Wednesday, May 14, 2014

Conflicting Schedules for the Win

Every week day I leave the house by 7:15 and get home at 6. MFD is a Realtor with a schedule that varies daily but typically it means working nights and weekends. Some days we see each other for five minutes depending on what's going on. Some weekends I'm flying solo. 

This works for us. While we value experiencing life together, we're both independent and cool doing our own thing as well. 

When I was younger, I remember reading and hearing about couples doing everything together.  I thought something was wrong with me because this ideal relationship sounded awful to me. Spending every minute with someone else, anyone else, is my nightmare. I'm just not built that way. 

Naturally I ended up in a relationship where the other person had that desire for constant togetherness, and guess what? It was no longer something that sounded awful, it was awful in actuality too. I felt claustrophobic. It taught me a lesson about myself: in all areas of life, I do not do well without alone time. I need that time to recharge with no one else even breathing near me. If I don't get it, "I want to be left alone for a few hours" becomes "I want to be alone, without you, forever, because...go away."
Via
Luckily, I ended up with a man who gets this. We love each other but have zero desire to spend all of our spare time together. I also think I appreciate the time we do have together more since it's scarce some weeks. 

There are, of course, times when conflicting schedules and alone time do not work for me, such as:
  1. When we make after work dinner plans, and given that his after work can be a lot later than mine, by the time we're ready to go I'm hangry and it's inadvisable to unleash me on the public.
  2. When it takes over a week to find a common time to watch something on the DVR that we both watch. Don't act like The Good Wife isn't important. 
What about you? Conflicting schedules or matching? Do you like your alone time or are you joined at the hip with your partner?

Congratulations to Shane at Whispering Sweet Nothings for winning the summer prize pack! June's giveaway is $50 to Erin Condren. Get ready, planner nerds.
 photo purple_zpse5f7f916.png

Linking up with Kathy for Humpday Confessions.
 Linking up with Shanna for Random Wednesday

42 comments:

  1. I really need my alone time so if the person I am with doesn't get that, they never last.

    ReplyDelete
  2. omg no, i cannot stand being with someone 24/7 because this bitch NEEDS her alone time otherwise i will murder the next person i see. if it works for others, great! but i'm not that kind of person. i need time to myself and time with my friends in addition to family time. to me, it's all about balance.

    i had a friend who could not be away from her boyfriends - ever. if it was a girls night, she'd bring him (????!!) and if she managed to unhinge herself from her boyfriend to come out with the girls or just me, she'd be messaging him all the live long day to a point i shouted: HE IS A GROWN ASS MAN, I'M SURE HE CAN BE AWAY FROM YOU FOR TWO HOURS SO PUT THE GODDAMN PHONE AWAY ALREADY!!! the friendship didn't go much farther after that.

    -kathy
    Vodka and Soda

    ReplyDelete
  3. C and I don't have conflicting schedules, but we BOTH need our alone time. Like, seriously. Get out of my freaking face. (Love you) I also need my alone time from Grover (sorry Grover, but momma's a selfish BIA). My ex didn't like it that I wanted him to do things without me... and now he's my ex. I don't think I like ANYONE enough to spend ALL my time with them.

    ReplyDelete
  4. I'm pretty independent and even more so as I get older. I am on my own a lot because my husband works a lot and we have 3 kids that are heavily involved in sports. Sometimes I get a little frustrated and wish we had more time to do things as a family instead of all heading our separate directions all the time, but I'm fine with being on my own most of the time and I need time completely alone to recharge. Plus, I think it makes us appreciate the time we do have together more. I could not handle someone being up in my business all the time.

    ReplyDelete
  5. I'm with you on conflicting schedules, if Tyson and I spent all of our time together someone would be dead. Literally dead, and someone would be in jail for murder. :)

    ReplyDelete
  6. I love alone time. We do trips with our friends frequently. But then, sometimes his work schedule is crazy and I don't see him for way too long and I am not a fan of that either. I need a happy medium.

    ReplyDelete
  7. I thrive on alone time. My marriage only lasted 10 years because he was away as often as he was... The only one I want with me all the time is my dog.

    ReplyDelete
  8. What is great is finding a person that works with your life wishes and habits. #priceless I never take any darned thing for granted and thank the universe for my life many times a day! Also, as you get older, schedules change- mine way slowed down- which is wonderful. I still have to tell myself to slow down, I do not need to be in a hurry. I do still like to walk fast, especially getting into the grocery store from the parking lot and not la-la around while in the store. No one should take their kids to the store if they can help it LOL! Or older people- get a list from them. #Iknowthatisnotnice Have a happy day!
    Love Your MOMMA

    ReplyDelete
  9. Troy and I both LOVE our alone time. We both need time to recharge and do our own thing, even if that means he's playing video games in the living room while I'm reading in the bedroom.

    We actually know a couple who is uber clingy. I mean they are together 24/7, text ALL the time while they're working, talk for hours on the phone while AT work, and can't go anywhere alone. The poor guy wakes up super early to drive her around to run errands before he goes to work (even though she has the whole day off) because she won't go alone. I tried hanging out with her while our guys were working, but she just wanted to drag me to see the guys at work. Uh, they're WORKING. And I'll see him when he gets home. I just don't get it.

    ReplyDelete
  10. I definitely need my space. Luckily, Joe always needs alone time. So, we embrace it despite not having conflicting schedules. If we move in together soon, hopefully the apartment is big enough for us to take our own time when needed!

    ReplyDelete
  11. It's weird, but I like that we both travel for work. How else would I get to watch two seasons of Scandal in 2 weeks? We have routines on the weekends too that involve alone time, plus time together. It's a balance. But, nobody should ever be hangry.

    ReplyDelete
  12. I'm the exact same way. It's one of the reasons why I don't want kids... the thought of having someone be completely dependent on me and always having to be available for them is both terrifying and nauseating to me. As much as my weird schedule sucks sometimes, it's also nice because we DON'T always have the same days off. On the days we both work - since he's a day shifter and I'm an afternoon shifter - I get plenty of alone time in the morning and when I get home we'll see each other for maybe an hour or two at most. It works out perfectly, for both of us. Pete doesn't mind alone time... I actually NEED it.

    ReplyDelete
  13. My husband and I spend a good deal of time together, but we both need a healthy amount of alone time as well. We spend a lot of time both in the house, or even in the same room, but doing completely separate things. So even though we're physically together, we still spend a lot of time doing our own things.

    ReplyDelete
  14. We spend a good amount of time together but if either of us doesn't get some time alone, we go crazy. Especially me. If I don't have time by myself, I get edgy and mean.

    I do not understand those couples who do everything together--same jobs, same friends, same hobbies, same everything. If I wanted to be married to my clone, I would have stayed single. I think we have a better relationship because we can be independent from one another.

    ReplyDelete
  15. I cherish my alone time, and luckily, so does Shawn. I'm so glad we built a big house - even when we're both home, we can have our own space to do our thing.

    ReplyDelete
  16. I'm right there with you Steph. Dar works Sun-Thurs, I work Mon-Fri. Friday is his alone day, Saturday we're together and Sunday is all about Shannon. He's worked various shift previously (swings, midnights) and I have to say I wasn't a fan of that. I didn't get married to sleep alone at night you know? Anyways, knowing that I will always have a day to myself makes me a happy camper :) Even when were home together, after work and what not, we don't spend every minute together. We kind of go our own ways to our own corners of the house. After we've had sometime to unwind, we connect. It works for us.

    ReplyDelete
  17. I am the exact same way....I need my alone time...luckily I get that during the day while my husband is at work and the kids are at school. It's nice to have a mutual understanding that we don't have to be together every waking hour and minute...it's good to find a balance and be able to do things without one another.

    ReplyDelete
  18. I like to have some alone time just to decompress and do the things that I want to do...but I also enjoy spending at least a little time with my husband every day too. I think it is important to share things together and also be able to be away from each other and be ok. It is all about having balance! I think everyone needs different amounts of togetherness to feel ok...and as long as you each respect that...then you should be golden!

    ReplyDelete
  19. Oh totally!! I spend all my time and do everything with my man! He is literally me other half. I couldn't enjoy really much with out him by my side. Love him!! :) XO

    Lisa,xo
    http://chiclittlethrills.blogspot.com/

    ReplyDelete
  20. John wakes up at 4 to get to work, which means he's in bed by like 8:30, 6 days a week. I work a normal 9 to 5. AND we don't live together. So yeah, it's a lot of effort to get time together but I like it. Being with him hasn't thrown off mine and Hawkeye's schedule too much ;) hahaha

    ReplyDelete
  21. I am 100% with you on this. well, we don't have conflicting schedules that much but I need some time to myself. i crave it. i can't possibly spend every waking or free moment with michael. it's just too much.

    ReplyDelete
  22. My bf works 12 hour shifts and then goes to the gym afterwards. Living together has helped in getting to see him more, but for the post part he leaves before I get up, and doesn't get home till after 8 PM - at which time, like you I am starving and grumpy so going anywhere or doing something together besides sitting on the couch is a no go. My only hope of date nights are Thursdays and Fridays which he has off - but somehow that's just enough for us. Kind of like you guys we enjoy our "me" time and although sometimes I get frustrated that we don't do a lot of things together, for the most part or conflicting schedules work for us.

    ReplyDelete
  23. we're attached at the hip and its ok with me but he needs his alone time sometimes where he just hides in the bedroom well I do too sometimes I guess were a mixture of both. It depends on the day. If I want quiet I lock myself in the bedroom while hes in the living room and vice versa but we spend 95% of our time together.

    ReplyDelete
  24. I am good with alone time and opposite schedules to an extent; when I am on day 6 of sitting at home alone at night, I am over it sometimes. Other times, I love having time alone to do whatever I want, eat cereal for dinner, and do household projects that John would just annoy me with.

    I agree on the hangry thing; my job is a lot more flexible than his so I can usually be home whenever I want if I don't have class, even if it means working from home. However, he has an inability to leave work when he says he will, so when it is 7 p.m. and I have been home since 4 and I am just then cooking dinner, I want to murder him.

    ReplyDelete
  25. So my husband really likes to be together and he knows that I need my own time. I have to work to carve it out and he has had to learn that it really isn't him, it's me. I like to spend an hour at Target alone sometimes! I like that he wants to be around me, but we don't always mesh well. Somehow, it works, and the way that you are extra appreciative of your time together, I am extra appreciative of my time alone! But yes, I did get upset that our schedules were so off last week that it took six whole days to watch 24. Unacceptable!

    ReplyDelete
  26. I love alone time and I get plenty of it. My bf takes my son to school and I pick him up but since my son spends weekends with his father I get time to decompress. Even if I'm with my partner there are nights when I just need peace and quiet and he gets that. I don't get how some people have to do every thing together it's just weird but it works for some people. I mainly need quiet time because socially sometimes people drain me and I need to get some peace of mind. :) Happy Hump Day Stephanie! -Iva

    ReplyDelete
  27. 100% agree. I absolutely need my alone time. I wouldn't mind having someone to spend some special moments with though :)

    ReplyDelete
  28. I prefer matching schedules but I totally get where you were coming from. My last bf and I were like a tic in each others behind. We were always together for the four years that we were together!

    ReplyDelete
  29. You know my answer!

    So funny about not liking it because of the TV watching - I just sort of wrote about that myself!

    ReplyDelete
  30. I totally agree with you, I need alone time too and would go insane if I had to spend every free minute with someone!

    ReplyDelete
  31. We are definitely better apart. I think it irritates both of us to be in each others face all the time. Occasionally my husband and I make special plans to be together but most of the time we just gravitate towards each other when we have a mutual show or activity that we both like.

    ReplyDelete
  32. He works from 8 to 5pm and sometimes stays late while I work from 8:30 to 5:30pm and never work late. It works out. Although I start later than him I leave the house first to take the kids to school, so even the tandem parking situation is not too big of an issue at the moment.

    ReplyDelete
  33. My husband and I both like our alone time too, and our schedules are very similar to yours and MFDs. It worked great, until we had kids. Now somehow I end up with the kids at home during my off-work time and most of Matt's off-work time he is home alone because its during normal working hours. NOT FAIR! We are working on this but it's a big challenge for us. We have to have regular daycare and it's hard for me to justify paying for another babysitter so I can go out and do something with girlfriends or just have a coffee date with myself.

    ReplyDelete
  34. I'm a big fan of alone time. I love it. Maybe it's because I was an only child.

    I thought about getting a part time job since the kids are both in school. But my husband and I were worried we'd never see each other, and felt that spending time together was more important than me getting a job. That being said, when he is at work, I do enjoy my peace and quiet. And then when he's home, that's when we spend time together. He has weird work schedules so if I got a job, that's why we might not ever see one another.

    ReplyDelete
  35. Story of my life! We both work so much we literally get to see each other for two hours at night and it involves dinner and then to bed. That is why I really look forward to the weekends time we get to just hang with each other. I 100% agree though he has "softball" <-- air quotes because it's mens softball and I have my Barre classes....you need time apart that is for sure!

    ReplyDelete
  36. ALONE TIME!!! Jacob and I have always been comfortable doing our own thing. When we try to explain this to some of our other couple friends they think we're nuts or that we just don't like each other. I think it's a matter of independence, different interests, and trust. We try to pick two nights a week to spend together, but the rest we're on our own and we are both perfectly happy with that.

    ReplyDelete
  37. Conflicting for the win! Jose is usually still sleeping when I leave for work, and I get home as he's leaving. We have Saturday and Sunday together though.

    ReplyDelete
  38. I agree with this so, so much! I love alone time and together time, just need enough of both of them. My husband and I work opposite shifts and see each other mostly on the weekends and sleeping at night, but I like that we have time to do our own things, and then enjoy all that awesome time together on the weekend.

    ReplyDelete
  39. I think we do a pretty good job balancing alone and together time. My SO is an only child, so he's used to and desperately needs alone time to read and think. I need time to watch Real Housewives and Dance Moms, so everyone wins! :)

    The Good Wife is SO very important.

    -Heather
    I do what I want.

    ReplyDelete
  40. J & I had conflicting schedules too which worked for us. We both got to do our own thing when the other was busy but still got together. Of course things didn't work because of other aspects of the relationship but not being together all the time was definitely good for us.

    ReplyDelete
  41. I am like you - so imagine how I am surviving with an unemployed husband for going on 19 months now. He needs a job where he travels. A lot. Something. HELP!!

    ReplyDelete
  42. P and I are completely joined at the hip! Honestly, I think I need more alone time than P. Ha, ha not advisable to be unleashed into public :)

    ReplyDelete

Tell me what you think, leave a comment! I'll reply to you via email if you have an email associated with yourself, otherwise, check back here for my reply. Thank you and good day. I SAID GOOD DAY.

Related Posts Plugin for WordPress, Blogger...
Blogging tips
Pin It button on image hover