Monday, January 13, 2014

Golden Globes - catty commentary

General Thoughts
  • Die, Seacrest.
  • I feel sort of bad for the people who work the red carpet. They have to ask the stupidest questions.
  • Andy Samberg uses "coming in hot" twice in one conversation. I approve.
  • Taylor Swift...go back to your playpen, baby.
  • Tom Hanks and Rita Wilson: We're going to dinner with Frank & Amanda later this month, I think you guys would be great to have as friends. Join us.
  • Tina and Amy, you guys come too.
  • The Julia Louis Dreyfuss piece in the opener was hilarious.
  • Jacqueline Bisset. Shit. Go to hell and don't come back. Good lord!
  • Jordan Catalano...still weird. Still hot.
  • The Bing/Microsoft commercial celebrating women - I loved it. 
  • I caught Matt Damon and Ben Affleck taking at one of the breaks. I savored the moment because I am a creeper who admires their friendship and loves seeing them hanging out like bros. 
  • Matthew McConaughy wins and pays homage to Dazed and Confused. Alright alright alright. Best reference of the night.
  • I sit here in yoga pants and dirty hair ragging on people in dresses. Oh, the irony.
My Non-Fashionista Votes for Best
  • Cate Blanchett
  • Lupita Nyong'o
  • Reese Witherspoon - I always love a clean and simple Calvin Klein and I love the color.
  • Leonardo Dicaprio: call me. You look sort of like a salamander, but we can still hang out.
  • Liev Schreiber
  • RDJ. He's like a fine wine.
  • Zosia Mamet
  • Naomi Watts
  • Tina in red and Amy in black during the show
  • Olivia Wilde
My Non-Fashionista Votes for Worst
  • JLaw, wearing toilet paper with strategically placed black electrical tape like someone made her play the wedding dress toilet paper game at a bridal shower.
  • Julia Roberts. You are Julia Roberts at the Golden Globes, not a goddamn secretary. 
  • Hayden P. I'm sorry your stylist wanted you to wear a mullet and you said okay.
  • Sandra Bullock
  • Lena Dunham
  • Amy Adams
  • Paula Patton. Don't look to that side, your dress will eat your face.
  • Edie Falco. Bow foul.
  • Tina Fey's floral red carpet number
  • Julie Bowen 
  • Zoe Saldana
Who gets your vote for best/worst? Time for this catty B to go to bed.

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  1. I missed the Golden Globes! Darn. But I still enjoy your commentary. :)

  2. I really wasn't impressed with the dresses this year. I'm not sure why JLaw wore what she wore. I understand she had reasons for cutting her hair too, but I cannot get behind a pixie cut for any reason.

  3. these award shows take too long! my idea of an award show: line everyone up so i can see what they're wearing, give me a summary of who wins, let tina fey and amy pohler talk the whole time and wrap that bitch up in 1hr.

    Vodka and Soda

  4. As I said last night, Jordan Catalano, the weirder the better! I freaking love him, and I was SO glad to see him win! Aside from MSCL, he is an amazing actor. And hot, to boot.

    I love the chemistry between Matthew MCConaughy andCamilla. I guess when you are both that beautiful, sparks will always fly.

    Matt and Ben= TLF

    Reese looked AMAZING. That color on her skin, her hair and nails, the curves! LOVE

    The sparks b/w Liev & Naomi are amazing beautiful. Why do beautiful people always seem so freaking happy and sex crazed?

    I must add Paula Patton to the worst dressed
    Lupita Nyong wins best dressed for me. Flawless.

  5. Love your commentary! Totally agree with Hayden's horrible hair, Julia looking a mess (no glam!), and how freaking hilarious Tina and Amy! I love how much the old SNL folks love each other so much! One of my favs was when Seth Myers got to announce Andy Sandberg's win :) You can tell they are truly happy for each other!

  6. I agree with almost all of your worst dressed choices. I couldn't understand Zoe Saldana's weird dress and Paula Patton's was WAY too runway for the red carpet.

  7. I do didn't watch the awards show but I love your commentary! I agree with Kathy too line everyone up so we can envy then Tina and Amy comedy hour! Done son!

  8. I didn't realize that they were on last night! :(

  9. I didn't watch but this made me wish I had... but ONLY if you were doing commentary during it.

  10. There were some horrible dresses last night, but Paula Patton's looked stained. It was ridiculous. Watching this while watching twitter made it 10x more hilarious. Love this.

  11. I only watched half of the awards, last night {taping the rest}, but your comments seem spot on to me! I agree with your likes for fashion, for I too am a non-fashionista, haha.

  12. Could not agree with you more on Seacrest and Taylor Swift... both are overrated and overpaid for being obnoxious :-P

    Was not a fan of Jennifer Lawrence's dress, but I still love her!

  13. I was a little bored by the fashion, but Reese W also shines to me! Matthew M is always my fave but i was SWOONING over Leo D the entire night, I love him!! good recap! Did you catch Tina and Amy's dig at Tay Swift?!

  14. I didn't watch it, but I followed people's commentary on twitter. I don't really like award shows all that much, but J.Law's dress was hideous. Have you seen people on IG and social media making fun of it and doing their own version?

  15. didn't watch it but of course appreciate the fashion and commentary. i rather just read this anyway.

  16. Julia Roberts dress was cute minus the freaking button down?! And I decided I want to have dinner with Tom Hanks and Rita Wilson too. Once the spending freeze is over and you get your buddha butter dish, that would be a great center piece for the table that night :)

  17. I love it so much. I didn't watch, now I don't need to!

  18. I missed it, but just looked at pics. How did Jessica Lange manage to make herself look dumpy? Because that took some effort. I liked the Amy Adams number. I need to go look at the men's penguin suit pics

    1. I was disappointed in Jessica Lange, Gena! I normally love her.

  19. RD,Jr. is amazing. He and Leo are my favorite actors right now. Love Matthew Mc., too. Check out the video of him singing with Sting. He rocked it. The Red Carpet banter is always so annoying. They need clever commentary. Jennifer Lawrence can look so stunning. That was the worst dress I have ever seen, besides the Dunham girl. I really never cared for Woody Allen at all. Very odd. Glad he was not there.
    Always a pleasure reading your words. Love your MOMMA

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  21. love: Tina and Amy, Andy Samberg, Julia Louis Dreyfuss, all the Matt Damon talk/references, RDJ, and the commercial for women. hate: the lady that took an hour to get to the stage then stand there for another hour. was that Jacqueline Bisset? I forget what her name was, and I don't care either cause she was horrible.

    so, basically, I agree with you.

  22. I fell asleep and missed so much of it. However, from what I saw, the theme of the night seemed to be side boob. Yikes.

  23. I totally missed the awards show this weekend. Like I have missed every award show in the last year basically. Maybe I am just jealous of the fancy lifestyles and clothes of these people and want to hate a little!

  24. I made sure not to read anyone else's commentary until I had written my own. We agree, of course, on so much. I also saw Matt and Ben talking and though "aw, look at that!"

    And I loved the JLD shit. "Well, look who's back with the TV people?" LMAO

  25. Haha! Well I didn't watch, but I think I am all caught up. BUT NO! Julia Roberts - stunning. I thought she was gorgeous. The only one I disagree with! :) But now I am wanting to see the Leo Salamander suit....

  26. I thought Amy and Tina never looked better, absolutely beautiful.
    LOVED the Leo, supermodel vagina joke and loved that he didn't (his face!)
    Loved all the J-Law dress memes.
    I was indifferent about the Paula Patton side garland, my husband...Hated it! It bugged him so bad.
    I actually liked the yellow number on Lena Dunham, I just think her head's too small. Bigger hair maybe?
    After like two hours, I begged my husband not to make me watch any more, it didn't work, we stayed in until the bitter end. Johnny Depp's horrible blonde hair.

  27. What was up with Jacqueline Bisset? I don't really know anything about her, but she is a strange, strange bird. I LOVED that Tina congratulated Amy on her win then said, "There's a special place in hell for you." Taylor Swift slam!!! I loved the show!

  28. Reading your post had to be way better than watching the show. I know you may not believe this, but I pretty much hate award shows...I haven't seen half of the movies....but I am devastated that I missed Matthew McConaughy make a reference to Dazed & Confused...that movie...Ross can quote the whole dang thing, "watch the leather, man".

  29. if you convince tina and amy to come to dinner invite me along! she can even wear that ugly ass dress!

  30. I think Tina and Amy looked amazing in the opening. And Matt Damon, always Matt Damon. And Aaron Paul because he is perfection. Oh! And the dress on Miss Golden Globe was gorgeous too, I thought!

  31. I watched J.Bisset accept her award and good grief...I hope she was drunk or something.

  32. Pretty please do this for the Oscars. Or better yet, live tweet it. PLEASE.

    Leo DOES look like a salamander! But like a really sexy salamander...


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