40 before 40 Report

Over two years ago I posted my 40 before 40 list. It quickly became apparent to me that I wouldn't check everything off...some would not be feasible, and some I just didn't have the desire to do anymore. I also did some things I never imagined I'd even have the opportunity to do when I made this list - like travel to South Africa, or buy a shore house, or meet Bruce Springsteen - which were awesome before 40 bonuses. Some of my 40 wishes did come true though. I think I liked making this list more than anything - and I won't be making a 50 list because 50 things is a lot. 

1. See a play on Broadway done March 4
2. Walk over the Brooklyn Bridge done March 4
3. Skydive so I still sort of want to do this, but I'm not sure if that's because I think I want to or because I actually want to
4. Go tubing on a river done August 13
5. Volunteer at a soup kitchen - not technically, although we did volunteer on Thanksgiving day to serve and clean up food in 2015
6. Eat a lobster roll in Maine  done July 18, 2015
7. Stay in a Falls View room at Niagara Falls - done March 14-16, 2015
8. Write a novella done December 2015. This will not see the light of day.
9. Tip 100% of the bill at a restaurant - at the Tuckahoe Inn on September 24, 2016
10. Go whale watching - in Cape May, September 24, 2016
11. See Mt. Rushmore - done September 2015
12. Take a spontaneous weekend trip – deciding to go and leaving that same day done July 24, 2015
13.  Watch Old Faithful blow - done September 2015
14.  Stroll along the Seine went to Scotland instead
15.  Go to high tea. In Scotland. 
16.  Learn conversational French Abandoned when Paris was abandoned
17.  Adopt a family in need at Christmas Christmas 2015
18. Witness the changing of the guard at Buckingham Palace Never made it to England
19. Go to a college football game I gave away tickets in a bigger stadium to go to the shore
20. Eat at a farm to table restaurant (stole this one from Jana, thanks friend!) Talula's Garden on June 19, 2015, and many more after that. 
21. Read two Agatha Christie novels – a Marple and a Poirot I hated the Marple (attempted in May 2015) but liked the Poirot (read in June 2015)
22. Participate in a walk to raise money for pancreatic cancer November 2015
23. Get the tattoo on my back touched up March 2017 (see pic on the bottom)
24. Stand on the Cliffs of Moher November 2, 2016
25. Buy a pair of Frye boots I've hated every pair I've tried on so far. I bought Pikolinos instead and I fucking love them. 
26. Go to the opera Opera on the Mall was cancelled due to weather and rescheduled to when I couldn't go
27.  See the Mississippi River - February 2016
28.  Beignets at Café du Monde - February 2016
29.  Conquer my fear of the grill Summer 2015 - I made myself grill once a week. 
30.  See the Chincoteague Ponies - newp. But I will see the ponies on Ocracoke this summer. 
31.  Have dinner at Vetri - September 3, 2015
32. Cheesesteak tour in Philly - I did the cheesesteak festival and I'm calling it done
33.  Visit the Morris Arboretum - this was my backup plan for my birthday since we couldn't be at the shore. We also couldn't de-ice my car in a timely manner, so, no.
34.  Go to the Mutter Museum 
35.  Attend an author event at the Philadelphia Free Library - Toni Morrison book signing April 29, 2015. I also saw Jodi Picoult there with Jana in October 2016. 
36.  Get something published on HuffPost I never even tried
37. Take a cooking or baking class Stopped looking
38.  Learn how to use a drill Shore house work spring 2016
39.  Pick strawberries and make a strawberry pie from them abandoned, not interested
40.  Bake French bread - I am literally never allowed to put this on a to do list ever again in my life. 

Local friends, if you're in search of a tattoo place, check out Outta Sight Studios in Fairless Hills.

Good for you. I mean it.

Are you on an awesome vacation? Did you just get a new car? Have you gone up the career ladder? Are you purchasing a second home? Has an amazing opportunity come your way? Have you been working hard on your health and fitness? Did you overcome an obstacle? Have you improved your skills in one of your hobbies? Did you finally purchase something insanely expensive you've been saving for? Have you found love? Did you strive towards a personal goal and meet it? Did something finally click for you?

Good for you. I mean it.

There are a lot of people who seem supportive of others...until people reach a level that surpasses them. Some people can't stand to have someone that's not them excel. It sets their hearts on fire with insecurity and jealousy. They suddenly have things to say or do to subtly (or not so subtly) lessen someone's achievements, to make them question themselves or make them feel oddly guilty or wrong for being successful. You know these people - the ones who are always out there knocking people down a few pegs like it's their job. Talking out of the other side of their mouths to remind you that that successful person is not perfect. No shit, Sherlock. None of us are.

I'm not one of those people. I have many faults but this is not one of them. I'm straight up and real with people, but I don't want anyone around me to fail or feel shitty about themselves. I really love watching other people shine. I don't see the point in not hoping everyone can be the best person they can be, to have all the things they dream of in their heart of hearts. Making other people feel small doesn't make me feel better about myself, it makes me feel like an asshole. If you've surpassed me in an area of life, I don't need to bring you back down to my level to remind you that you're not as good as you think you are. What is the point of that? There are enough people out there who will rain on your parade and look for the one bad thing among all the good things to criticize. I'd rather be the one saying you go girl! I do my best to come from a place of encouragement. In writing this, I'm not looking for a pat on the back. I'm looking to recruit you to join me in the encourager ranks if you're not already there.

I don't even care if someone's success seems sudden or easy, because I know from personal experience that no success is sudden or easy. I don't know how much a success means to someone so there's no way I'm going to act like I know if they deserve it or not. I don't know how hard you work because I'm not you. I do know that every person's story has mistakes and missteps whether I've seen them or not.

Every one of us has found ourselves in a long, dark tunnel that feels like we'll never again emerge into the light of day. We don't usually publish the struggles and if we do we don't always say how much those struggles have cut us to the bone. Struggles live in shadowy recesses inside of us and have doors only those in our closest circle can enter to bear witness to our pain, shame, and strife. I don't need to see what you've been through to appreciate that you're now on the top of whatever mountain you've been climbing. I don't want to kick you back down a few hundred yards so you can satisfy some measurement of hard work or success that lives inside of my head. I want to be the hand that reaches down and pulls you up if you've run out of gas at the end.

I don't want you to downplay your successes for my sake or anyone else's. It's not right to dull your shine. If good things are happening to you and for you, enjoy them. Don't worry about what people say or who thinks you deserve it. Wasting time worrying about that kind of stuff distracts you from moving forward and continuing on your journey. You don't have time for it.

So keep going. Reach higher. Go out and get what you want. Be happy and proud. Don't listen to the voices that try to take the wind out of your sails, and when you do hear them, know that there are others like me out there cheering you on. There's no limit to the amount of people that can be happy and successful. I'm not interested in competing. I hope we all make it. I hope you hope that too.

A very happy birthday to my good friend and fellow encourager Gena down in Alabama.

Choose Your Own Adventure - April Results & May Goals

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April's Choose Your Own Adventure challenge had the monthly theme of FINANCES. My goals were:

1) Make extra payments on my car so it's paid off in May. Paid an extra payment and a half. Two more payments and this shit is history.

2) Freezer and pantry clean out - use what I have without buying new aside from produce and dairy to save on household expenses. I was pretty successful with this. I bought no meats or canned goods aside from organic canned pumpkin for the dogs and two boxes of pasta I needed for recipes.
3) Don't use change - save it instead. I was about half and half on this. 

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May's theme is READ.

My READ Theme Goals:
1) Get current on magazines. I'm about a month and a half behind.

2) Read an Agatha Christie Miss Marple novel.
3) Read five books total including the above. This is typical for me but hard for me to do when I'm also keeping up with magazines.

The link up to report in on how you did with May - Read will be Thursday, June 4. Mark your calendars! After May we'll be taking a break and for me and Steph the break will be permanent (Ashley may keep it going or anyone else interested can jump on with her), so let's make this one count.

An InLinkz Link-up

In with the new

I'm not a resolution maker, because I forget about them by February at the latest. Seasonal goals suit me best, and if you missed it, here's what I'm working on this winter.

That's not to say I don't like to start new things and challenges, because I do. Not just in January, but whenever the mood hits me. This month, here's what I'm working on:

1. Project 52 - I'm no good at photo-a-day challenges even though I take a foolish amount of photos all the damn time. So there's no way in hell I'd succeed at a 365 photo-a-day challenge. Sometimes I think prompts paralyze me and I focus on the prompt so much that I stage it instead of coming across it, which doesn't really suit me. This year, I'm doing a Project 52, which I'll share twice - once at mid year and once at year end. I'll choose a photo from every Thursday to share. Some will be mundane things like dinner or something I've come across that day, and some will naturally be vacation photos and other things that are a little more exciting.

2. Juicing - I've long crapped on juices and smoothies as things I don't like. I'm going to branch out and try to juice some healthy shit in our new Ninja. If it's good, I'll share the recipes. If it's bad I'll tell you to stay away from them.

3. Pantry clean out - I'm full to the gills in the pantry and freezer. Time to use what I have instead of buying more to make recipes that catch my fancy.

4. Activity - I let lazy win in November and December. I was escalating instead of doing the stairs, parking as close as possible, short cutting through the city on errands. I need to increase my activity.

5. Reading - Last year I read 64 books. My 2015 Goodreads Challenge is 60 books. I'll be sharing my most recent reads this Tuesday, January 13, for the next Show Us Your Books link up. I hope you will too.

Things I'm not doing: running anywhere, ever, or giving up coffee.

Last night when it was a windchill of 8 outside, our heater went on the fritz. Good timing, no? No. We have a home warranty and I called at 10 last night and got on the please help me list. Sleeping was quite comfortable, but the main floor is not...it was a balmy 46 degrees this morning. Regardless, it could be worse. We could have no shelter AND no heat. Still hoping for a quick fix but happy to have warm blankets and layers at our disposal.

What's new in your world this month?

Linking up with Amanda for Friday Favorites.

Poised on the precipice of a new year

I love turning the calendar over to a new year. I think of it as a fresh start: a clean slate I can mark up as I choose, a story that I'm excited to write. There are few things that rev me up as much as possibility and I associate the dawn of a new year with an abundance of possibility.

As individuals and as a couple 2013 was a difficult year for us, one that required a lot of growth and change. I've been writing this blog since August 2011 and I still wrestle with being authentic and real in this space while keeping what should be private private. Having a blog does not mean being an open book, and people should not expect that that's what it means. *I* should not expect that that's what it means. Vulnerability is not a comfortable coat to wear, and what I write here always opens me up to scrutiny and sometimes pushes me out of my comfort zone. It challenges me and I like that but sometimes it also makes me shrink back, reluctant to share. Thank you for knowing you aren't seeing everything behind the curtain and reading anyway.

We are each on our own journey in this life, and I'm really glad I get to share pieces of mine with you, and hear pieces of yours through our interactions. I love your comments here, conversing with you on facebook, and talking about something you liked (or didn't) on here in person. Thank you for another year of being on the other side of the screen.

What's ahead? I feel at peace in my heart approaching 2014. I'm kicking it up a notch at work and I'm on the verge of offering sponsorship and advertising on this blog. Things are humming along for me, and MFD is in a great place as well and is looking forward to working at a new brokerage office with a lot of great opportunities ahead for him career-wise. We're anticipating an awesome 2014.

I don't make resolutions. I'm much better keeping myself accountable with seasonal goals (you can see my winter goals here). However, I do have some intentions for 2014: acceptance, possibilities, and self-discipline. I want to be more accepting of things I can't change, more aware of all the possibilities I have, and more self-disciplined in regards to my health and wellness. Like put the fucking cookies down and back away type of self-discipline.

And, as with every year, I want to be better, kinder, stronger, braver, smarter, more aware and more fierce.

Whatever else you do today, do yourself a favor and leave your old shit behind in the vestibule as you close the door on 2013. Don't carry it with you into another year.

What about you? Do you make resolutions or set goals for the year?

I'm wishing all of my mum friends good luck tomorrow, especially MFD and the men of the Joseph A. Ferko String Band. Mummery is a great, storied, long-time Philadelphia tradition MFD has been involved in for 26 years. This is the first year in many years that I won't be having a parade party in the warmth of my own home but will instead be down on the street catching a bit of the string bands. It was originally forecasted to be a high of 28, but now it's a merciful 36. Still, I'm pretty sure I was wearing flip flops last year. Layers, be kind to me. Check back here tomorrow early for a link to watch the parade live (string bands should be on around 1:30) and see how Philly does New Year's Day.