be delayed. Poor timing on the rain boots.

Photo from Amazon.com

I fall asleep thinking dear large trees around the house, please hold your ground. And that I never want to hear hunker down again. Ever.

Tuesday

Commence unhunkering.

Our Sandy damage consists of some downed tree branches and broken yard items. I am so grateful to be so lucky. My thoughts are with those that were not. We check in on our family and tell those without power that they are welcome at our house. Mother nature is a scary bitch.

We're are so saddened by the devastation at the Jersey Shore and are thinking of anyone with a home or business down there. If you grew up in the Philadelphia area, chances are high that you spent part of every summer down the shore. It is part of your personal history, and to see it knocked down is traumatic. This is the Deauville Inn where we had our wedding, one of our favorite shore spots. I love that the photo (that I lifted from their FB page) had the caption "will be ready for next summer though." Coming out strong, it makes my eyes well up. Damage to the Deauville from Sandy - on the left.  According to the owner Lynda the deck, awning framework, docks and patios need some work. On the right is a photo of my Dad and I walking in on my wedding day on one of the docks. You can see the deck, other dock and awning as they normally are. We'll see you next summer Deauville. My heart is heavy for the people of NJ and NY and those right in my backyard with no power, down trees, destroyed homes. Again...feeling lucky.

Coffee with Ron Swanson and The Breakfast Club.

Washing the couches. Washable couches are an utter dream. Here are the boys enjoying clean couches and the elaborate sheet and blanket system we employ to keep them off of the actual couch cushions when we can.

Tuesday's office. Less dog hair and more structure.

My sister and brother-in-law and their kids stopped in to get some hot food and heat since they were without power. Jax was kind enough to visit my dining room office. The dogs were not pleased with the new location.

The boys napped the day away.

Then these happened - pumpkin gingersnap parfaits. 

Essie Demure Vixen nails

Watching the past two episodes of Nashville. Rayna James, you should be with Deacon. If not...Deacon, call me.

My electric-less brother arrived to eat, shower and spend the night.

And on HER day off, Debbie put together a facebook page for her jewelry called Debbie Rae Designs. Please click on that name, visit her page and like it, and check out her stuff. As the owner of many Debbie Rae pieces, I highly recommend them.

This concludes two housebound days. Mesmerizing, wasn't it?

Today? Civic engagement - yours truly has jury duty.

Happy Halloween! And happy birthday to my uncle Perry and my good friend Jimmy G.

TTFN.

Linking up to Rolled Up Pretty for Whatever Whenever Wednesday.

The Fake Holy Will Roll You

This morning, I was heading towards the ticket area of Suburban Station when I heard "If my skin was pink like his you would not be accusing me of this!" The indignant shouter sounded very familiar. He went on to yell, "What are you, Egyptian? No one cares what you think!" Oh thank you tiny hypocrisy loving sweet baby Jesus, it WAS him! The 16th & Market preacher was being a  douche in the train station! And by a great stroke of luck, I was there to see it.

Holy roller tried to roll SEPTA out of cash.

When I got to the window, I had an enlightening conversation with the woman who helped me.

Me: That guy is crazy.

SEPTA lady: Oh I know it, we all know him, that's why two managers are over there. He goes from station to station telling us we shorted him change and owe him cash.

Me: GET OUT! You do know he preaches holiness and truth up on the street at 16th & Market, right?

SEPTA lady: Really? When?

Me: All day! You've got to get above ground.

SEPTA lady (over her shoulder): Rhonda, we got to get up to the street during break today. Crazy Man is a Street Preacher, telling everybody about their sins!

tra la la la la la la la la. I love witnessing hypocrisy. I can't wait until that mofo yells out about thiefs and sinners when I'm walking by, spittle flying out of his gross lying mouth. As the great Tennessee Williams once said, "The only thing worse than a liar is a liar who is a hypocrite."

Now, good day. I SAID GOOD DAY!

Hallelujiah and amen,

SMD

p.s. FRIDAY EVE. Thank you.