Thursday, November 16, 2017

Thursday Thoughts - it's not your lungs this time, it's your heart that holds your fate

1. When your husband puts away groceries in a cabinet that has room, but contains no food. What is it people in the south say? Bless his heart. At least he didn't eat any of those boxes? I need them for a recipe this weekend and usually I warn him not to eat something when that's the case.
2. This photo sums up how I feel by 7:30 pm every night since daylight saving ended.

3. Wednesday I experienced first hand one of the ways a foreign entity could torture me to extract information: put me in a chair where I endure a dental cleaning while donald trump plays on a TV directly in front of my face for an hour. No cavities and the fluoride treatment was tops though.

4. To balance that horrible experience, I did get to have dinner with my oldest friend Jen last night. As in longest friendship (37 years) not oldest friend person,  you understand. We followed it up with a trip to Target where we roamed around like wild hyenas who broke out of the enclosure. We got to see cousin Cindy at On the Border as a bonus. Mid-week bliss until I got home and spent two hours putting the house back together from dog chaos that erupted throughout the day. These dogs need jobs. I did get them a gift: Urine Remover. Props to Clorox for not mincing words. 
5. Women and male allies are throwing their middle fingers in the air this week. I dig it. Just a reminder to keep us all honest - if you question why someone who has been abused waits five minutes or five years to come forward, you cast doubt on a victim immediately and people like you are, in fact, why people who are abused do not come forward. So when you question their reasons, you need look no further than your own doubting heart. Victims are afraid no one will believe them, especially if their abusers are in positions of power. Abusers actually tell them no one will believe them to keep them quiet, and then that comes true because you throw fire into their path with questions and insinuations that you don't make towards the accused. Don't be so worried about false allegations that you trample over someone who has been harmed, sometimes irreparably, in the process. Start believing victims. It is that easy and you don't need background info. You've probably chosen to immediately believe abusers with no background information so making the switch shouldn't be that hard. As a society we've believed and excused abusers for long enough, it is literally how we were raised to react to these situations. Don't make a fuss, make it go away, don't destroy that person's life or career. Fuck all of that. The pendulum is shifting. Move with it. Have you seen the opinion piece Brave Enough to Be Angry by Lindy West in the New York Times? Links are not working here for some reason so apologies for the full URLs. Check it out here: https://www.nytimes.com/2017/11/08/opinion/anger-women-weinstein-assault.html Drawing below by Courtney Privett: https://www.facebook.com/photo.php?fbid=10213346450029481&set=a.10210870006359937.1073741966.1045379325&type=3&theater 
7. If you can't recall jack shit you need not be the chief lawyer of the United States of America. Speaking of things we don't need, the GOP tax plan. Did you see the video of CEOs admitting they won't increase capital investments like the GOP says they will for the additional tax cuts corporations will get on our backs? Good times. I hope you've been on the phone screaming about this bill because I don't know any rich people and we're all going to take it up the ass on this one.

8. I'm getting my end of the year charities lined up. So many good opportunities to give back at this time of year, and I really love hearing about how other people are giving back so let me know what you're doing! It gives me ideas for the next year. MFD and I are making Thanksgiving dinner for a family from Missouri living in OCNJ for eight weeks while they get treatment for their sick child. We are also a giving partner for Covenant House again to fulfill some of their Christmas wishes through Holiday Express, the organization Laura does a lot of work with in the North Jersey area, and we bought gifts to help a local single mom who took in four additional kids this holiday season. Thanks to our friends at McCarthy Real Estate for organizing that! New to us this year: donating wreaths for Wreaths Across America to be placed on the graves of veterans on December 16. Thanks to our friend Jeannine for the link for that!

9. Reminder: Shared by my Aunt Maria this week and 100% true. Don't overthink it. If you see a way to be a helper, just be a helper.

10. E-card of the week: 

If you've never noticed, most of the time the end of the Thursday Thoughts title is song lyrics. 

17 comments:

  1. I hope people are sick of seeing the headlines featuring allegations over famous/celebrity abusers and rapists. I'm sick of it, too. And fortunately, their victims were even MORE sick of it. I told me husband I've coined a new phrase for 2017: If you stick your dick where it doesn't belong, it's going to eventually get kicked in. I hope all these motherf*ckers get their dicks kicked in. SO over the patriarchy.

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  2. MFD is freaking hilarious and I 100% believe that Danny would do something like that. haha. So good that you met up your friend.

    I have an unpopular opinion coming up. As a lawyer, Ive seen a lot - too much - so much that Ive become just a little cynical. There is no doubt in my mind that Weinstein (ugh) and many of those hollywood guys are creeps. Sickos. Myself knowing abuse victims, I cant even stand the thought of the things they have done honestly. I 100% believe about 95% of the victims claims. That said, Ill admit - and I feel bad about it - there have been some where I doubt the full legitimacy of the story. I remember the shit I've seen in court and the cases I've read and I begin to question whether exaggeration for sensationalism is happening in a few cases. Controversial position I'm sure but to me allowing a false victim to win is just as bad as allowing those creeps to have no repercussions for their action. I swear I want to believe everyone, I just know that there are people who would use a circumstance like this to their 'benefit', if we can call it that. My point? I wish they would try these cases in the court of law instead of the court of public opinion (social media) where guilt is presumed upon accusation. Dont hate me.

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    Replies
    1. It is statistically impossible for all victims to be telling the truth. I do not believe 95% of them should have to suffer disbelief and scorn because of the 5% who are exaggerating or lying. It extends so far beyond social media - it's the kid who won't tell their mother because their mother will not believe the father is molesting them. It's the person who won't blow the whistle on their boss because they need the job. It's the altar boy who won't expose the priest because he is filled with shame and fear of God. On and on and on.

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    2. And I agree with that. For sure. Ahh its a topic that near and dear to me because I sometimes work with abuse victims (voluneer) and have also seen the other side of it in court matters. I do fully 100% agree though that the 95% shouldn't have to suffer for the 5%. I guess I just really really want more than social media - which was my poorly articulated last point. I want there to be legal ramifications. I want the justice documented so we can weed out the false claims and legitimize the victims and make things right. I hope I clarified (and sorry for hijacking your comments).

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    3. I only reply back in the comments when I think the discussion is important for people to see both sides of, and that people can disagree without disrespect. It's a good use of a comment section - not hijacking it!

      I think we all want more than social media. But when we wave the don't try people in the court of public opinion online flag, I worry that it is just another form of choosing the accused over the accuser. I mean, sexual abuse and harassment has been going on since the beginning of time. Social media is only 10 years old. Since the beginning of time as a society we have been giving protection and excuses to abusers and putting victims through the ringer. We worry about destroying an abuser's life but don't give a thought to destroying the victim's. We do this as women, to other women. We do this as adults, to children who come forward. We defend abusers. We want them to be treated fairly. It's time for it to stop. They made it unfair the second they abused someone.

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  3. I don't know - you're going to need the colander to drain the macaroni, so maybe he thought he was saving you a step?

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  4. I agree on the rape/sexual assault issues. It is hard to tell someone you are being hurt. It is embarrassing and demoralizing and you are judged so heavily that it is often easier to stay quiet. In cases like Moore where he was preying on children it is even harder to speak up. At that point in time traditional gender roles were much more rigid and as a teenage girl, they had little to no weight compared to an adult male who was well known. Even if they had told a parent, they may have been told to keep quiet as to avoid controversy. Unfortunately people suck and there will always be liars out there. But, it is easy for me to believe adult women who finally have the courage after seeing others be brave enough to stand up and say I might not have had a voice then but I do now and I'm no longer afraid of you. That takes a lot of guts. Time to go do something good so that I stop focusing on how much these people suck! It is hard to not get caught up in the anger at these fools.

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  5. Love. Love. Love. Thursday thoughts❣️ Jmj on the dentist chair forced trumper situation. Agree with all. Covenant House is my charity of my heart since you guys did the first sleep out. It’s a throughout the year charity. Our local Bucks Courier Give a Christmas to help local families is my go to Christmas charity. Lifting people up is awesome. God Bless! And help and heal all. Love. Your. Momma.

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  6. I almost bought that Clorox the other day but wound up getting a different carpet cleaner. Do you like it??

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  7. When you talked about middle fingers and allies, I thought this Houston story made its way to you. It made me LOL all night last night - http://www.chron.com/neighborhood/fortbend/news/article/Sheriff-s-warning-to-F-TRUMP-truck-owner-12360280.php

    That is so kind of you to make Thanksgiving dinner for someone else. It sounds simple but it's a huge undertaking. And one thing I love about my dentist is they let you pick a Pandora station or put on Netflix when you walk in. Send that tip to yours :)

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  8. OHHH - I didnt know Clorax made that urine cleaner. As the owner of a nearly 17 year old blind dog - this will be my new best friend.
    Sorry - I had to laugh - I could just envision you in a dentist chair with Trump on a tv in front of you. What a nightmare!!!!

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  9. I foster senior dogs for City of Elderly Love: Save a Senior Rescue but in addition to that, I volunteer with their parent organization, Citizens for a No-Kill Philadelphia. We hold monthly pet pantries to distribute pet food to those who are in need. It helps keep pets out of the shelter. One of the reasons people surrender their pets is because they can't afford to feed them. We're holding donation drives now as the holidays approach, the demand for food increases. Check them out. And thanks for always giving back.

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  10. I think your dentist should have given you some sort of discount for the torture you endured. :D I commend the brave women and men who are coming forward today and facing their abusers. Willing to receive the support they deserve and to stand tall against those who will troll and dox them. My fear isn't the few accusers who will be exposed as liars and clung to as proof that all accusers are liars. My fear is that we forget. We lose our outrage. And/or don't use it to create permanent change. Mel Gibson is back in family friendly movies teaching boys how to be bros in a movie that did banger numbers last week. We can't just be outraged and vocal; we also have to make hard choices with how we spend our money, even if it means not seeing the latest Will Ferrell movie. Because Mel's back and Harvey Weinstein and Kevin Spacey and Louie CK and all the others are plotting their comeback and victims will go back to being silent and enduring abuse because the payoff for speaking out is so low. Losing money and brand reputation is what causes businesses to stop working with predators. To make and enforce strong sexual harassment policies. I know I'm preaching to the choir but this is what gives me anxiety. I love all the awesome things you are doing to give back this holiday season. I need to figure out what I plan to do.

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  11. One donation so far: instead of bringing a hostess gift, we are donating to pediatric cancer research. This was a request by the person throwing the party and I think it's an incredible request! MG and I like to volunteer during the holidays packing groceries or the like--we will see if we can swing it this year with Ella for both of us doing it, or just one.

    I can't with the tax bill...and also having to look at Trump AND be at the dentist for an hour? Ew ew ew!

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  12. I mean, there's really nothing better than a Target trip with a friend. Oh the things I will buy. Also, that picture of puppy feet under the sheet is exactly how I feel this time of year. I just want to start hibernating :)

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  13. Hahahaha Mae's feet and tip of the tail. She has summed up my feelings right now too! And I have to laugh at MFD sticking stuff where it doesn't belong. The few times Chris has unloaded the dishwasher, I find the most random shit in my cabinets and I am like ummm??? how did this seem like a good place?? LOL.

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  14. Love #9 graphic... SO MUCH. It's true. Just help. Help everyone. Also DST is killing me and the tax plan (not reform) is destroying my soul. I need to know why more people aren't outraged.

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