No longer set adrift on memory bliss

In my year end post here, in talking with people, and around Instagram - I do a lot of micro-blogging there in captions and sharing in stories, which I said years ago I would never do and we all know what happens when we say never - I have said I have no goals for 2022 and wanted to come gently into this year. 

I suppose that's true, in comparison to how I used to transition into years and present lists here and what I considered goals. 

I spent a good portion of 2020 and some of 2021 adrift because that is what worked for me through that time. I ate more sugar than I'd like, moved less than I'd like, did not keep great work/life boundaries, and accumulated shit I do not need. All of those things served as crutches to help me survive some mentally and societally difficult times and that is what counts in the end. I cultivated some good habits too, like more time outside, and mornings for myself or more sleep. Those are coming with me into 2022, but some of the other stuff...I woke up one morning in fall 2021 and was like yeah, this isn't it. So I started making small changes because adrift amidst those things does not work for me where I am now. Most things I try to consistently do and pursue right now - and most boundaries I have in place - contribute to me feeling well balanced and at peace, and work in a motley little chorus to keep pandemic brain at bay because pandemic brain destroys my peace. 

Normalize waking up and changing anything at any time. You don't have to be what you've always been, and if you want to go back to doing something, you always can. We pigeonhole ourselves all the time and it serves none of us.

Since January is a quiet month, I'm spending it tracking. I want to know what I actually do daily versus what I think I do daily since days can run together. I have about 8-10 habits I believe I am consistent with daily and more I'd like to be consistent with so I put them into a habit tracker on google sheets and am spending January figuring out what I am actually consistently doing and what I can do. Like, can I be a person who doesn't hit snooze? Almost 45 years on this earth says no but we'll see. When I miss doing my daily dos, what is going on around me that day? Going forward I will adjust what I need to and swap things some months. Tracking this on Google Sheets is new to me too and - nerd alert - part of the fun. 

1. Drink 100 oz water

2. Veggie quota

3. Vitamins

4. Stretch

5. Walk

6. Get up no snooze

7. Moisturize at night

8. At least 30 min outside

9. No unplanned spending 

10. 10 minute tidy

11. Clear sink

12. Gratitude

13. No phone after 9 

14. Read 25 min

15. Sleep 8 hours

I also have some weeklies: face mask, do something different, yoga. All things I always mean to do and do not. Once a week is not a hard ask, right?

After discussing with Jana, I'm also considering switching my reading tracking from Goodreads to StoryGraph which is Black and woman owned, not affiliated with Amazon, and will give me the cool reading graphs I want at the end of the year without me doing jack shit to get them. I can also do half and quarter stars and  track which books I own. I imported all of my data from Goodreads so I'm testing that this month. The only thing I don't like so far is that if you add a book to your to read shelf and it is not published yet, it does not tell you at a glance when it will be. 

And planning. A family vacation. Some shore projects - updated light fixtures, peel & stick wallpapering bathroom, painting a tile floor, replacing or painting interior doors. Some light fixtures and furniture updates in Philly too. The planning and research are part of the fun for me and I missed that a lot when I felt in a place where we shouldn't be planning anything.

Maybe you're adrift. Maybe you are picking some old habits up or creating some new ones. Maybe you are just holding steady.

Two years into a pandemic that upended things for a lot of us, routines altered, stances learned about others in regards to public health and race and all manner of things that have changed relationships forever, late stage capitalism, loss and grief and deaths related to Covid and not, health system and public education system burn down and out, it has been a lot and there has been a sitting in a holding pattern feeling to the past few years for me and I know for a lot of you too. There have also been wonderful things - new friends made, new pets, babies born, engagements, birthdays celebrated, marriages, traditions returning, people living through a period of global pain and deciding to pursue what they actually want surrounded by people they actually want to be surrounded by instead of doing what they've always done and keeping people around just because, records broken, new skills learned, new hobbies explored, new favorite books and shows and restaurants and recipes, and most important always, people surviving all of their hard days. 

We all have to do our own thing and make our own way, today and every other day. If that is sitting still and holding steady where you are right now, that is good. If it is working on big goals, that is good. If it's small and steady intentional acts to keep you well, that is good. If it's one thing today and something else tomorrow, that is good. We don't need the turn of a year or month to change anything that is not working for us. It's all good.

Whatever you're doing, whenever you're doing it, and however you're doing it, I'm rooting for you. As long as it's not hurting yourself or others or like, a crime you are going to be on TV for. 

Toodles. 

Self Improvement and How to Maintain It

So this post from my friends in England about improving habits and maintaining those improvements comes at a very good time as I am in the post-vacation WTF am I doing mode. I need to get back to sleep, better eating, more activity, less slovenly vacation-type behavior. 

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We all know that feeling, the one that comes shortly after every Big Mac or within minutes of waking up to a hangover from hell. It’s the feeling that we really must start taking our health a little more seriously.

Self-Improvement comes in many forms and while many of us are excellent at identifying where and how we can drive our own improvements, we aren’t so good at making commitments and keeping them over the long term. The result is that we become embroiled in the same fad diets year after year and time and again we enter into them arms opened wide, ready to embrace our new selves only for our enthusiasm to wither and die while our waistlines stay the same.

Baby Steps

Most experts agree that the best way to achieve a big, difficult goal is to break it up into smaller, easier to tackle parts and take them on piecemeal. Every time we do something ‘good’ or ‘right’ the neural pathways in our brain that mediate reward light up. Activating these parts of the brain triggers the release of several neurotransmitters most notably dopamine. Dopamine is our body’s feel-good neurotransmitter and is released during activities such as strenuous exercise, sex, and, famously, eating chocolate. When we play computer games, for example, many of these involve collecting items, earning experience, and gradually leveling up. During any one play session, we might do these things multiple times, but we will only finish our main objective, the game, once. A similar approach is needed when we’re thinking about ways to improve ourselves.

Setting a few smaller goals that we can accomplish every day gets our brain used to working its reward pathways and we experience what is called positive reinforcement.

Focusing Your Power

Don’t try and take on any big or dramatic changes straight away as doing so is more likely to end in failure. Instead, begin with something very simple, like making sure you are awake and ready to start your day by a particular time, or perhaps start by making yourself a healthier breakfast than you are used to. Once you’ve settled into your new routine and feel more confident in your ability to instigate long term change, you can look at some big picture goals.

Online degrees are a fantastic way of boosting both your self-confidence and your employability. If you are passionate about helping other people, there are online masters in health administration degrees, for example. Completing an EMHA degree online also leaves you with room in your schedule to try other new things and learn new skills.

Defeat Is a State Of Mind

No matter how many times you might try and fail before finally accomplishing your goal you always have the option to pick yourself up, dust yourself off, and get right back on that horse! Don’t accept defeat and it will not come. Instead, you should view any setbacks as learning experiences and opportunities to improve.

It can at first seem an incredibly daunting and insurmountable task to change your life in any kind of meaningful way, but the truth is that anything is possible as long as you’re willing to put in the hours and keep on the lookout for new ways to challenge and improve yourself.

It can at first seem an incredibly daunting and insurmountable task to change your life in any kind of meaningful way, but the truth is that anything is possible as long as you’re willing to put in the hours and keep on the lookout for new ways to challenge and improve yourself.

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Are you looking to make any improvements? In what areas? 

The Predictable Me by MFD

This extremely attractive photo was taken during a hurricane in Wildwood in September 2008. It always makes me laugh. 

This weekend, Dirty Dancing was on twice. Naturally, I watched it both times even though I a) own it and can see it without commercials whenever I want, and b) have seen it eleventy billion times. If it's on, I'm watching it, and you can take that to the bank. When it comes to certain things, we're all creatures of habit. To myself, I am a very predictable person because hello I live this shit, I know what I do all the time.

On our way to dinner Sunday night, I said to MFD, "Can you think of some ways I'm predictable?"

He burst out laughing and said, "You are so predictable in every way." We've been together for 11 years this September. I certainly hope I'm predictable to him in some ways, otherwise he'd be caught asleep at the wheel, you know what I'm saying? Of course, he's predictable to me in a lot of ways too. Cohabitation breeds familiarity.

I was curious what he'd come up with at a moment's notice since he doesn't like to be put on the spot about anything. Here is his minute and a half list of ways in which I'm predictable:

• You are going to write a blog every day or every other day.
• You want me to do chores right away, and you yell at me because I never do them right away.
• You will prepare food for the week on Sunday. 
• You will wake up at the last possible minute you can and still get to work on time.
• You love water with lemon and a lot of ice. You use three glasses in one day and never finish any of them.
• You leave those glasses in bizarre spots where glasses don't go, like on the entertainment center or on the front table by the door.
• You go to Target and get the same things there all the time. You go to Redner's for certain things as opposed to Giant, which you never go to.
• At bars you ask for ice in a glass for your beer.
• When you're going somewhere, you will pack four days in advance at least.
• You will have a very long and lengthy reading list for every vacation and you will finish all the books. 
• You will look for shells on the beach.
• You will always ask me to put lotion on your back and say, "Make sure you get under the straps" like I don't know to do that. 
• Your birthday will be celebrated in grand fashion for a month. 

All of those things are true. The glasses thing cracked me up. I never noticed that I did that, but now that I think about it...

Here's something else predictable: Tuesday sucks. 

The End.

In what ways are you predictable?