Things I've been meaning to tell you 1.17.2025

Long time no talk, mes amis. 

I thought I'd pop in on the eve of the inauguration weekend from hell. I know it's been a while, but this is not a space and I am not the one for trump lovers. I'm not out on the internet arguing over human decency in 2025. If you've been around for a while, this will not surpise you. Some things have changed, but that has not. I will not be getting on board, bending the knee, licking the boot, acquiescing. 

trump is still a misogynistic, cruel, manipulative, lying, racist, rapist grifter who is only interested in serving his own bank account and catering to the whims of his billionaire lords both foreign and domestic; and absolutely not interested in anything in service to the American people or in line with the United States Constitution. He's got the architects of draconian policies clicking their fingernails together waiting to implement Project 2025 and it will be quickly apparent that overall cruelty to everyone who's not a white male and control of women have always been the points and remain the points. He's now a felon too which means referring to him as FOTUS instead of POTUS as we enter into this new era of oligarchy in the open. What a time to be alive!

But alive we are, and will continue to be, the universe willing. And there is no sense in being alive without leaning into joy and connection. 

Which is why my winter plans do not include catastrophizing, doom scrolling, worrying out every possible scenario, walking through the world in fear of what might come down. All of those things are a waste of my energy. And I'm just not cedeing any of my power or energy to these people. Fuck that.

I'd rather talk about some things I'm doing this winter and some things I plan to do to get through the chaos that's about to roll down. 

As we saw immediately after the election, non rich-people did not fully grasp what tariffs would mean for them, or why a ruling class of billionaires would make them poorer or impact programs like the ACA, Medicare, Medicaid, Social Security, etc. trump voters sold us all out over the price of eggs which trump has already said he cannot do anything about (never mind that there was an also imperfect candidate who had an actual plan to deal with corporate price gouging, never mind!). We're all about to feel these impacts the hard way, but until then, as a starting place/quick catchup, we are here:

I'm not going to spend time today talking about how to move forward politically. I'm watching what plays out. I'm almost as unhappy with corporate democrats as I am with the MAGA fake christian nationalists that have taken over the republican party. Fucking chill, I said almost. Don't salivate like I'd sacrifice any of my convictions to meet in the middle between Everyone Has Human Rights and Deserves Liberty, Love of their Choice, Freedom, Food, Shelter, Healthcare, Education, and Bodily Autonomy and the MAGA position on the same that is so goddamn far down from mine, it's in the devil's crusty unused basement. We are too far apart on human rights and we're never ever ever getting back together. I'd prefer that everyone realizes the social issues are not what's going to kill us, but the wealth gap, temper tantrums of mediocre white men throughout the ages, and prioritizing power and greed over everything else is absolutely going to kill us. 

Overall right now with very few exceptions, my prevailing sentiment is fuck the government/we take care of us/eat the rich. Clear? Clear.

Since I will not be catastrophizing, mismanaging my energy, or sending my cortisol levels through the roof, what will I be doing? Maybe you need some alternatives to fretting as well. 

Creative outlets

I've felt pulled to write recently and I've ignored it long enough so I'm trying not to ignore it anymore. 

As has been well documented over the years, I'm not a crafter and don't consider myself creative in things that require hands and like...actual creation. But the last two months of 2024, thinking I'd need to occupy myself because idle hands fret, I bought some wood pieces I am going to use in conjunction with my beach trolling collections to make some things. No one has to see it but I will benefit from the process of doing it. 

Music

If you want to see what my inside sounds like, I will refer you to my The winter of my discontent playlist on Spotify. I am not a typical sharer of playlists but this is hitting so hard for me, I feel like a magician for creating it. Music is a great place to lose yourself, always has been.

Social Media

Twitter: I got off Twitter as soon as Elon bought it so, next. 

Meta: I'm not ready to abandon Meta (specifically my chosen platform, Instagram) because I think breaking apart communities and access is part of the masterplan of Zuck's recent changes to his platforms. 

What I've done is erase my past off meta activities and disallowed access to future activities. You can do this by going to your facebook account, settings and privacy, See more in Accounts Center, click your information and permissions, click your activity off meta technologies, then two things: 1) clear previous activity and 2) manage future activity and disconnect. 

I will be goddamned if I click on anything and buy it through anything Meta shows me. This is an absolute no.

Align Practices with Principles

I can't boycott everything that gives money to administrations with policies I find abhorrent and against my own interests because then I'd be naked in the street eating my own feet since so much unethical and gross shit goes on in the lobbyists/corporation/politician threesome in this country, but in my life what makes the most sense right now is

- Not allowing my Amazon prime to renew. In general I will try to avoid Amazon, but if I can only get something there, I can get it without prime shipping

- Switched from Goodreads (owned by Amazon) to Storygraph

- Low buy year. I am sick of our overconsumption as a society, mortified at what it's doing environmentally, and pissed I've normalized it in my own life

- Shopping local for anything I do need 

- I don't need one goddamn item of clothing, so aside from the boots I just bought for our upcoming trip and replacing my birks that are beat to shit, no new clothes. Used okay.

- Attempt to borrow or buy used before buying new

- I've long been a no food waste lady. That's on steroids now. 

- Think about how I'm buying groceries - specifically, their packaging. My convenience is not the priority anymore. 

- Community and mutual aid. What do I have that I don't need that others in my community do need?

Get outside

Even when it's cold, outside is always the best side. 

Joy. Beauty. Travel. Friends. Books. In house. Self. 

- Recklessly pursue small joys because what the fuck is the point without them.

- See the beauty all around, and when it's hard to find, make a point to look for it. 

- We have a trip in February we've tried to take twice since 2015 and it's finally fucking happening. Family trip in June. Weekends with family and friends. 

- Friends are life. 

- Reading. Always. To escape this world, to learn more about it, to put myself in someone else's shoes, to keep up with fictional serial killers.

- This is a joint commitment with MFD. Shit will swirl outside as it does. If we're good inside our house, we're going to be okay. We always have been. You will be too.

- My relationship with myself is the most important relationship and the one every other relationship feeds from. My whole health - mental, physical, spiritual - comes before everything else. That doesn't change regardless of what's going on externally.

Standing Strong.

In my convictions. 

Under the moon.

With my face pointed toward the sun.

In the mighty shadow of hope.

When it is time for reflection.

When it is time for action. 

With my people.

In loving community. 

Behind people who need me behind them. 

In front of people as a shield when my privilege is greater than theirs.

Beside people like you, doing what we can to bring a better world for everyone into being.

Don't all those things sound like much better ways to spend energy than catastrophizing?  

Hang in there, folks. We've got us. Go Birds.

Things I've been meaning to tell you 6.14.2024

Aldi coming in hot with this lovely toter. A perfect replacement for one I just lost that I got in Vermont a few years back.

Weekends gone by post here for the last three, all good ones. Someone had a bead kit at the shore Memorial Day Weekend and I swear I will be finding these for all eternity.

Our hydrangea is having a moment

How I've felt since finding out I had Lyme's disease last week - IYKYK. I've felt as crazy as Felicia. Cliiiiiiiivvveeeee. Where are my Witches of Eastwick fans? Goddamn ticks. It has been a journey for sure, and not a pleasant one. Things went south very quickly. Bless these mega antibiotics. And the fact that I had a visible and very clear bullseye rash. I've never been so sick in my life, and I've never been so scared for my own health - what a privilege at this age to be able to say that. A weird after thing is that I have not had coffee since 6/3. I tried hot and iced and couldn't have more than a sip of hot and two of iced. 

I much prefer this type of feeling...which is how I feel when I walk into a new Marshalls/TJMaxx HomeGoods that has all of my things. I found an awesome one close to me at the shore that I haven't been to before and it is awesome.

In the midst of the Lyme's shit and first shore rental checking in, I picked up our new senior dog - 14 year old Queen Victoria, a corgi who lost her owner in May to cancer. She comes from Senior Dog Haven and Hospice, the same place Mr. Rooney came from and the same awesome foster. Crown Vic is likely at the end of her lifespan (corgis are 12-15 years by all accounts), but we'll keep her comfortable in style for as long as she has left. She's acclimated to us and to the dogs, but has not been to the shore yet.

Someone who is not interested in acclimating to the new dog...

The late light in June is just dreamy.

I am in the season of more Philly, less shore as the shore population swells and I find it harder to operate down there. I estimate I'll probably spend 3-ish days a week down there and four in Philly versus all the time down there like I do in the off-season. Philly showing up and showing out this week. 

The shore rental season prep flew by this year, mostly because we left it until the last fucking minute despite intending to do it all spring. I didn't paint the trim this year so I better be doing that in the fall. We're fully booked until Saturday of Labor Day weekend. We have a few September rentals too and may rent out a bit in October. 

More people but still pulling in treasures. 

I spent a zillion dollars at my car maintenance today, and MFD spent a mil on his inspection last week. Goddamn that hurts, back to back and not expected. I still need two tires also, but I was not getting them there. It has been forever since I bought tires, like literally many many years. Tire City here I come.

The party of law and order doesn't care about law and order if you're an old white grifter bamboozler rapist misogynist who appears rich. Then you can do whatever you want and they'll still vote for your hateful, lying, law breaking ass

Sincerely - fuck the supreme court. Overturn the ban on bump stocks largely supported across the board, sure sure. The fucking MANIACAL LUNACY of guns having more rights than women in this country. You can shove the 4th of July up your fucking ass, Clarence Thomas. These people are bought and paid for, several of their wives are the hateful white ladies upholding patriarchy that memes are based on, and every blessed one of them lied to the American people with their hand in the air saying Roe was settled and they would not disrupt it. This is a rogue court acting on behalf of their billionaire benefactors. Fuck you all, I hope you have the days you deserve and that it comes with incurable crotch rot and dental pain

If your password requirement is like 12+ characters, a number, a character, etc etc to infinity, you can shove it up your butthole. Also, can hackers just like hack the fucking government and big businesses and wipe out mortgages and student loans and medical debt and siphon some off the top of that and not try to place a $99 order on my Grove Collaborative account? I am not personally offended or upset when my credit card gets compromised but like hello when it is the credit card you have hooked to everything and it happens days before things hit like your spotify, home warranty, cat insurance, etc. No thank you. Again, please direct your efforts to cancelling student loan debt, medical debt, and mortgages. Or credit debt itself thank you and good day. I SAID GOOD DAY.

Congrats to all the grads, and happy day to all the dads

SMD

Things I've been meaning to tell you 4.19.2024

1. Is the AI robot coming up with the names for my spotify daylists okay? Happy Tortured Poet's Department Day to all who celebrate. I'm not a Swiftie or a member of the Beyhive but I've enjoyed both recently released albums and have favorites from both. 

2. We are booked for the summer season at the shore but have a rare long weekend in early June open (possible dates are June 5-9). That's typically our weekend with MFD's fam and there's a family wedding so we moved the weekend up leaving that one free. I also have the first weekend in October open and some weekdays in Sept and Oct too if you know anyone interested. You can see the listing here. 

3. I'm open to renting a little extra than usual to cover some upcoming expenses and things I forgot needed to happen, like replacing stair carpet. Fall Us excel as a couple at saying, "we'll do that in the spring" then suddenly it's April and there's a looootttt of things to do. So far I've gotten the supplies we keep in our apartment and outside organized, bought the majority of household supplies that will hopefully get us through to August before I need to re-stock, and ordered 80 rolls of TP. I've been leaning into the Dollar General $5 off on Saturday coupon to pick some of the cleaning/household supplies up on the cheap. This week I also got the outdoor shower fixed and ordered the replacement carpet for the stairs from the main floor to the second floor.We last did that project in spring 2017 and that carpet was a dark blue and is riddled with bleach. I remove all bleach cleaners before the season starts but people bring their own and I can't control that. This time we're going with aloe and a different type of carpet so hoping for longer more than six years out of it but we'll see. It is a high traffic area with lots of barefoot people in a town with a lot of dark sand. Next weekend is touch up painting weekend and all Touch Up Painters are invited. I'm sure no hands are raised.

4. I've also been getting rid of things we no longer need at the shore on Freecycle and what kind of psycho says they want something for free then doesn't pick it up? I always check back in with people like hey are you coming? After that they're out, we do not play by the three strike rule here. When they claim an item and don't show I block them. Toodles, go waste someone else's time. 

5. Big fan of getting every last drop. I have stuck with this facial cleanser at night for years at this point (I use a milder one in the morning). I am less likely to upset the facial apple cart as I age. If it works it works. Also of course I don't just use a plastic shower curtain, I'm not a serial killer. Mr. Rooney peed on the fabric one so it had to come down.

6. Monthly massage at Blossom coming up on Wednesday and I am in extra need this month - have you considered doing a monthly massage for wellness? I highly recommend Sarah. 

7. I am enraged with Netflix. I had everyone on my account in the allotted slots and paid for it for years. They got kicked off one by one. Then I could not access Netflix IN MY OWN HOME because it said I was not in my household since one household is in NJ and one is in PA. I explained this - I am absolutely not the only one who operates out of two places - and they gave me a work around and it stopped working. I had to change the household every time, there was no more option for "I'm traveling." So I cancelled it outright have not re-upped it. I was a continual netflix customer since 2004 I think, when we got the DVDs in the mail. No, I do not want two fucking accounts for one service so I can use it in two places. That's how people get overcharged and miss it. 

8. Weekends gone by paragraph recaps because I seem to be unable to quit that habit. I do for a while, successfully, then feel driven to make a note. 

9. Big into this mixed with some Topo Chico and a lime. If you live in the land of legal weed in these parts (NJ), this is in the...liquor store. But it has no alcohol. 

10. Beach scenes of late

Happy birthday to Gail today! And happy Friday to all

SMD

Things I've been meaning to tell you 3.21.2024

1. Items of interest from last weekend: I turned 47 Friday and celebrated by doing exactly what I woke up and wanted to do that day which included: semi-annual library used book sale, lunch at Lobster House, trolling around ReStore and TJMaxx/HomeGoods, overspending at the bakery, getting groceries, walking on the beach, putting my feet in the ocean, a quick drive to the dispensary, MFD picking up takeout from my favorite Italian restaurant in town and eating it on the couch in pajamas, MFD putting together the new cabinet I wanted (to have a third shelf where there used to be two in a small efficiency apartment with no storage? a dream), and my favorite comfort watch The Office. Thanks for all the birthday wishes - I typically share thoughts on my actual birthday and you can find them here. Saturday we met our new attached neighbors at the shore, I got the new loveseat I wanted for our porch from Big Lots, and we headed back to Philly for an impromptu fire pit night with my brother and the kids, MFD's brother and SIL and Harry, and Jared and Amy complete with a funfetti birthday cake a la Jared that was delicious. Sunday started with coffee outside then a pedicure, Lisa Gardner in conversation with Liz Moore, and the traditional St. Patrick's Day meal. I had myself a Sunday, which is not always the case. The boundary between Sunday and Monday is a hard one for me to hold most weeks.

2. I never did the weekend before either it appears. I was still in the spin cycle with insane work hours and deadlines. I watched Major League for the first time in an eternity and damn this movie holds up. I spent many hours on a rainy Saturday doing some trip planning, had a nice impromptu birthday week dinner at Mom & Rich's, Sunday I went to my first ever professional lacrosse game and it was definitely more fun than I expected. Enjoyable Wings game thanks to Tiffany and Brandon, followed by dinner at Chickies with Stephen and Aubrey and the kids. MFD met us there. Solid weekend!

3. The first quarter of the year was an hours and deadline trial by fire at work. I actually spent part of three days in Philly a few weeks back, which is rare these days. I still can't believe how different work life is post-pandemic March 2020. It's literally transformed my life in ways I never imagined before March 2020.

4. Yesterday was a banner sun ray through the clouds day - I saw it in Philly and later at the beach. It was a great reflection day as well. Clear skies with no clouds are my least favorite. I prefer a blue sky but clouds for interest, always.

5. This beauty is from last week. Clouds make a sunrise and sunset.

6. I'm this person now with reading glasses. They're everywhere yet sometimes I can't find them so now they can always be with me. 

7. Recent pet photos I like.

8. My bedside table project turned out as I wanted at the shore. Both have shelves in the middle for books which I loaded up on at the library book sale so I'll be populating them this weekend.

9. Watching: Just finished True Detective Night Country. Reading: Sally Hepworth's Darling Girls, which publishes April 23. 

10. Happy spring, folks. If the spring temps could come back, that would be fantastic.

I'm out here trying to stay in the day, present every day. To feel and welcome joy in the small moments. Living in a world where no one agrees on a damn thing and you can see that every second online is not easy. 

I cannot wrap my head around how we cannot at the least agree that people who are hungry should have access to food. I hate knowing people are hungry in America because they can't afford food and people cannot distinguish between inflation and corporate greed; that people are being starved in Gaza, including hostages, because food is not allowed in by land; that people are starving in Sudan because of six years of violence coupled with flooding and population displacement; that 25 years of violence and displacement and climate change has made hunger an ongoing fact of life in the Congo; and I could go on. If we cannot agree to feed people as a basic human right and have countries and corporations conduct themselves in a way that allows the earth to remain habitable for all of us, we are not going to agree to jack shit. 

Off to take Bruce to the vet for a weird irritated drooping eyeball. Wish us luck.

SMD

Things I've been meaning to tell you 3.6.2024

1. Items of interest from last weekend: My first do nothing weekend and non-working weekend of the year. It's been a battle out here, I am already 12 full days over for the year that I have to flex somewhere. My niece and nephew came over Friday night and MFD, Jared, and I took them to Nifty Fifty's. I was on the couch all day Saturday and it was fucking glorious. Sunday was a repeat with just some more laundry and organizing and blondies. I finally placed an order to update some wall photo canvases we have in Philly. 

2. A moment of appreciation for these fantastic athleisure shoes.

3. Flowers for all of us here in America on the heels of Super Tuesday. I don't think I've ever wished more for two alternative candidates for president. And yes, folks, there are only two candidates who have a chance to win in November. I found this on my phone and have no clue where to attribute. 

4. Things I miss the most overseas: iced coffee. American eggs. 

5. Spotted in transit. Flaubert for fun? Grow up. Also look, Air France, an airline I was never supposed to be on but ended up on thanks to Air Canada's shit assery stranding they still will not address with me.

6. Photos I take of my husband vs photos he takes of me. LOL Just kidding on the middle one but really. Redeemed by the end one. I almost returned that pink dress and it was my favorite. 

7. Many people asked and no, I did not plan this trip. We went on a tour with Exottica  so the route was set and it was fine - we did everything we wanted to do, in the amount of days we wanted to do it in. It would have been nice to have a full first day as planned but that's on Air Canada. I am happy with the decision to not go to Morocco on a DIY trip - there are a lot of customs and interactions/payments expected etc that we relied heavily on an english speaking guide to help us navigate. There are guides who do small group tours and individual tours if you want to go that way, but if you are going and traveling around the country I'd definitely lean on a local guide, or get a local guide in each city.

8. What I brought home:This fucking fantastic hand done copper and metal mirror with leather backings. A little art piece from a village. Pottery from the art school in Fes. Protective hamsas for all. A baller bracelet I haggled the shit out of. Beauty products including prickly pear cactus oil. Rocks from everywhere and sand from the Sahara. Not pictured: a super thin "rug" that I'm using as a topper for our bed. 

9. Since I just returned from a trip, it's about time to plan the next one - heading out west in the fall! It's been right about nine years since we've been out that way. 

10. I'm dying to get back to the shore, but I had to be in the city yesterday and back tomorrow and Friday and I have something here on Sunday so that'll be on hold until next week. Not that it would be enjoyable with this fucking hideous rain. Relentless out there today.

SMD

Things I've been meaning to tell you 2.14.2024

Look who's back, back again...

1. Items of note from last weekend: It is amazing how much lighter and happier I feel after a few hours spent with a BFF. Thanks to Laura for driving down to visit for lunch...where I sat directly across a man I filed against in small claims court for fucking insane window shenanigans. A man who told me he was dying the last time I spoke to him. Surprise! He survived. LOL. And thanks to MFD for driving down to get the dogs and fill up my tires so I could run around doing some work shit Sunday. I finally went to a coffee shop I've been meaning to go to - Jessie's of Linwood - and got a smashing red velvet muffin. I saw Buddakan with her skirt on for the Lunar New Year. Your woman was invited to a lacrosse tailgate by literal children. Despite having a face that discourages interaction, I continue to be invited to interact. The tie dye flower my brother got me was still alive in the fridge in Philly weeks later. These buffalo chicken sliders from Bluff City Grub were super easy and delicious. Shittah finally made it onto the corner ladder shelf. 

2. Okay what the hell. Who has seen this? This is fucking insane.

3. Shore side tables I picked up at a thrift store in November are in progress. The middle shelf is for books, I swoon over these tables. I've found three over the past year. Both of these use All in One paint in Thistle as a base coat. The sherbert orange one is that mixed withModern Masters Metallic paint in burnt orange and the other is Modern Masters Metallic paint in teal.I leaned into mixing with the orange to soften the color up and not so much with the teal, because that metallic was the color I wanted. 

4. I do not like or celebrate Valentine's Day, but I love love in all of its forms. If you need to hear any of these from someone today and haven't: I love you. You being out here alive and kicking matters in this world. You complete you. You can buy yourself flowers. Along with picking up a divine dessert, giving someone who deserves it the middle finger is a cheap way to treat yo'self.

5. Related, from my soapbox: There is no reward in this life for putting every living thing before yourself or turning yourself inside out for someone else, whether that person is a love interest, child, friend, parent, sibling, whoever. Take care of you, then everyone else. Many women in particular need to read this to understand it, not read to gloss over the words. There is no award for putting yourself last. There is no award for depleting yourself to where you are a puddle on the couch. There is no award for setting yourself on fire to keep someone else warm. This applies to romantic love, children, family, friends, etc etc. Take care of you, then everyone else. 

6. Slowly but surely making changes in Philly. I have too many belongings for someone who is rarely there, so every time I go home, I pare down. I've gotten rid of a decent amount of stuff over the past few months but am literally just scratching the surface. We've got a new roomate in Philly - Jared, who is basically family to us, moved in last month, so I cleared out a bunch of shit in the bedroom he's in and while I was at it I went through the closet in my office where old luggage and Halloween costumes go to die. The shit pit room in the basement is allegedly being turned into usable space, cleared out by MFD. Step one of that was putting Shittah's bathroom behind closed doors. This room has always been the recipient of shit people unload from cars and forget about, or where we put things we need to figure out what to do with. For a minute it was a bedroom for my mother in law, then an office for me, and I want that office back but we're in negotiations over that right now.

7. A few weeks ago Laura called me the Menopause Captain and I humbly accept this title. We can speak about perimenopause and menopause openly and not sotto vocce like they're taboo topics. Periods too. Get comfortable being uncomfortable if you talk about these things in a whisper behind a hand because they impact the daily operating lives of over half of the global population and this shit is uncomfortable and maddening enough without having to put a cherry on the top of a shit sundae to ease others around you.

8. What I also struggle with every day and appreciate the words of Zoe Lister-Jones on: the idea that we cannot hold space for both peoples. We can. Actually, fuck can. We must. 

9. I don't want to hear about more mass shootings because I don't want there to be any more fucking mass shootings. Nothing more American than a mass shooting on the day of the Super Bowl parade, coinciding with the anniversary of two previous mass shootings that did not rock the country enough for any tangible action to be taken. It's a goddamn fucking disgrace. 

10. The beach recently. Lots of heavy skies, which I don't mind. Not a lot of sea glass, but I found four pieces yesterday. That's how it goes. Just me and Ben down here from Monday night to tomorrow night.

We leave for vacation Sunday. I am absolutely unprepared to do so, and am trying to get right with it. I'll probably do like I did when we were in Europe, and do an IG feed post a day and a reel. That was a good way for me to remember our trip myself. If you want to follow along, you can find me on Instagram here. MFD is here and hopefully he doesn't lose his phone like he did the second he stepped off the plane in Switzerland this summer.