TWTW - the one before the turkey

Friday

A quick stop at Sam's then on to Jimmy & Jackie's for our annual Friendsgiving. They had their house all decorated and Jimmy even set up a lounge out back with lights and heaters. Everyone brought an app or dessert and it was nice to be able to linger longer than if we were in a restaurant. We're not all in the same place a lot but when we are we laugh like mad. I’m happy and grateful to have had these friends for over 25 years but the stars of the show were Wyatt, Lucy, and electronica music. Just kidding on the last one but totally serious about the first two. We didn't get home until 1:30 and I was up until after 2 but it was worth it! Also, exhibit A of the fucking terrible graininess of the 6S or whatever version of the 6 iPhone I have now. It's like they want to force an upgrade.

Saturday 

Bruce DGAF what time you go to sleep, he still gets up at 6. I went back to sleep from 7:30 - 10:30 because I knew I had to be out in public later and didn't want to be Bitcherella. When I finally got up I jumped right into action cleaning out and reorganizing the coat closet (but not painting it, which it has needed since 2009) under the watchful eyes of all three dogs. I also went through my drawers and closet and culled a bag of clothes. Aside from making bacon mac and cheese bites for later, that took up most of my day. FYI people: Target is beta testing restock, which seems designed to compete with Amazon Prime Pantry. I ordered at 3 pm on Friday and my stuff was there by 11 am Saturday morning for $1 less shipping than Prime Pantry. Your move, Amazon. 

Saturday night was Aubrey's sprinkle. My nephew will be here so soon, I can't believe it. I can't wait to meet him! And yes, all I ate this weekend was cannoli cake and I'm not sad. 

I got home around 8:30 and read a little and watched some Indiana Jones thing with MFD. I don't think I've ever seen one of them all the way through.

Sunday

After contemplating a plan of attack for the day while the dogs lounged in the style they are accustomed to, I set to work work work work work on Sunday. Stacey picked up a bag of donations to take to Mitzvah Circle so that had me in the mood to get rid of more shit. I addressed some Christmas cards until Bruce decided that was enough, put Christmas gifts in bags (reusable bags for all this year, ho ho ho mother earth, this is my atonement for sending paper cards), was supervised everywhere by Gus who must've been trying to make up for Geege being gone, made chicken for chicken lettuce wraps and scrambled eggs for breakfasts, packed up food/house stuff and my clothes for the upcoming long weekend at the shore, and went through a bunch of shit in the basement and reorganized or got rid of it, including books (thanks Instagram!). I also did seven loads of laundry and put what was mine away. MFD left his laundry basket downstairs for two weeks constantly in my way so I said fuck it and did his laundry too. Sunday night I finished the Christmas cards aside from stamps and a few missing addresses and watched the new Will & Grace. 

My people are awesome. Jackie got us a Geege keepsake, Stacey picked up a reusable pug Christmas bag for me, and my Mom gave me some perfume and a nice note. All the warm fuzzies. 

And soon, all the turkey.

How was your weekend?

The Gift of Friday

Happy Friday my friends. Are you ready for the quickest days of the week to come and go before you can blink?

G is for get your shit together. My to do lists have to do lists and I am jamming some shit out today, come hell or high water. MFD bailed me out on two separate errands yesterday because I fucked up the times.

I is for I want a new phone, all of my photos look like shit and I swear they did that on purpose to make people want to upgrade. I'm thinking of a Google Pix 2. I've only ever had an iPhone. Will the switch be horrible?

F is for Franken. You didn't think I'd let this go without comment because his politics match mine, did you? I'm disappointed in groping Al, but as a 40 year old woman who has lived on this earth and had countless incidents of uninvited touching in bars in my early 20s, many by guys who are otherwise nice, I can't say I'm surprised. I like the work Al has done in the Senate, but I believe the woman. The bullshit women have put up with since the dawn of time is not a partisan issue, in fact it's not even a political issue. It's a human issue.

I think this is a good conversation to have, and I think a lot of us are having conversations. Me and MFD are, me and my BFFs are, it’s topical in my progressive groups. We are all approaching this from different directions, similar to the conversations we're now having about pervasive and systemic racism.

Where is the line? What do we want going forward? All of this has made me think of so many things I’ve forgotten about for years. I don’t want to crucify any person who grabbed my ass in a bar without permission. As a logical person, I recognize an ass grab in a bar is different than sexual harassment in the work place which is different than sexual assault etc etc.

The patriarchy is on shaky ground but most positions of power are still occupied by men. It feels like the system is folding in on itself while those in power claw to keep it. It's alarming in that it's the only thing we've ever known so the toppling naturally frightens us because on the whole we fear change; and it's awesome in that everything can change: all the attitudes and the behaviors. I think we're on the cusp of something huge but women AND male allies need to keep smashing...even when it hits people they like.

Just to be clear, no one expects another person to have never done or said anything wrong. We are human. We are imperfect. We fuck up and we hurt each other. I hear a lot of grown men being like man...I should not have done that in my teens/early to mid 20s, I know better now. After acknowledgement, that's the key - you know better, so you do better. I don't want to berate you or shame you for not knowing better then. That does nothing for me, you, or the world. You atone by teaching your kids and your male counterparts how to support and value women and actually supporting them with your actions, not just your words. Of course I hear some What, now that's wrong? They can't take a joke? We can't flirt? etc. from those clinging to the old ways. You can flirt. You can still talk about WYLTF without devaluing and debasing them as people, without it being okay for it the conversation to devolve into grab her by the pussy (sad that that's like a national American phrase now), implying force or against will. I think that's the line, isn't it? Everyone is a sexual being. It's how you value the bodily autonomy of others. And it's teaching that concept of bodily autonomy at a young age, to ALL kids regardless of sex.

What you cannot do is touch someone without permission, and you are learning that there are consequences to doing so. Finally. You also cannot ever ever ever engage in anything remotely sexual with a minor. That…that is definitely in the set the world on fucking fire zone and I’d rather pee on the scorched earth next to you than give you a drop of relief. Equating Roy Moore's multi-offense pedophilia with Al Franken's boorish groping shows how partisanship in this country has eroded our decency and common sense and highlights our desire to be right and win at all costs - even when the  cost comes on the backs of women and young girls.

We're ALL learning - we were all raised in a misogynist culture. Women battle the same long-held cultural and societal notions of what they should just deal with as men battle those things that are okay for them to do. Things are changing and there will be growing pains all around. It's going to be uncomfortable but it won't be forever. It will be easier if we give ourselves and others trying to find new ways of being some grace.

Maybe we could start by not having magazines like W name a 13 year old as sexiest actress? Come the fuck on now. Hand me my hose of fire.

T is for toodleoo, mofos. Incidentally I learned from Lauren yesterday that MFD's Venmo name has MOFO in it. I got a good laugh out of that. I hope you have many good laughs this weekend!

Happy happy birthday to Denise, who has been framily to me since she was born.

Thursday Thoughts - it's not your lungs this time, it's your heart that holds your fate

1. When your husband puts away groceries in a cabinet that has room, but contains no food. What is it people in the south say? Bless his heart. At least he didn't eat any of those boxes? I need them for a recipe this weekend and usually I warn him not to eat something when that's the case.

2. This photo sums up how I feel by 7:30 pm every night since daylight saving ended.

3. Wednesday I experienced first hand one of the ways a foreign entity could torture me to extract information: put me in a chair where I endure a dental cleaning while donald trump plays on a TV directly in front of my face for an hour. No cavities and the fluoride treatment was tops though.

4. To balance that horrible experience, I did get to have dinner with my oldest friend Jen last night. As in longest friendship (37 years) not oldest friend person,  you understand. We followed it up with a trip to Target where we roamed around like wild hyenas who broke out of the enclosure. We got to see cousin Cindy at On the Border as a bonus. Mid-week bliss until I got home and spent two hours putting the house back together from dog chaos that erupted throughout the day. These dogs need jobs. I did get them a gift: Urine Remover. Props to Clorox for not mincing words. 

5. Women and male allies are throwing their middle fingers in the air this week. I dig it. Just a reminder to keep us all honest - if you question why someone who has been abused waits five minutes or five years to come forward, you cast doubt on a victim immediately and people like you are, in fact, why people who are abused do not come forward. So when you question their reasons, you need look no further than your own doubting heart. Victims are afraid no one will believe them, especially if their abusers are in positions of power. Abusers actually tell them no one will believe them to keep them quiet, and then that comes true because you throw fire into their path with questions and insinuations that you don't make towards the accused. Don't be so worried about false allegations that you trample over someone who has been harmed, sometimes irreparably, in the process. Start believing victims. It is that easy and you don't need background info. You've probably chosen to immediately believe abusers with no background information so making the switch shouldn't be that hard. As a society we've believed and excused abusers for long enough, it is literally how we were raised to react to these situations. Don't make a fuss, make it go away, don't destroy that person's life or career. Fuck all of that. The pendulum is shifting. Move with it. Have you seen the opinion piece Brave Enough to Be Angry by Lindy West in the New York Times? Links are not working here for some reason so apologies for the full URLs. Check it out here: https://www.nytimes.com/2017/11/08/opinion/anger-women-weinstein-assault.html Drawing below by Courtney Privett: https://www.facebook.com/photo.php?fbid=10213346450029481&set=a.10210870006359937.1073741966.1045379325&type=3&theater 
7. If you can't recall jack shit you need not be the chief lawyer of the United States of America. Speaking of things we don't need, the GOP tax plan. Did you see the video of CEOs admitting they won't increase capital investments like the GOP says they will for the additional tax cuts corporations will get on our backs? Good times. I hope you've been on the phone screaming about this bill because I don't know any rich people and we're all going to take it up the ass on this one.

8. I'm getting my end of the year charities lined up. So many good opportunities to give back at this time of year, and I really love hearing about how other people are giving back so let me know what you're doing! It gives me ideas for the next year. MFD and I are making Thanksgiving dinner for a family from Missouri living in OCNJ for eight weeks while they get treatment for their sick child. We are also a giving partner for Covenant House again to fulfill some of their Christmas wishes through Holiday Express, the organization Laura does a lot of work with in the North Jersey area, and we bought gifts to help a local single mom who took in four additional kids this holiday season. Thanks to our friends at McCarthy Real Estate for organizing that! New to us this year: donating wreaths for Wreaths Across America to be placed on the graves of veterans on December 16. Thanks to our friend Jeannine for the link for that!

9. Reminder: Shared by my Aunt Maria this week and 100% true. Don't overthink it. If you see a way to be a helper, just be a helper.

10. E-card of the week: 

If you've never noticed, most of the time the end of the Thursday Thoughts title is song lyrics. 

Show Us Your Books: Sweater Weather with a side of reading

The title was going to be reading weather but hello all weather is reading weather.

Ahoy fellow booknerds. Thanks for looking up from your pages to join us today. I have some housekeeping items:

1. Once again in December Jana and I will host TWO SUYBs - the regular link up on December 12 and the special Favorite Reads of the Year for 2017 (click on that to see my post from last year) on Tuesday, December 26. Yes, we know it's the day after Christmas. Merry Christmas to all of us! This is the gift we will give to the readers of the internet and holders of the Christmas gift cards burning a hole in their pockets already, one day in. I'm going to prepare my post ahead of time. fa la la la la la la READ BOOKS
2. For your grabbing pleasure, may I direct you to a new Show Us Your Books button on my sidebar that Jana worked on with Tanya? That photo of me and Jana is from college and yes, that is Boone's Farm.
3. Last month was our three year anniversary - congrats to Steph G at Insert Classy Here for winning the $25 Amazon gift card + $25 donation to Children's Literacy Initiative.
4. Happy happy birthday one of my BFF sister resistors, Melissa.
5. The fat man walks alone.

Linkup Guidelines:

This link up is the second Tuesday of every month. The next is  Tuesday, December 12, 2017 with the special Favorite Reads of 2016 Show Us Your Books on Tuesday, December 26.
Please: 

1. Visit and comment with both of your hosts, Jana & me
2. Display the button and/or link back to us on your blog post
2. Visit other blogs who've linked up and talk books as booknerds are wont to do

Here's what I've read since the last linkup.

Engrossing Reads

I Am Watching You by Teresa Driscoll - I was totally glued to this book. Lots of loose ends. Creepy throughout. And you know I do love a creep. You might not know that I'm obsessed with things that should be, in my mind, contracted. I would have liked I'm Watching You better.  Free copy from Netgalley in exchange for an honest review

Lie to Me by J.T. Ellison - I was very impatient to know WTF was going on in this novel. Sometimes suspense books aren't super suspenseful. That was not the case here. I couldn't put this one down. One of those no one is likable but it doesn't even matter books.  free copy from Netgalley in exchange for an honest review

Deep Freeze (Virgil Flowers #10) by John Sandford - That fuckin' Flowers has done it again. If you read the series, you get why I called him that. The Virgil series is very reliable for me. OCNJ library hardback

Daisy in Chains by Sharon Bolton - Well, I was completely taken off-guard by how this shit went down, which is a very, very good thing when you're reading a book like this. I liked how Bolton gave you a little something easy to figure out relatively early on and saved the sucker punch for the end. Good stuff. OCNJ library hardback

Passed the Time Just Fine

Dead Certain by Adam Mitzner - I can't even remember where I got this book, how I heard of it, if it was on my kindle or a library book. It was fine. A little too tight. A little weird and not in a way that I Liked.

The Last Mrs. Parrish by Liv Constantine - This book is straddling all the lines between my very scientific categories. The second half of the book is definitely engrossing - I stayed up until midnight on a Sunday night to finish it. The first half passed the time just fine/was not worth it. It seemed like a really long build up and the repetition was starting to annoy me. I wish you could just read the last half of the book, but that's not how this works. OCNJ library hardback

Y is for Yesterday (Kinsey Milhone #25) by Sue Grafton - The 25th book in the alphabet series. The series definitely needs a relief pitcher, but I will of course read the 26th and will miss the prospect of more Kinsey. I love that cranky lady who is so set in her ways. OCNJ library hardback

Triptych (Will Trent #1) by Karin Slaughter - A new to me series, recommended by one of you...Erin? Anyway, Will is quite a different character for the detective/murder genre and I'll keep with this. OCNJ library hardback

Fractured (Will Trent #2) by Karin Slaughter - See? OCNJ library hardback

Not Worth It

The Seven Rules of Elvira Carr by Frances Maynard - This reminded me of a weak version of either Eleanor Oliphant is Completely Fine or The Rosie Project - both books I enjoyed immensely. To be fair to this book, I was comparing it to how enjoyable I found those two. This felt like it took forever to read and was really surface when it could have been much deeper. Kindle e-book

Did Not Finish

Summer at Little Beach Street Bakery by Jenny Colgan - I read the first Beach Street and liked it fine. I couldn't face the prospect of the similar formula of this one a few pages in. It might be better in the summer, so I will keep it in mind. OCNJ library hardback

Red Clocks by Leni Zumas - I couldn't finish this one. I'm disappointed because I liked the premise. I thought it was very hard to get into. Free copy from Netgalley in exchange for an honest review. 

And you? What have you been reading? 

An InLinkz Link-up

TWTW - the one with the first cold temps

Friday

I worked from the shore, so I started with the sunrise which now requires boots, walked to get a Cuban sandwich from the place around the corner for lunch, was at the library by 5:10, and otherwise sequestered myself inside with ceramic heaters trying to acclimate to the first cold day. MFD and los perros arrived at 6. I painted my nails (OPI Humidi-Tea and OPI ) and we watched The Royal Tenenbaums and went to sleep early.

Saturday 

A lazy morning finishing a book, a trip to the beach with the dogs, a bike ride around town and stop at the craft show on the Music Pier, starting a new book, and beef bolognese at Luigi's. My photos from there always suck but the food is always good.

Our friend Christeen was renting upstairs in the house with her friends for the weekend, so we got to catch up with her a little bit and meet a few of them too. It’s always great to see people face to face you typically only see on Facebook. They left the house very nice and wrote on the message board which I always love. 

I got my Christmas cards designed and ordered and ordered my stamps too, which was my main goal this weekend. 

Sunday

What a fucking gift of a sunrise. My fingers nearly froze off and I didn't even care. 

MFD left for mummery. I cleaned our apartment, read, made my work and personal lists for the week, made a master Thanksgiving list, updated my chewy autoship for dog food, and realized I can get through much of the week food-wise without cooking thanks to freezer meals. All the fist pumps as I was not feeling the food prep on Sunday. I took the dogs to the beach before we headed home at 3. Mae and Gus barked at the world and Bruce tried to eat both of them. Regular day.

Do these dogs travel in style or what? 

We were going to go out for sushi to celebrate four years of sobriety for MFD but ended up ordering Lee’s Hoagies and spazzing out hangrily when it took forever to arrive. Okay maybe only one of us spazzed out hangrily. I was in bed with a book by 8 but up finishing that book until midnight then I couldn't go to sleep until 1 and pass all the coffee this way please.  

As inferred above this week's weekly food prep is actually weekly use what you have this week: breakfast is hard boiled eggs and power breakfast muffins or breakfast burritos from the freezer; lunch is pork fried rice from the freezers with an apple on the side, and dinner is ham and potato soup or lasagna roll ups from the freezer. 

For the past two weeks I've been thinking the next week is Thanksgiving. Anyone else? Guess what...it's still not Thanksgiving next week.

Tomorrow is Show Us Your Books day! See you back here for that.