It takes a special kind of asshole

Sometimes (okay, daily) I see people do things and think to myself, it takes a special kind of asshole to do that. So I started making a list of these people and decided to share it with you.

It takes a special kind of asshole to express moral outrage on the Internet because an Olympic gold medalist did not put her hand over her heart during the national anthem. It's not the fucking Pledge of Allegiance, and even if it was, shut up. You know who required that everyone show their patriotism in the same way? Nazis. Go fuck yourselves and get off your patriotic high ground. Seriously, you people don't have anything else to do? Perhaps some interior work on your damaged souls?

It takes a special kind of asshole to butt in line.

It takes a special kind of asshole to throw trash on the ground.

It takes a special kind of asshole to leave dogs outside on hot days.

It takes a special kind of asshole to block entrance and egress points. No, jerky, you are not the only one who needs to get in and out. Move your very important ass out of the way.

It takes a special kind of asshole to perpetually rain on the parades of others.

It takes a special kind of asshole to ignore cashiers. You are entering into a transaction. Be courteous and say hello. 

It takes a special kind of asshole to know everything about everything.

It takes a special kind of asshole to think you are oh my god so busy. Yes, dear. You're not special...we all have full lives. It's not a contest of who has more to do in the least amount of time, and if you think it is, that contest sucks and you should come up with a new one.

It takes a special kind of asshole to concentrate on all the negative news. You're a bummer, man.

It takes a special kind of asshole to put your bag on the seat of a crowded public transportation vehicle. Yeah, people can ask you to move it, but they shouldn't have to. Rude.

It takes a special kind of asshole to listen to music/play annoying loud games/watch videos/etc. on public transport without headphones. Yes, we all have to be trapped on this tin can with you. No, we do not all want to hear your asshole game.

I'm going to end this before it devolves into commuting assholes, which are a category of their own, really. What special kind of assholes have you run into lately?

Friday Five: Types of Assholes at the Park & Ride

Although the title might tell you differently, I do love that my train station is a park and ride. I've taken the train from other stations and finding a spot in a small lot or looking for street parking can be really stressful in the morning. That being said, the park and ride is not without its assholes...I mean, is any situation? Here are some types of assholes I encounter at the park and ride. 

1. The people who stop at the nonexistent stop sign. Sometimes the difference between making the train and not making the train is someone stopping at this nonexistent stop sign on the way into the station, yet they still do it every day. Rage spikes into the stratosphere on days when multiple people stop for no reason. I hate to start my day off laying on the horn but sometimes it must be done. 

2. Artful parkers in the morning. Again, we’re on a train time table. Chop chop. If you can’t park your car in one shot, you fail. No one has time to wait for you to finesse a perfect park job, backing in and out and in and out. It makes the people waiting to get past you feel like playing demolition derby with your vehicle. Are you in the lines? Good. Stop moving.

3. People who do not observe the exiting etiquette. Leaving the station is a complicated system but one you are introduced to quite quickly when you are a regular rider. There are three exits from the main parking lot and decorum calls for taking turns and letting people out. When you don’t do this, people let you know with horns, hand gestures, and yelling what an asshole you are yet some people speed their oblivious asses off acting like they see no one else waiting to leave. We recognize you as regular passengers, you dicks. We’re supposed to take turns letting each other out and you know it. 

4. People who block cars in. This seems like a no brainer, right? Do not sit in the lane with your car in park, making out like your life depends on it, then act butt hurt when people beep at you to move. Park your car in a spot and make out if you need to relive your teenage years. Or maybe make out not in public like other adults. 

5. Little bitches. When I wave you across the lane and inch up when you’re ¾ of the way through, still quite far from you, do not shake your head at me. Because I will roll down my window and say, “I’m sorry, did you have a problem with me waving you across?” and you will be left stuttering, "No."

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All of the sudden, it was May. Right? That came up like a rocket. I'm excited to have lunch with my friend Tara from high school today. Other than that, I have no commitments this weekend. This rarely happens and I really love that the weekend is stretched out before me, waiting to be meandered through. And it looks like it's going to be beautiful. Enjoy, friends!