Sunday, May 18, 2014

Train Tales - Lesson Learned: How To Tell I Need a Day Off

I think most people always want a day off, no? But I don't always need one to recharge. The best indicator that I need a day off is my commuting mood.

Rolling with the lunacy and chuckling over people I encounter daily is a normal, stable commuting mood. Daily irritability that makes me clench my teeth means Defcon 1: day off time.

My main Defcon 1 behavior is fixating on my trenemy. Train enemy = trenemy.


The trenemy is a wily species. Sometimes you have a trenemy for a long time. Sometimes the relationship with a trenemy is fleeting. Sometimes you bond over being stuck on a train for three hours with a former trenemy and you change your mind about how annoying it is to have their ass and bag in your face every day for the 10 minutes they insist on standing at the door instead of sitting.

My current trenemy is Bag Man. He insists on keeping his bags on the seat next to him even when the train is crowded. He stares at them as the train fills up, willing these inanimate possessions to stay strong, to stay the course and remain on the seat. He peers nervously at the standers, hoping they will not to make him move his precious bags.

And for some reason people rarely ask him to move the stupid bags even if it means they stand. This infuriates me. I glance rapidly back and forth between his bags on the seat and people standing in the aisle and fume. I feel like screaming at him and at them. One super crowded day I said, "there are just bags on this seat" to standers.

So since I've chosen to fixate on this bag injustice I've naturally come to believe it's my job to break this asshole of this bag seat habit. I will seek him out if we're in the same car, nod at his bag seat, and say "I'll sit there. Thanks."

When he has to move his bags, he starts fidgeting and his face contorts and you can tell it kills his soul for his precious bags to give up their seat. He fiddles with them nervously for the remainder of the ride. And that fills me with GLEE. I'm not proud but I am honest.

What the hell is in there, you ask? Well friends, it's not the hope diamond. Nor is it the secret to eternal life. It's fucking gym clothes! Get over it bro.

Annnd I just wrote five paragraphs about this man that I don't know and his bag habits...that's my commute telling me it's time for a day off. Luckily I have a few coming up.

Lesson for you readers: don't be the bag man on public transportation. Some bitch will be out there blogging about you.

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Life Lessons Linkup

26 comments:

  1. BAHAHAAHHAHAAHAHAAAAA! I'm seriously dying!!! This. This is why I love you! FUCK THE BAG MAN!

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  2. BAHAHHA this is awesome! That would infuriate me!

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  3. LOL you kill me. The bag man needs to recognize. The first time I typed that, it auto corrected to manners. Even apple knows that sucks!

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  4. This would absolutely enrage me. People are so inconsiderate, it's almost unbelievable.

    -Heather
    I do what I want.

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  5. LOL I love this! People are so damn inconsiderate...the train is full...move your stupid ass bag!

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  6. You are hilarious! Bag men everywhere BEWARE!!

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  7. Steph!!! Thank you so much for linking up. We're so happy to have you. As for bag man, he doesn't know what he's up against. Lord help any inconsiderate man (or woman for that matter) when I'm in need of some R&R. I start to get this superiority complex, like I'm the only person in the world who's busting there ass. Anyone who even appears to be remotely lazy or rude gets my wrath.

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  8. OMG...I'm dying here. I was forced to read it out loud to P since I was laughing SO hard. This is something I would do...I hate when people are rude and inconsiderate. Thanks for linking-up. I loved this!!

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  9. Hahaha!! Poor unsuspecting man had no idea who he was secretly pissing off until that day! You tell him girl! It is one thing if it's not a full train but with people standing, move that bag!!

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  10. That's rude! I've noticed people doing that. It's like, sorry, if it's crowded, your crap doesn't get a seat.

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  11. I laughed so hard at this!!!! haha I swear this blog made my already great Sunday even better ... 'bag man' didnt know what hit him ... The strange people I encounter are one of the main reasons why I avoid public transportation as much as is humanly possible.

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  12. HAHA omg I love that you seek him out. Love it.

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  13. I feel this. But with school things that bug me. We need a day off for sure.

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  14. I hate these people and purposely sit next to them! The other thing that drives me crazy are the people who sit on the quiet ride car and whisper to each other the entire time!! Why are you on the quiet ride car???

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  15. People like this put me into a rage. How inconsiderate can people be? If I needed a seat those bags would be moved. That said if you are annoyed because you are standing due to said bags and you don't speak up, well then you will wear the stupid sign. The thought that he may have a gun in the bag because let's face it the trenemy sounds a bit off would and does cross my mind. Trenemy so funny. Definitely a sign that a day off is in order.

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  16. No passive aggression for you, just downright telling him like it is. I love it! Also, what is his problem?

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  17. Lmao I swear that doesn't roll on the trains here - people are too hostile for that kind of ish they will just shove your ish and you have a few seconds to grab it. Luckily those folks are rare so most people are courteous as I'm sure same with your side of the world. :) Glad you have days off coming up too! I have a 4-day weekend and I am soo excited :D :D Thank you Memorial Day for adding another day to my weekend! Have a great one Stephanie! -Iva

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  18. Oooh, I can't wait to hear about this zucchini pie! I have never cooked quinoa, don't laugh. Is it easier/tastier than brown rice? Looks like a good weekend!

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  19. There are times I wish I rode a train instead of driving for my commute, so I could read or whatever, but gah... this would drive me insane. I hope your days off are coming soon! (I am making Memorial Day weekend extra-long with an extra few days off. Yay!)

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  20. Bag man on the train has a cousin who rides the bus. Sometimes this person keeps the bags on the seats but what bothers me more is when they stand and bump their bags into people's heads without paying attention.

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  21. 6 months ago, I chuckled at your commuting posts, but now I get fired up with you. Living somewhere where more people have to commute via public transportation has made me realize that polite, quiet and non-invasive commuters are amazing and wonderful and everyone else makes me want to scream. Bag man can kiss my ass. Way to take a stand.

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  22. I love that you got total and complete glee for telling him that you were going to sit where his bags were. YES!!!!!!!! I mean WTF?! WHy cant his gym bag sit on the floor? Get over yourself, bro!
    "Lesson for you readers: don't be the bag man on public transportation. Some bitch will be out there blogging about you." -best ending line ever.

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  23. I couldn't handle being a train commuter. I need my space, and control. Trains are just non-flying versions of planes to me. Although I have partaken in public transportation once or twice, and even I know you don't take up a seat with bags if the damn thing is full of people. What a nut!! Enjoy your time off!

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  24. LMAO, I love this! I don't take a train daily, but drive for my daily commute. I tend to see many of the same drivers day-to-day because of leaving at the exact same time in the morning. One of my favorite things is when there's an asshole commuter that I see daily, I purposely don't let them pass me, or I take my turns very slow. Is this a bitch move? Sure, but hey -- sometimes you just have to 'win' a little!

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  25. I truly LOL'd. AWESOME. I love that you seek him our. I'm sure he now tries to avoid you! I can't believe more people don't ask though? I would want to sit and not have my rear end in someone's face.

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  26. I don't miss a commute at all even if I had my own car to do it in, there's always some asshole reading their paper or putting on make-up during rush hour. Get up earlier or whatever but you're part of the rush hour problem.

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