Friday, November 7, 2014

Friday Five: Things Men Don't Know


1. The Spanx Struggle. I can get dressed or undressed in front of my husband or BFFs without batting an eye...unless Spanx are involved. I need to wrestle myself into that shit in private. Even the people who know everything good and bad about me and who I'd trust with my life don't need to bear witness to the Spanx struggle. And the struggle is real.

2. The best part of the day is when the bra comes off. Typically the first thing I do when I get home is put my pajamas on and let out a big ass sigh of relief when I take my bra off (and yes, it is fitted correctly for all you I love wearing a bra people). Recently I've been doing things when I get home instead of changing right away. So my bra sometimes stays on until 8 or later. It's like I don't even know myself.
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3. In order to find something, one must first look for it. Ooh, burn. Sorry, but I feel confident in making this grossly sexist generalization. Not all, and I won't even say most, but I will say too many men cannot find shit because they don't look for it. They simply ask someone else where it is.

4. High heels look sexy but they murder feet. It's true. 98% of foot crime can be attributed to high heels. If you don't believe it, try wearing some for more than an hour and get back to me.

5. The surest way to take a situation from 0 to 60 in less than a second is to mention PMS. Every negative reaction, bad mood, or range of emotions cannot be attributed to hormones. We don't do it and you shouldn't either. That's a good way to make hellfire rain down upon you.

And the winner of the giveaway - muji acrylic organizer and $25 donation to the local foodbank of her choice - is my girl Marla of Luck Fupus!

Time to drop the mic on this week.

Have a great weekend my friends. I'll meet you back here Monday to discuss.

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44 comments:

  1. There is no elegant way to get in or out of spans!! I really want to wear heels more but then I remember how much they hurt if you wear for extended periods of time. I get the rage when my internet isn't working. ;)

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  2. "are you about to start your period or something?" yes, men need to NEVER ask this.

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  3. YES to the bra coming off as soon as I get home... my H does.not.get.it.

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  4. LOL my husband is smart enough to never ask if PMS is the reason why i'm crabby; instead, he asks: "what's wrong" or "did i do something".

    what is this spanx business. i had to google that shizz. and now i just saw a pic of a man wearing spanx which i didn't need to see. thanks google, for ruining my friday.

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  5. OMG yes to the bra! I look forward to that part of the day, all day long. Same with the heels. I don't need that struggle in my life. I will happily wear flats and listening to the teasing about how short I am (4'10) Its worth it.

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  6. Yes to the bra. How in the world can someone love wearing one? That is the FIRST thing that comes off the second I walk into my door.

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  7. I recently bought my first real spanx, using less expensive slenderizers for the past 5-6 years. The urination hole! JMJ!
    I will pull them down. They keep me warm and lump-less. OMG- I worked with all men for 26 yrs. If I had an upset stomach, I was pregnant. And, guess what, men are hormonal, too. And, to my boys, who are athletes, I always say how do you think you would play having your period, especially in white shorts. All men should have to experience the periods and pregnancy. Wouldn't that be a hoot! I love how my legs look in heels and maybe wear them twice a year. And, Oh, the brassiere. I can only wear underwire and it is an extreme relief to take it off. I do, however, wear my wonderwears camisole always. I do not want my breasts flopping around.
    Another enjoyable read- hence, this blog got the blog love on instagram #bloggersgetsocial day 7.
    Love, your MOMMA

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  8. The bra struggle is very real! Hate that thing! Also heels....I love them dearly but oh the pain!

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  9. I feel the same about tights as Spanx. I definitely leave the room when getting ready now.

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  10. Oh goodness, my man friend does not understand the high heels issue. He always says that if they hurt my feet I shouldn't wear them. Well I want to look all sexy and hot so I will kill my feet.

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  11. YES!! I am right there on the bra - love when I get to take it off haha!

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  12. John once said 'is it that time of the month?' and I told him that I could kill him and get away with it because a court would rule it as 'in the heat of passion' and he's never mentioned it again. So true, all of them! I've just stopped wearing heels. I don't even care. Not worth it.

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  13. Awesome Friday Five!! Men will never know the torture of Spanx! And if my husband even says the word PMS I just want to slug him. Have a great weekend!

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  14. The spanx struggle - mwahahaha. I KNOW!!!! And THEY NEVER LOOK FOR ANYTHING.

    :) This was a great Friday5!

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  15. Cory has NO problem taking a situation from 0 to 60 even without the PMS. He's an extremist which makes me want to kill him dead. P.S. am I the only one who has issues with the spanx rolling over when I sit down? Hashtag fat kid probs.

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  16. Just picturing the spanx struggle is hilarious! You know whoever witnesses that will be cracking up and it'll probably piss me off even more. haha.... Don't even get me started on men not know how to look for things! Gah!

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  17. Yes!!!! The spanx struggle is a real thing! Ugh they should change their name from spanx to torture. Also, I think I hate kathy for not knowing what spanx are. :)

    I am too old to wear painful shoes for more than a few hours. Just no. I dont care how cute or sexy they are...if we are doing more than sitting down to dinner, it is flats for this chicka.

    Also, my girls are too heavy to be let out of their cage too early in the night....but the pants come off the second I walk in the door!

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    1. Oh! And I am pretty sure than all men dont look for stuff!!! IT IS RIGHT IN FRONT OF YOUR FACE!!!!!!!!!

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  18. My fiance thinks it's hysterical when spanx are involved & I'm the same way, I need my privacy & I don't want anyone to see my fancy dance to get into them!

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  19. The bra thing, I so want men to wear bras someday just to get a taste of the loveliness we put up with.

    Also do you know where my ______ is, is the most common question in the house. So freaking annoying like I'm the keeper of all the things and I should always know where they are.

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  20. I bought spanx, tried to wrestle my way into them and said fuck it. I don't need them bad enough.

    Having huge boobs, I am actually more comfortable when the bra is on. I need extra help. And don't even get me started on him not being able to find anything. It's nonsense.

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  21. I have never tried Spanx...I have a feeling I would hate them as much as I hate tights. But I feel the same way about those tights - NOBODY needs to see me putting them on/taking them off. How do they even make it look sexy in the movies? I fall over every time.

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  22. YEP, let me mention PMS, not you! And if I didn't have kids or an Au pair, I'd probably be off with the bra as soon as I get home too. I at least change into "home" clothes. Have a great weekend!

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  23. #3 #3 #3!!!!!!!!!!!! I kid you not, I have gotten calls from my husband while I am IN A DIFFERENT STATE asking me if I know where XYZ is. Usually, it's where it is supposed to be, where it always goes, and he just didn't bother to look. ARGH!!!!!

    And yeah. High heels can bite me.

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  24. P can never find anything, and he looks (or at least pretends to). He will start to look for something and I just ask him what it is because 90% of the time I know exactly where it is. He once ordered a replacement registration for the car, he comes home and tells me, and I walk directly to where HE placed it. I don't do the spanx thing and really I've stopped wearing high heels, I still have some but also never wear them. Hope you have a fantastic weekend!

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  25. These are all true but the 3 is the best. Even if they look for something and it's right in front of their face they don't see it....irritating

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  26. Haha I tell my husband all the time that I'm sad for him, because he'll never know how amazing it feels to walk through the door and lose your bra immediately.

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  27. Hahaha I cannot agree with this more!! My first response whenever they ask where something is is did you look for it? The answer is always yes, or I must have moved it. Suuuure, buddy.

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  28. I LOVE THIS POST. I agree with all of it. especially bras and heels.

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  29. yes to not being able to find anything if they don't look! "How do you always find everything?" Because I look for it. Or I remember where you had it last.....

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  30. Oh yes, I LOVE taking off my bra.

    I've never worn Spanx though. I should. I've had 2 kids so now I have a permanent gut. And also, because I like sweets.

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  31. Amen to #1.

    I'm one of those weirdo girls who actually loves wearing heels to work and feel comfortable all day in them.

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  32. Who are these women who like bras? SHOW YOURSELVES.

    Story time - while Andrew and I were on our honeymoon (in Mexico) his father called him asking if he knew where the rental van keys were... the van he had driven himself and others home in the night before while we were at a hotel. How on Earth would he know where the keys to that van were? Men are so weird.

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  33. I still can't fucking believe I won! I'm about to sit and do some "shopping!" EEEEEEEEKKK!!!!!

    This post was one of my faves. I'm with you on #1, I do not let Steve watch me get dressed when Spanx are involved. It's just not pretty for anyone to witness. I hate heels, but love the way they look!

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  34. seriously though my husband couldn't find something right in front of his face.. and whenever im about to start my period i get super emotional and cry a bunch and last time i told him to just ignore me, don't engage and just hug me and give me chocolate. so this time he said 'oh its just your period, you'll be fine in a few hours' and i lost MY SHIT. lol.
    um who likes bras? sounds like they're wrong.
    have a good weekend!!

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  35. I'm one of those who can go half a day without a bra on (if I'm at home thankyouverymuch) and not notice because A cup all the way. Also, if I'm feeling particularly lazy, I'll even fall asleep at night and forget to take it off.

    And the Look For It thing. Yes. I don't understand how they can be so obtuse about that.

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  36. Amen on taking the bra off. Pete asked me to go somewhere recently and I said "Do I have to put on a bra?" He said "Yes." I said: "Then no." Once that shit comes off... it is NOT going back on. FREE AT LAST FREE AT LAST THANK GOD ALMIGHTY I'M FREE AT LAST!
    I'm only glad I didn't win the giveaway b/c Marla won. I love that bitch.

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  37. Great blog, awesome comments. I don't Spanx. Tried a different version, broke out in a sweat, felt the same way I felt as a kid when I got my head stuck in a shirt, panicked and crying wanted Jack to cut me out. No.

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  38. Or to mention "going through the change."

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  39. Oh my word! The spanx situation on Sunday mornings, I mean I literally sweat just trying to get those dang things on! But, they work, so I wear it!

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  40. Yes, yes, yes! Especially the Spanx! I get all sweaty and have to reapply makeup after I finally get them on! Hahaha!

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  41. The things about the Spanx? Preach. That deal is real. Pete has watched me pick a booger out of PJ's nose but he will NEVER see me shoehorn my sausage into the casing known as Spanx! Now, that said, it appears I have reached an age/breast firmness that causes discomfort unless I have a bra on most of the time. The girls aren't what they used to be. Sigh.

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  42. or they say they looked and then you look and it's exactly where you told them. sigh. and i hate the "are you pms-ing?" argument too!

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  43. haha yes to spanx and heels for sure. Both I use, both I hate (well heels I love hate). nuff said!

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