Wednesday, April 23, 2014

Humpday Confessions: Every once in a while, you have to say screw it

You can link up your Humpday Confessions with Vodka & Soda  below. Typepad is down. Kathy's Humpday Confessions will return to her blog when the internet gets its head out of its own ass. 
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I'm a do it yourselfer. Not in the crafty sense, but in other ways. Recently my schedule has been packed, work has been busy, MFD is working seven days a week so he's not around a lot to take care of the stuff he usually does, and I feel behind. You know this drill. You've all felt the pinch, regardless of what the factors are that led you to it. 

When I feel behind, I get bitchy. MFD offers suggestions and I yell at him because I'm mean when I feel cornered.  He's been on my ass for over four years to have someone come in and clean once a month to lighten the load, and I always reply in a Zuul voice, "No, I have to do it myself. Who do you think I am? I can't have someone else clean my house." Plus I figured he was saying it just to get out of doing his chores. No one gets out of here alive!
This time when he said it, a voice in the back of my head said why not? That's a week off of cleaning, a week of freedom! Then the voice immediately followed with Oh no bitch. Who do you think you are? Clean your own house. I expect  to clean my own house, I have a schedule for it, I blog about cleaning my own house, for crap's sake. 

What's wrong with this picture? There's a problem and a solution that we're lucky enough to have the money for once I stop buying makeup I don't wear. Yet I resist this solution. All the real problems in the world and I'm making this one?

I'm making something that isn't a thing a thing. That's what assholes do! Now I'm the asshole, and you're thinking this snotty asshole is complaining about getting cleaning help? She is an idiot. Get off of your high horse kemosabe, because I'm telling you there's something you complain about that comes with a simple solution, and since it's such a focus for you, you don't realize you're being an idiot about it.

We all have an internal struggle about something that is totally unimportant in the grand scheme of life, but it becomes a thing because of our own expectations - our own, not anyone else's. Maybe your thing that you over think and that induces guilt is buying cupcakes to bring to school instead of making them. Or missing a soccer game because of work. Or feeling too rushed to do a nice braid for a recital. Or being too tired to do something you always do. Or ordering dinner because you're just not in the mood to cook. Maybe this thing changes from week to week. Whatever it is, we all have something we feel we should do but don't have time for or don't want to, and when we don't do it we feel guilty about it. 

Consider all the roles we play - wife/husband/partner, mother/father, worker, friend, family member, coach, volunteer, maid, cook, etc. - and how our feelings of guilt or failure when we're not doing it all start and end with ourselves. Don't crucify yourself over something you're not doing, whether it's because there's not enough hours in the day or because you simply choose not to. 

You can't do everything. I can't do everything. I definitely can't tell other people that they can't do everything and then think that I can. So I'm saying screw it. I'm going to find a monthly cleaning person (any local ladies have referrals?) and I'm not going to feel guilty about it. I'm letting myself off the hook and giving myself the gift of time instead of shoes or makeup. And MFD gets the gift of being right this one time. Enjoy MFD! Hashtag YOLO. 
Tell me - what's your thing that you need to give yourself a break on?

Humpday Confessions Link Up - I'm not sure WTF is going on with the triple links, but I only see one set in the HTML. Sorry ladies!




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Linking up with Kathy for Humpday Confessions.
 Linking up with Shanna for Random Wednesday

45 comments:

  1. I love this post! As women I feel like we forget we can't do it all...we put those capes on and come mid morning we're ready to hang it up due to frustration. I think having a cleaning lady is awesome, I would love to have one someday myself. Congrats to you and enjoy your non cleaning week!

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    1. Thanks Kristen! When I start to think I can do it all, life is very good at remind me that I cannot. hahaha

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  2. I love this post! As women I feel like we forget we can't do it all...we put those capes on and come mid morning we're ready to hang it up due to frustration. I think having a cleaning lady is awesome, I would love to have one someday myself. Congrats to you and enjoy your non cleaning week!

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  3. I feel the same way when I'm behind! Don't beat yourself up girl it happens. Enjoy no cleaning! I hate to clean and its one of my embarrassing confessions!

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  4. Man, I pretty much never don't have a "thing." I'm always stressing about stuff that there is no reason to stress about which is something I'm working on. I'm happy for you that you're hiring someone to clean! Enjoy it!

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  5. I am not fun to be around when I feel stressed, and behind. I just want to focus and get it done. Ultimately my todo will wait and things will get done eventually. I need to give myself a break more and just do what I can. Great reminder.

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  6. 1) thank you SO MUCH for hosting this in case my blog went down again and who knows, it might again today!

    2) i'm like that with a cleaning service too. i did it once and i pretty much hovered over her the whole time because i was wondering if she was going to swipe something and if she was doing it right. i bet she hated every second of it. also, i kind of cleaned up before she came because i didn't want her to think: these filthy bitches!!!

    so hire a service once a month and then kick back to enjoy the time off!!!!

    thanks for linking up and for helping out xoxoxox

    -kathy
    Vodka and Soda

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  7. I feel the exact same way and I don't even have kids! I can't even imagine adding another child (man being the first one) into the mix! I 100% vote for you to get some help and enjoy that time together :-)

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  8. I get that way about work events. People will offer to help and I decline it because they won't set things on the table the way I have them laid out in my head. In the grand scheme of things, does it matter? No, but in my crazy world it does, so I skip lunch and run around so it can be "perfect." I rationalize by saying I'm doing my job, but it's okay to ask for help sometimes. I hope you have great luck finding a cleaning service. I went through groupon for a once-off a few weeks ago and it was not good...

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  9. You have a busy life and like things a certain way in your home. Go for it. Also, no hovering. Best is when the cleaning
    person/persons are at your home cleaning when you are not around. It would be like your boss standing over you watching you work. And if you are not happy, then switch to another person.
    Love your MOMMA

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    1. Oh mother, I know myself. It won't work if I'm home when they're cleaning. I need to be out of the house. MFD can be there and schmooze them, he will not advise them at all!

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  10. Hiring a cleaning service to do the monthly deep cleaning is totally worth it! I find it manageable to handle all the day-to-day or weekly cleaning on my own but the sheer idea of knowing that I DON'T have to do it all is such a stress-relief!

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  11. I'm so glad you posted this because I have been struggling with this so much lately! For me, it's working out/training for races and lately there are just not enough hours in the day to get everything done. It stresses me out and I feel crazy and it's really ridiculous because you're right, in the grand scheme of things it really doesn't matter at all. I realized I've been really mean to myself about it, and that I punish myself when I'm not perfect. I've taken a step back this week to ask myself what do I want to do, right now, right at this moment? And then I do it. I don't think it's realistic to function that way all the time (I DO still have responsibilities here), but it's helping just to check in with myself every now and then!

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  12. i agree with this completely. sometimes i want to be so lazy, and then hubby tries to help and i get super bitchy. that's my job! i'm the woman! its completely ridiculous.

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  13. Amen! I am glad you can do this, Steph! Since I often feel cornered lately, I totally get it. I am curious to see how your future cleaning person holds up to your awesome cleaning standards, haha!

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  14. Oh how I miss my cleaning lady... those were the days! You will love it! I need to give myself a break on the laundry. I always feel bad that we live out of baskets of clean clothes but in the end... who really cares!

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  15. Cleaning... I get so flustered that the house is a wreck and bitch about it but dont end up cleaning it until the weekend...no one cares really except me. Oh and when I choose not to wake up early and run or do it when I get home..im on a 3 week streak now WTH i feel guilty and beat myself up about it but still dont do it.. I need help LOL

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  16. I spent way too many hours of my life worrying about stupid "things" and feeling inadequate. Excellent post.

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    Replies
    1. Thanks Mary Jane! I think most of us are too hard on ourselves in at least one area!

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  17. I'm almost embarrassed to say it "out loud" but I kept my cleaning people every other week even when Ben wasn't working full-time. We cut back on other things. Everyone has his/her own priorities. I didn't always appreciate or understand that lesson my parents instilled it in me at a young age. But I certainly do now as a wife, home owner and parent. It is amazing how often I catch myself being judgemental over what someone else chooses to spend their time and/or money on. Again, I am the one that had to dip into savings because we were in the red during those 10 months and I still kept the cleaning people... If I could have them weekly I know I personally would be a
    happier person. Judge away... ;)

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    1. You go Jennifer! We all do spend our time and money on different things - we get to choose! I'm ready to spend my money on cleaning. Once a month will probably be good for me, if not I'll try every other week!

      No shame in admitting that, and hey if you paid for it, who cares! You made the money, you spend it as you see fit!

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  18. I would LOVE to have someone come once a month and clean but dangit, it's expensive! I've had someone come once and WOW it was worth it and then some.

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  19. What don't I need give myself a break on? Lol Thanks for this! Sometimes it really is great to have someone do something for you once in awhile!

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  20. A cleaning person would be amazing!! Kids take up so much time and I feel like it's quality time or cleaning.... I totally vote for you to hire a cleaning person!,

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  21. I get the same way when I'm feeling overwhelmed. I will just snap at people for no real reason. Ain't no shame in hiring someone. Granted I couldn't afford to do it monthly or anything but I have every intention of hiring a company to deep clean my apartment before I move out because eff that noise.

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  22. Yes!!! I say you are totally entitled to enjoy some extra time by having someone come help on a monthly basis. Nothing wrong with that!!! Sometimes we pay someone to do our yard work because even though we are fully capable....who the hell actually enjoys doing that shit?!?!

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  23. I get so mean when I am stressed! I definitely need someone to help me out now and then.

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  24. Oh yes! Someone out there gets this! Seriously I feel So. Much. Guilt. If I don't do it myself!!

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  25. This is such a great post and exactly what I needed to read today! BLAH the guilt has got to go, it's just hard when we have such high expectations for ourselves! Thanks for hosting (:

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  26. Yes to all of this. I need to give up some of the control I feel that I need to have on all aspects of everything and let people help. I finally said screw it to the painting of all the trim and doors in our house since I have been working on it for about 2 months and am paying someone to finish it. They will have it done in 2 days while I would spend another 2 months doing it.

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  27. hell yea! I really needed to read this today. I'm with ya.. fuckin' screw it!

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  28. I definitely don't have a problem having someone else clean my own house but I do hold myself to too high expectations on a lot of other things which then makes me go harder on other people too. We all need to lighten up I guess!

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  29. since I love hgtv and think that i'm handy I feel like we should do all of our house stuff ourselves. I blogged about how we paid someone to paint our living for us and I felt like a lazy ass and uppity ha. but then we painted the hallway ourselves and failed miserably. sometimes the tradeoff is just worth it! I know how you feel. if I get a job where i'm working any more hours than I currently do, I would totally get a cleaning person to come in every once in awhile to help with some stuff I just can't/don't want to get to. do it!

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  30. I do this all the time with stuff. I feel guilty that my husband cooks more than me or when he cleans and I don't. You are right, we need to just get over it and ourselves and go with it! Your a brave lady to be giving your other a "he was right" in WRITING no less :)

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  31. I would LOVE a cleaning person.

    It's true, no one can do it all. I know I get mean when I'm stressed too.

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  32. I want a monthly cleaner! As a matter of fact, I want a WEEKLY cleaner!

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  33. I don't know how I feel about publically admitting a man is right. They'll all riot the first chance they get!!!!!

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  34. Dude the multiple links is a bit creepy! Time is money and you can always try it out and then if it doesn't work tell him I told you so! Hope it works out for you...my mom has always been the same way. Nobody cleans her house except the fam.

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  35. I love this, and I love you!

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  36. Love this post so much! I'm the same way, it's so hard for me to let go :-P

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  37. Ah this post is WAY to similar to how my brain works. Haha!

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  38. I have to remind myself all the time!! Just because I work from home doesn't mean my house is any cleaner - it means its dirtier since I am in it all the time!! And do the maid. You won't regret it. I had a maid before I had kids. She came once a month did a lot of my heavy cleaning - blinds, fans, ect. LOVED IT!!!

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  39. Oh my gosh, look how amazing popular the link up was today! You go girls!!!

    Im all for the cleaner, and as we chatted about last week, I hired one! But, she's not coming til May, after Wallet Watch (which I comepletely failed) is over. Cheers to clean houses! <3

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  40. Seriously, deciding to have someone come clean the house every 3 weeks (because 2 is too often, we're not lazy! And, once a month is not enough...) was the best decision we've ever made. It is so nice to come home to a clean house after work on Friday and be able to lounge and drink wine.

    -Heather
    I do what I want.

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