Wednesday, November 6, 2013

We'll never be royals...it don't run in our blood

                            

Look at those three beaming royals. I've forgiven them for not making me one of Little Georgie's seven godparents. I find the royal family intensely interesting. I even find fake pseudo-royals like the ones on Downton Abbey interesting. For those of you that don't find royals of any type interesting and are pissed off at people who do,  I will remind you that you are a free citizen who doesn't have to read this post. Now, good day. I SAID GOOD DAY.

We've hosted a royal wedding party, MFD frequently falls down royal family Wiki holes, and my name does mean crowned ruler, but alas, I am just not cut from that cloth.  Sure, they put their pants on just like the rest of us and probably sit around in lounge attire, but the fact is they're different and it's fun to imagine our daily life differences. Aside from the matter of the pesky bloodline, there are other reasons we'd never be royals. We do things I consider to be un-royal, such as...
  • We let the mail pile up and only open it once a week, usually right after someone says, "Did you get BLANK I sent you?"
  • We use too much silverware. We seriously use more silverware than any two other people on the planet, and we have no staff to handle this excessive silverware use. I think the royals could spare one or two of their 1,200 person staff to give us a hand here. 
  • Our dogs are insidious house creatures and would howl with indignation to be kept in stables as hunting dogs. They are everywhere inside, including the furniture, and so is their hair.
  • There is always at least one stray flip flop or slipper under the ottoman. 
  • MFD leaves crumbs on the counter and empty pitchers in the fridge. 
  • I'm a yeller. 
  • I say fuck every three minutes. 
  • We each only possess one middle name. 
  • We have no fortune or large land holdings. 
  • We can vote and never miss the opportunity to vote, whereas royals can vote, but they don't because it's not considered neutral. 
  • We eat too fast and in front of the TV too often. 
  • We have nicknames. They're not allowed in the royal family. 
  • We dress ourselves. Did you know Prince Charles has never dressed himself? 
  • We are years behind in movies. The royal cinema gets films before general release. 
  • It takes MFD forever to say goodbye when we're leaving somewhere. Much like Sweet Brown, royals ain't got no time for that. 

Tell me your not-so-royal tendencies. 

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Linking up with
Because Shanna Said So - Random Wednesday


31 comments:

  1. A bit unrelated but I love that song!

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  2. I couldn't be royal because I dont think I could pull off those hats that they wear!

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  3. I sing poop songs.
    I occasionally vacuum.
    I pick up poop and I clean the litter box.
    I don't wear hats.
    I have strict money rules.

    to name but a few...

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  4. i used to like that song but it's on the GODDAMN RADIO EVERY FUCKING SECOND that i hate it now.

    that said, i can never be a royal because they don't like foul-mouthed bitches. i can't imagine lady Kate saying the things that i say LOL

    -kathy
    Vodka and Soda

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  5. I would lose because of the dog hair everywhere, too! But I wouldn't have it any other way. Wait, what he has never dressed himself?! I couldn't be royal because I live in workout clothes!!! Fancy dresses everyday no thanks!

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  6. 1 - Love that song
    2 - When I left the hospital after having my baby no one did my hair and makeup. I was wearing sweats with unwashed hair and no makeup. Not a pretty blue dress.
    3 - When I got married I had a white party bus. When she got married she had a white horse drawn carriage.
    4 - I also yell, curse and drink so I can never be royal.

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  7. Haha so funny. I seriously knew that you were going to link that song in the post when I read the title. Thanks to you I have been obsessed with this song for weeks lol

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  8. I honestly don't think I could get used to someone dressing me. That's just weird...right?

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  9. Love this song and this post! Rather than examine too closely all the ways in which I will never be royal, I like to focus on the fact that I, like Kate, am wearing LK Bennett shoes today.

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  10. First, I will now have that song stuck in my head all day long!

    I could not be royalty because I enjoy not being judged and followed around with a camera. The world does not need to see what I look like when I leave the gym :)

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  11. I'm un-royal for so many of the same reasons as yours. Also, if I were royal I probably couldn't stay out till all hours singing karaoke so no, thanks. Haha!

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  12. I eat velveeta shells and cheese with ketchup while watching crime investigation reruns.

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  13. Eddy Murphy didn't dress himself when he played the prince in the movie Coming to America... but didn't know that Prince Charles didn't dress himself! interesting!!

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  14. I could never be watched by that many people. I have a potty mouth and I only look presentable about 3% of the time.

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  15. I giggle every time I fart (Do royals fart?)
    On the matter of farting, I Dutch Oven Steve at least 3 times a week.
    I will pick a wedgie in public.
    My cats don't eat Fancy Feast.
    I enjoy the use of profanity a bit too much.
    Road. Rage.
    I love Honey Boo Boo.

    *I think after a few bottle of wine Saturday night, we should all give each other more middle names

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  16. Because even professionally coiffed & styled I would never look as good as Duchess Catherine does in jeans and no makeup.

    I don't have the ability to tell people they're morons and have them still like me.

    I like to be barefoot too much. I highly doubt you're allowed to walk around the palace without shoes.

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  17. I am torn over whether I love or hate the Royals song.

    I am with you on the crumbs and the yelling. And the dropping of the f bomb. I could never be a royal because there are so many ridiculous rules. Also? I could never name my kid George or Louis or Alexander or any of those old dead white guy names.

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  18. Princess Diana was the first mother to be like a real mother with her kids. William and Kate are following suit, which is nice. Royalty is archaic to me, tho. The bowing or royal protocol, JMJ!
    Closest to the middle name situation is Carter Timothy Pierino! LOL!
    The Royal Wedding Party was fun!
    Love the hats!

    Love your MOMMA

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  19. hahha i love it. yes i don't act anywhere near "a royal" i just dont think i can hack it, and i'm fine with that.

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  20. I was going to say Hawkeye is more like one of the Queen's precious corgi's but... she's actually more like the Queen. Period. I may not have royal tendencies, but she sure does. She's never dressed herself, or cooked her own food, doesn't vote, has many middle names, and many servants... damn. My dog is part of the royal family.

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  21. Prince Charles has never dressed himself? I mean, I don't dress myself WELL but I get it done.

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  22. Have you read Mindy Kaling's book? Because you need to teach MFD about the Irish Goodbye.Is 1200 servants a wiki-blackhole verified fact? Because I totally believe it. Same with this Prince Charles thing. I mean he doesn't put his pants on one leg at a time - someone else does it for him?

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  23. we hosted a royal wedding party since it coincided with my birthday. anytime someone said "royal" "William" or "Kate" you had to drink. funnnnnn times :P

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  24. Is this the part where I say that I once met Prince Charles? Of course I was 10 at the time and it wasn't so much that I met him as was "presented to" him as part of his visit of our school when we lived overseas. Still .. it's one of my better brushes with fame! :)

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  25. If I was watched by that many people, I'd be so screwed haha! I make a fool of myself daily.

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  26. I am fascinated by the royal family too. I even took a vacation day from work for the royal wedding! And I dress myself every single day. How civilian-ish of me!

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  27. Hahaha! Yeah, my list of un-royal qualities is pretty hefty too!

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  28. I'm not very royal either, though I'd love to be. And I've always been fascinated by the royal family.

    I say fuck all the time too. And I count my dollas on the train to the party.

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  29. I haven't seen these photos. George is cute! I'm pretty sure the dinner of lemon water and M&M cookies that I'm consuming right this minute makes me super un-royal. Prince Charles has never dressed himself?! That's absurd!

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  30. Thank you for the laugh today! This is awesome! Hahaha

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  31. Al - Cheers to the yellers, cursers and drinkers.

    Kara - that is AMAZING! I love it.

    Bitch on a Diet - I like your party game!

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