Friday, December 9, 2011

I Don't Get it - Volume III

1. Skinny jeans for babies or men. Why, God? If you are a man and you're reading this thinking "Hey, I wear skinny jeans," well then I'm sad for you and your skinny jeans and I'm here to tell you they do not look as good as you think they do.

2. Inexplicably "sexy" Halloween costumes. A sexy cop? I've never seen a lady cop wear a skirt a mere inch below her crotch and have all of the buttons on her shirt undone, flashing her boobs and playing peekaboo with her lady town. A sexy nurse? The nurses I see wear scrubs, and often have long sleeves under them. They do not look like the Blink 182 nurse. Ladies, you don't need to use Halloween as an excuse to be sexy. Also, and I mean this in the nicest way, sexy does not equal trashy or whorey. Use your imagination and rock an awesome costume.


3. Adults who collect stuffed animals. Stuffed animals are dust and mite magnets. Their grossness makes me shiver. Back in the stone ages when I last dated, I was out with a guy who was hellbent on winning me a stuffed animal on the boardwalk. That was our last date.


4. Anything about Bieber or this fever for Bieber. Or anyone who wants to tell the world they had sex with him. Does he even have a penis? No one answer that. Yikes.


5. Michelle, how is your vagina still intact? You are carrying child # 20. Inquiring minds want to know. Also, let's meet to discuss your hair. *Edit: I just heard she may have miscarried? I am truly sorry for their loss, that is never something anyone should go through. However, my question still stands.


6. Drinking whiskey.

7. Why SEPTA regional rail can't stick to a schedule. SEPTA, you are late EVERY day, and you are unapologetic about it. I had to change my train and get up at the crack of dawn to ensure I will arrive at work at a comfortable time. Ruiners! Sleep thieves!



8. When I pull into a DD drive through and say "I'd like a large hazelnut with one cream," why do they always ask "Do you want sugar?" If I wanted sugar, I would have said "with one cream AND SUGAR." Stop asking me this.


9. Bumper stickers that are not magnetic. As if driving your car off the lot didn't bring down the value enough, now you're putting stickers on it that won't come off?

10. The need to go out shopping on Black Friday. I know many of you are fans and do this...but you can get all the shit online and sleep off the wine you consumed on Thanksgiving.

11. The fit sneaker or whatever the hell it's called. Aside from the hideous croc or Ugg, is there a more unattractive shoe? Witness two offenders on the train.



12. This shotgun shell wreath. Thank you Pinterest for this gem.


That's all for today class. I hope you have a wonderful weekend that does not include seeing any of the above.

TGIF mofos!

SMD

P.S. Kudos to my friend Mrs. B, proprietress of this blog. The ultimate (in my mind) blogger, The Bloggess, read her blog and loved it. I die I die I die. So awesome.

4 comments:

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