Thursday Thoughts - don't leave false illusion behind

Picture it. Spring, 1980.

Add book, mug, and lipstick and my material life is reduced to a where you throw your shit when you walk in the door vignette

Treasures and death: a collage. Good week for treasures. Lots of dead things out there, Bruce and Ben tried to eat every single one in addition to the tiny alive crabs. 

Before. Shoulder season crowds loading. Spring is a hard time to intentionally book a trip to the shore far out - it could be so nice and it could be miserable and freezing. Every trip is weather dependent but few people like to freeze at the shore in spring when they know it's warmer inland.

Accomplishments. This week I took a bunch of returns to the post office, worked on taxes, picked up library books, ate a lot of vegetables, went through my bathing suits, purged clothes I have down here, booked two of the hotels for our New England road trip, and did my shore calendar and seasonal list. It's the little things. 

Misadventures in DIY. Who paints the bathroom floor THEN decides to have a team come in to paint walls, a plumber to replace the toilet, an electrician to fix a light fixture, and a husband to install a towel rack and toilet paper holder, requiring another coat before a top coat goes on? This dumbass. But I finally did the top coat last night, which will cure for seven days. 

You gotta get the big mama jar. The price of food has reached pearl clutching levels.

Scenic. March came in like a lamb and seems to be going out like a lion. It is confused by life in the now, like most of us. Off to secure my outdoor furniture and shit.

My constant starer.

Hope you all had a great Women's History Month and remember that every month is Black History Month and Women's History Month,  every month is the time to dismantle systems of oppression rooted in racism and patriarchy, and every month is the month to point your pitchfork in the right direction and clean up your own people's messes before you borrow messes from other people. Art by Kelly Reemsten

In the age of social media, this is a lost art. Reading and learning is so good and important and we bypass it a lot to make some sort of statement, like it's required of us. It's not. Even if we have at other times. I hope you follow Rabbi Danya. She provokes great thought in me. 

I'd like to thank the Academy in advance for cleaning up all of its messes. 

We could of course go into things we should all be talking about. Like the wife of a sitting Supreme Court Justice being in on the January 6 coup attempt as well as a conservative lobbyist and that same justice being the only one to rule against release of information instead of recusing himself for a conflict of interest. Like the former president continually being a lying liar who lies. Like misinformation and hot takes being presented as fact and disseminated to the masses by Fox News. Like the war in Ukraine and the threat Russia with an unhinged mediocre man at the helm poses to everyone. Like how we are treating Ukrainian refugees versus how we have received Middle Eastern refugees. Like high prices being passed off as "supply chain issues" and "inflation" instead of what it is in many cases - corporate greed, C-suite bonuses, stock buybacks all under record profit quarters while citizens suffer in the stores and at the pump. The widening wealth gap. The price of medications. Student loan debt crushing people. Gun violence. Violence born out of desperation, depression, lack of opportunity. Mental health. Substance abuse disorder. Black people sitting in jail on weed charges while white people are legal and licensed to distribute now. The farcical war on drugs period. Book banning bullshit and the silencing of teachers. Cutting off the ability to teach CRITICAL THINKING. The absolute disregard for nurses and their vitally important role in this world. Making sure gay and trans kids don't feel like they are legislated out of existence. And so much more. 

I hope we all have the day we deserve! Well, I hope that every day, and that we live knowing that is going to be the case. 

What appears beyond the hyphen in Thursday Thoughts titles is what I'm listening to when I'm starting this - this week is Eye in the Sky by The Alan Parsons Project

She Seeks Seashells

I head to the beach after work. 

I bring a book, but I don't always read it.

I wear a bathing suit, or I don't. 

MFD is there too, fishing, or he's not.

I have a mesh bag to collect my treasures, and if I forget it, I use whatever else I have. 

I'm pleased when low tide approaches or arrives between the hours of five and nine.

I wander up and down the tide line, slowly.

Shell seeking.

One of my Gamma's favorite books was The Shell Seekers. 

I learned to be a shell seeker from her, and my mom, and my aunts. 

Seeking specific shells. 

The kind I like.

Every shell seeker has their favorites.

But also some smooth, lots of times translucent rocks worn so soft from tumbling in the ocean.

Who needs a rock tumbler? 

Use the Atlantic.

And sea glass, a major prize.

When I find a lot of pieces I put them all in my palm and take a picture to share with my niece. 

A blissfully blank mind.

Only the sound of waves, and laughing gulls, and snippets of conversations that don't concern me.

The light washes everything honey gold as the sun goes down. 

Alone.

Peace. 

Happy birthday to my friends Mr. Chris and Dawn today!

My winter creature comfort requirements

Yes, we are talking winter requirements today even though it's going to be 56 degrees. On January 16. To be a further buzzkill, the only requirements are food/water/shelter, so these are my creature comfort requirements. 

Stash peppermint tea. I drink it most nights.

Beanies with brims. I like the CC brand.

Books

Slippers with hard bottoms for taking the dogs out

Elderberry extract

Vitamin D

A brisk rental booking season at the shore 

J.B. Field's Super Wool Hiker GX socks. I want warm feet but hate clingy socks that make my feet sweat. I've been wearing these for almost five  years

A home project 

Hydrating face masks 

New recipes to try 

Lots of free weekends for energy restoration 

A personal project/quest/something I’m actively pursuing

Time to lounge and dream

O’keeffes Working Hands

Things on the calendar to look forward to 

Humidifiers

What are your winter requirements? 

Show Us Your Books: Favorite Reads of 2017

These are my favorite reads of the year. I prefer favorite over best because best implies that they are of a level that some of them are not. I'm not a book critic and I don't want to be.

Favorite means for some reason that is personal to me they made the top 10 out of the 157 books I've read this year. Best book to me means what was contained in the book and nothing outside of it. Favorite read considers my experience and feelings as I read it in addition to the book.

Favorite read lists entice me more than best book lists. I will almost always like the book where I can objectively recognize its flaws but there's just something I can't quite put my finger on that makes it a total winner. The thing I can't put my finger on is often my experience and relationship to the book while I'm reading it.

Reading is personal. Don't ever let anyone make you feel like the books you love are not critically acclaimed enough to be spoken of in lists like these.

Let's do this. In no particular order.

Linkup Guidelines:

This link up is the second Tuesday of every month. This is a special year end linkup. The next regular linkup is January 9, 2018.
Please: 

1. Visit and comment with both of your hosts, Jana & me
2. Display the button and/or link back to us on your blog post
2. Visit other blogs who've linked up and talk books as booknerds are wont to do

Duplicity by Ingrid Thoft (Fina Ludlow #4) - I pre-ordered this and devoured it right away. Fina is a phenomenal female character and I support the shit out of books with those, especially if the author develops it into a series. I cannot wait for the next one.

The Seven Husbands of Eveyln Hugo by Taylor Jenkins Reid - I loved this book from start to finish - complicated, interesting, and I loved the story within a story, which I typically don't like. I want to meet Evelyn Hugo and at times I wanted to be Evelyn Hugo because she just storms through her life and that is powerful, even when it leaves earthquakes around her.

Words in Deep Blue by Cath Crowley - I don't know if it was the timing or what, but I could feel this book in my bones. It felt like swimming in pool water that feels the same as your skin temperature, like you are a part of the water. I loved the writing, the cover, the story, and the characters. I recognize that I have read books that have done a much better job in every area, but there's just something about some books, you know? That something existed in this one for me. 

Little Broken Things by Nicole Baart - I liked how this was written and it totally pulled me in for a less than 24 hour read on vacation. 

The Hate U Give by Angie Thomas - Read it. As soon as you can. And make sure your mind is open to something that is likely not your reality. This is a YA book that people of all ages should be reading.

Down a Dark Road (Kate Burkholder #9) by Linda Castillo - I read the entire series up to date this year and don't have a favorite even though some were better than others. I love Kate as a kickass female lead character who is more than capable of carrying a series. 

Eleanor Oliphant is Completely Fine by Gail Honeyman - I loved this book and am so pleased that the reason I picked it - the title - was backed up by a good story. 

The House We Grew Up In by Lisa Jewell - This was sad and weird and lovely all at the same time. And since it's about stuff, it made me think about my stuff more than I usually do, and what I hold onto and why. 

I Let You Go by Clare Mackintosh - Twisty and glorious...the twist that made me think I missed something because I was so utterly convinced it was going another way. I like being right, I mean don't we all? But when I'm reading I actually enjoy the reading experience more if I'm wrong. I do not read any book thinking I know more than the author or am better than the author. I read as if it's the author's job to tell me their story in whatever way they choose to. Because it is.

Homegoing by Yaa Gyasi - Sometimes when I love a book so much I have a hard time talking about it intelligently. Anyone else? I'm all just read it for yourself. I feel like that here, but should comment that it took me longer than normal to read this. Part of that was Thanksgiving weekend and being on the go and part of it was really needing to sit with each chapter in the beginning and think about it - not because it's hard to follow, but just because I found myself needing to. I also referred back to the family tree a zillion times. White people are all tracing lineage back to the freaking dark ages and black people...we've cut them off from that in so many instances. I have feelings for this book. The story itself and the telling are absolutely masterful as well. I've never read anything like it. I will feel the impact of this one for years. 

What were your favorite reads of 2017? 

An InLinkz Link-up

What I'm Loving Lately

I rarely just sort of like something. I'm usually all in with pink puffy heart love or all out. I used to do this once a month but I've gotten out of the habit of sharing things I'm loving with others so I wanted to take a minute to tell you what I'm all into recently: No affiliate links.

Tom's Slippers. These are worth every last penny of $40 some dollars. When I bought them I felt like an extravagant asshole, which I still might be, but it was worth it.

What's on my walls. Do I still like it? Some stuff has been up for a long long time and it's time for it to go. I've been ditching stuff at will and moving stuff around from room to room. I often go through stuff in my house, but rarely stuff that hangs. That's changed this time around as I'm working on getting rid of 30 bags of shit in 30 days. The walls are no longer safe.


Cabela's Sarasota Plush Full Zip Jacket. I bought this in black for Ireland, then I bought it in two other colors because I loved it so damn much. I tend to do that when I find something I adore. It's comfortable and breathable and really warm. Like it can take the place of a jacket on a lot of days warm. Visually I love the contrast zippers. It's $80 on the site right now, but I got the black one for $40 and the other two for $50 so hold for a sale, please. One of mine will live at the shore and the other two at home. MFD was all I don't like this as he was wearing it for a quick foray outside and I replied something to the effect of good it's not yours and you look ridiculous in it.

The Fina Series by Ingrid Thoft. I love strong female leads in books and Fina fits the bill. Her family is fucked up and so is her love life but she's fierce, smart, flawed, and awesome. I enjoy Ingrid Thoft's writing a lot. This is the fourth book and it was just released last week. I finished it last night and I think it was my favorite so far. Go forth and secure some from your library.

I Love Juicy Shampoo from Lush. It's pricey but I love the smell and how it leaves my hair. Since I don't wash my hair that often, it lasts me a long time, so the price is easier to justify spread out. I like their shampoo bars too, but since I don't use any hair products and I don't dry my hair with a blow dryer ever, I rely on my shampoo to provide some oomph and scent. I Love Juicy delivers.

WeMo Smart Plug. I get an enormous thrill every time I can turn the lamp on and off from my phone. Yes, I am aware it's like a more expensive clap on clap off situation. You can't rain on this light parade. Plus now I can turn the lights on for my dogs when I'm not home. It's worth the $30 for that alone.

Making my own elderberry extract. Since this cold keeps popping up like someone you're attempting to drown - speaking from crime show and movie experience, not real life experience, mind - I had to make this again. It's super easy and I control what goes in it. Win Win.

Cleanbear Dish Gloves. Why do my manicures last? Because I don't wash dishes or clean anything without these gloves and I don't use my nails as tools and I use always use a basecoat and never mind it's largely in the gloves. These are strong and they last a long time before one of the fingers blows out. They're like two for $13.

Give me the dirt on your current obsessions.

Creature comforts

I'm grateful for the big, important things I'm lucky enough to have - my health, framily, job, education, house, access to clean water, the utilities that make my home bright/warm in winter/cool in summer. I also love to wax poetic about those intangibles that sweeten the pot of life - the first tinge of autumn in the air, watching snow fall, the scent of summer rain on hot blacktop, being inside under a warm blanket on a cold day, waking up really well rested, feeling my feet sinking into the sand when the ocean comes up over them, sensing the heat of the sun on my skin in early spring, accidentally overhearing someone say something nice about you...

But on a lower, more spoiled and materialistic plane, there's the stuff. Which is, of course, all just stuff. I could sit here and act like I don't like stuff and like I'm above stuff, but I'm not. While I could certainly do without my creature comforts, I won't deny that they please me and I don't feel guilty about wanting them, liking them, and enjoying them.

Some of those things are...(no affiliate links)

New nail polish every season
An eclectic collection of coffee mugs
Gap Simple Pants (save this purchase for when you get a 40% off everything email)
Cheapie fresh flowers from Produce Junction
Sanuk Overboard loafers 
Reef Star Cushion Flip Flops

Wicked Women candles
L.E.H. Soap Company Jersey Girl soap - I love many, but that scent is my favorite.
Estes Sunglasses  from Sunglass Warehouse- the only cheap polarized sunglasses that work for me
Well worn paperback books from a used bookstore
Fresh Sugar Lip Treatment in Ruby
Sharpie markers

Panasonic digital camera
Mrs. Meyers Geranium and Method Grapefruit cleaning lines
Beach Goat Milk & Honey Lotion and sugar scrub from Blue Eden
R+F REDEFINE Multi-Function Eye Cream
Yogi Honey Lavender Stress Relief Tea (AKA go the fuck to sleep tea)

What are some of your creature comforts?

The best things in life are free

Today I turn 39. Whenever I hear that age, I think of the movie To Gillian on her 39th Birthday, which I've never seen but which pops into my head frequently. Titles of books, movies, and songs that I have never personally experienced tend to stick with me if I like the way the title itself flows. When I googled that movie to see what year it came out (1996), I found out the title is actually To Gillian on her 37th Birthday. So my intro about being 19 when that came out, being 39 now like the title of the movie, and how that 20 years passed in the blink of an eye is a loud fart of a failure and I'm two years late to the Gillian birthday game.

Anyway. Good morning. Welcome to my birthday. That's what today is known as throughout the land, right? Right.

To celebrate, I thought I'd talk about what I love that doesn't cost me anything. Of course some of these require things I've already paid for or utilities, but, I mean...stop being a ruiner and let me live. While I am a huge proponent of celebrating my birthday all month and live by the treat yo'self motto in general, some of the things I love the most are free, like

Watching the sunrise on the beach

Going to the library

Talking about future travel destinations with MFD

Planning things. Anything.

Seeing my people succeed or overcome 

Being ridiculous with my friends

Organizing things. Anything.

Reading a book

Cursing

Drinking coffee outside on the weekends

Sleeping in fresh, clean sheets

Having the windows open at home

Popping in to see my niece

Driving with the music loud and the sun roof open

People watching

Cooking

Exploring a city or town on foot

Snapping photos

Walking in the woods with the dogs at Lori's

Laughing

Looking through pre-digital photos

Freshly painted nails using my too big nail polish collection

Sitting out back in my gravity free chair

Talking to my dogs

Perusing Amazon and making wishlists

Celebrate with me! Share your favorite free things in the comments. While you're at it, leave your email in the raffle copter below. I'll donate $25 to the charity of the winner's choice and send you a surprise box of fun as well. As Peters always says, sharing is caring, you guys.

I'm gonna keep on loving you...

How about a little REO Speedwagon to tug on your heart strings on this fine Wednesday morning? There are some things I love so deeply I can say with near certainty that I'm going to keep on loving them. Things like...

Trying new restaurants

Reading books and blogging about books and checking out everyone's Show Us Your Books posts and basically never shutting the fuck up about books

Witnessing the sunrise

Taking advantage of Amazon Prime

Glancing up to see the American flag flapping in the breeze

Laughing at Veep, especially my favorite - Gary

Drinking weekend and vacation coffee

People watching

Seeing awesome things happen to and for the people I love

Strolling on the Ocean City boardwalk 

Spending time with my girlfriends

Watching my beloved 80s movies - Dirty Dancing, The Breakfast Club, St. Elmo's Fire, Sixteen Candles, The Great Outdoors, Uncle Buck, Top Gun, Ghostbusters, Clue, Vacation, Christmas Vacation, Caddyshack, Fast Times, Stand by Me, Heathers

Having ridiculous conversations with MFD

Practicing daily gratitude

Hearing stories of generosity and wins for humanity

Walking in the woods with my dogs at Lori & Jack's

Buying new nail polish

Listening to the Born to Run / Rumors / August and Everything After albums from start to finish 

Wearing lounge attire

Planning vacations

What are some things you think you're gonna keep on loving?

Why We Travel

Via

Note: This is a bad day to have this scheduled with news of last night's Amtrak crash fresh on all feeds. My thoughts go out to passengers and crew on train 188 and my utmost respect and appreciation for Philadelphia's first responders who handled the scene efficiently, professionally, and with compassion as well as medical staff treating injuries on-site and in area hospitals. 

I love the Jersey shore. I always have and I always will. If I could choose to go anywhere for a weekend, it would be there. Owning a home there is a future goal of ours. I grew up going there, my memories are buried in that sand, and every year I look forward to eating my traditional boardwalk treats and sitting my ass in a beach chair looking out at the same ocean I've looked out on my entire life. I love how comfortable and at home I feel there.

For a long time, our week long vacations were spent at the Jersey Shore and I loved every second. If you would've asked me 10 years ago where my vacation spot would be, I would've confidently answered the shore - one week every summer. But it hasn't turned out like that. The last time we did it was for our wedding five years ago. We've spent weekends at the shore but reserved our weeks for expanding vacation horizons. 

Some of our 2014 adventures - long, weekend, and day trips included

If I had a dollar for every time someone said, "must be nice," to a vacation shot of us, I'd be able to fully fund all trips for eternity. Yes, it is nice. And we've worked quite hard for it. It's something we set money aside for and where we prefer to spend our extra. We often say it's what we do with the money we don't spend on the kids we don't have. What we're actually buying is experiences, and I feel like it's an investment - the return we get is so much more than the dollar amount we put out.

Why do we like to travel? It feeds our desire to see places we've only read about or seen on TV. It gives us feelings and beauty and memories and stories and it pushes us outside of our comfort zones. Even planning the adventure can be fun, from deciding where to go and what to do, where to eat and what to visit. When you’re traveling overseas you do have some paperwork to deal with, visas and things from usa-esta.com and you might need travel jabs too which aren’t the most fun. But overall, travel is SO worth the time and money spent and creates memories to last a lifetime. 

MFD does well outside of his comfort zone - he has a wonderful sense of adventure and is spontaneous and very YOLO in nature. Me, as a person who lives inside of a routine and comfort zone to the extreme...I need that push. It's good to operate in places you're unfamiliar with sometimes. I think it can show you a lot about who you are as a person and how you function. 

Is travel a high priority for you?

Chasing Silver Linings

Hello friends! I'm unprepared for TWTW today so I'm switching it up this week. 

Check back tomorrow for weekend things.

********************

The off weeks...whether it's one large life altering thing or a series of small things that occur closely together to create a unique shit storm, we've all been there. They suck. You feel like you've been put through the wringer and even if you're not a whiner (and I hope you're not because I cannot stand whiners) you feel like whining.

When I look around and everything seems wrong, I remind myself that it will get better. It always does. Sometimes it takes a little longer, but there's an inevitable upswing to every low time.

One of my favorite things to do is chasing silver linings. When I get bad news or have a shitty week, I start looking for the silver lining - it's almost like a game I challenge myself with to improve my mood. I truly believe there is balance in every situation. Sometimes it's very apparent (I have good news and I have bad news, which one do you want first?) and sometimes you have to really dig in and search for it. 

Those times? When the silver lining isn't immediately apparent, when you have to think hard, work around some mental roadblocks, and really look for it? That's when it brings the biggest reward: in addition to the silver lining itself, you get the gift of the journey and the lessons you learned about yourself along the way.

What about you? Sulker, silver linings chaser, or hybrid?

How do I love Dirty Dancing? Let me count the ways.

-Amazing music
-When Doc Houseman is wrong, he says he's wrong
-How ridiculous Lisa is throughout
-Newman as the Kellerman's announcer
-When Johnny breaks the window in his car and Baby says YOU'RE WIIIILLLLD
-When Baby gets told to go back to her playpen
-The two old ladies throwing off their fur stoles and dancing together at the end
-When Johnny tells Robbie the creep he's not worth a punch
-The dance scene in Johnny's room
-It made references to melons something that didn't involve boobs

-When Baby mocks how Johnny was as a teacher in the Sylvia/Mickey scene
-How I can feel my hatred for Dr. Houseman burn in me with the fire of a thousand suns when Baby is making her impassioned speech and he is staring stubbornly at the lake like a curmudgeonly hypocritical douche
-Johnny's hands in pockets pose and when he does this

-At Kellerman's the friendships last long as the mountain stands
-How Robbie refers to it as The Penny Situation
-Max's lisp
-How cute those thieving Schumachers are
-How you can't tell Jennifer Grey hated The Swayze before filming
-How Baby's mom finally gets some ass about her and tells her husband to sit down when Johnny is making his I always do the last dance speech
-The lift
-I love it as much today as the first time I saw it many moons ago

I've obviously spent a lot of time watching this movie. It's my favorite! Much to MFD's chagrin, I watch it every time it's on TV even though I own it.

What's your favorite Dirty Dancing moment? When it's not on doesn't count.

Check out the giveaway pinned to the top of my facebook page - a random winner who (of course likes the page but also) comments and lets me know what they want to see more of on the blog will win a Naked Basics Palette. Because we can't all be fancy dancer eye shadow users, am I right? Winner will be chosen tomorrow morning at 10, so gets to steppin'.


Linking up with Kathy for Humpday Confessions 

Linking up with Shanna for Random Wednesday