Life lessons A to Z

Happy Wednesday, worldwideweb! As part of my birthday month, I thought I'd share an A to Z of some things I've learned along the way in life. Enjoy! And try not to be a dbag today, to yourself or anyone else.

A. Actions speak louder than words. Do what you say you're going to do.

Photo from leloveimage.blogspot.com

B. Don't think so much. Just be. This is my favorite quote from the fabulous novel Ordinary People.

C. Comparison is the thief of joy. Appreciate what you have, don't worry about anyone else or what they have.

D. Don't drink and drive, and don't be an asshole drunk.

E. Excuses are lame.

F. Facebook is not a therapy office, nor is it a place to air dirty laundry. It's a social network. The End.

Photo from sanespaces.com

G. Graciously accept aging - some people don't have the privilege of growing old.

H. Honesty is the best policy.

Photo from letsbehonestdho.blogspot.com

I. If you don't love yourself, nothing else matters.

J. Jail is bad, so don't do anything that might land you there if you get caught, mm'kay?

K. Karma doesn't have a statute of limitations. Treat others how you want to be treated.

Photo from grazesandgroanswithlifesspillsandthrills.wordpress.com

L. Laughter cures most things. So do loving and loyal friends.

M. Manage your expectations of others and of situations and you will be happier overall and less bitter about things you never had any control over anyway.

N. NO DRAMA - don't create it and don't participate in it. It's like Beetlejuice. Don't even say it.

O. Own up to your part in things and take responsibility.

P. Play the best hand you can with the cards you've been dealt.

Q. Quit blaming other people for what's in your life. Whatever is there is there until you choose to get rid of it.

R. Race the sun - have productive and full days. You'll sleep better at night.

Photo from blog.wireguided.com

S. Stand up for what's right, especially when nobody else will.

T. Take vacations, enjoy every day, and have fun.

U. Use correct spelling and grammar.

No lie, I was fortunate enough to be behind this guy this very morning. Please sir, the possessive...you're killing me.

V. Vote. It's a privilege many people in the world don't have, and one of your freedoms that many soldiers died to protect. The least you could do is inform yourself about candidates and issues and pull the lever.

W. The world doesn't owe you anything, so check your sense of entitlement at the door. If you want something, you have to work for it.

Photo from themillionairesecrets.net

X. eXtremists are bad news and tend to ruin things.

Y. You can't control what other people do or say, but you can control your reaction to it.

Z. Zen states are good.


Sayonara, amigos.

SMD

I Don't Get It - Volume II

More things I don't get, man.

1. The phrase "Just sayin'." Are you actually just saying it, or are you really doing it/thinking it/feeling it? The phrase's time has come to an end. I'm not just saying that. I really mean it.

2. When the weather turns from summer to those first crisp days of fall in October and people turn out in wool coats and gloves. No one has fleeces or lighter jackets? A heavier sweater and scarf are inadequate for 63 degree weather? Do their moms send them out like this in January?

3. Imma be.

Gus - Halloween 2006

4. Thinking dolls and stuffed animals are cute as an adult.

5. Consistently being late. We all have things that delay us when we're trying to get somewhere. Life is about adapting and constantly examining options and priorities - sometimes you can't do something or deal with an issue AND be on time. If it can wait, let it wait. Most things can wait. Don't keep your clients, colleagues, friends or family waiting. It's unprofessional and rude.

Set your clock earlier or something, fool.

6. How my entertainment center can be dusty immediately after I dust it. Why, household gods? Why?

TV tuned in to Investigation Discovery Channel.

7. These two.

8. The most recent upgrade to facebook. I can see what friends post on the walls of their friends that I don't know. Why would I want to be able to do this? Everyone likes to stalk a little bit but this is just a creeper's paradise, Zuckerberg.

9. The Real Housewives. I watch, but I don't understand. 

10. Why people think only lazy uneducated hippies understand Occupy Wall Street. I have a job and a mortgage. I bathe daily. I don't piss outside unless it is absolutely necessary. I don't understand the concept of not working every day or not washing every day, but I do understand people taking issue with  the American taxpayers bailing out the banks and other corporations and then being pissed off when the banks hike fees on the consumers and stop lending money to small businesses; and the CEOs of the banks and other corporations continue to make a zillion dollars and receive bonuses. That makes no sense to the OWS protestors, and I have to agree with them. Some of the OWS people are probably lazy assholes, some of them are pissing all over the walls of City Hall or storing their urine in bottles here in Philly...but some of them are exactly like me, and work their asses off and are getting squeezed by the tax man while huge corporations fuck off and are not held accountable for what they've done with the money lent to them from my taxes, and CEOs of companies that were bailed out flitter around on private jets.

I am annoyed with every member of my government, and I think they should all be called to the carpet and impeached. I'm sick of the politicking, the finger pointing, and the arguing over gay marriage and abortions while people lose their jobs and homes. Fix the fucking economy and let people worry about who they marry or if they carry a child. Hold people accountable for their lives. Cut the lifetime pensions and health benefits for elected officials - you serve your term(s) and you go, then you do something else. You don't continue to live off of the tax payers for eternity. Create jobs so the unemployed and the people on welfare can earn a living and provide for themselves. Fix the welfare system - it was designed to give people a leg up, not to be their income for years and years. 

In the name of all that is holy, consult a grammar guide.

Particularly in these instances:

1. they're, there, their. They're putting their books right there.
2. your, you're. You're going to regret not bringing your umbrella.
3. lose, loose. You lose games. Your clothing is loose.
4. quite, quiet. The evening was quite quiet.
5. to, too. You're too nice to her.
6. Incorrect use of plural and possessive forms. If you have no idea what I'm talking about, you are an offender. This drives me totally fucking insane. When you address something to people, it is The Smiths, not The Smith's. Your family's home can sleep 12, so a few families can stay there. Capisce? Possessive form of a noun indicates that the noun owns something, so if you use that apostrophe, the noun better be in possession of something.

7. Cutesy spellings. Nite. Lite. No.
8. The is a word that has no abbreviation. Da is not a form or abbreviation of the. Don't use it. I'm serious.

9. If you can type out gr8t, you can surely type out great. The same goes for 2 - it's just one keystroke less than to. R instead of are saves you 1.5 seconds. It also makes you look stupid. If you don't feel like typing out "shut the fuck up," abbreviate that in a text, not are/the/to. Carry on.

10. Compose texts and emails as if you're speaking out loud to someone. If you say it out loud and it's reminiscent of sounding out words when you learned to read, stop. Start again.

Take your time. Think about what you're saying. Express yourself intelligently. Make your kids do the same. When you're not sure how to write or spell something, look it up in a reference guide or on the world wide web.

You may now return to Hurricane Irene coverage and the corresponding facebook status updates.

Grammatically yours,

SMD