Friday, March 29, 2013

Sakes Alive!

TGIF. Happy Good Friday and Easter weekend to those of you celebrating! If you're off today, I will hate you for 15 minutes after I find out, then we will go back to being BFF.

Things from this week:

1. Silver flats from Target. $10 make you hollah, Honey Boo Boo chile.
2. Snow. On my car. From March 25. Disgusting.
3. Peeps are the grossest candy ever. MFD gouges the eyes out of his.
4. Delicious turkey dinner at Mom & Rich's on Thursday.
5. Free medium beverage from DD for my birthday. Free is for me.
6. Hello, Gustave.

Dear tiny bunny hop imitating, Reese's peanut butter egg eating, purple robe wearing, hyacinth sniffing, egg coloring baby Jesus, please grant me an early dismissal. Amen.

Question of the day for the universe: why do people pull wide left to make right turns that aren't tight or u-turns?

post signature Have you entered to win a $25 Target gift card? Enter here.

Linking up with the lovely Joy for The Friday Five.

Thursday, March 28, 2013

Five blog posts you'll never see from me

I read a lot of blogs, magazines, and books. I can identify with good writing and likable authors even if the subject itself is about something that has nothing to do with me or my life. Sometimes I read something that I can see myself writing or spinning off, so I write the source down in my notebook and give credit to whomever I got the idea from when I publish my blog post. Sometimes I read something and I see what they're going for and say good for you, but I know in my cold black soul that I will never write a blog post about that topic, because it's so not me, and this is my blog. I've gotta be me.

Things you will never see me blog about:

1. Why I write. Do you care? No. You come here for a laugh, to read something that's honest (blunt?), to check out a recipe or an organizational tip, to see photos of pugs, to talk shit or express disbelief about how much I do in a weekend. While you like reading the content, you likely don't care why I write or how it allows me to express bebopaloola about myself. Unless you yourself are a writer and like to talk about it, which we can do via email. When I see the quality of what I put out there slipping, it's my job to kick my own ass in private to get back to where I need to be. Ain't nobody got time for me conducting a personal self help session online.
2. Running. Big ups to you runners. I see you running your marathons, your halfs, your 5ks. I'm cheering you on from afar, and if you're one of my good friends, I'm cheering you on in person. You will never have the opportunity to return the favor. I am 36 years old. I've hated running with every fiber of my being every second I've been on this earth. I know, you'll say, "Now, never say never!" Listen up: I can say with complete confidence that I will NEVER run for exercise or enjoyment. I will find other ways, and I have, my whole life. Running is not in my cards. I am totally down with that. You WILL of course see photos of my sneakers, because who doesn't love sneakers?

3. God or faith. I don't participate in organized religion, and I don't find my life lacking in any way. I'm happy when people enjoy church or Jesus-ing around. I just made Jesus a verb...well I'm sure someone out there is not too pleased right now. Anyway, my faith is unique to me and personal. Do you want to know about my beliefs and faith? I believe in the enormity and awesomeness of the universe; evolution; karma; treating people how I'd like to be treated; being kind for no reason; respecting the rights and beliefs of others; eradicating negativity and negative entities from my personal atmosphere; and that laughter, a long deep sleep, and time by the ocean can cure anything that ails me. I have faith in my own strength, in my ability to have a good life because I choose to have one, and my talent for playing The Price is Right in various grocery stores and knowing what to buy where. If you hear me shouting anything from the rooftops, it will be about a sale on shoes at Target, not my faith. That's for me to think about in my backyard over coffee.
4. Anything socially conservative. I'm a liberal, baby. And I respect your right not to be. My bag is women's rights and LGBT rights, and you know I've covered those. You may see me advise the leaders of the Republican party to stop alienating their fiscally conservative, socially moderate or left leaning base, because as evidenced in the last two presidential elections, they're not going to win any elections pushing their balls to the wall tea party social agenda. I'm looking at you, Sarah Palin and Paul Ryan. Come hither, Karl Rove. I can cure what ails you.
5. No full posts or mere mentions of any of the following:
  • Technology how-tos. I'm not your go-to girl for that. 
  • Serious crafts that turned out well. You will probably see a craft that came out bad, because that shit will be funny. Or an easy craft that came out well because the craft itself was kindergarten level.
  • What I look like in heels. I love how they look, hate how they feel.
  • Syrupy touchy feely shit. If I am talking about my love for someone or something, I don't get sugary. It's not in my genetic makeup.
  • Sugarcoating of anything in general.
  • Being sick of Sweet Brown. I will never get sick of Sweet Brown or the Sweet Brown meme.
  • How I stopped eating meat. That will never happen. You will see a Philly Cheesesteak post when The Invalid is back on his feet and we can travel around town and rate them per Big Hungry Shelby's request. 
  • My revised stance on living in a dirty house. My stance will not be revised. I can't exist in a chaotic, dirty space. You will see a house tour post, idea also courtesy of Shelby, and done recently by Gwen. I've been in her house and it's worthy of a house tour. Check it out.  
  • Things I like about John Boehner. There aren't any things I like about John Boehner. 
I bet you disagree with me on something in this post, and that's okay. In fact, that's good. We are not twin souls and agreeing on everything is boring.

As Laurie from Lulu & Daisy says, Happy Little Friday. I love that term for Thursday. It makes me happy and puts me in a more Friday-ish state of mind.

Did you enter my giveaway for a $25 Target gift card, Eucalpytus Mint Foaming handsoap from B&BW, Essie Merino Cool nail polish, and Trident Cinnamon Gum? AKA a few of my random favorite things? What are you waiting for?

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Linking up for Thursday Thoughts.

Tuesday, March 26, 2013

A Few of My Favorite Things Birthday Month Giveaway. Can I get a What What

Wednesday Item 1 If you're just here to enter the Few of My Favorite Things Birthday Month Giveaway, scroll down to item 8 below! It's super easy and anyone can win. Follow me on Bloglovin, like my blog page on the Facespace, and leave me a comment telling me what you'd buy with a $25 Target giftcard. You'll find the entry form right above my signature at the bottom of this post. Email me at with questions. Good luck homies!

Wednesday Item 2 I read this post from Mare yesterday, which brought to the forefront my annoyance with myself for being gluttonous, lazy, undisciplined, unproductive, and sluggish over the past month. I need to snap out of it. I need to paint my door yellow. I need to return things to Old Navy. Wait, this is not a To Do list. 
Wednesday Item 3 Last night I made Lauren's pulled pork in the crockpot. I used A&W root beer and Sweet Baby Ray's sweet & spicy barbecue sauce. I usually make my own BBQ sauce, but see Item 2 re: recent laziness. I served the pulled pork on sandwich thins instead of rolls with a side of roasted carrots with thyme. Boom. 

Wednesday Item 4 I should probably stop saying boom all the time like it's new. 
Wednesday Item 5 Hello there, angel from my nightmare, the shadow in the background of the morgue. The unsuspecting victim of darkness in the valley we can live like Jack and Sally if we want where you can always find me and we'll have Halloween on Christmas and in the night we'll wish this never ends, we'll wish this never ends...MFD hates that song but I love it. I don't care if it's whiny or whingy. Carry on.
Wednesday Item 6 Bucks County friends! Don't forget where you're having dinner this coming Monday. On April 1, get your behinds to Buffalo Wild Wings at 2763 E. Lincoln Highway, Langhorne PA 19047, from 11 a.m. - midnight. Please head there for lunch or dinner, tell your server you're there for the MS Fundraiser and 10% of your check will go to the National Multiple Sclerosis Society. There will be a Phillies vs. Redsox ticket raffle too. There's no easier way to support a great cause - you've gotta eat, and you can make a difference doing it. Thanks to the the lovely Maddox ladies for fundraising for such an important cause close to them.  
Wednesday Item 7 Ecard of the week re-pinned from Whitney at Everything Happens for a Reason:

Wednesday Item 8 Enter to win!

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Linking up with Shanna for Random Wednesday.

"Cure for an obsession: get another one." ~ Mason Cooley

My current obsessions...

Conspiracy theories about stupid shit. Example:
I think Bieber's team plants stories in the media about someone wanting to castrate him and someone supposedly pregnant with his spawn to make people think he has man parts...
when really he's a lady.
I mean it's fine, either way. Really.
Just please...stop mentioning things that involve Bieber's wang.
How badly Tuesday sucks.
Every week I seriously spend two hours too many thinking about this.
Kind bars. I could eat 476 in one sitting.
Which defeats the purpose, I know.
Beyonce. The ceramic chicken, not Sasha Fierce.
My BFF Laura is also obsessed with Beyonce. 
She even included Beyonce on her freaking Christmas cards. WINNER!
The inclusion of the photo of Chris and Erik Estrada 
to the left of Beyonce only adds to the card's awesomeness.


Brother's Pizza. For life, yo.

Anti-aging everything.
Kiss my behind, fine lines.
Oranges. And strawberries.

Finding a maxi dress or skirt that will look good on me.
This is a pipe dream that I've been chasing for years.
All of them make me look like a dump truck.
Painting my front door yellow. What's stopping me?
It requires sanding. I hate sanding.
Who wants to sand my door for me? Anyone? Bueller?
Buy This Here
People getting what they deserve -  good and bad.
Having my current spending freeze kick my last spending freeze's ass.
Sweet Brown. Duh.
Also, making sure everyone I know knows about Sweet Brown.
It makes me sad when I find out someone doesn't know SB.
Everybody got time for that.
I said Lord Jesus, it's a faaaahr. I said Lord Jesus, it's a faaaahr.
Hot dogs. I'd eat one every day if I could.
Yes, I know what they're made of, thank you.
Ruminating on gender roles. Future blog posts are in various draft form.
Lord Disick. I can't help it. 

FAVORITE THINGS BIRTHDAY giveaway, bitches! Stop back here tomorrow to enter to win a $25 Target gift card, Eucalyptus mint foaming hand soap from Bath & Body Works, Essie Merino Cool Nail polish, and Trident Cinnamon Gum.

Today, check out this giveaway I'm taking part in to celebrate the 1000th post of My Three Bittles:
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Linking up with Lisette at Northern Belle Diaries.


Monday, March 25, 2013

the first spring weekend that was

Coach bingo! I didn't win a bag, but I did win vodka. Hey ohhhhhhh. Spending a Friday night in a church basement with friends in a BYOB situation with bingo boards in front of me was more fun than I thought it would be. I wasn't alone - the place was totally packed. And it was a fundraiser for a good cause - Uptown Stringband. Frank was calling the numbers and he may have a future as Bob Barker II. I hope he throws in a niner next time a la Tommy Boy.
After some hausfrauing, I got my iced coffee and headed an hour and a half north for girls' day. Dear Parkwood Dunkin Donuts: Why the hell do you put a sticker on the coffees? You are the only people who do it and it is so annoying and environmentally unfriendly.
Lunch at Shortway's  - a fabulous roast beast sandwich, tomato juice and vodker, and my longtime BFFs.
A tour of Laura's town, including a pop in at her new house to see Chris and the boys and drop some stuff off. I carried a Buddah like a baby and placed him in the appropriate place - facing the front door.
We went to David's Bridal to see Laura in the dress she likes - it was beautiful on her (the staircase photo is not the dress). Other people trying on dresses...not so much. We saw some hideous and unflattering things.
Couch and prosecco time. It's so nice to just sit around and talk about nothing.
Mexican at The Blue Moon.
Less than 24 hours later, I was back home, doing laundry and watching a retro Real World marathon. Even a short visit is good for the soul. I read some mags and lounged on the couch with MFD and los perros. Then I napped for two hours.
Weekly food prep - portioning out celery/grape tomatoes/strawberries, southwestern chicken salad for lunches. I omitted the corn because I don't think it has any value, and I used grape tomatoes because the grape tomatoes from Sam's are I kept the dressing on the side so it didn't get grody. I also stored the avocados with their pits and a bit of lemon juice so they didn't brown, and bagged the lettuce separately.
Sunday dinner: creamed spinach smothered chicken. It was very rich but good. Served with a side of white rice. Many pots = not good for a weeknight. Sunday dinner it is. 

Two episodes of The Good Wife and some magazines. Weekend: end scene.

How is it Easter week? How is there snow in the forecast on March 25? How did I not win the $320 million powerball? Why did I stay on the couch all night where the light was on and never get up to go to bed or at least to turn the light off, resulting in 30 minutes of sound sleep?

Questions for the universe.

Linking up with Join the Gossip for Monday Morning Gossip, Sami's Shenanigans for Weekend Shenanigans, Lipgloss & Crayons and Still Being Molly for YOLO Mondays, and Northern Belle Diaries and Postcards from Rachel for I Love Bloglovin'.

Friday, March 22, 2013

T tothe G tothe I tothemotheryouknowwhat F

It's that time, my bitches! The Friday Five!

1. After one scheduling cancellation and one snow cancellation, girls weekend is finally happening in North Jersey. I can't wait. Lots to celebrate!

2. Typical text between my brother and me during March Madness. Although Carol picked Harvard and is beating us all. 

3. I often feel like Winston Wolfe from Pulp Fiction. I solve problems. "You're bringing in The Wolf? Shit, that's all you had to say." 

4. One of my favorite polishes - Bahama Mama by Essie. 

5. My new sneakers arrived. I didn't like the Dayglo laces, so I switched them out with my laces in memory of a lovely lady. 

Shutterfly sent me an email and asked me to let you know that they are offering a FREE 8x8 photo book with the promo code MYBOOK. This offer ends on Tuesday, March 26. Get yourself over to their photo books page! No compensation, just sharing the deal with my peeps. 

I suck and did not get it together enough to photograph the stuff for My Favorite Things Giveaway. I'll do that this weekend and have it up on Monday, I promise. 

Have a grand weekend. 

Linking up with my pal Joy at The Sowell Life for The Friday Five and From My Grey Desk Blog for H54F.
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