Showing posts with label rape. Show all posts
Showing posts with label rape. Show all posts

Thursday, September 27, 2018

Thursday Thoughts - dancing through the fire

For the first time in about a billion years, I didn't plan a Thursday Thoughts post but I had things to say today, on Dr. Ford's testimony day, so excuse the save and share from Instagram stories. 


RAINN Statistics



Words from Ijeoma Oluo


If it's so hard for people to believe survivors of rape...imagine why those who have endured different types of sexual assault and sexual harassment might not come forward. Use your brain. Use your heart. See beyond the system we've all come up in. Otherwise, same as it ever was, with you the one defending it. 

Do not stop calling your Senators about Kavanaugh: call through the ACLU here or just dial your Senator's #. If you need help finding that, let me know. 

Wednesday, April 26, 2017

Rape Culture: Know what it is and end your contributions to it


Since April is Sexual Assault Awareness Month, I kicked it off with some upsettling infographics and facts and I'm ending it with a post on rape culture. I'd rather talk about something else too, believe me, because I am sick to fucking death of banging this drum, but I will keep going until the rape culture is smashed. We've got to stop this shit and unfortunately it will take every single one of us to do it. 

To start, we can stop acting like rape culture is a popular new buzz phrase bitchy feminists have come up with in the past few years because they have no sense of humor. 

It's not. 

It's when sexual assault, rape, and general violence are ignored, trivialized, normalized, or made into jokes. If you think those things are a rarity or anything outrageous you hear about (Brock Turner) is a one-off or isolated situation, you're mistaken. And also fully immersed in rape culture. Because this shit happens every day and it has forever. Rape culture exists because we don't believe it does. 

And it's a very hard cycle to break from, even for women and feminists. We were raised in this culture. We've heard victim blaming on the news, read it in the papers and online. It's been around us since the beginning of time. We've said the things you should never say as an automatic reply to stories we hear. It's ingrained in us to not make a big deal out of things, to let it go, to look over our shoulders, to shrink in situations where we might be vulnerable, to think well why was she walking alone? 

On a very, very basic level:



What can you personally do to end rape culture? 
-Stop blaming the victim. It doesn't matter what she wore or how much she had to drink or where she chose to walk alone. She wasn't asking for it and she didn't deserve it. If the thought comes to mind, eradicate it. 
-Never, ever say well it wouldn't have happened if...
-Do not insult this issue with but what about women who cry rape. Seriously. Don't. For no other crime do we attempt to give the accused the benefit of the doubt. Imagine hearing well there are those kids who just say they were molested ...or I'm sure they didn't mean to break into your car, it was just a misunderstanding. Etc. 
-Cast off outdated ideas about sexuality. She wasn't asking for it because she's a person who's had sex. Stop calling women who have sex sluts and whores because they do it and like it when it's consensual. 
-Know women are full human beings with the right to bodily autonomy. 
-Recognize that most rape talk centers around female victims but that there are male and LGBTQIA victims as well and that if women are afraid to step forward as victims, those groups are even more so. 
-Don't laugh at rape jokes. 
-Teach your daughter to take up more room, not less, and that if anything ever happens she should come to you because you will believe her and fight for her. Find a self defense class but at the same time try not to be so heavy on the protect yourself message even though that goes against everything we as women know. It is every individual's job to protect themselves but girls should not have to be MORE careful than boys. 
-Teach your sons not to rape. Boys will be boys does not apply here. 
-Teach all kids about enthusiastic consent - it's not just about a no. It's about a conscious, enthusiastic yes. Flirting is not consent. 
-Speak up. Rape culture grows in silence. I've been on the end of you're too sensitive/it's a fucking joke when I've spoken up about rape jokes and that feeling sucks, for sure. But not saying anything and giving something pervasive, damaging, and ugly room to grow feels even worse. 

Reductress viciously satirizing rape culture to show how fucking insane it is:

Which is what we all need to do: turn rape culture on its head and kick it in the ass on its way out the door. It's way past time. 

National Sexual Assault Hotline, accessible 24/7 via 1-800-656-HOPE or online.rainn.org

Thursday, June 9, 2016

Thursday Thoughts: Burn it Down

via
This week I've been consumed by liquid hot magma rage running through my vital organs, destroying everything in its path. Hearing that convicted rapist Brock Allen Turner was sentenced to six months in county jail for raping an unconscious woman behind a dumpster is something I still have not come to terms with, and I'm someone on the other side of the country not involved. I cannot imagine how his victim feels about that sentence. If you guys are not familiar with this, I'm going to need you to click the links throughout.

In between building a towering inferno of rage inside of me so solid I could practically touch it, I cried reading his 23 year old victim's letter that she read directly to her rapist in open court. I got chills reading her last paragraph:
And finally, to girls everywhere, I am with you. On nights when you feel alone, I am with you. When people doubt you or dismiss you, I am with you. I fought everyday for you. So never stop fighting, I believe you. As the author Anne Lamott once wrote, “Lighthouses don’t go running all over an island looking for boats to save; they just stand there shining.” Although I can’t save every boat, I hope that by speaking today, you absorbed a small amount of light, a small knowing that you can’t be silenced, a small satisfaction that justice was served, a small assurance that we are getting somewhere, and a big, big knowing that you are important, unquestionably, you are untouchable, you are beautiful, you are to be valued, respected, undeniably, every minute of every day, you are powerful and nobody can take that away from you. To girls everywhere, I am with you. Thank you.

Fierce. Warrior.

It is some motherfucking bullshit that a woman has to jump through 2309480239840 hoops to get a rapist convicted, enduring questions on the stand about what she ate that night, what she drank, what she wore, if she flirted, as if ANY of those things were the cause of her being raped. BULLSHIT!
Via Buzzfeed
You know what caused her to be raped? Her rapist. That's it. Him and HIS actions and HIS choices. Nothing she did or didn't do.

While she has to endure this fucking bullshit of a personal attack on the stand after she has actually been attacked and assaulted in ways she will never recover from, all we hear about this fine upstanding young man is that he's a good athlete who's never raped anyone before. Guess what?  It doesn't matter how promising of a future he had. It doesn't matter how fast his swim times are. It doesn't matter that he's never done this before. What matters is that he raped this woman. This woman, this circumstance. He is a rapist.

After his victim had the courage to read a 12 page letter directly to him in court, Judge Aaron Persky, who is apparently a soulless bastard who maybe wasn't listening to this woman, gave Turner six months in county jail so the punishment doesn't have too severe of an impact on him. He gives a slap on the wrist to a guy who was found raping an unconscious woman behind a dumpster, tackled off of her by two passerby (who cried over what they saw), and unanimously convicted by a jury of his peers. Really? Really. This is straight up privileged patriarchal bullshit and I'm fucking done. Fuck the patriarchy. The judge is an old boy from Stanford, and he's up for re-election, unopposed. Click here to sign a petition to have his ass recalled.

But Judge P wasn't the only one stumping for poor wittle Bwock. Daddy wrote a letter too, in which he wah wah'ed about his golden son no longer eating his favorite snick snacks and how "20 minutes of action" (that is actually what he called the rape, no shit) ruined 20 years of his son being awesome. It sounds to me like Daddy had some take what he wants without regard for the personal autonomy or safety of others and then engage in victim-blaming of his own back in the day. These animals are trying to make this about binge drinking and promiscuity. It's not about anything other than rape, you entitled pricks.
Which, by the way, media...you...you are also complicit in this anti-victim anti-woman stage show. At the end of every article about this rapist you list his swim stats and mention his Olympic aspirations and show pictures of him smiling from the yearbook and not his rapist mugshot (well, they did...many have been updated with the mugshot after too many war cries). I'm looking at you, Washington Post. The way we talk about rape and perpetrators of it has long-lasting, rippling effects. People are still raping women because they think they can get away with it...which, apparently, they can.

Do I sound angry? Good. I am angry. I am so angry I can't even find a way to describe it. There have been a lot of eloquent writings on the internet about this situation this week, tempered and calm and well written - see here and here for just two of them, as well as the one that resonated the most with me a few paragraphs below. I'm sorry this isn't one of them. I'm too angry.

You should be angry too. This is not just a problem for women. This is a problem for all of us.

Because in addition to Daddy and Judge Pecker, there are pages in support of this rapist. Pages I can't bring myself to read because I'm afraid that I'll spontaneously combust with rage. Pages out there supporting a convicted rapist. It could have been any of us and the outcome would have been the same.

It's sentencings like this and support for this type of criminal behavior that make vigilante justice a thing. This here is a phenomenal blog post on Abadoning Pretense entitled We with the Pitchforks. The major takeaway for me is this:
Let us gather, as a community, on behalf of this woman for whom justice was not served, with our torches and pitchforks, ready to put Brock in his place.Because the justice system failed not only her, but all of us. And goddammit, if the justice system is not going to protect us, I guess we are just going to have to fucking protect ourselves.

We are not protected now. And there are people who are okay with that. I'm not okay with it. And I don't want to know anyone who is okay with it. I will cut you out of my life in a second. 

This sentencing, and the ignorant victim blaming fucks it has exposed, has made my blood roar, my throat burn, and my skin run hot. Rape is never, ever, EVER the victim's fault, regardless of what she did or didn't do, what she wore, how she acted. Her life is never less important than her attacker's regardless of what station in life either of them occupies. 

This sentencing, and the way it exposes the rape culture that is so prevalent in this country that so many people deny exists, has made me clench my fists so hard I leave nail marks in my palms. 

This sentencing, and what it means for all women - yes, you, and your daughters and nieces and wives and girlfriends and mothers and aunts and grandmothers and neighbors and teachers and every woman here - ensures that I will bang my fucking feminist drum as long and as loud as I need to. I don't care who is tired of hearing it. I will do everything I can to affect change on this topic. I'll go to my deathbed doing it. 

In this current climate, women's bodies can be violated without punishment. When assaulted, women have to practically provide video to be believed and all the man has to say is, "I didn't do it." And before someone trots out of the woodwork saying but women falsely accuse men of rape too, stop. I don't want to hear it. That's the exception and for you to bring it up after this sentencing is honestly fucking insane and you're part of the problem. This bullshit is the rule and this is not anywhere close to equality. 

It will keep happening until the majority of society makes it unacceptable. Until we're vocal about it. Until we change how we talk about rape, the words we use, how we treat victims. This sort of societal change requires men and women. 

In this dark tunnel, I see the light of many males just as enraged about this as females. Good. It takes all of us - that means you, too, people who were worried about us getting raped in bathrooms by people who have no interest in raping us but only in peeing. Let's be productive in our anger. Let's take this repugnant and disgusting and inhuman and unacceptable rape culture and burn it down. 

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Tuesday, November 6, 2012

V O T E. Especially you women.

Elizabeth Cady Stanton. Lucretia Mott. Lucy Stone. Margaret Fuller. Susan B. Anthony. Julia Ward Howe. Sojourner Truth. Alice Paul. Lucy Burns.

Thanks to the grueling work and dedication of those women above, the Nineteenth Amendment to the United States Constitution provides "The right of citizens of the United States to vote shall not be denied or abridged by the United States or by any State on account of sex."

Amendment XIX was ratified on August 18, 1920. Less than 100 years ago, ladies. Do you know that South Carolina rejected the ratification in 1920 and that they didn't get around to officially passing it into law until 1969? That's less than 50 years ago. Votey vote vote vote vote! Women and men, all of you.

If you don't want to read my politics, please conclude your reading here. Happy Election Day!
____________________________________________________________________

Women of America: you were "granted" the right to vote less than 100 years ago. If I had one wish, it would be that everyone could speed read A Handmaid's Tale today so you can see what might happen if wombs become property of the state. The Handmaid's Tale explores themes of women in subjugation and the various means by which they gain small freedoms in a totalitarian christian theocracy.  The new regime overthrew the U.S. Government, took advantage of electronic banking to freeze the assets of all the women, and kept a class of women as handmaids for reproductive purposes. Fiction, yes. Too close to what's going on out there, I think so.

I don't want to debate abortion with you. No one is FOR abortion. I want to respect your right to make your own decisions and to observe your own personal and religious beliefs and practices, and for you to give me the same courtesy.

Regardless of whether you are pro-life or pro-choice, the absolute stunning gall of men in positions of power trying to REDEFINE RAPE on the national scale, tossing around terms like forcible rape, and saying that pregnancy as a result of rape is like pregnancy out of wedlock is an assault on the sovereignty of women. It is despicable and disgusting and we should not stand for this. These men should not be running for office or sitting in office if they are so very flippant about something like rape that is so detrimental to the safety of women.

I will never vote for anyone who is anti-choice, because I don't believe abortion should be a national issue. I've never had the luxury of choosing between two candidates who are solely focused on growing the economy, improving this country's infrastructure, and protecting this nation from threats both domestic and foreign. So yes, I will be a one issue voter until my lady parts are no longer a national public issue.

"But the economy is more important, Roe vs. Wade will never be overturned!," they cry. If it will never be overturned, why is it being chipped away at on the state level? Why all this focus on what rape is and when women should have children? Why mandatory vaginal ultrasounds? Why any of this instead of 100% focus on an economic recovery?

I wouldn't trade my individual liberty for a 10 foot hole filled with gold bricks. I especially would not trade my individual liberty for the PROMISE of gold bricks. I hope you won't either.










p.s. I have voted in every election for the past 17 years - presidential, local, primaries. I have NEVER gotten an "I voted" sticker. I feel sad inside.



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