Friday Tips: Phone Interviews

Dear faithful blog followers, all five of you:

When conducting a phone interview for a new job opportunity, please make sure to do it somewhere other than a shared bathroom on the floor you currently work on. Aside from having your coworkers possibly walk in on you interviewing for a new job, the shared bathroom poses other dangers to people like you.

If you refrain from interviewing for a new job in the bathroom, you don't have to whisper yell to a person you don't know (me), asking them not to flush the toilet. You also don't have to frantically clear your throat when that person (me again) does not heed your plea and flushes the toilet anyway in order to observe shared bathroom etiquette and be the opposite of an unsanitary dirtball. Your manufactured throat noises will not cover the roar and echo of a flushing industrial toilet.
Helpfully yours,

SMD

p.s. What the hell is wrong with people? Really.
p.p.s. **Oh happy day, 2:30 p.m. edit: I just spoke to a coworker who stopped off to use the lav before leaving the building for a meeting. She was also in on the interview. We shared a WTF discussion.

The Fake Holy Will Roll You

This morning, I was heading towards the ticket area of Suburban Station when I heard "If my skin was pink like his you would not be accusing me of this!" The indignant shouter sounded very familiar. He went on to yell, "What are you, Egyptian? No one cares what you think!" Oh thank you tiny hypocrisy loving sweet baby Jesus, it WAS him! The 16th & Market preacher was being a  douche in the train station! And by a great stroke of luck, I was there to see it.

Holy roller tried to roll SEPTA out of cash.

When I got to the window, I had an enlightening conversation with the woman who helped me.

Me: That guy is crazy.

SEPTA lady: Oh I know it, we all know him, that's why two managers are over there. He goes from station to station telling us we shorted him change and owe him cash.

Me: GET OUT! You do know he preaches holiness and truth up on the street at 16th & Market, right?

SEPTA lady: Really? When?

Me: All day! You've got to get above ground.

SEPTA lady (over her shoulder): Rhonda, we got to get up to the street during break today. Crazy Man is a Street Preacher, telling everybody about their sins!

tra la la la la la la la la. I love witnessing hypocrisy. I can't wait until that mofo yells out about thiefs and sinners when I'm walking by, spittle flying out of his gross lying mouth. As the great Tennessee Williams once said, "The only thing worse than a liar is a liar who is a hypocrite."

Now, good day. I SAID GOOD DAY!

Hallelujiah and amen,

SMD

p.s. FRIDAY EVE. Thank you.

Serenity Now.

I am a master of the mini break, a leading lady of the long weekend. I make sure my year is peppered with them. They make my heart sing, they keep me running...but there's nothing like The Big One. The Five-Days-Off-or-More-in-a-Row-Vacation.

When you get close to your vacation, you have to remind yourself to just hang in there and deal with the hurdles in your path. You're almost there. You hum Eye of the Tiger. Your mind races, circling around what needs to get done at work and last minute items to pick up from the store and is everything packed and have all the bills been paid and has everything been lined up for the dogs/house and and and and. You've reached your max capacity. I'm there. I'm pretty sure I look like this right now:


Be sure and tell 'em Large Marge sent ya! Heh heh heh heh heh

Tomorrow is my last day of work until September 26. I have 12 days off IN A ROW during which I will not give a good fuck about what goes on or concern myself with the petty problems of daily life. I will not do anything productive in regards to charity work or my fellow man or ride the asshole regional rail system. I will not plot out home improvement projects or lure MFD into doing them. As of Wednesday morning at 5 a.m.,

I will lounge and sun, swim with the dolphins, watch the sun rise and set on the open seas, get a massage on the beach, go on a waterslide that goes out over the ocean, whoop it up at the Hoop-De-Doo Review, ride the monorail, get my picture taken with Mickey Mouse and whatever other character I can chase down like a five year old, have a super large beer at the Biergarten, watch fireworks over Cinderella's castle, and have an all around fabulous time. MFD has never been to Disney. I seriously cannot wait to be with him in the happiest place on earth after cruising around on Disney's newest ship. I know he'll love it. Our friend and trip companion Jill has plotted our trip so he will really get the entire Disney experience.

I need to spend the next two days putting out work fires, kissing up on my dogs who I will miss terribly, picking up toiletries at Target, making sure my brother has groceries while he's dogsitting, reminding MFD to pack underwear, ripping new assholes at Wells Fargo for their incompetence, paying September's bills, doing laundry, packing, and all the other trollish pre-vacation duties. It will all be worth it when we get the rock out of here first thing on Wednesday morning. I need a break from a lot of things.

So I must bid you adieu in advance. Au revoir. Stay pretty.

Desperately seeking a time out,

SMD

Sin is coming and it smells like liquor, smoke and sweat.

You. You there, walking along 16th Street to work. This man has something to tell you.

This is the 16th & Market Preacher. He actually gets on the R7 at 30th Street and commutes in to this corner. It must be a haven of wickedness and a choice spot for declaring doom.

His sermons always heat up on Thursdays and Fridays. As I've heard him say before, "The Sinning Days are upon us!" He hates the weekends and their opportunities to sin like I hate clowns and litter.

Today's condemnation from the corner: "You buy your whiskey, you buy your cigarettes, you buy your sex, you pay to sin! Sin is coming and it smells like liquor, smoke, and sweat!"

Alrighty then! Happy Thursday Sinners!

And on a QUITE different note...a very happy birthday to my stepmom Carol. Loving, caring, generous, big hearted, kind, smart, helpful, wise, pretty, great gift giver, best veggie pizza maker, fun and funny. I hope you're enjoying your week at the shore!

TGIAF,

SMD