Midget Bombs, Ninjas, and other Wednesday Things

To kick off Wednesday Things, I will discuss Tuesday. It must be done. I hate Tuesdays, always have, they suck the life out of the week and serve no purpose. So I am always surprised when I have a Tuesday that sort of rocks. Yesterday was one of them. Thank you Universe.

All of my Christmas shopping is done and everything is wrapped. Thank you tiny baby awful wrap job jesus for gift bags. Kiss my grits bitches!

You can walk on my kitchen floor again, and we have some walls. From what I hear, we also now have appliances. The rest of the house is still a fucking war zone. I cannot wait to put this all back together after the counter tops are installed on Saturday. When you exist in an orderly space and are plunged into chaos, it screws with your head. Plus my dogs are puking, pissing and pooping wherever they please to show their great displeasure with what's going on. Is this over yet? How do people do longer renovations?

Eleven days out from Christmas we have no tree, indoor or outdoor decorations. MFD, aka Clark Gris, is not happy. Saturday we are missing two holiday parties and a dinner invite from dear friends to set things to rights and make Clark's heart fill with the joy of the season.

MFD and I are hosting a Christmas Open House on 12/25, and I'm plotting the menu this week, which I love to do. If you're hosting Christmas or the Eve, what are you having? Are you trying anything new? I want to try some stuff I've pinned on pinterest or starred on my Google Reader.



Jalapeno Popper Dip, you've made the cut. Congratulations.
You can thank Jessica W. for the gold star after I pinned her pin on pinterest. Say that three times fast.  

I've been midget bombed not once, not twice, but THRICE in the past few weeks. What the shit. Kelly from Boston sent me a photo of a midget in the airport wearing a cowboy hat. Mrs. Bizzle from Newtown sent me an email with a midget lurking at the bottom. Amanda from the Jerz sent me a photo of a midget she saw dancing on a bar in Atlantic City last weekend. Also wearing a cowboy hat. Did I not tell you these midgets were attempting a hostile takover? Maggie from the Jerz saw someone driving with a yellow ribbon on their car that said support midgets. For what?! Are they amassing an army? Shiver shiver shiver.

The sky was so gorgeous this morning I almost got into an accident staring at it.

I watched a Storage Wars marathon last night. I love that show. I would like to pitch my own show to A&E: Thermostat Wars.  MFD cranks the heat up and turns our house into a floppy sweatbox so he can meander around in shorts, flip flops and a t-shirt all winter. Meanwhile I'm so hot I'm panting and woozy and my skin is so dry it's about to crack. But he questions my need for humidifiers on every floor.  We conduct our Thermostat Wars like sniper ninjas. We don't discuss the heat. I hear "beep beep beep" from wherever I am and I know he's turned it up, so I wait a few seconds before slinking over and turning it down, "beep beep beep beep." A&E, this is a goldmine. I'll be awaiting your call.

And finally, the zit on my face looks like a flesh wound. Am I 14 or 34?

Searching around for some Clearasil,

SMD