Saturday, March 8, 2014

Lest you think life always runs smoothly here...

Man, I was off this week. Extending our trip to Mexico was nice but it pushed everything back at work. I had to get to the office on Wednesday, which sucked given that Beezelbub had taken charge of my stomach Tuesday night to expel poison with intergalactic force. 

I totally lost my mojo, which I'll share below not to be a titty baby whiner but to show you that life is not all nice recipes, organized cabinets and serene scenes in this house. I'm not one to front. My life runs well because it's on a nice schedule. When that goes off the rails, chaos descends. Which is why I will stick to my tight ass schedule, thank you very much. 

Mojo Thieves
Sleep. Wednesday night I went to bed at 6:30 and woke up at 7 Thursday morning. One entire night, poof, gone. I kept falling asleep on the train every day too, which I never do. I get a lot of stuff done after work, and losing all that time makes me feel like I'm in the Twilight Zone. Did Thursday happen? I'm not sure. 

Zombie brain. I lost a motherfucking library book because it dropped off of my lap when I suddenly snoozed narcoleptic-style on the way to work on Thursday morning. Six years, never lost a goddamn thing on the train until now. My streak has ended. I also repeatedly could not recall all week if I had actually said things out loud or sent emails or if I just imagined that I did. Doodoo-doodoo-doodoo-doodoo

No fuel via food or coffee. Between Tuesday at 11 a.m. and Thursday at 6 p.m. I ate a roll, a mini can of Pringles, and 1/4 cup of soup. No coffee. It hurt my soul. 

Fear. It's not cool to feel like you could possibly shit your pants in public as an adult who normally has control of these things. However it did result in some funny texts with my friends. Illness gives good material.

Bathroom shenanigans. 1. Waking up at 12:50 on Tuesday night and finding MFD in the bathroom I had claimed instead of the one he had claimed and screeching GET OUT why are you HERE like I was trying to eradicate a Poltergeist and having an absolute fit in the upstairs hallway, which sent him flying down two flights of stairs like his ass was on fire or because he just saw the Exorcist. See also: above entry for fear. It was similar to the scene in Bridesmaids except nobody shit in the sink. LOOK AWAY.
2. I meant to go grocery shopping Thursday, but had to make it home in a jiffy to use the bathroom. In my tiny bathroom, all three dogs went fucking nuts and full out fought at my feet. I was holding a snarling Cujo Mae Mae Cray Cray over my head as I was on the throne and after that I said fuck this shit and put my pajamas on. 
3. Luckily since I wasn't eating I had no need to use the bathroom at work but in a cruel twist of fate our floor's bathroom is being worked on and if I did have to go, it would be two floors down accessible by elevator. That is a recipe for disaster. 
Mess. Stuff is everygoddamnwhere. Suitcases near the laundry area and in the upstairs hallway, laundry piled up, mail piles, clean towel piles. Of course this was one of the times I said let the laundry wait until we get back. Too mired in malaise to care, that's how you know I'm sick. I also spent most of the week looking like a hot mess with clothes that did not match, dirty hair put up daily, and sunken eyes. 

Who writes about poop on their blog twice in one week? This girl.

So there you have it. I don't need sympathy and am not complaining, I just wanted to show you that not all recipes turn out so to speak. It doesn't happen often but I'm thrown off my game sometimes. I hate it and it makes me want to throw a tantrum. I am the most impatient, assholic sick person. But I am a resilient motherfucker and I won't be down for long, just like my beloved late Mom-Mom who would have celebrated her birthday today if she was still with us. Birthday month friends for life. Learned traits like independence, stubbornness, and an insistence on getting back into the swing of things too soon die hard. 

Hopefully as you're reading this an app is being prepared for a family party later today and my house is half back in order. I feel like Rocky preparing to get back in the ring. 

Gonna Fly Now by Rocky Soundtrack on Grooveshark
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  1. yikes, that's bananas! i hate being sick and having to do shit (excuse the pun) but to be at work with the runs? no thank you. i'm so glad you're on the mend and getting back to the swing of things.

    Vodka and Soda

  2. oh dear. dear, dear, dear.

  3. Too mired in malaise to care. I remember those feelings in times of food poisoning. Also, I give you credit for going to work. I make a lot of excuses for going to work when I'm sick (i.e. sub plans are more work than they're worth), but I couldn't do it with stomach issues like that.
    Enjoy the coffee now!

  4. Bathroom talk makes me so uncomfortable so I am proud of myself for reading all the way through. I hope you feel 100% back to yourself VERY soon. No fun having a vacation tainted by misery afterwards.

  5. JMJ! Glad you are pretty much back to yourself! Headed for Pop's party now.
    Enjoy this beautiful day!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
    love YOUR MOMMA

  6. I am a crazy person when I'm sick...I still do almost everything I normally do unless it's the stomach thing since I won't let myself throw up and usually am having multiple panic attacks that I might. But a cold or the flu that isn't making me'll find me at work sniffling with the rest of the crew. Probably why I was sick three times this year with that! Hoping you're back to yourself soon and back in your groove!

  7. I am currently feeing your pain. I should be on my way to Hershey but instead I'm either on the toilet or in front of the toilet. Sucks!

  8. Ugh...glad you're on the up and up. Kudos for going to work not feeling well. I have such a hard time getting anything done when I'm sick!

  9. Sounds like things were flowing a little TOO smoothly... for your gastrointestinal tract that is.
    I have shit my pants in public before. At the grocery store. It's a story for emails... haha

  10. I can only hope these shirty shenanigans are coming to an end. I see your mojo returning with the return of longer days of sunshine

  11. Oof. That's all I have to say. Hope things get back to normal for you this week.

  12. Yikes! What a week hope you get your shit together soon ;) (I am not uncomfortable lol)

  13. Really hoping you're feeling better and have a better week! We have 5 people, one bathroom so I totally understand your freaking out. The fact that you lost a library book makes me feel better about the fact that my dog chewed one up recently. Oops.

  14. So glad you are feeling better. My stomach is clenching just reading this, and I would have totally called into work. Have stomach issues at work is no fun.

  15. there is nothing worse than stomach trouble!! i hope you are 100% back to normal !

  16. I'm glad you are feeling better now. There is NO WAY I would be going to work with those kind of tummy troubles. I would be nervous just to get in the car! And I'm the same way when my schedule is off - completely thrown off wack. I currently have 4 loads of laundry to fold and put away due to unexpected visitors on Sunday afternoon.


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