Consider participation in local elections mandatory

If you live in America, you have an election coming up. When they're not presidential or senatorial elections (every 4 and 2 years, respectively), they're often called "off-year" elections which infers that they don't matter as much and is straight up bullshit.

It came as a shock to me, post-2016 presidential election, that people legitimately did not know there were elections every single year, not just for presidents and senators. Yes, yes....there are primary elections and local elections that take place outside of the "bigger" elections of president/congress.

Listen. In order for the system to work as intended, you have to vote in every election. You have to know what positions are up for election, what the people in those offices actually DO, and how that connects to you and your quality of life.

Most elections are on November 5, 2019. You've got your governor elections in Kentucky, Louisiana, and Mississippi and your legislative elections for both houses of the LA and MS legislatures and the VA general assembly as well as the lower house of the NJ legislatures, but otherwise it's very local.

Ballot measures, mayoral elections, city and town council, school boards, county commissioners and executives, district attorneys, etc.

The people that control the things that happen in your backyard. I'd say that's fucking important.

THERE IS NO LEVEL OF GOVERNMENT THAT IS MORE DIRECTLY RESPONSIBLE FOR SERVING YOU AND YOUR COMMUNITY THAN YOUR LOCAL ELECTED OFFICIALS. NO LEVEL.

Yet so many people treat local elections as optional. People, that's fucking crazy. What you are saying when you don't vote in local elections is that the quality of your schools, public transit, what public services are available, the safety of drivers/cyclists/pedestrians on roads, the price of rent, marijuana and alcohol ordinances, community health and wellness, access to treatment for addiction and mental health, treatment of animals in shelters, local taxes, neighborhood cleanliness and viability, crime, environmental conditions around your home, potholes on your roads, minimum wage, on and on and on etc etc etc  DO NOT MATTER TO YOU.

Is that true? I mean, according to neighborhood facebook pages wild animals can't fart in the street without people having something to say about it so lower than 90% turnout on every election day makes absolutely no sense to me. It's like people want to complain but also sit inside on their couches behind their screens and not do a fucking thing about it. That's not how life works.

Local elections are often decided by a handful of votes. If the community you live in matters enough to you to complain about anywhere, it matters enough for you to vote. When candidates knock on your door, open it and talk to them. Throw out the mailers you get from the candidate's opposition because no one sends mailers about their opposition that are not meant to skew information. If the mailer is about the candidate’s stances alone, read it. But also go directly to the website of candidates and see what they're about. If you can attend an event they'll be at, do so. Meet them face to face. Find out who lines up with you. If you have questions, contact them and ask. If one is an already in office and running as an incumbent, pay less attention to what they say in campaign materials and more attention to how they have voted on those issues, all of which is public record. If you need help navigating that, let me know.

If you are unsure of how local elections connect to congressional and presidential elections and who does what, let me know. I will help you see the connections and who is responsible for what.

Don't just sit in your house with your teeth in your mouth reading and writing complaints on your neighborhood's facebook page. You are responsible for what happens in your community, including the people who are in charge of running it. So hire them as employees and hold their feet to the fire to work for you. That is what politicians do - they work for constituents. In some cases they have forgotten that and need a reminder. You are the one to remind them.

There are no off-year elections. Up next in this vein: what to do if you want to be involved but hate the political machine and know corporate/dark/big money doesn't belong in politics.

How do parents make a better world for their kids?

Tuesday and my brain is a-scramble this week. My friend Sarah who wrote about never being too busy to spend time with your aging parents and not falling into the pushy parent trap is back. If you are polishing your writing chops or have something to say or are trying to get into freelance writing and want some exposure and want to submit a post, email me! If you want to reach Sarah directly, email her. Note: you do not have to provide your email address for people to contact you if you want to submit a post!

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For the majority of good human beings with kids, one of the best side effects of having children is becoming a better person as an adult. There is no denying that having children is likely to encourage most people to become more mindful about what they say or do. Parents are responsible for the well being of their children. Psychologists have long demonstrated the devastating effects that poor parenting choices can have on young and vulnerable minds. As a result, the desire to become a better person is influenced by the need to protect children and give them a wonderful, nurturing place to grow into themselves.

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Even if you don't have kids, we are hopefully all on a continual path to self-improvement. While parents are motivated by their responsibilities toward their children to make better decisions, non-parents can also find some inspiration in the process.

They invest in their education
Parents spend a lot of time examining and comparing schools before deciding where their children should be educated, whether they need to go to preschool or high school. The reason for it is that a good education gives children a better chance of success in life. As adults, we can apply the same principle to ourselves. It's never too late to learn something new, be it a personal hobby or skill set; or  professionally to boost your profile with a certification or course. Finding the best evening school or online college to brush up your skills is not a decision to take lightly. It can have a massive impact on your career and your income. By approaching your decision with the same level of care as parents demonstrate in the choice of their children’s education, you can avoid costly mistakes.

They know how to motivate and guide 
Motivation is an eternal obstacle in our everyday life. Even adults struggle to maintain their motivation. Unfortunately, most of us continue to look for a reward, aka extrinsic motivation. For instance, many new gym-goers who are trying to boost their fitness levels are likely to use caloric rewards, allowing themselves a yummy snack for each drop of sweat. The problem is that extrinsic motivation can be counterproductive for yourself, and when exercised on someone else, it’s basically bribery. As a result, more and more parents are developing intrinsic motivation approaches, like helping children to build higher self-esteem by encouraging them to want to be the best they can be. Using the same thought process, you can also create new motivation to achieve your goals.

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They say sorry for their mistakes
Everybody gets things wrong, parents and adults included. Nobody expects parents to get things right all the time except possibly parents themselves (mom guilt is real). But being willing to apologize for mistakes remains an issue for many. Taking ownership of your error as a parent teaches children the importance of saying I’m sorry when appropriate and meaning it and establishes a healthy relationship. Learning to admit your mistakes is a vital lesson, not only for children but for everyone. Don't fall into the over-apologizing trap - women especially say sorry for too many things - but when it's appropriate, do it and do it sincerely.

Parents and other adults that play roles in the lives of children exemplify better lives by creating healthy and positive habits for themselves. Whether you are a primary, secondary, or periphery role model for a child, try applying some of the things we learned in kindergarten to yourself as an adult. It can't hurt.

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Thanks Sarah! See you back here tomorrow with a (hopefully) coherent post.

TWTW - the one with the fall festival

Friday Out of office. After coffee & porch time, Lori, Mom, Helen, and Mo and I took Bruce and Bender for a beach walk and collected a lot of trash on the way back. The seas were rough and the tide had come way up so a lot of stuff washed in. They went to breakfast and I painted my nails (Pacifica Mermaid and Treasured). Lori and I walked to the library which was like Choose Your Own Adventure since all the streets to get there were flooded. We hit Asbury Ave to do some browsing and Debbie arrived and met us there.

After some porch time (Ben in his new sweatshirt from Treat Lady), we had dinner at Angelo's on the boardwalk and did a nighttime stroll.

Saturday Block Party day was a beauty! Melissa arrived around 11 and we hit the street. I got another pair of tie dye pants so I'm set to be tie dyed out for the winter. Lori found me my moon pendant (switching necklace), I got crystals from my crystal lady, and admired but did not buy this Cousin Eddie pillow cover. I took the business card in case I get the urge to order because it was seriously fucking good.

It was hot AF so we made quick work of the way back. Debbie, Melissa, and I got a hotdog and Melissa and I hit the pickle man on the way back. Mom and I took Bruce and Ben to the beach. It was a stellar day, just gorgeous weather. After that I had to lie down for a bit and nearly fell asleep but my uncle Billy and aunt Sue stopped by so I rallied a little to visit with them. Mom got Ike's chips and Debbie and Lori got fried chicken from Boyar's and we went to town. Then we took a stroll on the boardwalk and saw an awesome moon. Everyone was dead tired by the end of the night.

Sunday Lori, Debbie, Helen, Mo, and I went to Bob's for breakfast, then they cleaned up and scattered along with Melissa leaving me and Mom. We took a walk on the beach, Mom got fried chicken to send home with me and filled up my gas tank, and we were on the way. I am physically ill leaving the shore at this time of year. I just don't want to, ever. I got home and sulked for a while then MFD and I picked up a few groceries, I put this together, cooked, did three loads of laundry, and read.

Weekly food prep: Breakfasts are greek yogurt and granola, snacks are bananas and cucumbers, lunches are spaghetti squash with cannellini beans/pinto beans/diced tomatoes topped with goat cheese. Dinners are mashed sweet potatoes and kale salad and something else spaghetti squash. Buffalo chicken spaghetti squash? I'm not sure yet. 

I love spending time with these ladies - lots of laughs and just a nice time. 

I'm not off today, no bank holidays here. Happy Indigenous Peoples day!

Booking your Canadian vacation

For some, booking a trip to Canada is a dream destination. Whether they’ve been dreaming of going for years or they love to return every year, Canada is an incredible vacation spot. From the stunning landscapes of the Rockies to the fascinating life in Canada’s most popular cities, there is something for absolutely everyone. Canada has a lot to offer, and for many of us here in the U.S., it's the easiest way to visit a foreign country which always adds a little extra flair to a trip.

If you're looking to book a trip to Canada and you don’t know where to start, I've got top tips for planning a Canadian adventure because of course I have tips: 

- Do Your Research

I mean, of course. If you know me you know my main trip planning method is research research research, narrow down options using research, then more and more research. However this looks in your life - visiting the library, buying guidebooks, or looking online, I am a staunch proponent of the more research you’re doing the better. For tips and tricks when it comes to researching a new travel location, you can visit this site here. 

- Use Instagram And Pinterest For Inspiration

Two of the best ways to research a new destination are Instagram and Pinterest. Using common search terms and hashtags, you can find as much as you need to know about a destination from the touch of button. If you see something you like, you can save it to a collection or board and come back to it later. For guidance when it comes to using Instagram to research a new destination, you can visit this site here. I love seeing what other travelers are doing in my destination using hashtags on IG.

- Book Things In Advance

If you know what you’re going to be doing when you’re visiting Canada, you need to ensure you’re booking things well enough in advance. Although most things are unlikely to sell out, it’s great to be prepared when it comes to both activities and food and drink. If it's booked, you can meander more leisurely along on your vacation without trying to get into places. Whether you’re booking a ticket to the CN Tower or a table at Chuck’s Roadhouse, I am a huge proponent of booking in advance. 

For more information about Chuck’s Roadhouse, you can visit this website. 

- Consider Day Trips

Depending on how long you have in Canada, you might want to consider booking some day trips and excursions. Particularly great if you’re going to be staying in one place, day trips are the perfect opportunity to see another part of Canada. I think people often overlook the ability to jet out from one location for a day. Don't be that person.

- Have A Contingency Plan

Always. It's important to have a contingency plan when you travel. From having a back-up plan for missing your flight to having a list of activities to do in the rain, you can’t guarantee your trip is going to run 100% to plan. As in life, in travel, so it's good to go into it with at least a loose thought of what to do if. If you have contingency plan in place, you won't drop your basket on vacation if things don't go your way.

Do you struggle when it comes to planning a trip? Are you a trip planner or a fly by the seat of your pants traveler? Tell me below, and have a happy weekend!

Thursday Thoughts - And I'll build me a life in the open, a life in the country

1. I'm burning incense over here like the future version of my 17 year old self's wildest dreams.

2. Less than, now. Time to do.

3. When we were young. From a 2003 boardwalk amusement.

4. John Bender's second birthday was yesterday. Four dogs is a lot but I am thankful every day we got this guy.

5. I am eating blow pops like they contain life sustaining nutrients. Jesus take the wheel.

6. Thanks to everyone who linked up or read Show Us Your Books Tuesday - both the link up and the giveaway are still open. I've finished a book, started another, and am picking up a big ass stack of library books tomorrow.

7. Happy happy birthday to my longtime friend Melissa.

8. Alright. A difference in beliefs is one thing when it's like I don't believe in mixing my food up on a plate before I eat it and you do cool cool vs. I don't believe gay people should marry/I don't believe women should make decisions about their own bodies/I believe black people cry racism/I believe the best place for brown immigrants is in cages...not beliefs I want to sit next to at a table regardless of my relationship to who holds them. Differences are fucking great. They make life interesting and give us so much to talk about. But if the difference is that your beliefs infringe on the rights of others to fucking live as they are, then no...we can't agree to disagree. Racism, misogyny, homophobia, transphobia, xenophobia, all that shit continues to thrive because we (by we I am mostly referring to straight white people) would rather be civil and not ruffle friends than confront it. Fuck all of that. Look where we are after hundreds of years of messages of kindness. Marginalized groups are still getting shit on and fighting to live as we live while bigots smile and still sit at dinner tables. I am all for kindness and friendship too but damn, man. No. That's just letting bigotry and prejudice thrive under the veil of niceness and civility. Do you see the bigots being kind and friendly to the marginalized groups? No, you fucking don’t, but no one gives a shit about that. Sorry you all...this Ellen thing is nice but it’s the easy way out and the privileged way out because our lives are not on the line when we choose that. It allows the people perpetuating all of those isms to hold onto their beliefs that groups that are “other”  are less than because bigots are still embraced as they are like they can’t help the hate they hold inside. Yes they can, but they won’t unless there is a societal and cultural pressure to examine those beliefs. If you REALLY want to live in a kind world where differences are embraced, we have to have hard conversations with people we love about how their beliefs hurt other people. Not a damn one of us is perfect and the kindness comes not in letting “beliefs” that hate on others be, but in challenging those beliefs and then allowing ourselves and others space to change our beliefs and behaviors to ones that don't threaten the lives and humanity of others. Not in just ignoring those beliefs. It’s hard work, but it’s necessary. We want to say we hate politics but guess what? Politics is people in that rulings and laws and acts etc impact actual human beings every second of every day. Don’t you dare attempt to disconnect those things and wash your hands of politics. How we vote has outcomes and other people thrive or wither by them. 

9. Reminder: courtesy of grace.d.art

10. Ecards. 

What appears after the hyphen in Thursday Thoughts is a song lyric to whatever I'm listening to when I start to write the post. This week is Sweet Seasons by Carole King