Friday, January 13, 2017

I don't define you by that

Your Profession: I rarely ask people what they do for a living. I think that is a very small slice of life's pie. I don't think what you do is who you are. I don't think it's possible for every person on earth to love what they do, but I do hope they like it in some way, even if they only like the benefits. I don't respect a CEO more than a janitor on title alone. I prefer to spend zero time outside of work talking about work - yours or mine.

Your Relation to Other People: Even though you might be someone's mom or dad or husband or wife, I think of you as you, not of who you are in relation to someone else. Because no matter what you are to someone else, you are someone in your own right. Being plus or minus a partner or a child doesn't increase or decrease your value to me or to the world.

Your Religion: I don't ask people if they believe in God or Jesus or Buddha or Allah or the Smoke Monster or nothing. Whether you do or don't practice religion is not my business and unless you are a crazy extremist it doesn't color my perception of you in a good or a bad way.

Your Appearance:  I often compliment things I like and turn a blind eye when I see you out at Target looking like last week's news because I am always seeing people I know when I look terrible in public. Appearances are deceiving. I could honestly give two shits if people traveled the world over in flannel pajamas. I'm more interested in what color your soul is. You can put a classy and expensive outfit on a black souled asshole and they will always look worse than someone with a good soul wearing pajamas and a fresh face.

Your Bank Account: It fluctuates. I've been in good and bad places financially, haven't most of us? Our value is not in dollars and what other people do with their money is not my business unless they are asking me for some.

Some ways I do define people:
-if they believe equality for all of us
-how they treat themselves
-their sense of humor
-how they affect my energy
-if they're willing to stand up for what is right even if it's not popular
-by things I can't stand to be around: whiners and people who constantly seek validation and attention from others
-if they read books for pleasure or not
-by measuring if their actions line up to their words and who they say they are
-if they're awesome and add good things to my life, like my sister-in-law who is celebrating a birthday today. Happy birthday Aub!
How are some ways you do or don't define people?

30 comments:

  1. I am so with you!! You shouldn't be defined by your job, because let's be honest, most people would chose something else given the choice!! And you certainly can't help who you're related to sometimes. And money is nothing if you're a shitty person.

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  2. I'm with you. I don't ever ask these questions. It's not that I don't care, but they don't define anyone to me either.

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  3. Great post. I was nodding along to all of it. And, I liked the segue into your sis-in-law's birthday.

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  4. I love this! I agree with so many of these and it's a great way to examine folks! xo, Biana -BlovedBoston

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  5. This is wonderful! I wish everyone felt this way about others. I am innately curious about people's work because it's something I studied in school, so it does often come up in conversation, but I definitely don't think it defines a person.

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  6. Agree on all! I love people who are concerned for the welfare of all and not only themselves. How people care about and treat children and animals is very important! They are not possessions, they are gifts!
    Happy and safe and sound all the way around weekend to all. Love. ❤️ your. Momma. 💖✨😇🦄☮❣️❣️❣️❣️

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  7. Goooooodness I wish everyone could be like this. I hate that "where do you work?" is always the start to any conversation and you're just defined from that point on by your answer.

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  8. Yep. I agree completely :)
    I have a post similar to this in the wings, but I love your list of things you don't define others by!

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  9. I'm probably in the minority, but I don't hate the where do you work/what do you do classifier. I think it can be a pretty good springboard for small talk (which really, is the only time you're asked about your job. My non-work friends never ask me about work) and can let you empathize or ask questions or do something beyond talk about the weather. That said, my husband hates it since his job has nothing to do with what he enjoys and is hard to explain, so I never ask it unless it's asked of me first.

    I like the way you define people. I hate that they are so hard to figure out in the first few minutes of getting to know someone!

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  10. I 100% agree! My biggest thing in the last few years has been,"I don't define myself by what I do between 9-5. I'm more than that."

    www.justmurrayed.com

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  11. I actually do sometimes define people by their relation to others - not in the family relation way that you said, because yes everyone is their own person, but by the company they keep. You are the people you spend the most time with so if you're best buddies with someone I find questionable, I'll likely find you questionable too. Even if you haven't done anything yourself.

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  12. I dont care about any of that - as long as they are kind and good people, that's all that matters to me.

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  13. Very well said! I could care less what people do for the most part, snoozers. And like you, I'll always take note if someone is a reader or if they engage in attention-seeking behavior. That just mentally exhausts me. Had to cut ties a few years ago with an old high school friend b/c her antics left me so drained, life is too short.

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  14. I can't stop laughing at the Smoke Monster. HAHAAHHAHAHAHA. Sorry - I mean the rest of the post is spot on but the damn Smoke Monster is so stinking funny.

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  15. Kinda crazy what others DO judge others on... it can be shocking in some cases.
    I'll judge people on how they treat animals too. That says a lot about a character

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  16. I have a tendency to judge others based on the way they interact with others be in the cashier at the grocery store or the telemarketer on the phone interrupting supper. I don't judge people by their education, just because they have an expensive piece of paper doesn't mean a darn thing in terms of their intelligence. I think that says much more about a person than anything they they claim to be or not be. I don't deal well with whiners either, growing up whining was not tolerated in the least and it shocks me how many people my age are total whiners about absolutely anything.

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  17. I don't define people by what they do but as someone who comes from a job that people think is usually pretty interesting I do like to ask. At least in my world for the most part people's jobs are usually their passions so it can be a good way to get to know people.

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  18. Love this and how real and true you are!

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  19. I so agree that the color of someone's soul is more important than their job title or bottom line. Things like relationship status, job status, etc. change, but rarely do the things you mentioned in the second half change—and those are the things that make a person their own person. Being "good" has so little to do with whether or not you're married, employed by your dream company. And for the job thing, I 100% agree. It's rare—but GREAT for them!—when a person's job aligns with their character or personality. But unless they offer what they do for a living as a conversation topic, I rarely consider it a topic for discussion.

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  20. I used to judge myself by my profession and when I got laid off during the Great Recession, I felt strange. Like who am I now that I'm not ... even though what I was profession-wise wasn't who I really wanted to be. It was a weird time and I honestly don't care what people do, although I am fascinated and interested in those who have a ton of passion for what they do, whatever it may be. I agree wholeheartedly with everything you said, especially this "I'm more interested in what color your soul is". That has become more and more important to me.

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  21. -by how they treat animals and nature and the handicapped and the poor (in no particular order)
    -by how they feel about music (in general, not their preferences in genre)
    -by their sense of humor (sadly I DO tend to qualify that by how they respond to MY sense of humor. not proud of that.)

    to name a few

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  22. I judge people (define people?) by their sense of humor. And how they treat animals and staff (waiters, cashiers, etc).

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  23. Love this post! Sense of humor and their energy are the first things I notice about people!

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  24. Beautiful post! I do think it's important for people to believe in equality for all, and if you don't, then you lose some points in my eyes. I definitely do not judge people by their job, the people are connected to, how much money they have, etc. Pretty much everything you said. These are not the important things.

    -Lauren

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  25. Love this post and what a cool & creative concept :) I'm the same; I care more about the content of your character and who you truly are as a person rather than other factors that mean nothing.

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  26. Yes, yes, and yes. I am curious about people's jobs though. I don't judge them, I just generally wonder about all the jobs out there. I especially want to know more if it's something they're passionate about. I know I'm not suppose to, but I judge people if they don't read and I do define people by how they treat strangers and if they have good manners.

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  27. i am extremely behind, so just reading this. love it! agree with everything. i hate talking about work. i don't find anyone's career interesting enough to talk about outside of work, unless they are super passionate about it or something. or they work at a bookstore. speaking of, yes i absolutely define (judge) people by whether they read for pleasure or not. i *know* we are all different and some people might look at me and be like how/why does she read so much? but to not read AT ALL? i just don't get it. my baby bro has ADHD LD and he's dyslexic. He is 29 and has the reading capabilities of like an 8 year old. But he still reads. It takes him like a year to get through a book but he does it :) anyway. went a little off subject there haha.

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