Wednesday, May 1, 2013

I Don't Get It - Volume VI


If you've missed I Don't Get it Volume I, Volume II, Volume III, Volume IV, or Volume V, get reading.  Otherwise, dive into the current snark.

1. Why do girl teenagers make those faces in the selfies? That "I may throw up/ew/scrunchy nose/screwed up eyeball/mouth open/tongue a little out" faces? I was discussing this with one of Gail's friends a few weeks ago, and seriously every teenager on my facebook feed has displayed these faces in the days since. We know you're cute, and we know you know you're cute, yet you're trying to look ugly. Stop it. Also, stop throwing the backhanded peace sign or angling the camera so we can see your boobs. p.s. thanks for mostly refraining from the duck face in recent months.

2. Why can't I cook rice consistently? I want to blame my stove, but that would be blame shifting. Stove, rice cooker, it's never consistent.

Source
3. Why Chevron is everywhere. Make it stop, Mummy. Everything looks the same!
Source
4. People who are still out there asking questions that have concrete answers like Google doesn't exist.  Want to know where the closest Wawa is? Google it. Need a recipe? Google it. Have a question about anything? G to the O to the oogle it. Unless you are old and not on the interwebs, you can google it. I use Google eleventy billion times a day.
Source
5. Not eating hot dogs. Yes, I know what they're made of. I don't think about it. You shouldn't think about it either. It's not summer without hot dogs. It's not LIFE without hot dogs. HOT DOGS FOR PRESIDENT.

6. Why we haven't come up with a surefire and immediate hangover cure. Abstaining and sleep do not count. I have to make sure I have nothing productive to do and nowhere to be on hangover days. Hangovers at this age are brutal. Bounce back does not exist.

7. Why is Happy Endings in danger of cancellation? Penny alone is AH-MAH-ZING.
Source
8. Things like this on facebook. Seriously? What does this prove? Is this a popularity contest but since you don't know how many people have seen it and scrolled on, you don't know who's really winning? I mean obviously Jesus is winning, right? Jesus for the win?

9. Why men are unable to multi-task. If you have balls and you can multi-task, I salute you for rising above what is an unfortunately mostly true generalization of your gender.

10. Train things:
     a. People who huff and puff when they need to move over to let you sit down. I'm sorry, do you have a special pass allowing you to take up two seats? No? Move it on over, and be nice about it.
    b. Why people get up and move to the door of the train five minutes before their stop. Is standing with your ass in someone's face for five minutes worth getting off first? You are also the same people who bitch and moan if the train is full and you have to stand.

What are you shaking your head at recently, or always?










Linking up for Random Wednesday and Whatever Wednesday.

36 comments:

  1. So the men multi tasking thing - there is a scientific reasoning. When they are in the womb - part of their "manly" process is a testosterone bath. During the bath, the male hormone breaks connectors between hemispheres in the brain. Basically they were short circuited. So while women can do two things at once - a man can only concentrate on one thing. Wow. I feel smart!!

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  2. 2. Trader Joe's Organic Jasmine Rice. $3/box, 3 packs in a box. Walk the 3-4 blocks today and pick some up!!!!!!

    3. I don't get it either.

    4. Google is my homeboy.

    5. So is Oscar Mayer.

    8. Um?

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  3. Always wondered about those Jesus/Satan contests, not to mention the "if you love your (insert relationship here)click like... If we don't click, are we admitting dislove of our children/grandchildren/spouse/friend?
    And lately, the true genius challenges - hell, if you can't do basic arithmetic you need to get off Facebook and find a tutor.
    AND, a state without an 'A'????? This is the most ridiculous challenge of all and I can't believe people play it!

    Ok, I'm done for the moment... but I have MANY MANY peeves

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  4. SEriously...#8 made me chuckle to myself. Jesus for the win? LOL
    My brother and I have our hangover day planned for Sunday. I hope it rains so I don't feel guilty for staying inside.
    I just read Mare's comment and yesterday I saw "Name a tree without an A in it?" Really?
    I love a good Grinds My Gears post!
    Laurie

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  5. and now I may have to blog my peeves... as usual, you got me going. And it's still just 'earl eye in the morning"

    Grr. The committee hangs on your every word, just waiting for that trigger jab...

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  6. Good morning Committee!! Up and at 'em! Let's go!

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  7. I. Love. Hot Dogs.

    The end. Glad to see someone else doesn't care what they are made of either. They are delicious in my belly and that's all that matters.

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  8. I love that your linkup picture is the hot dog. People who don't like hot dogs, chocolate and peanut butter, and dogs are dead to me.

    Cooking rice sucks. I have discovered that I can cook jasmine rice pretty well. Brown rice or normal white rice? Forget it.

    My FB rant are the pictures that say "If I get 1 trillion likes, I get a puppy!" Or, "Apple is giving away one million iPads! Just share to win!" No, no they are not. Apple is not giving away iPads and you are stupid for even thinking they would. Come on people, you are better than this.

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  9. Kayden would run for V.P. if Hot Dogs ran for president! He lives on them!! I just finally got into Happy Endings, they can't cancel it!!

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  10. I love this post! numbers 3,4,6 I agree with. #5 made me laugh out loud "hotdogs for president!" they'd get my vote. #7 I don't understand how they're in trouble either.. the show is hilarious!

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  11. I 1000000% agree with all of the above (except hot dogs because I'm a veg - but not dogs are pretty good.)

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  12. I can't cook rice either. It drives me NUTS. I have literally given up - I cook couscous instead. Occasionally I will try rice and it's always a mess and I always go back to couscous. It's perfect every time.

    Love me some hotdogs and I'm still eating them even pregnant when everyone tells you that you shouldn't be. I don't care. I also eat lunchmeat. Not on the daily but if I want a god damn hoagie - I'm eating one.

    Can't stand the weird selfie pictures on facebook either. I don't know what those kids are doing. Weirdos.

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  13. Listen- this steamable rice in the frozen section is the BOMB! Birdseye is the one I have been buying. A bit more expensive but 4 min and viola- beautiful rice more than enough for 2 people. The have the dreaded wild and brown rice, too. I prefer white. Just do it!
    Multi-tasking- I do not want to do anything that I have to pay really big attention to. I feel best
    multi-tasking. Men cannot do it.
    Very thought-provoking and fun blog.
    Love it, love you!
    Love your MOMMA

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  14. Spot-on for all of these. And number 6, dear lord they can cure the common cold, cure the common hangover please.

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  15. Oh, where do I start with the litany of things that annoy me lately? I'm becoming very grumpy in my old age. But at the top of my list is people in my Zumba classes who clearly don't know what they're doing yet insist on standing either up front or directly in front of me. That's what the back of the room is for! Take yourself over there and stay until you know what you're doing.

    I feel better now.

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  16. Ugh. Hangovers. I just go ahead and drink ass loads of water before bed, and go ahead on and take the ibuprofen before I go to sleep. Next day, sub for lunch. :)

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  17. i've seen young girls post pictures of their ass or in slutty poses with their cooch all hanging out and i want to shout "HAVE SOME FORESIGHT!! STOP POSTING INCRIMINATING PICTURES OF YOURSELF THAT CAN BE USED AGAINST YOU AT A LATER TIME!!"

    silly young things.

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  18. Oh God, I love this.

    Ecard - totally using that.

    I don't get the aversion to Google either, but it makes me look like a genius to those people too lazy to look it up themselves.

    And I was just thinking the same thing about chevron yesterday. It makes me dizzy!

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  19. i want to comment on everything thing listed because i kept nodding my head like, yes and yes and yes! sometimes you are just the most spot on ever.

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  20. First of all, I use rice in a bag...you know the microwave kind? It's works like a charm every single time. :) I think I am almost done with chevron too! And really, this Devil/Jesus thing is seriously floating around on FB? Come on people...Jesus for the win, duh!

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  21. Love love love love Happy Endings, I don't get it either - it's one of the best shows EVER.

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  22. Hot dogs for president!
    Damn, now I want a hot dog.
    Yes, hangover cure immediately. Lord knows I need it. With all the other crap out there that's been invented, you'd think this would be a no brainer. I have to say though, pedialyte and excedrin migraine seem to work for me.
    And I hate when people type questions to me over gchat. Seriously?! It would take you less time to type it to Google.

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  23. Let Me Google That For You is my standard snarky reply post when people ask stupid questions. It's very funny. http://lmgtfy.com/

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  24. Haha the other day I was bitching that I cannot cook rice...like at all. It's pathetic really.

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  25. My middle schoolers make those dumb faces all the time. I really think its because they are insecure. Or dumb.And I was reading this as I was eating a hot dog. Yum.

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  26. These are good ones!! I kinda see asking questions on the blog, because I do like to see what people come up with vs. Google, which only shows you the stuff that is SEO, but when people ask dumb questions...it is SUPER annoying. I shook my head at people driving crazy in the semi-blizzard we had today. I'm like, "I know it's May, but there is still snow and ice everywhere! Slow down A-Holes!"

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  27. I am a chevron lover and proud, but I do agree:hot dogs for president! Meat in tube form!

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  28. I want Penny to have a spinoff, but then again I love them all so damn much. I can't live with myself if that show gets cancelled.

    And yes to all of the rest of these things! Especially the facebook situation. Oh goodness.

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  29. A FREAKIN MEN.

    I always burned rice until the rice cooker. Now it's easy as pie. Maybe you need a new rice cooker?

    If I never see chevron again, it will be too soon. So annoying how people become obsessed with trends and then they explode and then it's just ANNOYING AND CLICHE.

    I hardly get hangovers. I think it's because of two things:
    1. My body is used to the large amount of wine I consume, and
    2. I drink a shit ton of water all day every day

    As for facebook, do not get me started on the idiocy on there. OMG.

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  30. After a year at my new job, people are finally getting the hint not to ask me ANYTHING if they haven't first Google'd it! Also, the huffing thing. *SMH* Love this as always!

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  31. 2. Same here!
    3. Chevron has gotten ridiculous
    4. Hell yes!
    5. I'd vote for them
    6 I would pay someone for this today

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  32. GOOGLE THAT SHIT! I say that constantly to people who ask stupid questions. Yes to hotdogs. And AMEN to Happy Endings. The finale made me cry. I love that show so frickin' much. Don't even get me started on Facebook. I hide so many people who post crap like that.

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  33. ohmygosh, the chevron thing. It needs to go!

    And there's few things better than a charbroiled hot dog on a summer day. With a beer. And some chips.

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  34. HOLY SHIT! YES YES YES x 10000000 to the Google thing. I hate hate when people ask questions, and the whole time I'm thinking, do they even know what Google is? If I don't know something, I will google it and try to find out myself... not ask a million people on twitter and facebook (because chances are they are googling it for you). I probably talk about this one constantly with my hubby.

    I love hot dogs.

    I hate those like or keep scrolling. No matter what it is.. I'm going to keep scrolling.

    I love Happy Endings!

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