TWTW - the perfect soup weekend

Friday John Bender was waiting for dinner and so was I. MFD made salmon and caesar salad. Then we all assumed our January positions with blankets and pillows and books and Stash peppermint tea. 

Saturday I headed down to the women's march in Philly solo. I saw graffiti under the bridge on the Schuylkill River Trail that said humans is losing their mind and grammar aside, I feel that. I am worn out. Not a lot of pics because I didn't want to take my hands out of my pockets and I didn't make a sign this year, I just showed up. 

Back at home I putzed around with laundry and soup making while MFD bought a new to him car. He was out seeing Vincent's band at night and I hung out with my mother-in-law and did a face mask and decided the book I was reading all day for the Show Us Your Books Readathon was not worthy so I started a new one at 11 pm. 

Sunday Pro-tip: the best time to change the sheets is as soon as you get up so you're already feeling accomplished by 7:30 am on a Sunday and if you end up doing nothing else, you did that. I made scrapple in the air fryer and we watched the Aaron Hernandez documentary on Netflix.

I finally got going with a shower, went to visit my niece and nephew, etc. MFD's uncle brought dinner over in the afternoon and his aunts and cousin and gram and sister were over too and that was nice. I fell asleep on the couch watching Game of Thrones and went up to bed around 2 am, falling asleep close to 3 when MFD was getting home from his Code Blue shift. 

Weekly food prep: Breakfast is breakfast burritos from the freezer. Lunches are leftover soup (recipe tomorrow) or spaghetti squash with chicken and buffalo sauce. Dinners are the spaghetti squash/soup/ chicken breasts in the air fryer with quinoa and steamed veggies.

Any day is a good day to read Dr. King's letter from Birmingham Jail, but especially today and especially if you haven't. May we not only share his words in quotes with his photo on them, but actually live with that spirit of equal rights in our hearts but more importantly, reflected in our actions. 

TWTW - the one with women and the baking

Friday half day and driving to DC with Melissa. Gwen and Gena were already there with Mimi and it's been too many years since I've them. Debbie arrived later. Mimi fed us well as always and we took care of sign making business but were completely captivated by The Great British Baking Show. Like, involved. Like these people are our family and competing. Cheering loudly involved.

Saturday Mimi's muffins made by Mimi herself, packing up, and lots of discussions about Depends. Hashtag we're older now. Then it was off to the Women's March. We heard no speakers. Markedly less people than two years ago in DC, and much more tiring. We're all tired at this point if we feel the need to show up for this, yes? But we were there and it was good to be there together.

Did you see that Kavanaugh sweater though?

Meem, Gwen, Gena, and I have known each other since I was 22 or 23. Debbie I met in my late 20s, Melissa in my early 30s. I love when my friends from different eras of my life enjoy each other's company and become friends themselves. It says something about the character of all of these awesome women. It was so great to just be with all of them this weekend. Bake offs, food, naps, and Depends talk suit us better than the bars these days and we are all good with that. After a lingery lunch at Alta Strada, we retired back for showers, more baking, grazing, naps, etc. Oh...and sheet masks as is the ritual of Debbie and I on Saturday nights. Mask photos forever. Never not funny. We look like The Sheet Mask Great British Baking Show Zombie Mafia.

Sunday I slept shitty and only for about 4.5 hours due to the youth encounter with the Native Elder. I can't and the lengths gone to to excuse or explain are just...no. Make Nathan Phillips a white vet and the kids any other color and then what happens? Not a lot of in defense of kids Fox News talking points in that scenario. Yes, I saw the whole video. Yes, there was a lot going on. No, the disrespect and clowning of a Native Elder are not excusable from the crowd wearing MAGA hats. The March for Life was on the Mall. The Indigenous People's March was permitted at Lincoln Memorial. Those kids were quite far from where they were supposed to be and if they had a chaperone the chaperone sucks. Let's not get into the fact that the kids who don't know any better were bussed in specifically to stand against the bodily autonomy of women. Do they know about that? ANYWAY Melissa and I were on the road by 7:15. MFD's niece and two nephews were at my house and I got them into the British Baking Show too. Hurrah. That's basically what I did for the remainder of the day.

Weekly food prep from the food that photographs poorly but tastes good kitchen: Breakfast is breakfast burritos from the freezer. Lunch is PB&J and fruit. Dinners are turkey soup from scratch (made the stock Sunday from my Thanksgiving carcass) and spaghetti squash buffalo chicken (chicken from a picked rotisserie in the freezer). I'm not sure what else yet. 

MLK day. Friends, I believe love will conquer hate, but love is justice spoken out loud so if we continue to stay silent or whatabout each other, hate does not go away. We can't ignore it and we can’t love it out of here in silence. Hate for those that are “other”, disrespect, and intolerance are TAUGHT, allowed, and encouraged. Not only by parents and teachers, but by coaches and family members and adult friends and community members and religious leaders and yes, by politicians, by the very systems in place - racism is systemic. Speak justice out loud, even if that is considered radical in your circles. In his time, Dr. King was a radical, 75% of white people did not approve of his ways or messages: not many white people would have shared anything written or said by him then. Instead of sharing a quote today in a world still rife with racial issues, try a little living out loud of what he was about: be a little radical too in spaces where you might not normally be. Even if that space is in your own mind examining your attitudes surrounding race, and if you’re white, white fragility (check out White Fragility the book!). And if you have the money, patronize a black owned business, become a patron of a black woman sharing her ideas and writing on Patreon (I have suggestions if you are interested), or contribute to an organization that benefits the black community or works to get black women elected like Higher Heights. 

Let’s each do something good and just for the world today.  Consistent small acts of good in pursuit of justice and equality can change our landscape.

Happy happy birthday to AEB today! xoxo

TWTW - the one with the women

The quest for an acceptable pizza place near our house continued Friday night. We tried a new to us pizza place (Originals). Pickup only but if we want pizza without traveling to Penndel Pizza or Brothers, we'll probably get it from there going forward. I painted my nails (OPI Black Tie Optional). We were asleep on the couch by 9 pm and it was literally a struggle to get upstairs and into bed. Wild Friday nights, man.

Saturday morning we were on a 9:18 train headed downtown. We stopped at my daily DD and the library - Debbie even got a library card - so I could pick up books and go to the bathroom since the library was conveniently at the start of the Women's March.

Estimates have the crowd at 60,000 people in Philadelphia and much more in cities all over - media coverage of the anniversary marches have been largely absent. I was upset that the Philly organizers initially agreed to checkpoints and searches for entry, which is essentially permission to stop and frisk at will. I was then upset with fellow white women who were all who cares? We need to care - we don't ever think about being stopped and searched just based on how we appear. We need to listen to and understand the concerns of women of color and the trans community and not dismiss things as not a big deal because they have never been a big deal to us personally. ANYWAY the crowd was strong but tired. I'm tired. But, onward.

There's work to do: get people registered to vote, get out the vote for candidates who support your values, and make a difference in your communities in the meantime. Keep showing up, keep speaking out, and keep taking care of yourself so you can be in it for the long haul.

That's all, right?

Debbie and I were on our own a lot running into MFD here and there, as well as Angie plus Jennifer and Joanna from high school and some of MFD's activist peeps.

When Debbie and I were walking back to the train station, I loved how everyone was threading their signs through the sidewalk barriers. Then I freaking ran into my friend Laura from college on the train platform, which is nuts. It was awesome to see her in person even for a few minutes.

I picked Bruce up at Camp Bow Wow, then retired to the couch to chill for an hour before heading back to the train station to get MFD - he stayed in town to attend the Poor People's Campaign event at the Friends Center, a continuation of Dr. King's work.

Less than an hour later we were back in the city on South Street for a beef & beer to benefit a friend's dad. It was nice to see everyone. I didn't have the flash on my camera so, blurry. I both got MFD to sing along to the Indigo Girls on the way home and to listen to my lecture on Bruce Springsteen and the working man. Winning.

Sunday morning I picked up flowers (shitty selection this week) and veggies and got gas and other not fun shit. Bruce attempted to drag his dog bed upstairs and I watched that and laughed for a good while.

I was worn out but nevertheless I persisted to get my ass to the Women to the Front Doylestown Rally. I like how a lot of things progressives are doing in Doylestown include a youth element, this rally included. I decided to go with no sign since my shoulders and neck were killing me from Saturday, plus I was bringing Bruce Springsteen to get him out in a crowd. Well I ended up holding him in the crowd, but he was a big hit and it wore him the hell out.

Running and emptying the dishwasher, laundry, blah blah blah and a dog walk rounded out Sunday. And the Eagles game. I stopped watching the NFL years ago but even I watched that.

Weekly food prep: Breakfast is breakfast burritos from the freezer. Snacks are pineapple, apples, or noosa yogurt. Lunch is frozen turchicken burgers over rice. Dinners are pasta with broccoli/leftover chicken/sauteed mushrooms/capers and MFD's mom's lasagna from the freezer. Busy weekends like this one are why I always have shit in the freezer that's ready to go.

Being that I am mostly introverted, I need about a week to recover from all of the social interaction. How was yours?

Thursday Thoughts - from the churches to the jails tonight all is silence in the world

1. I listen to the Clarence Clemons sax solo on Jungleland once a day and I think to myself hot damn. I say hot damn. 

2. Things I don’t get this week: the appeal of matte cars, why you would walk down the street with your phone in front of your face on speaker and yell into it, why my phone needs me to tell it to always capitalize I, how two of us use so many dishes. 

3. A lesson: I called for a massage appointment and my regular lady was off but I was insistent on getting my ass in there Tuesday. Tuesday night I got a massage where the nice woman rubbed me down very lightly with a vat of oil for 50 minutes despite me requesting an increase in pressure twice. I am not sliding down a slip n slide sans water so who the hell needs to be rubbed down in a vat of oil? If my impatient ass could have waited another day... 

4. Reese’s peanut butter eggs (the best shape) and Cadbury creme eggs are in stores for Easter. It’s January. I know this because I bought a Cadbury egg after my massage disappointment and ate it like a hungry wildebeest.

5. Bruce has his Camp Bow Wow interview today so I'm working from home to take him to that on my lunch hour.

6. Sara from Journey of Doing is in Philly for work so I was happy to meet up with her yesterday at Bluestone Lane attached to the Warwick, my favorite hotel lobby in Philly.

7. I read a non-fiction book this week. I know. Me. Nonfiction. This year it feels more important than ever for me to understand how we got here, what I have actively or passively done to contribute to that, and what I can do going forward to help dismantle the systems like the one discussed in The New Jim Crow: Mass Incarceration in the Age of Colorblindness by Michelle Alexander. I learn by reading so back to the school of mind expanding books I go.

8. Super pumped for the Women's Marches this weekend. Let one motherfucker ask why people feel the need to gather together in our streets. Just one. Info on the Philly March here and the Doylestown Women to the Front Rally here. Both sponsored by the First Amendment of the United States Constitution. Find an anniversary March near you here.

9. Reminder:

10. E-card of the week:

Thursday Thoughts - should auld acquaintance be forgot, and never brought to mind

1. Yesterday I started to feel weird right before 2 pm and I realized it was because I had not eaten any holiday treats. I cut myself off cold turkey from Christmas cookies and felt the pain. Yikes and a fucking half.

2. I have no idea which end is up this week. I can't get my schedule in order either. Just keep swimming just keep swimming. I do know my hair appointment is on tonight's schedule and thank God.

3. If anyone near Lower Bucks County is looking for volunteer opportunities in the new year, please consider the organization MFD volunteers with, Advocates for Homeless and Those in Need. They are in need of volunteers period, but definitely in need of anyone who can work an overnight shift on Code Blue nights - see MFD's Christmas video here. The next volunteer training is January 4 at 7 pm in Fallsington. Sign up here to volunteer.

4. I've been thinking about what I want out of 2018. I love the symbolic clean slate the new year represents, although we know logically that every morning is a clean slate. 

5. I will of course be attending the Women's March on Saturday, January 20, the anniversary weekend of last year's March, which I attended in D.C. I'm going in Philly this year. The official Women's March crew is gathering on January 21 in Las Vegas to launch the collective 2018 Women's March agenda: Power to the Polls (remaining info in this point is from the Women's March website). Why Nevada: Nevada has recent experience with some of the most pressing issues facing women in our nation today, from gun violence to politicians accused of sexual assault. As a swing-state that will shape the Senate in 2018 and as home to a strong activist network, Nevada is the perfect place to commemorate the Women’s March and continue building our electoral power. If you can't make it to Nevada: Women’s March Chapters are organizing exciting state-specific anniversary events, from marches to legislative actions to community events to voter registration drives. Check in with your local Women’s March Chapter to learn about their anniversary plans. What will come next: This anniversary event in Las Vegas will kick-off a national voter registration and mobilization tour targeting swing states to register new voters, engage impacted communities, harness our collective energy to advocate for policies and candidates that reflect our values and collaborate with our partners to elect more women and progressives candidates to office. 

6. I'd always like my plans to be this though.

7. I was lacking a silver nail polish (Essie No Place Like Chrome) so I used an Ulta gift card to get one. Ho ho ho. In case you didn't know, I lay a large part of the success of my weekly self-manicures at the feet of Orly Bonder. I've been using it for many years. 

8. Should we talk about how brutally cold it is or nah? Too early in the winter for that? I actually like winter, I like all the seasons...but my like is temperature conditional. Temps in the teens? Go fuck yourself, winter. Me on the train platform every morning: 

9. Reminder:

10. Ecard of the week:

Last Thursday Thoughts of 2017. TTFN. Are you working this week? 

Women's March on Washington

It was food for the soul. To stand in a crowd of fierce but kind people who are fired the fuck up is electrifying. When we passed the 1000+ buses parked at RFK Stadium on the way in on the Metro, I cried. An older woman patted my shoulder and gave me a look letting me know that she's been there before. When we passed people on platforms because the trains were jam packed and everyone cheered, I teared up. When we stepped out into the crowd and saw so so many people with their signs and their hats and their determination...my heart just swelled and it stayed puffed up all day. I didn't know how much I needed that until I got there.

The energy in the crowd could have powered the sun. It is just absolutely tremendous to stand in that. It is a feeling like nothing else. It was so packed and attendance was so over expectation that we actually couldn't march without fighting the crowd the whole way so it was more like shuffling when we did walk - people were everywhere on the planned route. Yet people were nice, not pushy, quick to help others, happy to share food they brought or a smile, complimentary of creative signs, and patient in a crowd that required tremendous patience.

It was patriotic as hell. People traveled from all over to spend their money and day off standing in their nation's capital shoulder to shoulder with people they don't know, with no place to sit, few places to pee, not a lot of trash cans, pretty much no access to outside food, in the damp, simply to show up and be seen...this was not a gathering of people who hate America and should just leave because we can't get behind a man who ran his election on not getting behind us.

It wasn't single issue. People were there for so many reasons. We all have that one issue that is tops for us. So we weren't there looking at people who felt the same as us on every single thing. But I can probably safely say that everyone there believes in love over hate, inclusivity, and that women's rights are human rights. We probably disagree about the order of importance of those issues and would like to add another issue or two each, but yeah. The last line of the March's Mission and Vision is: We will not rest until women have parity and equity at all levels of leadership in society. We work peacefully while recognizing there is no true peace without justice and equity for all. HEAR OUR VOICE. Notice the use of equity, not equality. 

It wasn't in one location. It's estimated that over 3.5 million people around the globe stood up for human rights and women's rights. The images are incredible. The world is not only watching, the world is standing up because we are linked by so many things. To see images from around the country and around the world was amazing. Photos can be seen at New York Times Pictures From Women's Marches on Every Continent and Heavy (sorted by location).

It's not the end. Well, it's the end if you intend to sit on your ass. If not, then it's the beginning. There is grassroots work to do and it's moving quickly. If you were unable to get to a March or are uninterested in ever doing anything like that but believe in any of the above, there is action for you to take. If you don't know where to begin to start being more active or involved in your government, email me (lifeaccordingtosteph@gmail.com) and I will do my best to get you to resources that will help you. If you  have ever wanted to run for office on a progressive platform, the time is now. You have so many people salivating to help you.

People are turned off by the vulgarity on signs and in speeches. Well shit. Let's all go home, put our aprons on, shut our mouths, and make the goddamn sandwiches. Ladies, only men are allowed to say pussy. But there's no double standard. It is despicable to tsk tsk more about women daring to use vulgar signs and words at a women's march than it is to chatter about how fucking insane it is that Brock Turner is not in jail. Please spare me the hypocrisy.

People say no one has lost any rights yet so why protest? Would you prefer we wait until after the rights are gone and then go through a legal battle with the government? Would it be okay for us to protest then? Fortunately, we don't need permission or approval. We showed up en masse to say We're here. We're not going anywhere. 

People said we don't need it.  Maybe people don't know that men (and other women, wtf) are still debating over our uteri and what we do with them and introducing bills and laws about our body parts; that America does not have paid maternity leave; that there is still a 20% wage gap in many fields; that many women do not feel safe walking alone at night. I could go on but I won't. p s - this is an actual senator talking about women in a derisive manner. Good people we have in government, huh? Link to that post of his is here. I want to know if he can afford to be such a dick on facebook, why can't he afford that viagra that's included with his healthcare?

Women said it wasn't for them. By all accounts in my life I am certainly not oppressed. I am strong and I can stand on my own. I get paid what my male counterparts get paid.  I don't think I've ever been described as anything remotely like a helpless female in all of my life. I have come up against sexism and misogyny and I have thrashed back. But the pesky things that come along with systemic misogyny that I listed in the above item and more remain. I know many women feel empowered and are indignant about people saying we're not equal. I get that. I do. It feels fucking terrible to say that. And no one is taking away your personal power here. I wouldn't ask anyone why they didn't go or think less of them for not going which is why I'm sort of floored at how nasty women have gotten towards those who did go. I support every woman's ability to make her own choices in every single area of her life about what is best for her and her family even when they do not line up with mine. You see what I did there? Your life. Your choices. My life. My choices. My personal belief is that until we're all equal, none of us are. I know my surface equality comes from my equity - where I was born, the color I am, the family I was born in to, my ability to get a college degree, the opportunities and mentoring I've had - and I know not every woman has those things. I worked my ass off to get where I am and I'm not interested in handing anyone the world on a silver platter - but I'm interested in leveling the playing field so we all come off of the same starting block to have the opportunity to be successful if we work hard. Not every little girl gets told that she can do and be anything and put on a path with relatively few real world obstacles. Until every little girl is told that and shown that in the world's actions, my ass will be out on the streets. I'm not going to be like oh, okay, I'm good, you guys keep fighting the good fight. I'm still here. I'm still with you. I will stand next to you and lend you my voice if you need it. Our lives are not the same, our issues are not the same, but I will listen and I will stand up with you and I will do what I can to help. If you need more than one of us to rise, I can probably round up a crew.
For people who said things like that better, click to read To Christy on Facebook, who doesn't need the Women's March   or You're Not Equal. I'm Sorry. 

Pro-life women said they were excluded. Aren't we all pro-life? I live it, I am. But not all of us are pro-birth. In an ideal world we would all be pro-choice across the board. You have to be able to say I trust each woman to do what is best for her and her family. I don't get to make choices for anyone else's body because I certainly do not want them making choices for mine. We need to support other women even if they choose not to have kids, if they have more kids than we think they should, if they have less kids than we think they should, if they feed the kids they have differently than what we think is best, work when we think they should stay home, stay home when we think they should work, and on and on. I don't think you can be a feminist if you are okay with government putting laws on women's bodies. Feminism implies an implicit trust in women and their autonomy. You can be personally pro-life and still believe others can make their own choice. If you stand behind the government making those choices for us then no, it was not for you. At the March I went to in 2004, there was a large group with pro-life republicans for choice signs. They were widely embraced. If you show up with an abortion is murder sign to a rally like this, you probably want to make your way to the middle where those protesters are.

People who generally don't care much about the environment are freaking out over littering. Yes, you will have trash left over when 500,000 people descend on an area the day after another event. There are typically not many trash cans at these things anymore because Homeland Security prefers it that way after the Boston bombings. Many people carried their trash home with them. The trash cans were overflowing, no cleanup is done during the event, and people make piles as close to them as possible. Part of the permit fees go to cleanup, and the National Park Service said that was going well. Please show me an event with 500,000 people in attendance that is clean an hour after it ends. Hell, show me a football game with much less people in attendance that's clean an hour after it ends for that matter.
And the Snopes on it here: Women's March Protesters Dumped Their Signs?

People said it was anti-trump. My reasons for going weren't against him, but only because my  mindset is to always try to be for something rather than against something. But make no mistake, a lot of people are against what he has said and how he has acted. Me included. That is the consequence of brushing off references to sexual assault as locker room talk; grouping Mexican immigrants as people who bring drugs and crime and are rapists and vowing to build a wall against them; advocating for torture; not releasing your taxes; wanting Muslims to register for a database; saying women should be punished for having abortions; mocking a disabled reporter; urging his supporters to beat up protesters at a rally; describing global warming as a hoax; fraternizing with white supremacists on twitter; running a fraudulent university;  running with a vice president who believes in conversion therapy for LBGTQIA; repeatedly claiming for years that Obama was a Muslim; stiffing contractors; tweeting indiscriminately with no regard for adult behavior or diplomacy; lying about important shit and also really stupid shit; among a zillion other things. So, yeah. People are against him. That is the consequence of hateful words and actions. People are also against facism and a lot of his tactics have parallels to an authoritarian state. It's their right to be rabidly against him, just as it's someone's right to be rabidly for him. This is not going to be something we meet in the middle on. There is no opportunity for unity on the subject of this man. That's not negativity, it's reality.

If you attended Turn down the noise. Remember what it felt like there. Stay engaged. Stay plugged in. Don't let anyone ruin it for you. Don't feel small about it. It was big. Thank you for showing up.