Thursday, March 28, 2013

Five blog posts you'll never see from me

I read a lot of blogs, magazines, and books. I can identify with good writing and likable authors even if the subject itself is about something that has nothing to do with me or my life. Sometimes I read something that I can see myself writing or spinning off, so I write the source down in my notebook and give credit to whomever I got the idea from when I publish my blog post. Sometimes I read something and I see what they're going for and say good for you, but I know in my cold black soul that I will never write a blog post about that topic, because it's so not me, and this is my blog. I've gotta be me.

Things you will never see me blog about:

1. Why I write. Do you care? No. You come here for a laugh, to read something that's honest (blunt?), to check out a recipe or an organizational tip, to see photos of pugs, to talk shit or express disbelief about how much I do in a weekend. While you like reading the content, you likely don't care why I write or how it allows me to express bebopaloola about myself. Unless you yourself are a writer and like to talk about it, which we can do via email. When I see the quality of what I put out there slipping, it's my job to kick my own ass in private to get back to where I need to be. Ain't nobody got time for me conducting a personal self help session online.
2. Running. Big ups to you runners. I see you running your marathons, your halfs, your 5ks. I'm cheering you on from afar, and if you're one of my good friends, I'm cheering you on in person. You will never have the opportunity to return the favor. I am 36 years old. I've hated running with every fiber of my being every second I've been on this earth. I know, you'll say, "Now, never say never!" Listen up: I can say with complete confidence that I will NEVER run for exercise or enjoyment. I will find other ways, and I have, my whole life. Running is not in my cards. I am totally down with that. You WILL of course see photos of my sneakers, because who doesn't love sneakers?

3. God or faith. I don't participate in organized religion, and I don't find my life lacking in any way. I'm happy when people enjoy church or Jesus-ing around. I just made Jesus a verb...well I'm sure someone out there is not too pleased right now. Anyway, my faith is unique to me and personal. Do you want to know about my beliefs and faith? I believe in the enormity and awesomeness of the universe; evolution; karma; treating people how I'd like to be treated; being kind for no reason; respecting the rights and beliefs of others; eradicating negativity and negative entities from my personal atmosphere; and that laughter, a long deep sleep, and time by the ocean can cure anything that ails me. I have faith in my own strength, in my ability to have a good life because I choose to have one, and my talent for playing The Price is Right in various grocery stores and knowing what to buy where. If you hear me shouting anything from the rooftops, it will be about a sale on shoes at Target, not my faith. That's for me to think about in my backyard over coffee.
4. Anything socially conservative. I'm a liberal, baby. And I respect your right not to be. My bag is women's rights and LGBT rights, and you know I've covered those. You may see me advise the leaders of the Republican party to stop alienating their fiscally conservative, socially moderate or left leaning base, because as evidenced in the last two presidential elections, they're not going to win any elections pushing their balls to the wall tea party social agenda. I'm looking at you, Sarah Palin and Paul Ryan. Come hither, Karl Rove. I can cure what ails you.
5. No full posts or mere mentions of any of the following:
  • Technology how-tos. I'm not your go-to girl for that. 
  • Serious crafts that turned out well. You will probably see a craft that came out bad, because that shit will be funny. Or an easy craft that came out well because the craft itself was kindergarten level.
  • What I look like in heels. I love how they look, hate how they feel.
  • Syrupy touchy feely shit. If I am talking about my love for someone or something, I don't get sugary. It's not in my genetic makeup.
  • Sugarcoating of anything in general.
  • Being sick of Sweet Brown. I will never get sick of Sweet Brown or the Sweet Brown meme.
  • How I stopped eating meat. That will never happen. You will see a Philly Cheesesteak post when The Invalid is back on his feet and we can travel around town and rate them per Big Hungry Shelby's request. 
  • My revised stance on living in a dirty house. My stance will not be revised. I can't exist in a chaotic, dirty space. You will see a house tour post, idea also courtesy of Shelby, and done recently by Gwen. I've been in her house and it's worthy of a house tour. Check it out.  
  • Things I like about John Boehner. There aren't any things I like about John Boehner. 
I bet you disagree with me on something in this post, and that's okay. In fact, that's good. We are not twin souls and agreeing on everything is boring.

As Laurie from Lulu & Daisy says, Happy Little Friday. I love that term for Thursday. It makes me happy and puts me in a more Friday-ish state of mind.

Did you enter my giveaway for a $25 Target gift card, Eucalpytus Mint Foaming handsoap from B&BW, Essie Merino Cool nail polish, and Trident Cinnamon Gum? AKA a few of my random favorite things? What are you waiting for?

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Linking up for Thursday Thoughts.


  1. Hello! I just came across your blog, and I love it! I’ve decided to follow you! If you get a minute, I’d love to know what you think of my latest outfit post! While you’re visiting, follow along so we can keep in touch! :)
    xo, elle from Living in Color.

  2. I'll never blog about politics, God or Faith, or running either. I tried running, and you know what? It SUCKED! I did have the crazy idea to do a 5k or something... Maybe one day, but as for now? No way. LOL

  3. Your five things is why I like your blog.

  4. I think I love you. (but what am I so afraid of?)

    You verbaged Jesus. The day before Good Friday. Giggle.

  5. I just nodded my head at all of those. Yes, yes, and yes!

  6. I got two mentions today. TWO! Yay! Oh, and yeah, I don't like sneakers, and you will not see me running, either. No thank you.

  7. For reasons that I cannot explain, bloggers in my niche (personal finance) love to write posts about how to blog. It frustrates me to no end because lots of readers are not bloggers. Why would they care about that shit?

    I stay away from religion and politics on my site. Not because I don't have VERY strong opinions about them but because those opinions are a) irrelevant to the subject matter and b) things I prefer to keep to myself. I share a lot but I don't need to share everything. I did write about the whole Chick Fil A nonsense, though.

  8. I am with you on all of those (including being liberal and not running) but I would be one of the saps to write about why I blog. dangit.

  9. Totally with you on the running thing. That's something I will never do for exercise and enjoyment. Have a good one. :)

  10. Hahahah - AMENNN to #2 not to contradict what you said in #3. :) I believe in all of those things to - especially this one -

    "my talent for playing The Price is Right in various grocery stores and knowing what to buy where"

    I kid you not, two months ago I was looking for those weird fried onion things in a store I know like the back of my hand. When I finally found them I almost busted out into a sprint and was yelling at JM I felt like I was on Supermarket Sweet and there MAY just be a fan of cash behind the onions.

    Anyways - I LOVE this post - per usual. And PS - I bought champagne at Target last night, that's something else you'll never post about!

  11. We are so opposite in so many ways, but so alike in others. It's a sign of a good blog, we don't agree on everything, and yours is still one I read every time I get on here and dig around in Blog World. I too HATE ... HHHHAAAAATTTTTEEEEE ... running. I do not understand tearin' your joints up in order to achieve a body shaped like a tampon. I'm sure I've pissed someone off with that comment. Especially since I walk almost fast enough to be joggin' in order to lose some poundage.
    That's about the end of my long ass random comment. Have a magical weekend. I will be Jesus-ing around on Sunday. hahaha! I look forward to pics of creative drinks on your IG. :)

  12. I could buy anything from Target and be happy as a damn fat kid with cake but I am not here for the giveaway....I absolutely love this post.
    I do participate in organized religion but the way you just so wonderfully worded your views just made me happy.
    I also am a runner but completely understand everyone is not BUT we can bond over sneakers. I have quite the unhealthy obsession!

  13. Haha - whether or not we agree on everything is a moot point, this post was brilliant. There are so many things I'll never blog about as well. Fashion posts, for one. I just...can't stand in front of a camera with a straight face and talk about all the clothes I'm wearing for an entire blog post.

    Reality tv, for another. Especially shows like The Bachelor/ette, Desperate Housewives of Anywhere, etc. I don't watch them, can't stand them, hate reading about them so will never write about them.

    Oh so many things I will never blog about...!

  14. If you do not have good core muscles, your insides will fall out-esp if you carried 3 nine-plus pound kids. So no running. Just walk fast, or strengthen your core.
    Love that we are free to believe what we want. Do not love legislating on how we live our beliefs. SO.SICK.OF.IT! It is the GOP elite taking our attention away from the fact that the 2% have been robbing us all blind for years. They do not care about life -only theirs. Anyway, having a wonderful day- 2 bunny cakes and a turkey dinner in the works.
    Happy Holy Thursday! Let's make everyday holy! LOVE your MOMMA

  15. Top five reasons I follow your blog-- listed above!

  16. I don't disagree, in fact I feel like I could have written this! (Except about being liberal, because I am, first and foremost, libertarian, but after that I'm preeety conservative. I guess not socially but fiscally and politically, yes.)

    But ohmigod you used Jesus as a verb I have to unfollow you now. Except that I just used ohmigod so I guess I'm staying.


  17. I must give you props for being so dang brave with this's crazy how different you and I are and still how much I adore you and your blog!!! :) You will NEVER see me posting about running either...heck no!! And I love Jesus. :) And am a conservative. Still wanna be friends? :) xoxo

  18. totally the same re: religion or how-tos... unless it's a receipe for healthy eats.

    and i LOVE me some meat!!

  19. I fully own up to writing about a lot of the stuff you mentioned (ahem, post from the other day when I wrote about writers block, LOL!) but sistah, I will *never* write about running. The only thing I run is a fever. So I give ya a fist pump of solidarity on that one! :-)

  20. I think that's what makes it fun. That we all disagree. That you don't run. And you love kindergarten crafts. Happy soon to be Friday my friend!

  21. One thing I always want to blog about but never will is POOP. Seriously.

  22. I cannot stop laughing at your Mom saying in her comment your insides will fall out. Your blog is fabulous & those not following are missing out. Gwen your home is beautiful.

  23. Oh, man, am I nodding my head in agreement with these. I have SUCH a pet peeve about people who write about why they right! You have my promise. You will NEVER find that at my blog! Great post!

  24. Here I am, at home on Saturday night, catching up on some light reading. I'm laughing my ass off and reading to my husband saying, "This girl is so funny! She will NEVER get sick of Sweet Brown and she used Jesus as a verb!" I'm noticing that while I consider myself conservative, I have no real conservative views. I just don't like politicians. I also love that you will ALWAYS eat, too! I am embarrassed that you even mentioned me in your post and today is the first time I'm reading your Thursday post. That part made my husband laugh...sort of, he doesn't really get the blog thing. Don't tell anyone, but I have a love hate relationship with running. I hate doing it, but I love how I feel when I'm finished. I have a run for you in April. It's call TapNGo...2.25 miles and various stations along the way where you chug beer. Yes, I'm signed up!
    Thanks for the laughs,
    Lulu and Daisy

  25. Steph! I agree 100% with this post. Every. single. thing. Sorry I'm boring. :) Ok, well, I write about 5Ks, but I don't actually run them, so that doesn't count, right? Haha!

  26. Haha I said I would NEVER be a runner, and all of a sudden...I am...just sayin'. I can agree with a lot of these! Especially LGBT rights ;)

  27. Great looking blog you got here and such a wonderful group of active bloggers too! Keep it up and write more for us.

  28. Just stumbled onto this post! I don't care to read about running/fitness updates, either. Also, "bumpdates" and baby/kid updates. No offense to people who have/want kids (we don't), but I think the little things that kids do are more exciting for the parents than anyone else. I've unfollowed some blogs that became all about babies...maybe that makes me a bitch, but I am just not fascinated with people's kids.

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