In the name of all that is holy, consult a grammar guide.

Particularly in these instances:

1. they're, there, their. They're putting their books right there.
2. your, you're. You're going to regret not bringing your umbrella.
3. lose, loose. You lose games. Your clothing is loose.
4. quite, quiet. The evening was quite quiet.
5. to, too. You're too nice to her.

6. Incorrect use of plural and possessive forms. If you have no idea what I'm talking about, you are an offender. This drives me totally fucking insane. When you address something to me and MFD, we are The Doyles, not The Doyle's. Your family's home can sleep 12, so a few families can stay there. Capisce? Possessive form of a noun indicates that the noun owns something, so if you use that apostrophe, the noun better be in possession of something. Or else!

7. Adding exxxxxtra letterssssss to wordsssss. It doesn't indicate emphasis, so stop it right now. Teenagers, I'm looking at you.
8. The is a word that has no abbreviation. Da is not a form or abbreviation of the. Don't use it. I'm serious.

9. If you can type out gr8t, you can surely type out great. The same goes for 2 - it's just one keystroke less than to. R instead of are saves you 1.5 seconds. It also makes you look stupid. If you don't feel like typing out "shut the fuck up," abbreviate that in a text, not are/the/to. Carry on.

10. Compose texts and emails as if you're speaking out loud to someone. If you say it out loud and it's reminiscent of sounding out words when you learned to read, stop. Start again.

Take your time. Think about what you're saying. Express yourself intelligently. Make your kids do the same. When you're not sure how to write or spell something, look it up in a reference guide or on the world wide web.

You may now return to Hurricane Irene coverage and the corresponding facebook status updates.

Grammatically yours,

SMD

Let's have a coffee and catch up, hmm?

1. MFD finally got his beloved Keurig to kick off his birthday celebration. I no longer have to hear his sales pitch that goes a little something like this: "You know, Keurig always makes a perfect cup of coffee. And it really is convenient. I'd drink more coffee at home and not buy it daily. " Repeat a few times nightly.
                                                                                                   


2. I saw this sky after I made the Keurig purchase. There have been hellious storms and really weird skies recently. ET phone home.

3. Thanks to a tip from Mimi Garcia, I went to Le Dollar Store and purchased plastic baskets in various sizes. I organized the shit out of my freezers (I have a top/bottom in the basement and a side/side in the kitchen. Side/side pic is below) and underneath my bathroom vanities. This photo doesn't do it justice, but take my word for it: nothing is falling out when you open the door, like is with like, and there was much harmony throughout the land. This has sent me off on a reorganizing tangent throughout the house. The man and dogs are none-to-pleased with the uproar. Martha Stewart on the cheap. You know you want to.

4. Geege is super scared of thunderstorms. Tara Hebden lent us her dog's thundershirt so we could try it. We weren't home when he wore it Sunday, but since there was a huge pile of turds on the dining room floor to greet us when we returned, I'm not counting on it as a success. I'll give it another try, but my thumb is leaning down. Sorry for the pink Geege. Dazey is a girl.

5. Gus doesn't give a rat's patoot about thunderstorms, but he doesn't like to be left out. This is his "No photos please ok wait yes take it, I love my fans!" look.

6. And finally:

• Pine-Sol smells awesome, I want to clean everything with it.
• My BFF Lil Kim is back from a fabulous trip to Africa. I missed her so!
• Is it September 14 yet? Vacation, I've caught your intoxicating scent blowing up from the south.
• Why can't I buy the correct replacement lightbulb unless I have the actual bulb with me? I suck at lightbulbs.

Randomly yours on this beautiful Monday,

SMD